I'M COMING UP BEHIND YOU ALAN BESTER

Poetic justice isn’t just some crap movie staring the least terrible Jackson: its a rule of life. Much like, if not exactly like, shit happens. It’s a concept; an idea that gets written in italics. If Britney Spears were talking about it she would be chewing gum and doing quotations in the air with her fingers. If Britney Spears were talking about it she wouldn’t be wearing any panties.
Poetic justice in action occurred 34 seconds into overtime tonight. The planets aligned as Pavel Kubina with a slapper as pure and strong as a glacial stream got it past Vokoun, nothing but net as they say; on the PP to boot. If the Gods of TV at HNIC weren’t so gung-ho to switch the feed over to the Chicago/otowa game I perhaps may have been able to see the replay of the goal. I don’t think it was a tip or a screen. Regardless the W went to the rightful goalie.

Snapping streaks like snapping towels leaves a little welt on your ass cheek. It's called grit. Considering all Bryan McCabe was doing tonight was asking people to sign his cast…I thought we were sound yet again defensively. Admittedly I did catch myself cringing, Aki Berg style, whenever a certain member of the defense corps handled the puck. I wont say who but I’ll give you a hint, his name rhymes with Ozniewski.
Overall I liked their play although 30 shots is more than enough. Once again Toskala makes it look easy and makes JFJ look like a genius. Between you me and the lamppost…Tosakla just moved past Jiri Chra and into a tie with Bunny Larocque for my 7th favorite Leaf goaler of all time.



And Wellwood? With that sweet, innocent face, like a half melted pat of
butter, I could never stay angry at you.I just want to tuck him in and read him
Goodnight Moon. I love you little buddy…ssshhh…
(Gets up quietly, turns off the light, turns on the night light, and backs out of the room)

MacT to Oilers: All I want for xmas is a motherf**king goal!!!!

Merry Xmas! It's me! Washingtron! I'm still alive! First off, I'm sure the two of you readers that aren't Greener (read Greener's dad and girlfriend) have been wondering where I've been. Its been a long stretch without some of my good ole puff pieces about myself. Well, truth be told I was first too depressed by the Oilers terrible start to bring myself to talk about the millions of things that everyone else was talking about. I couldn't think of anything else to type but "Dustin Penner isn't worth the money!" or "Daryl Katz wants to buy the team and I like that about him!". Well with all the injuries finally clearing up and the team starting to be an exciting one to watch every other game or so I'm re-inspired. "But wait!" you say. The Oil have been on the comeback trail for quite some time, why haven't you been writing in the interim? Easy. To spite Greener.

So, as its been one hundred years since my last post I'm going to bullet point a few things out there based on notes I had made over the last few months. I should add, I'm making those notes up. This is mostly gonna be old news. Olde Thyme Newsery. So imagine the gentle whirr of a film projector and read this in your best nasally fast talking debonaire brylcream announcer voice...

• First and foremost: Newsflash Liam Reddox. You don't get to wear #85. I feel the Oilers have done what can only be described as the opposite of retiring a jersey number. They filthified it by draping it on the most undeserving player in the Oilers system. My favorite player ever to don those hallowed Oil silks, Petr Klima, now stands no chance of having that 85 hanging in the rafters where it belongs. Why? Because its been defiled by that red headed stepchild perennial training camp cut Liam Reddox. Liam, why did you even choose 85!? Petr defected from Czechoslovakia that year, he earned it! He had to rip his nice new winter jacket on some razor wire fence someplace and sleep in the back of a potato truck and wear fake moustaches and leave his friend the forger, who went blind from doing all that close up work, in a barn while he tried to fly to safety in a stolen prop plane! You weren't even born yet!
  



• Second and foremost. Chris Simon. Way I see it, no blood was drawn, that's a 2 minute minor. Easy. Calling for more than 30 games? That's just gonna get you on the "To Be Stomped" list he has tatooed on his left ankle.
  


• Third. Joni Pitkanen is terrible looking. I am back in Edmonton for Xmas and who should I see at the Elephant & Castle last night after the game but Joni Pitkanen. This was odd because first of all, he looks 16, second, I always think a big tall defenceman is gonna be solid looking, this guy is reedier than I get at a library. Now that's the kinda joke this site's been missing the last couple months. Third, he is currently the face of the "Come watch the Oilers here" ad campaign of teeny table top tent poster type things. So he's in the bar that's using him as poster boy trollin for poon. And ugh. It ain't pretty. His skating stride is the most attractive part about him. I have included a picture of him below. Truth be told though, man he's exciting to watch. Current favorite player on the team. Just don't look too close.

• I've been wanting to blog about this next thing for some time, though evidently not enough to actually do that. I'm surprised no one else has been talking about it, to me its the biggest thing to happen this season. The trade. Maybe even bigger than when the Oil sent the Great One packing. Sidney Crosby for Alexander Ovechkin straight across. Never in my wildest dreams did I see this one coming! It seems to make perfect sense I guess. Both are rated 99, neither team was doing particularly well, but for Computer George McPhee to talk Computer Ray Shero into this thing is a feat. Needless to say, my NHL 08 dynasty league has been rocked to the core...

That's it. I promise to write more often, and maybe next time I might even write about something real. But probably not. To both of those things I just said.

Wash

Moose Droppings

How's The Sewer?

Now, I'm not going to say, "I told you so." I'm going to say, "What are you, fucking stupid? Of course Scott Niedermayer came back." For someone who thinks Kevin Lowe is a shitty GM, Brian Burke sure likes a lot of Lowe's ex-players. Chris Pronger, Todd Marchant, and now Doug Weight. So that was the best deal that the world's greatest GM could make?

Scott Niedermayer is a great player, and I know any deal Burke made would have been viewed as: Asset A for Asset B + Scott Niedermayer, so it will be viewed as a win for the Ducks. But is it really? Why doesn't anyone take this idiot to task? You know, the guy who said Kevin Lowe was running his team into the sewer? I presume by "his team" he meant the Ducks. He scoffed at the contract that Lowe gave Penner, then turned around and gave the same money to a decrepit Todd Bertuzzi, a guy whose career ended as soon as Steve Moore's head hit the ice. In case any of you can't count to five, don't worry, Bertuzzi has 4 goals.

So let's see, in an effort to clear cap space for Niedermayer's return, he first gave away a legitimate starting goalie (Bryzgalov), a move which he tried to paint as an altruistic move on his part to help further Bryzgalov's career. I assume when he waives Sean O'Donnell after the Christmas roster freeze, he'll be adopting a young Sudanese boy to play on the Ducks third pairing. The cap hit is only 33 cents a day.

Now he's traded away Andy McDonald to rent Doug Weight for a few months. That move, plus the small one he'll make after Christmas, will enable him to make the mistake of throwing $5 million at Corey Perry over a long-term deal, plus, it frees up some money if Selanne wants to come back this season. So looking ahead to next year, Niedermayer will have retired for good, he'll have Getzlaf, Perry and Kunitz as the only three guys that can score, no cap room, and he'll be forced to give away more assets for nothing in order to free-up cap space. Awesome. I hope George Parros and his Yanni-esque mustache are ready for 2nd line duty. Shit, that offends me...and I'm Greek!

Alpha Mails

Sometimes, listening to hockey pundits makes me a bit aggressive. I generally think I know more than them anyway, but on those days when I have too much time on my hands I feel the need to prove it. So a few months ago, I e-mailed Terry Jones at the Edmonton Sun after a piece he wrote about Daryl Katz that wasn't particularly kind to the man who will soon own the Edmonton Oilers. It seems particularly relevant again:

Terry,

You're doing an excellent job of being a mouthpiece forthe EIG. Keep up the good work. It's not at all objective journalism, but who cares, right? I noticed when Cal Nichols was advocating Chris Pronger should divorce his wife, rather than leave the Oilers, you were pretty silent. Are you upset because Katz is willing to do everything they aren't? Spend to the cap, build an arena with his own money and make this team a winner? Or do you advocate the people of Edmonton paying for the new arena? Which, if you listen to a word the mayor says, is inevitable. If you do, then write that in your next piece so we know where you stand.

I admire the EIG for what they did. I always will. But it's time to stand up and lead, or get out the way. You act like Katz is selfish businessman. What are EIG? The ones who don't want to sell, don't because of the brand association with the Oilers and what it does for THEIR wallets. Nothing else. If it was about winning and the fans and the city, THEY would have said the same things Katz said yesterday. Have they ever committed to that, Terry? Or are they just entitled to keep lining their pockets indefinitely because they saved this team once. Anyway...I know you gotta go....Cal Nichols on line two, eh?

Wow, I'm a dick. But you gotta admit, I was right. Nichols even said so in his statement, that it was "time to pass the torch." And what was ultimately the main factor that swayed the EIG partners to sell this time? A restructured deal that resulted in more money for the shareholders. Really? Rich men persuaded by more money? At any rate, below is Terry Jones' reply:

John,

I don't usually save e-mails but I'm going to save this one. When this all shakes down I'll reply.

Cheers,
Terry

I'm still waiting for my follow up Jonesy.

MORE UPS AND DOWNS THAN A SPANIARDS HONEYMOON BED

Okay...shit happens. And when shit happens, that shit (that happens) is usually the worst case scenario shit. Ponikarovsky and his laissez faire handling of the puck was (we're talking worst case scenarios here) the shit. His stick getting lifted was the happens. Or perhaps the goal was the happens. (I don't know about you but the second Stillman lifted his stick I said "Oh no" out loud.)
Regardless of shit versus happens....what we witnessed Tuesday night was 85 seconds of shit happening. Yes, Alexei Ponikarovsky, Merry Christmas...hope the Goat Horns are the correct fit. But lets not forget, it was the Hurricanes who scored two goals and then won in overtime, not Alexei Ponikarovsky.
Don't even get me started on the officiating (which was so awful I cant believe Kerry Fraser wasn't out on the ice watching Wayne fucking Gretzky circumsize Dougie Gilmour with the end of his stick.)
I told you not to get me started.

Sometimes the Gods just love making shit happen. What bothers me the most is that Toskala doesn't get his rightful W.

(And for what its worth. what bugs me about Chris Simon is that his suspension, although the longest in league history, means he will be back on the ice before McCabe.)

*

Kari fucking Ramo. Perhaps this is just a paranoid statement but are the Leafs the only team that cant capitalize on inferior goaltending? (I mean Kari Fucking Ramo is 2-4 in six, in the AHL)The fact that Ramo surfed his first NHL game into a W while Toskala once again stands on his head only to receive another L (and thats on top of 5 double pad stackers) is disgraceful.
Note to Leafs....perhaps its a good idea to put some guys in front of the net.

On the positive side. I'm loving Gill and Kubina. And the line of Steen, Stajan and Devereaux have been great too. Most importantly, the PK keeps looking better and better too.
Negatively. Where the hell is Darcy? I was surprised to hear his name called late in the second as I didn't know he was even playing. And is it just me or does Wellwood look like he is holding onto the puck too long? I wont rag on Blake...cos he has cancer.
But the PP? Suffice it to say...it burns when they PP.

Chris Simon Leaves Team, Will Be Dropped on Iraq

Thoughtful bon vivant Chris Simon was given a paid leave of absence yesterday by the gentlemen's club he belongs to, to, you know, do his thing, travel a little, and just find himself. I've had jobs in the past where I wanted to do all those things. I should have known that all you had to do to get that was to try to chop someones foot off.

Maybe this is a little TMI, but I've never even thought about it. Never have I been at work and thought, "You know what needs to happen right here? A foot needs to get chopped off!" Not once have I ever dreamed of it. I'm sorry everyone. Your disappointment in me is punishment enough.

There is some debate so far as to how many games Simon will have to lose to pay for his latest act of criminal-genius insanity. Ken, over at the always excellent Hockey Narrative has a great post about the whole incident, and how that debate is shaping up. He suspects that Simon will get nailed, not just because of the nature of the action, but how the whole hockey world is rallying around common sense to condemn Simon's anti-footwork.

Personally I think this is the end of Simon's career. Read up on what he's been suspended for, you'll be shocked. He has a long history of on-ice viciousness. In fact, I think he actually killed and ate Sjohn Podein. If they made a movie about him, it'd get a hard 'R' for excessive violence and it'd be called, "Blood Hunter". Or, "Blood Hunter 2: Kill Shot". Or, "Oh God, He Just Chopped My Foot Off!". No one under the age of 100 allowed without parent.
No matter how many off-ice praises Charles Wang, Ted Nolan and Garth Snow heap on him, the fact is, Chris Simon is a fucking menace in a hockey rink, and for every ten goals he scores he has to try and end someones career/life. I am all for tolerance and second chances, but this is ridiculous. At this rate, I doubt this guy could even be a Philadelphia Flyer.

The horribleness of the crime was really brought home to me by the usually level headed Moose who said to me when we first heard of it, "I'm all for something terrible happening to Jarkko Ruutu, but this is too much." He then went on to say, "Greener, I so, so respect you as a man, a writer and as a hockey player. In fact, I love you. I really, really love you!" True story.

So lets see what happens. The pressure is major on Colin Campbell to get this right. I say Simon gets the season. Then next year, he'll look great in a Nottingham Panthers uniform.

Leafs: Lose Game. Bryan McCabe: Destroys Hand. Kerry Fraser: Still Joke

I watched the Leafs lose in Montreal at Moose's house on Saturday. We had just played a hockey game that morning, and after cleaning up, I met him at his house. I brought over 2 burritos that I just bought at Benito's Taco's, the one on Beverly. I got Moose a bean and cheese and I had the machaca. I forgot Moose's side of rice, but remembered my small guacamole. I brought my own hot sauce from home, just because I'm like that.

We then watched a hockey game where one team (ie: Leafs) were totally in it the whole way save for a couple of awful lucky bouncers like the rotten first Koivu one. When Don Cherry pointed out at intermission that Koivu didn't celebrate the goal because he's unhappy in Montreal, Moose wisely screamed that it was more likely not celebrated because Koivu knew lucky Finnish bullshit when he scores it.
It was one of those games that the score doesn't give a very accurate gauge of how the teams played. This could have gone either way. That's not to take anything away from the Habs; they played exactly the way they had to, for 60 minutes, to beat a team like the Leafs. I've written very well about the Habs before; that they play way, way, way bigger than they are. Like, did you ever see that episode of "Planet Earth" where the ants attacked the tiger? Yes you did. On Saturday night.

I'm now going to write something that everyone in the world knows: Kerry Fraser is a rotten referee, father and person, and he should be forced into a life of drug addiction. It's THE LEAST he deserves. If not for jerk-with-a-mustache Rob Shick, Kerry Fraser would still be the worst ref in the NHL, but the thing that lives under that hairdo doesn't have the credibility he (holy shit!) once had. And thank Christ for it. You get cut from refereeing the Stanley Cup playoffs for a reason, as Fraser did last spring. I guess Bettman actually watched a hockey game that Fraser ruined, which basically means any game he participates in. Bettman then surprised the hockey world by actually doing something right for the game, and sent Fraser back to Philly early for a rinse, blow-dry and set.

Case in point, last Saturday. Andrei Kostitsyn CLEARLY reaches around McCabe, grabs him into the glass IN FRONT OF "referee" Fraser, no call- wow what a surprise, a Leaf gets murdered on the ice and Kerry doesn't call it. Then just to shit on the sundae, the laziest man in North America unless you're a Montreal stripper Alex Kovalev, takes it down and scores. Great work Kerry. And by great work, I mean go fuck yourself. McCabe breaks three bones in his hand and is out for 6-8 weeks. Meanwhile, Kerry Fraser is allowed behind the wheel of a motor vehicle! Where is the justice?!

Carey Price played well again, but wasn't really tested all that much to warrant a second game star by HNIC. The show is already building this kids' legend and all I have to say about it right now is that he's going to look great in a Colorado Avalanche uniform.

Sour Grapes of Wrath

Habs 4, Leafs 1


I'm sitting with Greener having just watched tonight's game, and I want to warn readers for what's about to happen. Hint: It begins with Kerry and ends with Fraser. Greener takes losses hard, I mean at one point when it was 3-0, his girlfriend called him about plans for dinner and he told her he was going to waterboard her when he got home.

So needless to say his heart is currently in as many pieces as Brian McCabe's hand, and his blood-pressure is rising at the rate of Hal Gill's ice-time.

Stay tuned readers!

Back-scratcher? Back-scratcher!

On January 10, in the Roman calender year of 2008, I, Greener, along with a select group of "friends", and 20,000 odd others will be the luckiest people on Earth. That is because, on that day, in a little barn we call Le Centre du Staple, we will be standing in the presence of some of the greatest men on the planet. Socrates? Aristotle? Da Vinci? Take a seat you immigrants, I'm speaking of The Toronto Maple Leafs.

This whole town has been waiting for the Leafs to come back for over 4 years. This is because up until last week, the unofficial schedule maker for the NHL was named Lou Lamoriello, who has been telling his bathhouse buddy Gary Bettman that he doesn't want to play any away games that aren't an afternoon cycling trip away from the Continental Arena (brisk cycling, I concede). You see in the NHL, the fans, the paying customers, haven't been allowed to see who we want to see, no-ooo. The Leafs? Please. Sidney Crosby? Why don't we just dream about ice-cream and rainbows. No, we in L.A. should consider ourselves lucky enough to see Dallas Stars sub-humans Jeff Halpern and Stu Barnes 20 times a year.

OK. Back to before. The year was 2003. The date, November the 14. And awesome Maple Leaf stalwarts Sundin, Kaberle, McCabe, Nolan, Renberg, Mogilny came back from a 4-1 deficit going into the third to take it to overtime 4-4. There were so many Leafs jerseys in the rink that the "Go Leafs, Go!" chant was louder than whatever unimaginable chant the Kings fans said. McCabe looked shocked during warm ups at how many Leaf sweaters were pressed up against the glass, and when he skated past, he tapped his stick against it in appreciation. It was a magical night that concluded with people lauding each other from their car windows as we drove home down Olympic Avenue.

Which brings us to this:

This is a countdown to game time when the Toronto Maple Leafs face the Los Angeles Kings. This is as pure an expression of joy as I can share with you. Please become used to it. You'll be seeing it a lot in the next 26 days. I urge you not to fear its power or exquisite dimensions, but to simply embrace it to your large bosoms. I want you to see beyond its facade...to the perfect truth which it represents.
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Posters Desperate to Ruin He Score, He Shoot

Do you know anyone in your life who has a real good thing going and just doesn't seem to do the best things for themselves? Someone who doesn't take advantage of a great situation or just lets the opportunity to rule just pass them by? Well, now you know two.

We have about two dozen people to write posts on two different teams in two different conferences in one of the most prestigious leagues in the world about a game that is played almost everywhere, but for some reason we here at HS/HS just have a problem taking any of those concepts and turning them into what you, the laymen, would call, "A New Post". Or "Something to Read". Or, "Something New to Read". Or "Something New Written By Those Lazy Assholes Over at That Blog I Used to Visit". It pisses me off there aren't more posts. 10 minutes ago when I started this one, I actually said to myself that I should get Loser Domi on here to write. She's someone who puts stuff up. If she wrote 1 thing, that would be 100% more than some people put up here in a month. At the time I was 90% kidding. Dix minutos later I'm 90% serious.

~~~~

I watched the Leafs/Lightning game today and I don't know what is more perfect, manly and excellent: The way the Leafs played that game, or my current playoff beard. At any other time, my beard would take this one in a walk, but not this time. THAT is how great the Leafs played.
Facing "Worlds Greatest Dad" Vincent Lacavalier, who has 807 points on the year, the Leafs kept him to 2 shots and a -1 in the game; and this is a guy who had almost almost 23 minutes in ice-time.
The Leaf PK kept the T-Bay 0 for 5, while the powerplay looked dynamic for the first time this season going 2/3. That's (64...65...) 66%! Every line scored, including the forth line as Kilger gets two. The bomb pass from Kaberle to Sundin for the breakaway backhander was just so classic for both of them.

7 1/2 WEEKS: Almost as Sexy as You Think

This week (or so) in Maple Leaf hockey. In the tough shit category, the Bruins trapped the shit out of the Leafs and we lost 2 to 1. That was an awful game. So much so that I missed half the game as I got caught up watching American Gladiators on ESPN4. The only thing that bothers me more than never getting the opportunity to compete in The Eliminator against Nitro, Turbo and Laser is losing 2 points to a team in the same division.

Tuesday: …someone remind John Tortorella that he owes the swear jar 10 bucks after this little bon mots Tuesday night, “"They gave us an old-fashioned shitkicking,"
He was right of course. The Leafs did put the boots to the Lightning. Almost as adroitly as Greener’s clever bitch slap that he gave to Moose and Washingtron (see post above).
Most encouraging things I saw were two of the goals scored. Specifically the two by Sundin and Antropov: on the power play no less. Which at something like 3 for the past 36 was about as hot as Ruth Gordon on fake ecstacy. Anyone else hear Greg Millen query, “Can you imagine how good the Leafs would be if they ever got the power play rollin?” Indeed.
And Wellwood’s pass through the crease? Ooh baby. And I don’t really give a care how homo-erotic it sounds when I say I could watch Wellwood cross-crease to Antropov 24-7, 3-6-5.
And I daren’t say too much but Antropov getting his 15th goal of the year. That's all I am going to say.

Reason #3059 Why I love Mats Sundin: First and foremost the look on his face as he skated towards Kaberle to celebrate that perfect pass. (To score his 15th of the year as well. Can you say MVP?) Truth be told the play started with a pass from Toskala. Hey guess what? Perfect stretch pass + Mats Sundin partial breakaway + backhand deke = John Tortorella takes his pocket knife out and slits Johan Holmqvist’s nostril open Chinatown style between periods.
And Chad Kilger? Looking sharp with two goals. For the record Hal Gill, after his two assists in the game, ties his total assist output for all of last season.
Two words; Blake and Stajan.

Two more words: Bates Battaglia
Yet two more: Waivers Wednesday


Below. You do the math.


AMERICAN GLADIATORS:

NORTE:

Bruins Desperate to Ruin Rask

Distant Bruin North Star Tuukka Rask will get to wear the pinnie that reads "It's Up to You Tonight!" against the Leafs at ACC. You know, if there's one thing young goalies really thrive on, it's their team throwing them to the wolves and giving them too much pressure and responsibility too early in their careers. No wait, how does that go again? Oh yeah, throwing a young goalie to the wolves and giving them too much pressure and responsibility too early is the total best way to ruin their careers.

Young goalies are like crocodile eggs. Keep them nice and cool in the nest for a while and they all turn out male. Get a little too much heat on there, and they all turn out female. And with the desperate state of the Bruins goaltending department, I think what we might be looking at a here is a female crocodile.

The Bruins traded for bullet-headed, "What About Me?" award winner Alex Auld this week to stop the bleeding, but they're in trouble. Manny Fernandez is on a conditioning stint in the minors, but with a herniated disc, he's still weeks away. Tim "Tahwmus" Thomas pulled his groin out in New Jersey, so he's out for a while. It's now up to Auld and Rask. A young guy like Rask has got to know he's the future of the team and will want to show the Bruins everything he's got. Boston brass know this but are in too hot a situation to try and time out his enthusiasm. And poor Alex Auld. Once again he's in a three-way dogfight for a long-lasting job, which seems to be his story everywhere he goes.

All this makes you appreciate the pace the Leafs are going at with Justin Pogge. Barring tragedy, he'll not see any Leaf ice time this year, and even then, I bet JFJ brings up Scott Clemensen first. The kid must be chomping at the bit right now watching Rask get NHL experience. Seeing as how the Leafs chose him over Rask, he's got to feel that he's better than the Fin. Which is good, I want him thinking that. Hopefully there's a bird in his ear reminding him that discretion is the better part of valor. No, not that. All dressed up and nowhere to go. No, no. Idle Hands Go to the Genitals. Yes, that's the one.

So Boston's kind of reeling right now. Look for the Leafs to push a lot of traffic in Rask's crease. The Toronto media loved that Rask stood on his head and beat the Boys last time, so the Leafs are desperate not to read those same lazy headlines again.
I think Blake gets a couple tonight. It's time.


UNSEXY POST GAME UPDATE: Rask didn't even play! Awesome! Boston started trapping IN THE FIRST PERIOD! Awesome! Claude Julien keeps his miserable job for another bad-for-the-game day. Awesome!

UNSEXY POST GAME UPDATE 2: In spite of update 1, everything else I said was right on the money. So, there's that.

Tonight: Blogging Live From Oil Country!

Authors Note: Oil Country = My Couch


Welcome to a HS, HS first. Tonight, I'll be captivating our readers with real(slow)-time updates from the game between the Oil and Blues. You'll get critical analysis, useless facts, and the odd profanity laced rant that Rod and Morley just can't give you.

The big news tonight, of course, is the healthy scratches: Raffi Torres and Jarret Stoll. MacT singled them out as the culprits in Penguins third period comeback on Wednesday, and has chosen to go with Thoresen and Liam Reddox, who will be making his NHL debut. This is a major story, and big gamble, in a pivotal game for the Oilers.

Here we go...

- Liam Reddox looks like a 13-year-old boy, which seems fitting because the expression on his face suggests that he wants his mommy.

- An early 2-on-1 for Nilsson and Gagner goes awry, as Nilsson entertains the Blues defense with a display of useless stickhandling.

- MOMMY! On his first shift, Reddox takes a feed from behind the net and almost scores on a backhander.

- First Oiler PP huffs and puffs, but no dice. Sheldon Souray is due back next week Oiler fans.

- Shawn Horcoff hits the post; in the 'Newer' NHL that would have scored.

- Ah, the obligatory press box shot of Torres and Stoll who look to be in good spirits after seeing the Oilers first power play.

- Blues 1, Oil 0: Brad Boyes scores his 16th goal of the year! Are you fucking serious?

- Hannu Toivonen looks utterly clueless in goal. He seems bothered by all the pucks that are hitting him. Unfortunately, the Oilers don't seem bothered with firing them into his logo.

- Blues 1, Oil 1: A little bit of Hemmer magic. He draws three Blues and dishes to 'Mr. Hockey' Shawn Horcoff (Gordie doesn't need it anymore, he's like 90), who fires it top shelf.

- Do you think Shawn Horcoff reads the papers? I'm just wondering, because after every goal he turns to the crowd with that "How 'bout now, bitches?" look on his face.

End of 1st: Looks like the Horcoff-Hemsky-Penner line is going to carry a lot of the load tonight. Reddox looks lively; I'm feeling a Pisani goal here.

2nd period:

- The Blues trot out their equally sucky PP, and the Oilers kill off a penalty. We'll be 29th in no time.

- Like right now. Liam Reddox draws a penalty with some good work in the corner...

- Well, almost. Hannu Toivonen does his best impersonation of a beached whale in the Blues crease and the Oilers can't put it home through a throng of bodies.

- Incidentally, the only players in the NHL with more goals than Brad Boyes are named Kovalchuk, Ovechkin, Lecavalier, Alfredsson, Zetterberg and Nash. He's been traded by the Leafs, Sharks, and Bruins in just the last 4 years. He'd look GREAT in a Leafs uniform.

- Oilers on their heels as Garon holds the fort; another penalty coming to the Oilers.

- Up pops a graphic on the Blues "Veteran Leaders," featuring Keith Tkachuk, Paul Kariya, and Doug Weight. It doesn't exactly inspire memories of the Yalta Conference, but whatever.

- Cogliano, doing his best Russ "I skate faster than the puck" Courtnall act, can't get a handle on the puck, and a 2-on-1 chance goes by the wayside.

End of the 2nd: Holy shit....is it over? If you're bored out of your gord right now, then I'm doing my job.

Hey HS, HS fans! Ever wonder what it's like to get tea-bagged by Norte's two-year-old son? Well, that's just one of the many possible prizes up for grabs in OUR CONTEST. Check it out! The winner will be announced on January 1st, when we roll out our new banner.

3rd period:

- Blues 2, Oil 1: After the 30th ranked Oiler PP did jack shit, the 29th ranked Blues PP delivers, as 'Mr Hockey' Brad Boyes (what has Horcoff done for me lately?) scores his 17th of the year.

- Blues 3, Oil 1: Winston Churchill (a.k.a. Doug Weight) scores his first goal of the year 56 seconds later.

- A "must score" PP coming up for the Oilers; 14 minutes to go....they don't score.

- Hannu Toivonen should be an All-Star...in the ECHL. Christ he's awful, and the Oilers are letting him off the hook. Nobody driving to the net to collect the garbage he's left.

- Hey fans, did I mention our CONTEST? You could win lunch with Greener at Tito's Taco's - on you, of course! What are you waiting for?

- Looks like MacT has gambled and lost tonight. The team had been playing well, and after the tough loss to Pittsburgh it seemed like an overreaction to bench Torres and Stoll.

- Blues 3, Oil 2: Gagner jumps on a turnover and fires a perfect shot-pass to Nilsson who finishes with aplomb. 7 minutes to go.

- Oilers were staring .500 in the face on Wednesday night, now they need a goal or they'll head out on a tough 3 game road trip at 3 games below .500.

- Blues 4, Oil 2: Cock teasers.

- I don't want to blow things out of proportion with 50 games to go, but that third period against the Penguins may have been a turning point in the season. It's tougher for young teams to get those things out of their heads. They need to halt this slide quickly or it could turn into a 5 or 6 gamer.

- Blues 4, Oil 3: Just to make themsleves (and me) feel worse, Marty Reasoner scores with the net empty on a feed from Horcoff.

- Wow. Mad final seconds, and a moment that perfectly captures the evening, as Gilbert hits Toivonen's blocker with a shot that the Finn is still looking for. Game over.

Well folks, much like MacT's coaching hunch, I think this has been a rousing failure. Happy Holidays!

W_NN_IN_ ST_E_K? Never Heard of Him

I'm not a very superstitious person, not at all. I've got too many obsessive compulsive habits to bother with such absurdities. But one thing I do subscribe to is that when your team ____ ____ games __ _ ___, you for sure don't want to bring it up. I mean ever. It's tough too, because when the Leafs __ __ _ _____ like ____ ___, you really want to celebrate it as much as possible, and share in the joy that _______ can bring to you.

Even now, you're reading this and asking yourself, "Hey there, Greener, just what are you writing about? It could be anything!", and you'd be right. As long as you don't think that thing is a Toronto Maple Leafs four ____ _______ ______.

So just to clarify, the Leafs beat the _______, the ________, the _________ and the _________ and that means that __ ___ ____ __ ________!

Play It Again Sam: Volume IV

Josh Harding.......................[X]
Jean-Sebastien Giguere..........[X]
Nikolai Khabibulin.................[X]
Jean-Sebastian Aubin.............[X]

HS/HS: Now It's "Interactive"!

In an ongoing attempt by your friends here at HS/HS to keep things fresh, funny and interesting...and clearly failing all that, then just to court favor with our readers, we've decided to have a little contest. This contest begins with me writing this email, and then goes on to you writing an email, moving on to us doing some thinking, and finally coming to rest with me, writing an email. That's what you call the Circle of Life.

Looking at our blog header, we want to change the by-line, or motto or whatever it is that's under our name. I think those things are kind of important to a blog because in a way, it's the first post that most casual blog readers will look at. It says who and what you are at a glance. Those of us who have blogs see the numbers of people who wander in because of a random word or picture search. They look at the header, quickly scan it for something catchy and interesting and either say, "Nah!" and leave, or in our case, simply leave.

So, we want a new by-line, and it would be nice if you, the readers, came up with it. Hold on a sec...(go big or go home, go big or go home, go big or) AND WE WANT YOU, THE READERS, TO MAKE IT UP FOR US! Awesome! Great! Whatever!

Think up something cool, funny, jerkish, dickish, ironic, center of the plate, anything you want, and send it to us at our email: HeScoreHeShoot@gmail.com. The line we think is the best will become the new header by-line on HS/HS. But Wait, there's more!

We will also send you something! Uh-huh, that's right. The four of us will show our appreciation of your efforts and think of something cool, funny, jerkish, dickish, ironic, center of the plate, etc. and put it in your sweet hands. Now, I'll tell you right now that the size/excellence of the gift may (will) vary depending on your proximity to us. If you live in the L.A. area, you might be lucky enough to be the you in a You and 3/4 of the He Score, He Shoot staff group hug. If you're the dude who reads us from Hong Kong, then please enjoy this 3rd Class, bulk shipping piece of paper with Washingtron's autograph. I'm just saying.

So what are you waiting for? This is your big opportunity to finally reward Washingtron, Norte, Moose, me for all my hard work on this blog. Does this all sound too good to be true? Well, it isn't. It's exactly as good as you think it is.

We'd like in advance to thank all of our regular readers for participating, and by all our regular readers, we mean Loser Domi, but that's beside the point. We really hope you have fun with this, and know that we really appreciate you all.

Thanks! Awesome!

JUST GIVE 'ER

I woke up nice and early Saturday and when I say I woke up, I mean to say that my 2 year old took his diaper off, got up on my bed and bare ass sat on my sleeping face. You want to wake up with a start? Have your two year old son tea bag you. I digress.
He and I spent the morning drinking coffee and reading about hockey (more specifically your Toronto Maple Leafs). He tried desperately to squeeze his juice box onto my keyboard as I read to him about how Steen, Stajan and Devereuax are starting to click. Both of us shaking our heads at the thought that last year, a team like the Pens got to play the bottom feeders that were the Flyers (last year) 8 times, while your Toronto Maple Leafs had to play the team from otawa 8 times.

This is the team that Greener and I have been writing about. The one capable of this kind of win. Simple, smart, and defensively conscious. A team that is not trying to catch up to its potential. A team that is just being. Playing sound hockey and just gettin ‘er done. As a team. When its do or die time then you live by your teammates and die by them.
You want to see that thinking in action? Two things from last night’s game. First off was Mark Bell living every boy’s dream and scoring his first goal as a Toronto Maple Leaf. Antropov rushed to the net to retrieve the puck. Wrap tape around that shitter…that one is going on someone’s mantel. That type of team consciousness speaks volumes.

Secondly…Jason Blake.
Anyone watching the game last night noticed Jason Blake. There was definitely extra shake to Jason Blake (Shake and Blake…and I helped.) Can you imagine how good it must be to score that goal? Blake and Wellwood, standing tall like matching salt and pepper shakers streaking in on a 2 on 0. (I can’t remember the last time I saw a 2 on 0 in the NHL)
I got a feeling, as the play unfolded, that Blake’s whole year would be decided with its finish. I wouldn’t call it storybook but everyone in the building, Sabourin included, knew that Wellwood was going to pass it to Blake. Not just because that’s the kind of player that Wellwood is (I personally feel we have the new Adam Oates on our hands) but because only Blake could pull himself from the morass. If Blake’s scoring touch is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, swathed in an RBK moisture managed jersey (size S)…then burying it last night might just be the answer everyone is looking for. I bet you his 115 shots start finding the back of the net again. And Blake and Wellwood together just makes sense to me.
Last nights game showed consistency and once the secondary scoring continues (I’m talking to you Steen, Stajan, Bell, Tucker) this team will start winning games.

I might be an eternal optimist but I get a sense that something has occurred with our team. What I mean is this. The third period of Saturday’s game. Two weeks ago…panic and confusion would have led to Harry Cole mentioning the Leafs running around in their own zone, which everyone and his dog knows is the precursor to a goal. Two weeks ago the Pens would have scored, tied the game and then won in overtime or in the shootout.

The Toronto papers will undoubtedly compare what did happen in the third to a China Syndrome like meltdown. Moose will also undoubtedly be ornery and write something mean about Greener, lamenting the days when his team was good. Washingtron will sit in a corner pretending he is invisible and rock himself to sleep singing Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time quietly to himself. The media will still talk about having to hose the team down ala Karen Silkwood. Now I know its only two games in a row and it’s far too early to book my spot on Yonge Street for next June…but this is two wins in a row. Three terrific games in a row. What it shows me is this.
That one of two things has happened; quite frankly neither is better than the other. Either our team wasn’t bothered or defeated by all that has occurred. The Bay Street pig fuckers hanging Ferguson out the window by his ankles waving him, like a white flag to the media, the fans and the league. Or they were bothered by it: .met, had a closed door meeting, and manned up. Either way…this is a team…and I think the next three games (against Nashville, New York and Boston) will show that, not with a whimper but a bang.

And speaking about Ferguson. I have a crystal ball feeling that he has something big in the works. An exclamation point that will either serve as his death knell or his crowning achievement in the face of adversity. I don’t know what that will be…but JFJ (who has gained mucho respect from me for handling himself the way he has recently) will make a splash. And lest we forget…last nights terrific win was on the backs of 3 horses that JFJ himself brought into the stable: Toskala, Blake and Bell. Notably, Toskala stopping Malone on that long breakaway. I mean 7th minute of the third period??? That would have changed the momentum on a heartbeat. Save of the Game.

Can You Hear The Drums?

Welcome back, Fernando.



When the Oilers take to the ice tonight, #34 will be with them. It's a remarkable turn of events for a man, and a team. The Oilers haven't had much luck and inspiration thus far this season, but Pisani's return is something to smile about, regardless of what happens on the ice. He went from the magical playoff run of '06 to looking like his career was over, and now here we are again.

Of course any good news the Oilers get must be offset by more injuries. Pisani's inclusion comes at the expense of Ales Hemsky and Geoff Sanderson, who didn't make the two-game trip to California after suffering minor (see: season ending) injuries in the win on Friday night. Patrick Thoresen, who is 3rd in the AHL in goals with 12, was recalled and makes his '07 debut with the big club.

While his ice-time will probably be limited in his first few games, Pisani's presence gives the Oilers another reliable veteran, as well as some secondary scoring. It will also be interesting to see how Thoresen's game has developed since we saw him last. MacT has indicated he will kill penalties and I imagine he will get slotted in somewhere on the top three lines. My guess is that Pisani takes Sanderson's spot with Brodziak and Reasoner on the 4th line in order to manage his minutes.

Unfortunately, tonight has the look of another painful lesson. Without Hemsky's offence and Sanderson's speed, the Ducks will stand up at the blueline and force the impish Oilers to dump and chase, something they haven't been willing to do this season. Plus, the Ducks are looking for a little revenge, and the Oilers have to deal with more changes to the lineup. Hang on.

Oil 5, Ducks 1

Boing!



When a team stinks the joint out like the Oilers did in Colorado, these are the type of bounce-back games you expect (hope) to see. It also lends some credibility to the theory that you can build momentum from one game to another. After being down 4-0 through forty putrid minutes in Denver, the Oilers decided they would show some interest, got two goals, and played a very good third period. It seemed to carryover into a good start tonight.

- Early jump led to a power play, and Hemsky finished off a give-and-go with Horcoff to make it 1-0. I think this whole shooting thing that he's discovered is here to stay.

- The Oilers got into penalty trouble in the second period, and the game turned on a long 5-on-3 for the Ducks, when Roloson made a world-class leg save on Getzlaf. The Oilers killed off four straight penalties, and scored two goals in the last minute of the period to send them on their way.

- Shawn Horcoff is making you look silly. You know who you are.

- Gilbert was strong again; great pass to spring Cogliano for his breakaway goal.

- I must say, that may have been Grebeshkov's best game as an Oiler. Smart, simple, and good positionally. It looks like they may have finally coached the "Oh my God!" out of his game. If he continues to play like he did tonight, he could be useful.

- The Ducks defence looked absolutely clueless when Pronger wasn't on the ice. If Niedermayer doesn't come back, they won't win a playoff round with that group.

- Kyle Brodziak's play has been overlooked somewhat this year, but you can tell he's gonna be a MacT favorite. He's always in the right spots, and makes the smart play. MacT already trusts him to kill penalties as a rookie, and he made several nice plays tonight, including the goal. His development reminds me of Horcoff and Stoll. He and Horc have similar skill sets, but if anything, he's probably ahead of where Horcoff was as a rookie. He's also similar to both of them in the way his skating has improved, and that has made all the difference. I remember when he first got a call-up a couple seasons ago, you could see he could think the game, but his skating held him back. Now his skating is a complete non-issue. A 7th round pick who spent three years in the AHL working his butt off; a guy like him is a good example for Robbie Schemp and Marc Pouliot.

- Geoff Sanderson (back) and Hemsky (knee contusion) both left the game early. Looked like Hemsky's was more precautionary as it was 5-1 at the time, but let's hope. Sanderson was playing some his best hockey of late, so hopefully his isn't serious either.

- Roloson was great for the fourth game running. I expect they'll split the back-to-back this weekend. I know players like to face their former teams, but I would go with Garon in Anaheim and freshen-up Rollie for Los Angeles.

- A strong effort, but the Ducks looked tired and flat after playing in Calgary last night. Expect a much tougher chore in the return tilt in Anaheim on Sunday. But those are the kind of challenges that a young team should look forward to. Another good litmus test.