Tonight: Blogging Live From Oil Country!

Authors Note: Oil Country = My Couch


Welcome to a HS, HS first. Tonight, I'll be captivating our readers with real(slow)-time updates from the game between the Oil and Blues. You'll get critical analysis, useless facts, and the odd profanity laced rant that Rod and Morley just can't give you.

The big news tonight, of course, is the healthy scratches: Raffi Torres and Jarret Stoll. MacT singled them out as the culprits in Penguins third period comeback on Wednesday, and has chosen to go with Thoresen and Liam Reddox, who will be making his NHL debut. This is a major story, and big gamble, in a pivotal game for the Oilers.

Here we go...

- Liam Reddox looks like a 13-year-old boy, which seems fitting because the expression on his face suggests that he wants his mommy.

- An early 2-on-1 for Nilsson and Gagner goes awry, as Nilsson entertains the Blues defense with a display of useless stickhandling.

- MOMMY! On his first shift, Reddox takes a feed from behind the net and almost scores on a backhander.

- First Oiler PP huffs and puffs, but no dice. Sheldon Souray is due back next week Oiler fans.

- Shawn Horcoff hits the post; in the 'Newer' NHL that would have scored.

- Ah, the obligatory press box shot of Torres and Stoll who look to be in good spirits after seeing the Oilers first power play.

- Blues 1, Oil 0: Brad Boyes scores his 16th goal of the year! Are you fucking serious?

- Hannu Toivonen looks utterly clueless in goal. He seems bothered by all the pucks that are hitting him. Unfortunately, the Oilers don't seem bothered with firing them into his logo.

- Blues 1, Oil 1: A little bit of Hemmer magic. He draws three Blues and dishes to 'Mr. Hockey' Shawn Horcoff (Gordie doesn't need it anymore, he's like 90), who fires it top shelf.

- Do you think Shawn Horcoff reads the papers? I'm just wondering, because after every goal he turns to the crowd with that "How 'bout now, bitches?" look on his face.

End of 1st: Looks like the Horcoff-Hemsky-Penner line is going to carry a lot of the load tonight. Reddox looks lively; I'm feeling a Pisani goal here.

2nd period:

- The Blues trot out their equally sucky PP, and the Oilers kill off a penalty. We'll be 29th in no time.

- Like right now. Liam Reddox draws a penalty with some good work in the corner...

- Well, almost. Hannu Toivonen does his best impersonation of a beached whale in the Blues crease and the Oilers can't put it home through a throng of bodies.

- Incidentally, the only players in the NHL with more goals than Brad Boyes are named Kovalchuk, Ovechkin, Lecavalier, Alfredsson, Zetterberg and Nash. He's been traded by the Leafs, Sharks, and Bruins in just the last 4 years. He'd look GREAT in a Leafs uniform.

- Oilers on their heels as Garon holds the fort; another penalty coming to the Oilers.

- Up pops a graphic on the Blues "Veteran Leaders," featuring Keith Tkachuk, Paul Kariya, and Doug Weight. It doesn't exactly inspire memories of the Yalta Conference, but whatever.

- Cogliano, doing his best Russ "I skate faster than the puck" Courtnall act, can't get a handle on the puck, and a 2-on-1 chance goes by the wayside.

End of the 2nd: Holy shit....is it over? If you're bored out of your gord right now, then I'm doing my job.

Hey HS, HS fans! Ever wonder what it's like to get tea-bagged by Norte's two-year-old son? Well, that's just one of the many possible prizes up for grabs in OUR CONTEST. Check it out! The winner will be announced on January 1st, when we roll out our new banner.

3rd period:

- Blues 2, Oil 1: After the 30th ranked Oiler PP did jack shit, the 29th ranked Blues PP delivers, as 'Mr Hockey' Brad Boyes (what has Horcoff done for me lately?) scores his 17th of the year.

- Blues 3, Oil 1: Winston Churchill (a.k.a. Doug Weight) scores his first goal of the year 56 seconds later.

- A "must score" PP coming up for the Oilers; 14 minutes to go....they don't score.

- Hannu Toivonen should be an All-Star...in the ECHL. Christ he's awful, and the Oilers are letting him off the hook. Nobody driving to the net to collect the garbage he's left.

- Hey fans, did I mention our CONTEST? You could win lunch with Greener at Tito's Taco's - on you, of course! What are you waiting for?

- Looks like MacT has gambled and lost tonight. The team had been playing well, and after the tough loss to Pittsburgh it seemed like an overreaction to bench Torres and Stoll.

- Blues 3, Oil 2: Gagner jumps on a turnover and fires a perfect shot-pass to Nilsson who finishes with aplomb. 7 minutes to go.

- Oilers were staring .500 in the face on Wednesday night, now they need a goal or they'll head out on a tough 3 game road trip at 3 games below .500.

- Blues 4, Oil 2: Cock teasers.

- I don't want to blow things out of proportion with 50 games to go, but that third period against the Penguins may have been a turning point in the season. It's tougher for young teams to get those things out of their heads. They need to halt this slide quickly or it could turn into a 5 or 6 gamer.

- Blues 4, Oil 3: Just to make themsleves (and me) feel worse, Marty Reasoner scores with the net empty on a feed from Horcoff.

- Wow. Mad final seconds, and a moment that perfectly captures the evening, as Gilbert hits Toivonen's blocker with a shot that the Finn is still looking for. Game over.

Well folks, much like MacT's coaching hunch, I think this has been a rousing failure. Happy Holidays!

W_NN_IN_ ST_E_K? Never Heard of Him

I'm not a very superstitious person, not at all. I've got too many obsessive compulsive habits to bother with such absurdities. But one thing I do subscribe to is that when your team ____ ____ games __ _ ___, you for sure don't want to bring it up. I mean ever. It's tough too, because when the Leafs __ __ _ _____ like ____ ___, you really want to celebrate it as much as possible, and share in the joy that _______ can bring to you.

Even now, you're reading this and asking yourself, "Hey there, Greener, just what are you writing about? It could be anything!", and you'd be right. As long as you don't think that thing is a Toronto Maple Leafs four ____ _______ ______.

So just to clarify, the Leafs beat the _______, the ________, the _________ and the _________ and that means that __ ___ ____ __ ________!

Play It Again Sam: Volume IV

Josh Harding.......................[X]
Jean-Sebastien Giguere..........[X]
Nikolai Khabibulin.................[X]
Jean-Sebastian Aubin.............[X]

HS/HS: Now It's "Interactive"!

In an ongoing attempt by your friends here at HS/HS to keep things fresh, funny and interesting...and clearly failing all that, then just to court favor with our readers, we've decided to have a little contest. This contest begins with me writing this email, and then goes on to you writing an email, moving on to us doing some thinking, and finally coming to rest with me, writing an email. That's what you call the Circle of Life.

Looking at our blog header, we want to change the by-line, or motto or whatever it is that's under our name. I think those things are kind of important to a blog because in a way, it's the first post that most casual blog readers will look at. It says who and what you are at a glance. Those of us who have blogs see the numbers of people who wander in because of a random word or picture search. They look at the header, quickly scan it for something catchy and interesting and either say, "Nah!" and leave, or in our case, simply leave.

So, we want a new by-line, and it would be nice if you, the readers, came up with it. Hold on a sec...(go big or go home, go big or go home, go big or) AND WE WANT YOU, THE READERS, TO MAKE IT UP FOR US! Awesome! Great! Whatever!

Think up something cool, funny, jerkish, dickish, ironic, center of the plate, anything you want, and send it to us at our email: HeScoreHeShoot@gmail.com. The line we think is the best will become the new header by-line on HS/HS. But Wait, there's more!

We will also send you something! Uh-huh, that's right. The four of us will show our appreciation of your efforts and think of something cool, funny, jerkish, dickish, ironic, center of the plate, etc. and put it in your sweet hands. Now, I'll tell you right now that the size/excellence of the gift may (will) vary depending on your proximity to us. If you live in the L.A. area, you might be lucky enough to be the you in a You and 3/4 of the He Score, He Shoot staff group hug. If you're the dude who reads us from Hong Kong, then please enjoy this 3rd Class, bulk shipping piece of paper with Washingtron's autograph. I'm just saying.

So what are you waiting for? This is your big opportunity to finally reward Washingtron, Norte, Moose, me for all my hard work on this blog. Does this all sound too good to be true? Well, it isn't. It's exactly as good as you think it is.

We'd like in advance to thank all of our regular readers for participating, and by all our regular readers, we mean Loser Domi, but that's beside the point. We really hope you have fun with this, and know that we really appreciate you all.

Thanks! Awesome!

JUST GIVE 'ER

I woke up nice and early Saturday and when I say I woke up, I mean to say that my 2 year old took his diaper off, got up on my bed and bare ass sat on my sleeping face. You want to wake up with a start? Have your two year old son tea bag you. I digress.
He and I spent the morning drinking coffee and reading about hockey (more specifically your Toronto Maple Leafs). He tried desperately to squeeze his juice box onto my keyboard as I read to him about how Steen, Stajan and Devereuax are starting to click. Both of us shaking our heads at the thought that last year, a team like the Pens got to play the bottom feeders that were the Flyers (last year) 8 times, while your Toronto Maple Leafs had to play the team from otawa 8 times.

This is the team that Greener and I have been writing about. The one capable of this kind of win. Simple, smart, and defensively conscious. A team that is not trying to catch up to its potential. A team that is just being. Playing sound hockey and just gettin ‘er done. As a team. When its do or die time then you live by your teammates and die by them.
You want to see that thinking in action? Two things from last night’s game. First off was Mark Bell living every boy’s dream and scoring his first goal as a Toronto Maple Leaf. Antropov rushed to the net to retrieve the puck. Wrap tape around that shitter…that one is going on someone’s mantel. That type of team consciousness speaks volumes.

Secondly…Jason Blake.
Anyone watching the game last night noticed Jason Blake. There was definitely extra shake to Jason Blake (Shake and Blake…and I helped.) Can you imagine how good it must be to score that goal? Blake and Wellwood, standing tall like matching salt and pepper shakers streaking in on a 2 on 0. (I can’t remember the last time I saw a 2 on 0 in the NHL)
I got a feeling, as the play unfolded, that Blake’s whole year would be decided with its finish. I wouldn’t call it storybook but everyone in the building, Sabourin included, knew that Wellwood was going to pass it to Blake. Not just because that’s the kind of player that Wellwood is (I personally feel we have the new Adam Oates on our hands) but because only Blake could pull himself from the morass. If Blake’s scoring touch is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, swathed in an RBK moisture managed jersey (size S)…then burying it last night might just be the answer everyone is looking for. I bet you his 115 shots start finding the back of the net again. And Blake and Wellwood together just makes sense to me.
Last nights game showed consistency and once the secondary scoring continues (I’m talking to you Steen, Stajan, Bell, Tucker) this team will start winning games.

I might be an eternal optimist but I get a sense that something has occurred with our team. What I mean is this. The third period of Saturday’s game. Two weeks ago…panic and confusion would have led to Harry Cole mentioning the Leafs running around in their own zone, which everyone and his dog knows is the precursor to a goal. Two weeks ago the Pens would have scored, tied the game and then won in overtime or in the shootout.

The Toronto papers will undoubtedly compare what did happen in the third to a China Syndrome like meltdown. Moose will also undoubtedly be ornery and write something mean about Greener, lamenting the days when his team was good. Washingtron will sit in a corner pretending he is invisible and rock himself to sleep singing Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time quietly to himself. The media will still talk about having to hose the team down ala Karen Silkwood. Now I know its only two games in a row and it’s far too early to book my spot on Yonge Street for next June…but this is two wins in a row. Three terrific games in a row. What it shows me is this.
That one of two things has happened; quite frankly neither is better than the other. Either our team wasn’t bothered or defeated by all that has occurred. The Bay Street pig fuckers hanging Ferguson out the window by his ankles waving him, like a white flag to the media, the fans and the league. Or they were bothered by it: .met, had a closed door meeting, and manned up. Either way…this is a team…and I think the next three games (against Nashville, New York and Boston) will show that, not with a whimper but a bang.

And speaking about Ferguson. I have a crystal ball feeling that he has something big in the works. An exclamation point that will either serve as his death knell or his crowning achievement in the face of adversity. I don’t know what that will be…but JFJ (who has gained mucho respect from me for handling himself the way he has recently) will make a splash. And lest we forget…last nights terrific win was on the backs of 3 horses that JFJ himself brought into the stable: Toskala, Blake and Bell. Notably, Toskala stopping Malone on that long breakaway. I mean 7th minute of the third period??? That would have changed the momentum on a heartbeat. Save of the Game.

Can You Hear The Drums?

Welcome back, Fernando.



When the Oilers take to the ice tonight, #34 will be with them. It's a remarkable turn of events for a man, and a team. The Oilers haven't had much luck and inspiration thus far this season, but Pisani's return is something to smile about, regardless of what happens on the ice. He went from the magical playoff run of '06 to looking like his career was over, and now here we are again.

Of course any good news the Oilers get must be offset by more injuries. Pisani's inclusion comes at the expense of Ales Hemsky and Geoff Sanderson, who didn't make the two-game trip to California after suffering minor (see: season ending) injuries in the win on Friday night. Patrick Thoresen, who is 3rd in the AHL in goals with 12, was recalled and makes his '07 debut with the big club.

While his ice-time will probably be limited in his first few games, Pisani's presence gives the Oilers another reliable veteran, as well as some secondary scoring. It will also be interesting to see how Thoresen's game has developed since we saw him last. MacT has indicated he will kill penalties and I imagine he will get slotted in somewhere on the top three lines. My guess is that Pisani takes Sanderson's spot with Brodziak and Reasoner on the 4th line in order to manage his minutes.

Unfortunately, tonight has the look of another painful lesson. Without Hemsky's offence and Sanderson's speed, the Ducks will stand up at the blueline and force the impish Oilers to dump and chase, something they haven't been willing to do this season. Plus, the Ducks are looking for a little revenge, and the Oilers have to deal with more changes to the lineup. Hang on.

Oil 5, Ducks 1

Boing!



When a team stinks the joint out like the Oilers did in Colorado, these are the type of bounce-back games you expect (hope) to see. It also lends some credibility to the theory that you can build momentum from one game to another. After being down 4-0 through forty putrid minutes in Denver, the Oilers decided they would show some interest, got two goals, and played a very good third period. It seemed to carryover into a good start tonight.

- Early jump led to a power play, and Hemsky finished off a give-and-go with Horcoff to make it 1-0. I think this whole shooting thing that he's discovered is here to stay.

- The Oilers got into penalty trouble in the second period, and the game turned on a long 5-on-3 for the Ducks, when Roloson made a world-class leg save on Getzlaf. The Oilers killed off four straight penalties, and scored two goals in the last minute of the period to send them on their way.

- Shawn Horcoff is making you look silly. You know who you are.

- Gilbert was strong again; great pass to spring Cogliano for his breakaway goal.

- I must say, that may have been Grebeshkov's best game as an Oiler. Smart, simple, and good positionally. It looks like they may have finally coached the "Oh my God!" out of his game. If he continues to play like he did tonight, he could be useful.

- The Ducks defence looked absolutely clueless when Pronger wasn't on the ice. If Niedermayer doesn't come back, they won't win a playoff round with that group.

- Kyle Brodziak's play has been overlooked somewhat this year, but you can tell he's gonna be a MacT favorite. He's always in the right spots, and makes the smart play. MacT already trusts him to kill penalties as a rookie, and he made several nice plays tonight, including the goal. His development reminds me of Horcoff and Stoll. He and Horc have similar skill sets, but if anything, he's probably ahead of where Horcoff was as a rookie. He's also similar to both of them in the way his skating has improved, and that has made all the difference. I remember when he first got a call-up a couple seasons ago, you could see he could think the game, but his skating held him back. Now his skating is a complete non-issue. A 7th round pick who spent three years in the AHL working his butt off; a guy like him is a good example for Robbie Schemp and Marc Pouliot.

- Geoff Sanderson (back) and Hemsky (knee contusion) both left the game early. Looked like Hemsky's was more precautionary as it was 5-1 at the time, but let's hope. Sanderson was playing some his best hockey of late, so hopefully his isn't serious either.

- Roloson was great for the fourth game running. I expect they'll split the back-to-back this weekend. I know players like to face their former teams, but I would go with Garon in Anaheim and freshen-up Rollie for Los Angeles.

- A strong effort, but the Ducks looked tired and flat after playing in Calgary last night. Expect a much tougher chore in the return tilt in Anaheim on Sunday. But those are the kind of challenges that a young team should look forward to. Another good litmus test.

Peddie: "Ferguson Hiring a Mistake". Goes On to Say, "I'm Also a Huge Asshole"

You know that feeling when you first suspect that you might be getting sick? You can kind of feel it like in your eyes and neck, and it's Thursday and you're all, "I'm going to be sick on Friday and Saturday." And you think back to earlier in the day and remember the conversation you had with that guy you work with who was a five-time Jeopardy champion, and you were holding your lunch as you were talking to him when he told you he was really, really ill the day before and only really ill right now? Hey, me too!

Similarly, I've been getting that exact same sickly feeling about the Leafs this week. I've watched them play and I've just been getting that crap feeling in my body about everything that's been going on in the organization.
The way the septic cabal that is MLSE have treated John Ferguson Jr. is disgraceful. Whether one is a fan of Ferguson or not, you have to agree that the way they have strung him along for years now, undermining his already limited abilities, speaks of a type of ego not exclusive too, but horribly common to fuckers who have too much money and not enough ability. I'm sure Richard Peddie and Larry Tanenbaum are brilliant at business and could take a charcoal briquette between the cheeks and turn it into a diamond, but they can not run a hockey team. They almost destroyed the Toronto Raptors with their "we're rich, so we know everything" thinking. They finally wizened up and let Peter Colangelo do what they couldn't: run a basketball team. The problem here with the Leafs is, these two fuckers are Canadian, and because of that, they genuinely think that they are qualified to run a hockey team; let alone the most valuable one in the world.

Thinking we know everything about hockey is a Canadians birthright. If it weren't for that, you wouldn't be reading this blog, or anyone else's, because there'd be no opinions on it. It'd just be a report featuring a dreadful, boring lament of stats. That's not hockey. That's baseball.

So Peddie comes out and twists the mighty Excalibur knife in Fergie's back by telling the press that hiring JFJ was a mistake. This ivory tower mea culpa is so disingenuous it makes me feel ill. Peddie is trying to swing negative public opinion away from his own ass over onto Fergie's. He's trying to mollify Leafs fans and come on as the formerly abusive husband, and that he really feels bad, and it'll never happen again. Does anyone not realize that MLSE hired Ferguson precisely because, and not in spite of, the fact that he was inexperienced? That they had ample time and opportunity to hire anyone in the world to one of the most prestigious jobs in hockey, but instead they chose to hire someone they knew they could bully, dominate and micro-manage because their collective ego's tell them that if they don't run the show, nothing will get done right! Haven't we all had asshole bosses like that?

~~~~

A couple of thoughts about the Montreal game. Carey Price's butterfly is one of the most perfect and natural I've ever seen. That sounds like a metaphor for his genitals, but it isn't. His positioning is so fluid it seems almost casual.
Once again a great Leafs/Habs game. Once again, a game the Leafs should've/could've/would've won if not for fantastic opposition goaltending and bone dry home scoring.

Met two really nice Habs fans the day of the game in a deli on Santa Monica Blvd. While waiting for our sandwiches I heard them speaking French to the girl behind the counter, and thought I heard one of them say "Quebec". Said hi to them and asked if they were Canadian. They were, and of course we fall immediately into talking about hockey; one of them wearing a sweatshirt with "Canadiens" written across the chest. We then compared the Leafs and Habs keyrings we all were sporting and talked about the game that night. No trash talking or bravado shit, it was just very cool.

Typically heroic way for Mats to score his 400th goal as a Leaf, ripping it over Price's glove with 18 seconds. Jesus, I love him.

~~~~

Leafs win easily in Atlanta tonight, partially due to a withering stare from Loser Domi and partially because the Leafs just wanted it more and didn't let the Thrashers have the puck for two periods. Slump breaking goal by Alex Steen off of great work by Wellwood drawing two defenders to him, then dropping it for Alex to kill past a good Johan Hedberg. The Thrash got a little gumption in the third, and forced Toskala to make a hilariously big save against Pascal Dupuis with 4 minutes left. Mats scores with what now has to be considered his legendary backhand shot. I didn't feel sick even once the whole game.

ROCKET TO THE BOTTOM

There is a Monty Python routine about a man with three buttocks. An old phrase about having to see a man about a horse. There is the Man With The Golden Gun, a man from Nantucket and The Old Man And The Sea. There is a Man on the Moon and a man from U.N.C.L.E. Mannix watched Chico and the Man and the Blue Man Group. The Man from La Mancha listened to The Man in Black while Man Ray played Pac Man.
What, you ask, am I talking about? Just compiling a list of people who are better in the shootout than the Toronto Maple Leafs.
At a pitiful 7 for 17 since the introduction of the format. (And a woeful 0 and 3 already this season) What bugs me most about that stat is how its used. Yes it is easy to say that a few more shoot out wins (last year) and the Leafs are in and the Isles are out. I am hoping beyond hope that this year doesn't warrant that same excuse.
The reason the Leafs didn't make the playoffs last year wasn't (just) because of an impotent shoot-out record. It was because of underachieving millionaires. Sadly we went to the dance with those same fatsos. (Save for Jason Blake (save being the key word when it comes to him.) As someone who adores said fatsos...I can only hope that they don't wait until the final game to miss the dance. Please take the first 60 minutes of the game into your hands. The key to this game and in this league is consistency not shoot out moves.


Do or die. Even Jason Blake knew it when he declared Tuesday’s game as team defining. With 60 games remaining…this is it. It begins now. With this loss in the shoot-out. And perhaps the last shot of the game, Blake…a 40 goal man (apparently) …defining his early Leafs tenure by missing.

I don’t think it’s above the realm of possibility to see this team making the play offs. It’s easy to laugh the Leafs out of the playoffs. It’s proto-Canadian to eat our own. But this team can still make it. I really believe that. There have been moments (at least 8 times this year) where playoffs are a definite.
Look at the reaction the team had when Mats scored to tie the game last night. Thats what you build from. His white shoulders....and his burning desire.

And Sundin, oh Captain my Captain. A man so white he looks like a polar bear doing cocaine in a snow storm…scores numero 400.
Quite frankly Mats legacy may be tarnished by never bringing the cup home…but I really do believe that years from now Mats will be mentioned as the best of them all. Better than Keon, Sittler, Clark, Mahovlich, Salming and Dougie. Yes, I said it: Dougie.


DOUGIE:

I Wish I Knew How To Quit You

Tonight had all the makings of an ass kicking. Oilers go into Denver to face a struggling Avalanche team, albeit one that's very good at home (9-2). But, I thought they had a chance to steal two points if they got good goaltending and got off to a good start. Well, a couple minutes in, Steve Staois gets on the wrong side of an Avs forward, gets beat out from behind the net, and its 1-0. 25 seconds later, everyone stands around sulking, 2-0. I've seen enough. As I write, it's just into the 2nd period.

- Shots 22-3 in favor of Colorado.

- Rollie standing on his head while his team stands around.

- Can't put two passes together, you'd think the puck was infected with the bird flu.

- Brodziak has a wide open net...he can literally skate the puck into the net....he hits the crossbar. Souvenir for the kid in row H.

- Torres watch: No points in 14...no goals in 17. Maybe someone forgot to tell him to take off his J.F. Jacques Halloween costume.

- Oilers refuse to simplify their game. No dump and chase. No hitting. Nobody can make a play.

- Lazy penalties...Sakic scores. 3-0. I'm going to watch soccer.

Play It Again Sam

Josh Harding.......................[X]
Jean-Sebastien Giguere..........[X]
Nikolai Khabibulin.................[X]

NOW WITH 25% LESS CARING

I can barely contain my enthusiasm at this point. Besides the fact that I am contractually obligated to provide 25% Norte content on this site (and am floating around the 21% area). The 25% I write about is the Toronto Maple Leafs. Usually that’s a good thing. I could, as they say, talk about the Leafs till the cows came home. Unfortunately at this point….I am about as inspired as a Maple Leafs power-play. That kids, is what you call, a burn.

All joking aside this is going to have to be dismantled. It’s very difficult for me to remove my heart when it comes to the Leafs…but I think the time has come to offer up the pick of the litter. The thought makes me ill. I don’t even want to say it. I am not jumping ship, nor losing faith, rather, I am looking at the problem laterally. Last year at this time, my Toronto Maple Leafs a full 7 points ahead of where they are now, fought their way to not making the playoffs. I can’t even go on. I literally cannot finish that thought.

This team is like that promise you make to quit smoking, It’s always after Monday or after the next pack. After the Holidays. Its never right now. Now is never the time. The Toronto Maple Leafs are at their last pack, in fact I think the Leafs are down to their last ciggie. This is it. Really it was after this past back to back (sadly not sexy at all.) Losing to a team like Dallas is one thing. That POS no show against the Coyotes, on Hockey Night In Canada no less…was disgraceful. Listless, uninspired, beaten. They looked like an OHL team out there.
This team has more give aways than a showcase showdown. I have never been too keen on the ‘I don’t want it, you take it’ school of passing. To paraphrase Bonnie Tyler, I need a hero, I’m holding out for a hero ‘till the end of the night and he’s gotta be strong, And he's gotta be fast, And he's gotta be fresh from the fight. I'm singing at you Ian White.

You know what. Nope. I am not writing anymore. I am angry at the Toronto Maple Leafs. I have the Toronto Maple Leafs pinned against the wall, and I am right in their face and scowling, “you better win tomorrow.”
I poke the Toronto Maple Leafs in the chest.

JFJ: Soon to Be Resting in Peace

John Ferguson Plank Watch '07 is on in earnest in Toronto right now; the firing of JFJ being as inevitable as another Paul Maurice shopping spree at Hakim Optical. A head will roll for what's happened this season (and last season, and the one before that), and that head just happens to have a little too much gel on it. Since the millionaires at MLSE are all rocking the dry look, that means Ferguson.

Are any of you like me in thinking that the most relieved person after the firing will be Ferguson himself? I'm not a full blown psychiatrist, as I really only went semi-pro, but when I look at JFJ, I see someone who secretly just wants out of the misery that is GM'ing the 07/08 Toronto Maple Leafs. Fergie, seen here internalizing his rage, speaks now in talking points only. With the tight, compressed voice of a man with 90 years of history standing on his chest.

Never being fully qualified for the job, Ferguson stepped into the biggest office in hockey already with two strikes on him. With half the board never wanting him to begin with, they've never allowed for him to operate free and clear of corporate interference. All MLSE has ever done for John Ferguson Jr. is give him enough rope to hang himself.

Moose Droppings

Sunday Musings From Oil Country

Oil 3, Hawks 2 (SO)

I once heard MacT say, "Never critique a win." He said it partially in jest, because some wins need critiquing. The Oilers were probably a bit fortunate to win another game in which they turned the puck over too much (including another one for the highlight reel from Grebeshkov), and generally lacked emotion and intensity. But, for the 6th time this year they came through in the shootout. Thoughts:

- Their lack of physical play boarders on embarrassing. Ethan Moreau and Sheldon Souray, if they ever come back, are not enough to offset the rest of this teams' unwillingness to get on the body. Just another item on the 'to-do' list for Kevin Lowe - get a banger. Other teams know the Oilers are soft and run around all night hitting our skill players, knowing there is nobody to respond on the other side. I'm not talking about an enforcer, I'm talking about guys who HIT. Zack Stortini, the limited player that he is, should be hitting the opposing teams' star player every night. What else does he bring to the table?

- Add Nikolai Khabibulin to the list of Stanley Cup winning goaltenders that Sam Gagner has murdered with that penalty shot move. It's filthy. Apparently Patrick Kane, Gagner's old London teammate, even TOLD Khabibulin exactly what he was going to do! To which MacT had a great reply:

"I would love to hear that explanation. Come in, slow down, go left, go right, go left, two head fakes, go back to the right, go left, then backhand, forehand. How do you describe that?"

- It may sound impressive that the Oilers are 6-1 in shootouts this season, but it's actually a bit frightening. That's a pretty fine line between being 9-13-1 and 3-13-7. Yikes. I know they all count, but that's not the sign of a good hockey team. Plus, Chicago and Vancouver, the Oilers last two victims, were also decimated by injuries to key players.

- The injury bug just keeps biting the Oil. Dick Tarnstrom is now out for at least a week with a concussion, after being knocked silly in the 2nd period. But I liked the way the boys responded by...oh, wait. Allan Rourke, your chariot awaits.

- Roloson was back to his old self, at least for one night, and made several big stops late in the third and in overtime. It's important that he gets into a bit of groove over the next few weeks, as the Oilers play a lot of games between now and January 1st.

- I guess I have to give some credit where none is really due, but whatever. Dennis Grebeshkov did make a nice play to set up Hemmer's goal. Then he almost pissed the game away with that turnover in the third.

- Speaking of Hemsky, he had 7 more shots on goal last night, giving him 64 for the season. His shot (and goal) totals in his first 4 seasons were: 50 (9) - 87 (12) -178 (19) -122 (13). This year he's on a pace for 227 shots and 24 goals. He'll always be a playmaker first, but I think he finally senses that he needs to score more goals for this team to be successful.

Because Nobody Else Will

I've got to say a few words about the Leafs, because I find the them interesting, in a rubber-necking kind of way..

The 'Leafs Nation' must be plotting the final stages of the Coup d'etat after last night's ass-raping in Phoenix. Hell, if Norte was ready to cut off the little toe following the loss in Dallas, then the garden pruners should have been put to good use after the first 5 minutes last night.

The Leafs are a flawed team. Unfortunately, for JFJ and Paul Maurice, I don't think it's something that can be fixed from within. If you want to fire JFJ for constructing a flawed team, that's one thing. But there's not much he can do right now it terms of changing the mix. It's too early in the season for teams to take on salary, and he has a bunch of overpriced players that he's trying to move.

Everyone knows what the problems are. The goalies are terribly inconsistent (or just terrible), and the defense has very little poise, moxie, and leadership. You just can't spin the fact that Brian McCabe is being paid $5 million to shoot one-timers on the PP. Hell, the Oilers are doing the same thing with Souray, but at least he's injured! In theory, spending lots of money on your blueline is a good idea, it's just been spent on the wrong guys.

Should they fire JFJ? Probably. Should they fire Maurice? Probably not. I think he has the right temperament to coach in Toronto. He's a bit fiery, and you need that. But he was stupid to guarantee a playoff spot, and who knows, that may end up costing him his job. To that end, I found it pretty fucking offensive when Don Cherry went on HNIC last night and defended Paul Maurice from the big, bad media monster. Oh, what meanies! They were asking Maurice about what happened after the team got an ass kicking by the Phoenix Coyotes. They were asking "stupid questions," he said. Oh, dear. Paul Maurice, ladies and gentlemen, the first coach in sports history to be faced with "dumb questions" from reporters. If a reporter asks an intelligent question, he's ridiculed as a know-it-all. But they're 'stupid' when they say "Hey Paul, what happened out there?" or "Hey Paul, talk about why you pulled Raycroft?". Fuck off, Don.

I hear an awful lot of proud Leafs fans talking about how the Leafs are the 'flagship' franchise of the NHL. The biggest and baddest on the block. Yet, when they receive the kind of media attention which is directly proportional to the size of the fanbase and lionized importance of the franchise, they complain. Greener himself has written many a protective post on here about the negative press from the Toronto media. It's part and parcel; take the good with the bad. If Brian McCabe puts the puck in his own net, it's gonna be on the front page. As it should be. In an environment like that, the victories feel that much better, and the losses hurt that much more. That's what makes hockey in Canada so great.

That Football is Something, Huh?

The Leafs flew all the way to Dallas, I guess to play a hockey game. Apparently they watched football the day before, having a luxury box all to themselves to watch the Cowboys. I spent a couple of minutes watching football at Moose's house on Thanksgiving. One of Moose's relatives wanted to see the score in a game between the University of Bigotry, who were battling it out with the University of Steroids. Oh Jesus Christ is football the worst shit in the world to watch!? No, wait. I'm taking the question mark off that last statement. I'm not leaving it open for debate. Football is the worst shit in the world to watch.

Now normally hanging around with Moose makes clocks run backwards, but this... To his credit, Moose was very polite in accommodating this relation by marriage, twice removed, put back, and now here to eat my turkey. We were watching the Oil game at the time, and Moose twice switched away from an Oiler man advantage to check the score for this guy. Maybe that's emblematic of how badly the Oil are playing, that watching a bunch of fatso's line-up for a grueling 2 seconds of action followed by 10 minutes of video review is more engrossing than watching Geoff Sanderson on your powerplay.

Anyway, Moose deserves a lot of props for once again having me be the center of attention at one of his dinner parties. It takes a big man to have that little thunder.
Oh, and after dinner we were joined by the one and only Washingtron! It was good to see Wash, a guy I'm sure most of you would like. You may not want to start a hockey blog with him, but I'm pretty sure you'd like him.
Wash hasn't posted here since November the 4th. Here are the two reasons, in descending order, why since that time he couldn't be bothered to write 25% of He Score, He Shoot!:

1) His girlfriend was visiting. Shocking at first, I know. We all went through it as well. Some woman wants to be with him. It's made all the weirder when you see how amazing his girlfriend is. Well, you know what they say: The hotter they are, the crazier they are.

2) He just bought "Rock Band" for the xbox 360. Perhaps the number 1 reason for Wash's shocking lack of motor skills is his absolute devotion to sitting in front of a TV trying to kill Orks and Goblins. Seriously readers, does he really have to again write typically preposterous Wash statements like he is always right! I mean, who else around here is going to learn the drum part to "Learn to Fly" by the Foo Fighters?! Is it YOU?! I don't think you've got the guts!

~~~~

Oh, right. Last nights Leafs game. I wouldn't really call it a game, so much as a UFA highlight reel for Boyd Deveraeux. A great first period with Mats looking true-to-form fantastic, but then, fuck me. It's like the worst that could have happened was going into the first intermission not having scored on that 5-3.
The Leafs came back out and just looked timid. The Wozniewski to Kaberle "You Take the Grenade!" thing was just mind blowing. Is that just a case of young players are going to make mistakes, or is there something deeper? I almost don't want that answered. Devereaux was awesome, finally seeing some truck punching hits from Bell. McCabe saved at least a goal which made up for a couple of what the fuck moments.

Tonight, it's a must win against Phoenix. A must because the Leafs haven't really won in a while, it's against the Coyotes, who you have to be able to beat. Also, it's an away game. A win which they have to pluck because being at home wins are a very bare cupboard.

Exasperation

Oilers lose; Greener eats all my food.



Last night I watched Greener walk out my door, flanked by two pack mules carrying away all my Thanksgiving dinner leftovers. It turned out to be an appropriate metaphor for the way the Oilers played. With a 4-7 home record, the Oilers have been pretty charitable hosts thus far this season, and last night was no different. A string of lazy penalties, turnovers and little or no urgency. Colorado came into their house, ate their dinner and left with 2 points. Now, Greener is poor and can't afford to feed himself, so my gesture was somewhat philanthropic. The Oilers? They're currently living under the Western Conference freeway underpass, and therefore, should be fighting for every morsel.

Listening to MacT's post-game comments, you could just hear the exasperation and disappointment in his voice. He sounded like a man who didn't know what to do next. The Oilers slipped to 8-13-1 with the loss, but a win last night would have put them just 4 points back of 2nd place in the conference. That's how ridiculous the standings are right now. That would have been a nice carrot to dangle in front of a young, inconsistent team. Instead they got another tough lesson in an important game.

Staying Afloat

The Oilers are starting to get healthy (albeit slowly), with Joni Pitkanen returning last night. His ability to skate the puck out of the defensive zone will be most welcome, as will his presence on the PP. MacT has talked a lot about trying to stay in the race until the injuries clear up, but with the inconsistency the team has shown, two wins in these last two home games against Chicago and Columbus are almost imperative. That's no easy task considering they are two of the most improved teams in the conference. Pisani and Souray look like they're next in the way of reinforcements, while Ethan Moreau is still 4-6 weeks away.

Lock It Up

Never mind Jarret Stoll, the most pressing RFA on Kevin Lowe's plate should be Tom Gilbert. He's shown this year that he's a top-4 guy with great poise and a head for the game. Meanwhile, Stoll, who most people thought could be an offer-sheet candidate, is playing himself out of a long term, big money deal, into a one year "show me" deal.

I'll Bet You Can't...

...name me 10 better all-around centers than Shawn Horcoff. I'm talking offence, defence, face-offs, penalty-killer, the whole package. The best Oiler again last night.

Quick Bits (not to be confused with TimBits)

- Roloson should get the nod tomorrow against Chicago. Garon looked to be fighting the puck last night and wasn't particularly sharp (except for the shootout) in the win against Vancouver.

- It was interesting to hear Horcoff talk about the Oilers watching film of other teams PP's to see what makes them work. WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT! If you noticed, the last two games (in which they've scored 4 PP goals) there has been much more movement away from the puck (like Gilbert's goal against Vancouver).

- Also, I like the fact that MacT has given some first unit PP time to Gagner, Cogliano and even Nilsson, but I don't need Geoff Sanderson on there.

- So much for the 'new' Raffi Torres. Now 15 games without a goal.

- Amazingly, Tom Gilbert took his first penalty of the year last night. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

ET TU, TUUKKA?

Stunning. That’s the only word to describe it. Stunning. And not stunning in an ‘Oh My God, Jaclyn Smith was stunning in Charlie’s Angels' way but in a…It’s stunning how a season can be lost in 21 minutes way. That was the worst 21 minutes on TV since the last episode of Seinfeld. Maybe it was longer…cos it really started with another McCabe giveaway that lead to Joe Bowen saying ‘Leafs look like the running around out there’, and you know when he says that, it’s going in.

You know how the first shift after a goal is really important, than the next game after a big win, must have the same kind of impact. Another win like the win against the team from otawa and you can build from something like that. Quite frankly I still scratch my head and wonder how this team isn’t on a 6 game win streak. Starting with that game against Buffalo or maybe before that against the Pens. Regardless…that we have only 8 wins is disgraceful for so many reasons. It makes me feel curmudgeonly.

Let’s start with that game on Saturday. Easily the best game of the season. Quite frankly one of the best games I have ever seen McCabe play in a Leafs uniform. To say he was a horse is an insult to anything equestrian. And he and Kaberle back together. You want stats, I’ll give you stats: six years together, 547 combined points.
We also dominated the face-off circle. And was it just me or did Stajan and Steen kill it on the penalty kill (pun intended.) Toskala was doing puzzles sitting crossed legged in his crease most of the night. It was a great game. The kind you build momentum from. Ye as players and we as fans. But we know that its like competitive diving or figure skating maybe…you take your best score and your worst score and you throw them out. If the 3 nothing win against the otawa team was the best then which game was the worst? Thursdays loss against the lowly Bruins or yesterdays loss against the lowly Bruins. To me it was yesterdays. What makes it worse than Thursday's against Boston's or even that awful loss to Washington or that drubbing we took at the hands of the Hurricanes. Yesterdays game was the worst because we had nothing to learn from it.

I am not so sure why after only 8 wins that nothing has happened. Let me tell you that it pains me deep in my person to think of what that could mean. (Hi...I'm talking to you Moose and Washingtron....wake up its August 9th 1988. We're not at that drastic stage yet I think. After the verbal boots I saw Maurice give them a few weeks ago its not him. I think at this point its JFJ. Not that I think he has done a particularly bad job but you know how sometimes you gotta get into a fight to inspire your team. I think JFJ at this point would be the equivalent of dressing Wade Belak.
All I would ask is that we have somebody decent ready to step in. And no offense to ol'Heals but I don't think he is the answer either. I'm not holding my breath and waiting for Scotty Bowman, but someone.

Look at this point in the season, after only 8 wins. Something aint right. I don’t know how to look at the fact that only after 8 wins nothing has happened? The Ducks lose a great goalie in Bryzgalof, Atlanta fires their coach. Dallas got rid of their GM, why can’t we? One of the problems being a real fan of the glorious Toronto Maple Leafs is that we are loyal. To the core, to this team. But its time to rethink the program. I hate thinking about a future where they talk about the humiliating, demoralizing loss to the Boston Bruins late in November as the start to their eventual flushing. Quite frankly I don’t want to wait till the last game of the year to know whether or not we’re in the playoffs. I wont even mention Tuukka Rask making every screenwriter smile …nope, JFJ is the pinky toe on my left foot….if something’s got to go, it’s him.

Kill! RabbleRabble! Destroy! RabbleRabbleRabble!

There are probably people in Toronto coiling the rope and wrapping the kerosene soaked rags around the end of a tree branch in preparation of the newest in a seemingly endless list of reasons to lynch John Ferguson Jr. The latest is a 6'3, 169 pound, squinty-eyed bean pole from Finland with a name like something you'd ask for at Home Hardware.
As if JFJ doesn't have enough indignities thrown at him, the Bruins come in to the ACC and parade Tuukka Rask around not just for his first game against his former team, but his first game, EVER. That's the kind of poetic irony that the assholes who run the universe just love to F with. Right there you know not just what kind of game Rask was going to play, but what kind of game Rask had to play.

In hot seat numero 2, was the young man on the Leafs bench kind enough to get the door for everyone last night, Monsieur Anderton Raycroft. As far as I can tell, Andrew is a nice guy who seems to have a bit more going on upstairs than a lot of the pre-erect hominoids who populate the sporting scrums in locker rooms around the league. But you have to think that Andrew was squeezing his lucky so and so, kinda, sorta hoping that Rask would skate to the wrong net, fire the puck into his own goal and shit his pants all before the first kiss-cam timeout.

But he didn't. Tuukka Rask played a good, solid game for the Bruins. He had 34 pucks thrown at him and was beaten by two, which weren't exactly pretty, but still. He made a number of real game savers to boot. One against Johnny Pohl, from beautiful work from Wellwood, and a killer toe save in the final few minutes. It was one of those games where the Leafs were the better team in all areas but one: the goaltending. Similar to the game against Montreal with Carey Price last week. Rask, like Price, kept his team in it long enough for an eventual home game third period Leaf collapse to happen. Then a late pressure goal with everyone running around the Leafs end, and there you go. Two more points gifted away to a division foe. Fucking perfect.

So anyway, the point I was making is that I think it's perhaps a little premature to kill JFJ for trading Rask for Raycroft. A lot of people look good for 1 game. Moose isn't one of them, but, you know, poeple do. JFJ had to get a goalie, and he did/does have Pogge in his back pocket. That's why you stockpile assets, right? Right? What? So we traded a young Bernie Parent in the 70's, and in 96/97 we traded our pick that turned into Roberto Luongo, what the fucks it to you?
We'll see what the Bruins do the next 20 times the Leafs have to play them this season. Christ, the Leafs have trouble with Tim Thomas, and he supposedly blows.

Once again the welcome relief of a long road trip opens up, and the Leafs will certainly get a bunch of points back. The Dallas "There's Still a Team in Dallas?!" Stars on Friday and Phoenix on Saturday. So that means, I'll see you next Tuesday!

Hey Everyone, I Just Heard! Leafs 3, Senators 0!

Dateline: 2 Nights Ago. The Place: The ACC! The Event: The Best Leaf Game of the Season! And not a game too soon. Losing the last 5 home games and playing a horseshit match in Boston, in the Senators, the Leafs face a team that at best can be called ultra-dangerous, and at worst can be called a bunch of ultra shit-eating, dog-fuckers. But hey, that's just me saying that. Oh, and everyone in Canada during last season's final.

Amazingly, the Leafs actually learned from past mistakes playing the Senators, and did just what they do, which is NOT commit everyone on the forecheck leaving no one back to stem an avalanche of ugly sweaters coming down the other way. The sent one man high, clogged the middle to stem the Senator rush which has killed the Leafs time and time and time again.

Toskala played like he has to, and as much as I'm not a Raycroft downer, Toskala just does things, and gets to places that in my heart I don't think Andrew can or would do. Vesa is just smooth, even in a crisis, and it's hard to predict when or if he'll get scored on in any given situation. Raycroft, well let's just say he wants to make it interesting. NOTE TO ALL CURRENT AND FUTURE LEAF GOALERS: DO NOT MAKE IT INTERESTING!

Great to see Tlusty score. Hopefully he feels like a hockey player again, and not someone living in a fishbowl having everyone in Canada debating if he's gay or not. That's exactly what teenagers love isn't it? When everyone in the world is questioning their sexuality. Considering what a huge job he has to do, the fact he's bore the brunt of this, and comes out and scores a great, patient, smart goal (at home) speaks of this kids' guts and character. If any of you fatso's would have had a quarter of the stress he's been under the past two weeks at his age, you'd have called in sick to your part-time job at Sam the Record Man and spent the weekend cutting yourselves.

2-4 on the power play. Again, fantastic time for that to actually work again. Tucker to start, and a beautiful Sundin one-timer, smooth along the ice beating Martin Gerber. Great checking line work with Bell finding second line time later in the game, with his pressure forecheck leading directly to Tlusty's goal. How about Antropov stick handling behind the net?! He, he has hands! Beautiful, supple, Jergens in the morning and again just before bed, hands. The defense had their man every time, with the only blown coverage was Wozniewski getting caught too high, but getting bailed out by Toskala with what looked like a video game goalie blocker save. Gorgeous.

The Bruins are in Toronto, and I so very, very hope that the assholes who decide which game feed to play on Center Ice play the LeafsTV or TSN broadcast, and not the unintelligible NESN Boston call with Andy "I Think It's English" Brickley, who sounds like he's got sandwich in his mouth every time he tries to say that everything the Bruins do is good, and everything the other team does is bad.

OK Leafs, here's your homework. Very simple: Do what you did against the best team in the league, again. Watch the tapes, do the same drills, and do it all again. Love, Everyone.

SEXY, JUST READ MOOSE'S LAST POST UPDATE: You should fucking be so lucky to look like us for 1 minute, let alone 40.