Leafs Dealt Near-Fatal Blow

Trying to find words to express everything is tough right now. I went to Pension Plan Puppets to check the wind over there. "Operation Cock Tease" as PPP put it, is now pretty much over. He says that seeing as how the pressure on the Leafs is back, they do a phoner and lose 6-2. I'd like to think that the Leafs were due for a loss right about now, which just happens to be the worst time of the year. They've had trouble with the Bruins all year, and if Claude "Let's All Get Some Z's" Julien couldn't motivate them for this game, he deserved to be fired.
No Mats, no Antro, and Matt Stajan is only one man, people! I guess the season isn't totally over. Everyone could lose in the next week. But...oh god, I'm tired.

So obviously, Kyle Wellwood reads this blog because after having me hand his angel food cake ass to him for the past season, he was clearly shamed into being close to his former excellence in the past two games. Either that or getting benched by Paul Maurice gave him a vision into Earth's days to come; a terrifying look into a future-world gone mad! The year is 2010, and diminutive hockey centerman Kyle Wellwood is riding a bus with other members of his team, the Rochester Americans! Rated PG for no violence and mild language. Now available on DVD and Blu-ray.

As for the near-fatal blow, every single one of us reading this post understands what this means. For all you ladies out there, and by ladies, I mean Loser Domi, you'll just have to imagine how this feels. Think of the worst hangover you've ever had, and then focus all that into your genitals. That was this loss for the Leafs tonight.

Is that guy skating towards me?

This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Now it is awful in a lot of ways too, and my first reaction was one of horror, but upon second viewing I really had to laugh out loud, and hard. This is Patrick Roy's son demonstrating some of that level headedness that got his dad to the top. What is so amusing is the fact that the other goalie didn't see anything coming. I've never seen anyone try to take the high road and get the crap beat out of them harder. If I could enhance the video MI3 style you'd actually see that poor guy putting on glasses at one point hoping that Jonathan would follow at least one of those hallowed rules of punching. 1. Never hit a guy with glasses. 2. Don't tuck your thumb into your fist. 3. Try fighting someone who is remotely interested in fighting. 4. Follow through. 5. If you hold hold A longer the punch will be super strong.

VS.

It could be worse and I’ll tell you how. Without getting into the icky bits, I was conceived in Boston. Yeah get your giggling out of the way (hands where I can see them Moose) and forgive me for working blue. My parents (and older brother) lived in Boston when one of the times my old man was giving it to my mother resulted in yours truly. You ask my brother and he’d calls them the good old days. Apparently I was two weeks away from being born when my father woke up one morning saying to himself, “there is no way any child of mine will be born in the United States.” Forgive what seems like classic anti-Americanism, its not, when it comes to my old man it’s more about being pro-Canadian. So up we moved from Boston back to Toronto.That last sentence alone tells you all you need to know. If we had stayed, had I been born an American, from Boston no less, besides the obvious statement to anyone who knows me well that I would have been one of the New Kids On The Block. I would also have been a Boston Bruins fan. We moved from Boston when my brother was nearly 5 years old, his favourite number to this day is 4, cos of Bobby Orr. Had I stayed…it would have been the Bruins all the way.

As I write this, reflecting on what could have been, knowledgeable to my core, that those same Boston Bruins, a team I have zero affinity for, will get beaten by my, your, our Toronto Maple Leafs, a team I have complete affinity for. These next two games whether we win them or not are going to be exciting. And right now I feel like we can win both games, handily, with or without Mats. I have nothing but faith and even if I’m wrong, all I care about is that it’s the Toronto Maple Leafs making me feel that way.

TITLE: as yet to be determined

I realize that writing about games that have just played is sort of like reading a novelization after watching the movie but I’m going to do it anyway especially as one of the games, roll out the vitriol, was against those cheap-ass motherfuckers. First let me say that it’s amazing how little their fans want to talk hockey after losing, especially to us, cos believe me, they hate our fucking guts almost as much as we hate theirs.

Anyone who knows me knows that I hate their cheap, low rent guts. I hate their cheap low-rent guts so much that if you could hate the guts’ guts than I did and do. I hate their fucking guts’ guts times 10 to infinity…that’s how much I hate their fucking guts. Yet, as I have stated previous – due to relationships established well before the inception of their team, I am friends, close-friends (that’s still hard to say) with fans of that team.
They gloat when they win and let me tell you, they have bad breath and guess what I guarentee you are going to be spit on when they talk to you. They just smoked a bunch of cigarettes and drank a lot of coffee and they spray it when they say it.


They also say things that make you want to slap the shit out of their face. And without fail, they're always shocked that they are the only people on Earth who like alfredson. You actually need to remind these sick sick people that the man is so loathsome, detestable and terrible the he gets booed everytime he touches the puck ...in his own building.. Oh my god I hate them.
I once browbeat my 80 year old father to the point of tears for saying he liked skating on the canal...that's how much I hate that fucking team.

And as such, beating them like we did tonight means a lot - couple that with the much needed two points. It’s a testament to how our team is playing that every following game becomes the do or die situation. Their playoffs and such. And going along that thinking that’s our 4th consecutive win over that team incidentally. (Don't get me started again.)Does it make it all the sweeter then the win comes after the dismantling of the Sabres and their nearly 40 minutes of 5 on 3 play? Hello Pavel Kubina...and uh Matt Stajan, the phone is for you...it's Alyn McCauley calling.
And that the win comes without Mats in the line-up. Or Antropov or Colaiacovo. It could only have been made sweeter if Emery was in net. The game could have also been made sweeter if alfredson got the shit kicked out of him...by me in the parking lot.

Too angry?

The Norris Trophy, In Four Easy Steps

You know I once yanked my hamstring out. It was during a game that Moose and my team had to win in order to get into the playoffs. I was having one of those "awesome" games. The kind of game you refer back to when you're having one of those "shitty" games. You know the kind; the kind where you're like, really, really shitty. During those games you try and talk yourself back by saying amazingly inspiring things like, "Remember that game when I was awesome?", etc.

So it was one of those. It was the second period, I already had a goal and an assist, and I hadn't lost a draw. We were in the offensive zone and I was going to the corner when the puck took a weird turn away from me. I went to pivot the same direction of the puck while a little something called the Newtonian laws of physics demanded I keep going in a straight line. And you know who paid the price for my anti-science stance? My Adductor Magnus, that's who.

Remember when you were a kid and your mom got something that had been wrapped in a really big elastic band, and you got to play with it, shooting it everywhere? You loved that little elastic. It just seemed like there was nothing you and that elastic couldn't, wouldn't or shouldn't do with each other. You were the best of pals. Then one time you were going to fire it at something and it just broke. Right in your hand, just, *snap*. That was it. Fun's over. THAT's how it was when my hamstring went. It felt bad. Not bad like -I'm dying from all the pain I'm in- bad. More like -the human body shouldn't feel weird like this- bad.So what did I do? I hobbled to the bench, got out a roll of stick tape and did about 50 laps around my right thigh with it, as tight as I could get it. My muscle wanted out, but I had a championship to win. I went back out, scored again, won all my draws and had a winger on our team put it in our own net in the final minute to lose the game. The point I'm making is that I am a Patti Smyth level warrior, and Carlo Colaiacovo has continued his Evel Knievel like charge to maim every part of his body before the age of 26. Carlo is so good and he used to be so fun to watch. But now when he plays it's like you feel lucky when he gets up after getting rocked...or after rocking someone else. You're all, "Look everyone! He made it!" like he'd returned from some impossible suicide mission that's so crazy it just might work. Similar to when the Leafs had Lindros, or when Washingtron posts on the blog.

So I'm here to help, Carlo, because I've been there. I'm providing to you a set of instructional photos designed not just to help you regain you mobility, but to help you stay flexible as a preventative so that this never has to happen again. After all, you have a lot of other body parts to injure...I see a pretty undamaged orbital bone!

This person isn't me, BTW. Not that I look totally dissimilar to her, although I'm not 5'4, not kind of pan-Asian looking or a quarter Mexican. And I've never done any fitness modeling. And I'm a man. So actually, I look totally dissimilar to this person. Although my legs are as smooth and shapely.

Step 1
Carlo, assume this natural position

Step 2
Carlo, please stretch both your hands to the left. No, your left

Step 3
OK, now stretch your hands to your ri OH GODDAMN IT CARLO, PAY ATTENTION!

Step 4
Win Norris Trophy

Well that's it Carlo! And great job to everyone working out at home. Do these exercises every day for the rest of you career, and bring home the first Norris trophy to the Leafs since, well, ever. Remember, these exercises will help people in all walks of life. The hamstrings are used every day, in activities ranging from walking, to moonwalking. So get cracking Carlo. Good luck, and we'll see you at training camp in September!

Gretzky to Team...

"You're embarassing me! Don't you know who I am? I'm really sorry for my team everyone, they PROMISED me they were going to try their best..."

Kyle Wellwood: Metaphor

Carlo Colaiacovo got slew footed by Buffalo's Drew Stafford on Saturday night, and naturally, because it's Carlo Colaiacovo, and he plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs, it meant he blew out his knee. Every Most knee injuries occur when the knee is bent against the joint. Seeing as I'm a doctor, I can safely say I've never seen one which occurred when the knee was bent in the forward, natural direction. The reason for this is because it's Colaiacovo and he plays for the Leafs. At this rate, Bobby Orr's knee's are better than Colaiacovo's. If Carlo were a race horse, by now they'd have collected a bunch of his sperm and shot him.

~~~~

Yesterday I asked Norte to come up with a new poll for our new feature, "The Poll". He sent me something which was funny and well written, the only problem being that it was about Kyle "The Play Dies With Me" Wellwood. I told him we should think of something else because I didn't want to have the poll feature just used to rip on Wellwood; that's what the main blog is for.

I'm delighted to re-announce the great news from Saturday: That Kyle Wellwood's considerable ass was nailed to the low - straining from the weight - end of the Leafs bench against the Sabres, in a radical new move that Paul Maurice is trying out called, "PLAYER ACCOUNTABILITY". I know, I know, I had trouble fathoming it too. Apparently, if I've read my hockey Wiki properly, "Player Accountability" is when a coach of a hockey team rewards or punishes a player based on what they do or don't do on the ice. Are you following me? The "logic" being that if the player is rewarded, then they will do more of whatever they're doing and less if they are punished. Phew, my head is spinning. So say, someone like Kyle Wellwood, who I wouldn't put on the third line of the Marlies, is completely unprofessional, doesn't work-out in the off-season, doesn't strengthen his girly groin, and is so soft on the puck that he's now being represented by "Hanes Her Way". He plays like shit, doesn't compete, gives away the puck every time he has it. The Coaches gambit is, he doesn't get to skate until he plays better? Paul Maurice: Jack Adams Trophy Winner.

From here, there is no way Kyle comes back to the Leafs next year. Now, I know what you're gonna say, "But Greener, I love to blow raspberries on his puffy little cheeks!What will I do?!" To which I'll reply, "Then go get a nephew like everyone else." He is exactly what Cliff Fletcher wants to do away with on this team; uninspired, insipid, only occasionally good, and soft. Kyle Wellwood has the indistiction of becoming a metaphor for everything that has hamstrung the Leafs for three seasons. When Norte was writing about the fire that the Leafs once had, the Leafs which everyone HATED to play against, he was speaking about everything that Wellwood isn't. Will Kyle have some market value this summer? Probably a little, paired with a prospect or a draft choice. Will he after a month of no-shows next November? I wouldn't bet a single, battered fist on it.

Nobody leaves empty handed, so we're gonna cut off his hands

It struck me tonight, at the start of the second period, or maybe the middle of the period, at some point while the score was still 3 to 1, that it looked like there were 5 Kyle Wellwood’s on the ice. Full, no doubt, from his fist dipped in batter (my choice in the poll).
And worse: how predictably they played. It doesn’t take Roger Neilson to watch the Leafs try the exact same play on the rush, every single time…especially if Blake’s got the puck. (I know that Jason Blake deserves a mulligan this year, and he gets it, for sure - but at some point in your 1000th goddamn shot Jason...pass the puck.
(Shrugs)

And yes losing Mats Sundin to the evil groin injury (groin injury, gr-gr-groin in-jur-ee) and then Antropov in the first three minutes of this game is the worst thing to happen to humanity since the release of Ya Mo Be There...but some one else, anyone else...take the reins. And not just one period, one game stepping it up.
Remember a few years ago when Mats went down in the playoffs, forgive me but I think it was in a series against the Isles, and Alyn McCauley endeared himself to us forever with his heroics in that tough series? I hate to say it but with this shortened bench, I don't see an Alyn McCauley anywhere.

Tell me that sounds like band wagon jumping and I will say what fucking business is that of yours you asshole, I'll kick your fucking head in.

I continued watching the game and what struck me about our team around the 5 to 2 mark was how much like something from my past this team is.
Imagine it’s the summer and it’s 1989. Without aging myself I’m 17 years old and hanging out with a guy named John Paczek. First thing you gotta know is that we called him pollock not John not pac-zek, and not Pollock like the painter but po-lock as in racial slur. We also called him paycheck. Regardless what we called him, he was a superb guy to be friends with, particularly at 17. Paycheck liked chicks and to drink and to skateboard. And when you’re 17, and it’s the summer, that’s like the Holy Trinity.
So that summer Paycheck, who I think may still have been 16, and I find ourselves, impossibly, in rural Quebec. A city close-ish to Montreal called St-Jean-Sur-Richelieu. Now the question why were there or what brought us there remains, I’m afraid, lost for the ages. And suffice it to say statutes of limitations being what they are it may or may not have been illegal and salacious. My point in the tale is Paycheck and I, drinking underage in a Francophone peeler bar.
The club in question, Le Pink Panther, was, if memory serves, where the strippers clearly went to die. Not to say that the strippers were old but one of them danced to Mozart.
Regardless, he and I were there for the dollar shots, dollar beers and the dollar pool table. Now let me tell you, I am always wary of guys who speak other languages. When you don’t know the language it’s amazing how much “Hey after this game of pool I need to go pick up my kids from my sister's house” sounds like “The second this English pig’s back is turned I'm going to smash him across the back of the head with a pool cue and steal his shoes.” How should I know? It’s all Greek to me.
And I am clearly Anglo and worse a frigger d'ontario from Toronto no less...oh God and fucking paycheck is Polish so he's like fucking vanilla ice cream ala mode white and the extent of my French besides Voulez Vous Couche Avec Moi C'est Soir? is an imitation of Clousseau asking if your dog bites.

What the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah...Leafs lost. I'm totally gutted.

A New Way Of Expressing Myself

THERE IS NO TOMORROW, EVERYBODY IS ON THE SAME PAGE, IT'S DO OR DIE: and other cliches

It's now or never. This is for all the marbles and we are behind the 8 ball. We are still alive and we are still in the mix. We are on the outside looking in. We have to run the table. We are in the driver's seat of our own destiny. We have turned the corner. It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the fight in the dog.
We have to find a way to put pucks on the net, cos when you put the puck on the net, good things are going to happen. All of our lines have to be the hardest working lines in hockey tonight. We cannot get beaten to the puck and we cannot be content to sit on a lead. We cannot give up the first goal. We cannot give up a soft goal. We cannot give up the equalizer. We cannot muck it up in the corner.

We have to stand them up at the blue line. We have to go right through them. We have to buzz around the net. We have to pepper the goalie. We have to make good wholesale changes. We have to light the lamp, put the biscuit in the basket and find the twine. We have to go top shelf, we have to go upstairs. We have to beat them five hole. We must smell the blood in the water. We must be off to the races. We must answer the call. We must hit on all cylinders. We must play like a well oiled machine. We must go for the jugular. We must have the game in the bag. We must run roughshod over them. We must put on a clinic.

We cannot look out of synch. We cannot play to lose. We cannot play back on our heels. We cannot be on the ropes. We cannot circle the wagons. We cannot play tentatively. We cannot go to the well once too often. We cannot chip away at a lead. We cannot go quietly. We cannot let the fat lady sing. We cannot let this one slip away. We can’t let it rain or pour. We cannot let the wind out of our sails. We cannot let in a back breaker. We cannot let the roof cave in or the wheels fall off. We cannot have the final nail in the coffin. We cannot let the lights out. We cannot be a train wreck. We cannot get shellacked. We cannot play ugly.

We must play with a sense of urgency. We must draw first blood. We must not let it be a nail biter or a pressure cooker. We cannot have a see saw game. We cannot have a barn burner or a game of inches. We must fight tooth and nail. We must silence their crowd and take them out of the game. We must get the crowd into it. We must make the crowd go wild. We must electrify the fans and keep them on their feet. We must not let the clock be our enemy.


It's gut check time.

Penalty to #18. Two Minutes For HEY ARE THOSE DONUTS?!

Moose and I went to the Staples Center tonight to encourage the Kings to try and beat the Christ-are-they-boring Vancouver Canucks. We should have kept rooting. Marc Crawford decided to start Manchester Monarchs third Daniel Cloutier whose name rings a bell...I can't remember him. Was he in the NHL before? Oh well. Cloutier played fairly solid, and by that I mean he didn't let in 4 goals by the time Moose had to take his first leak. Damned by faint praise, Dan-o let the Canucks back into it with a couple of minutes left and then got completely beaten on a penalty kill in overtime. Let's just say that Steve "Hanging Out With Greener" Stamkos will have to look good in a Kings uniform. Don't worry, I'll tell him every good thing we said about him.
Weird thing happened during the game. A couple of minutes in, Alex Edler of the Canucks takes a penalty. He goes into the box and sits down. They put him on the jumbotron like they do every game, I look up, and Edler is sitting there eating a donut! It was all, "...wha..."? It was the weirdest thing I'd ever seen. Moose and I couldn't figure it out. Has anyone ever seen that? Has anyone seen Moose figure anything out?

~~~

I also walked past Ru Paul on Santa Monica Blvd. the other day, and I swear to you all, the first thing that came to my mind was, "So that's what Hal Gill looks like!" I'm not sure if Hal Gill sports a red leather Michael Jackson "Beat It" jacket like Ru had on, but what Hal Gill does behind the closed doors of his bedroom is simply none of our concern.

Look! I've added a poll to our pushily amusing HS/HS coterie of features! Please take some time with a coffee and consider your polling options. This weeks poll is: What is Kyle Wellwood Eating Right Now? As always, we know you have a choice of polls, and we appreciate you choosing HS/HS polls. Serving you faithfully since last night.

WE NEED A PITCHER, NOT A BELLY ITCHER

Are you fucking kidding me? Last night I watched a UFC fight and a hockey game broke out. It was amazing to watch the New Jersey Devils ground and pound Vesa Toskala. Somewhere Tito Ortiz is smiling.

Let me tell you how pissed I am this morning. Sadly I am not talking about being drunk. I am so pissed off that I have to warn you – much to Father Greener’s chagrin – I use the C word in this article. And before you start shaking your head and telling me about Martin Brodeur stopping 42 saves last night…or how in the four games (against the Leafs) this season he stopped 143 or 149 shots or how his save percentage against the same Toronto Maple Leafs is a cheap .960 or with a 1.50 GAA…blah de frickin blah....

We didn’t not win last night because of Martin Brodeur (although he is a remarkable goalie – who else in the world can turn a kick save rebound into a pass?), we were beaten last night, twice, on calls so egregious that I am shocked that Kerry Fraser and his coiffered cunty-ness wasn’t on the ice.

And you might ask why didn’t McCabe or Colaiacovo clear the front of the net? Because clearly these two refs wanted the Leafs playing a ringette game.

You want a byline? How about Two Blown Calls and More Posts than Moose And Washingtron put Together.

Now saying that…I also know hockey well enough to know shitty defense when I see one. Without a clear checking line it was left to Tucker, Blake and Stajan to shut it down. And with a minute left to play…well…not to oversell it…but it cost the Leafs the Season.
49 seconds left to play. And another giveaway.

...you know what? Fuck off. Fuck off right now. No, not you. I'm not mad at you...I'm just mad. And typing is making me feel weltschmerz, the likes of which I haven't experienced since my individual subjectivity was given free expression in response to the confines of rationalism imposed by the Enlightenment and other associated aesthetic movements.

Blue And White Beat the Black and Yellow Black and Blue

Beware the ides of March, or the eyes of March: whichever. I don’t really care which. Just beware of March. With games against Boston (tonight), the Devils on Saturday and then a home and home against the Flyers that could arguably be the two most important games to the history of Canadian hockey since the Summit series. Then Buffalo, the Islanders, Buffalo again, otwa, Boston/Boston, Montreal.
This is what it comes down to. This month. I don’t give a care about before or NTC’s or will he or won’t he. I don’t care about math or home ice advantage…all I care about is this month. You want to know how I really feel? The whole season comes down to these games in March. It’s an oft used expression but this is the team’s playoffs.

Just to let you know…it's Friday afternoon and my son is eating a fruit roll up, saying “mmmm…” with every bite, sitting on my lap and watching Sponge Bob. Due to a play date with the girl my son is starting to call his first Ex-wife, I had to watch the game on Leafs TV. I wrote the above before the game and I am happy to say that I still stand behind it.
Is it just me or are the Leafs and the Bruins polar opposites right now?

First thing I thought was that…we deserved that game. We deserved to watch that game and they deserved to play it. Second thing I thought was that I had no idea Belak, Gill and Kilger were that big a problem in the room.
(Those are the jokes folks)I always like when the team looks like its having fun. And with as many pretty, lucky bounces as a late era Roger Moore James Bond, how could you not? Look, let’s face it; Toskala is going to take care of the net. Mats is gonna score, if anyone else can with some kind of consistency, than this isn't a bad team. If you have read HS/HS with any consistency you would note, Greener and I with very few exceptions, always believing. But I am starting to see that almost just isnt good enough.
The key to Saturday’s game will be the special team and continuing the pace of 14 PPG in the past 11 games. That will go a long way to beating Brodeur – who was clearly the difference the last time they met. And 4 power play goals goes even further in achieving that. You get 4 power play goals in a game, I don’t care who you are playing, you’re going to win every single one of them.

What else can I say? Well how about your Captain having six goals and seven assists in his last seven games? Or his 13th 30 goal season? 1300th Game? The King. I heart you Mats.

I will admit though that when I go to Pension Plan Puppets, I have to avert my eyes lest I see how far we have slid for the slide for Stamkos. Last I looked I think we were at a 12% chance. What is it now? NO - don't tell me.

Leafs 8, Zombies 2

What goes around comes around is a phrase I probably, in my life, have used, maybe twice, three times. Here is the fourth: After having to lose to the narcoleptic Tim Thomas/Boston Bruins so many times the past two seasons, I guess what goes around, comes around, as the Leafs went into the Boston building and kicked the Jesus out of the Bruins, sending affable Michiganer Thomas home early for a night of intense self reflection.

It was just one of those nights for Toronto where things just kept getting righter. After a shaky start to the first, the wheel of fortune just began spinning for the Leafs as the the bell began to toll for the Bruins, and all the metaphors I'm using.

The Bruins didn't actually play as badly as the score suggests as the Leafs scored some lucky, weird goals on their way to this hilariously huge win. Let's just say that the final score was 5-2. Lucky goals or no, the Leafs earned this one and deserved to score bunch of them. The set-up from McCabe to Mats with the fake slapper to pass for the putt was deliciouso. And scoring 4 powerplay goals was fist-in-air-time. I think they would have had one more except for that Maurice put out a non-powerplay kid-line at the end, and they weren't really trying to score out of respect. It was just a fun game to watch with the Leafs on the right side of an 8 goal windfall. Look, it's the least we all deserve.

You can really see how a coach's temperature is reflected in his club. For instance, when Pat Quinn ran our bench, the only time he took a time-out from kicking someones ass was to smoke a cigar or have a heart attack. He was an intense son of a bitch and so were the Leafs. Ahhhh, a season full of intensity...sigh. Sorry, I just went to heaven there for a minute.

To that point, I don't know what Claude Julien does with his free time, but I bet it's right on the same level as making string art or washing the dishes. Studies now show that two Julien's, taken with or without food, will cause coma-like symptoms in guys called Greener. Maybe it's why I'm only awesome without an NHL job, but it seems to me that as the leader of the club, when your team is getting it's collective ass handed to it in your own home, it's up to, say, THE COACH, to get the ship righted again. Like, Claude, I don't know...how about saying something on the bench to your army of zombies who are forced to walk the Earth in an crushing, defensive limbo, eating the brains out of the game of hockey?! Don't want to yell? Well, I can understand, you don't want to wake the 4,000 fans nodding off in the stands. Every time the camera found him he was just standing there with a sheepish look on his face.

This man is the thing in turkey meat that makes you fall asleep at 5:30 on Thanksgiving Day.

You know, I get it, if it wins, it plays...but it's not even working anymore. The Bruins are dropping out of the playoff hunt because division teams like the Leafs who see them every second game have finally figured out how to handle a team that starts trapping in the first period. When the Bruins ownership finally gets wind of that, I'll prepare another picture: "Hey, Claude, you're fired!"

Syracuse Crunch Goalie Karl Goehring Named AHL Player Of The Week!

No, I'm just kidding, Mats was named NHL player of the week yesterday and I guess all you have to do to get that honor is score 8 points in four games leading your dead/dying team to a 3-0-1 record for the week and 6-1-1 in the past two. It's weeks like this where you just know that scores of boys are emerging from wombs all over Canada, and the first words they hear in their tender ears are from the handsome doctor saying to his mother, "Say hello to your son: Mats!" Kind of like how there are 350,000 5'8" 20 year olds with greasy hair driving Nissan pick-up trucks with "Alberta ROX!" bumper stickers who only answer when you call them "Wayner".

Another thing that's for sure is that right now in Sweden, every goddamned Torkel, Torsten and Ulf growing up in that god foresaken country is fantasizing about wearing a blue maple leaf on his chest. Exactly like they did in the seventies and eighties when Borje Salming was playing. Salming, who could give a hit as well as he could take a skate blade to the face, first established Maple Leaf pre-eminence in Sweden when the Leafs took a flyer on him in 1973. This was at a time when, to the average NHL'er, the proper phonetic way of saying the word "Swedish" was "Chicken Shit".
The Swedes knew this and it left a big impression on them. Look at footage of ABBA from 1979 during their one and only North American tour. The last date was in Toronto at Maple Leaf Gardens, and Benne or Binny or whoever the one with the beard was had on a Salming jersey. That wasn't just crowd ass kissing either as they had started the tour at the Northlands Colosseum in Edmonton, and I guarantee you the guy wasn't wearing a Cincinnati Stingers jersey, or whatever the fuck the Oilers were called back then.

The King of Kings himself was part of that worship. He grew up idolizing Salming and watching Leafs games with his father Tommy and his brothers. Mats carries on this legendary legacy in the land that brunette forgot. And don't let anyone tell you that people get all wet for Peter "My Feet Hurt" Forsberg. They don't. Compared to Mats, it's not even close. And I'll laugh in your fat face if you're stupid enough to bring up Daniel Alfredsson, whose major redeeming quality is that he looks like an ugly lesbian. Forsberg is major and everything, I don't want to take anything away from him, but don't ever forget who the Captain of Team Sweden was in 2006. Don't forget who dropped the pass at the blue line to Lidstrom for the gold medal winning goal. It was Sundin, and nothing but.

People are always yapping about how Mats is always the best player on the Leafs; that it's always up to him. Well guess what, sexy? No matter what team Mats plays on, it'd be up to him. He's so great, he could step in and win the Superbowl the same day he wins the pole for the Grand Prix of Monaco. And the only reason he doesn't, IS BECAUSE HE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO.

Oilers blog added to He Score, He Shoot!

(image of Oilers logo here)

I'm writing this from someone else's house and they don't have a handy jpeg of the Oilers logo so I've chosen to put into action that age old adage (not a palindrome) of "a bunch of words paint one picture."  Use your imagination.  The way I do when I picture the Oilers in the playoffs.

Okay.  So first of all, I just learned that He Score, He Shoot is not just a Leafs blog.  I know I know, the colors of the logo, the tagline, heck, the vast vast vast majority of the content is Leafs-centric.  It makes me feel like less of a fan than Greener or Norte, not that this is a competition, though if it were I think we could agree it would be a tie.  It makes me self conscious about how passionate I am about the team I love.  Perhaps we as fans unconsciously take on the characteristics of our team?  Is it just that the Oilers are lazy or have lives?  Are the Leafs a way more passionate if somewhat lonely and sad group of players?  Well that doesn't matter, both teams have stunk most of the year.  The point is, I'm busy, get outta my face.

I wanted to write today about the Oilers last game.  I actually wanted to write on friday when I watched thursday's game on tivo but I wound up spending two hours reverse scouting the 2010-11 crop of NHL 08 draft picks for my Oilers who are, by the way, gunning for their third straight cup.  Here's the thing, the Oil played the Kings.  Two teams way at the bottom of the league, two teams that have lost an awful lot of games, two teams with twenty game death marches to another summer of thankless off season training. "Dead Teams Walking!"  And, it was an exciting game, back and forth, no defense whatsoever, end to end and lots of scoring. The hockey equivalent of a Rocky fight.  But it reminded me of why I heart the Oilers so.  Here is a team that has no chance at the playoffs and according to the various on ice player interviews at yesterdays skill competition they know it, but they came out and played their hearts out and hit and scored and tried.  Watching the Kings I saw the opposite.  These are two teams used to losing but the way they behaved when things weren't going their way was the polar opposite.  The Oilers go up early and the Kings disappear until a series of unlucky bounces puts the puck in the Oilers net.  Then they start to show up a little.  The Oilers go up again, the Kings disappear again.  I think its in these difficult times that you see the character of your team.  The Kings know a loss is coming as soon as the other team scores, the Oilers don't say die even though they aren't playing for anything.  That's all I want to see.  Effort.  At this point, with their first round lottery pick which you KNOW is gonna be #1 going to the Might Ucks (D omitted to imply swear) and their playoff hopes dashed and at last count 95% of their players injured they still bring it.  

I'm looking forward to tonight's game against the jackets.  I know it doesn't matter, they could win and it wouldn't make a difference, but I know they are going to try and I know they are going to put on a show.  The Jackets are a team they've had trouble with all year and I think it'll be fun to watch them try and switch that up.  That's all that matters.  I think the fans forget its just a game as much as the players do.  That its supposed to be fun.  Well it is fun right now.  And I can't wait.

GLOVE, SMELL THE

He Score, He Shoot's own Moose reminded me of something recently. No, not that Greek men invented it or that he needs Nair for Hair. He used two words, two words that sounded dirty. Not dirty in a salacious way. Two words that in the context Moose was using it became almost swearwords. Certainly distasteful and most definitely a sentence on its own: Alexandre Daigle.

The year before Daigle was drafted 1st overall he played 53 games for the Victoriaville Tigers and in those 53 games he scored 45 goals and added 92 assists. Add that to a respectful 85 pims and you have a clear number 1 overall pick. A can’t miss.
The 1993 draft, arguably, was as stacked as this year’s. And from the 26 first-round picks that year, 22 produced NHL careers. Names like Pronger, Kariya, Koivu, Deadmarsh. Bertuzzi. Our pick that year was 12th and we selected Kenny Jonsson (who was later traded to the Islanders (along with our first round pick in 1997 who turned out to be Roberto Luongo….gulp!!!!) for Wendel Clark and Mathieu Schneider.)
And right now that can’t miss, number 1 pick, plays in Davos in the Swiss League, where he is 3rd line player there, too.

(Incidentally in 1999 of the 28 first round selections only 12 had careers.)

In the 1990 draft, the Islanders, who chose 6th overall, chose Scott Scissons, a center from Saskatoon. I’m sure there were smiles all around the table that year. Glad handing each other saying that Scissons was going to be a major player in their rebuild. He played 2 games. Or how about this…Martin Brodeur was selected 20th overall and he wasn’t even the first goalie chosen. Taken 9 places before him - 9 places – was Trevor Kidd.

Aki Berg was a 3rd overall selection, Luc Robitaille, 171st.


Nicklas Lidstrom was taken 53rd overall. Brett Hull: 117th. Pavel Bure; 113th. Dominik Hasek; 207th. Pavol Demitra; 227th. Peter Bondra 156th.

Patrick Roy was a 3rd round pick at 51st overall. More telling was that he was the 3rd goalie chosen. In that same draft, at 23rd and 42nd respectively, were Goalies Steve Billington and Daryl Reaugh. Who? Exactly.

In 1996 with our 13th selection, 204th overall, we selected Tomas Kaberle. The 12 selections before him; Reggie Berg, Chirs Bogas, Dmitri Yakushin, Brandon Sugden, Peter Cava, Vladimir Antipov, Jason Sessa, Konstantin Kalmikov, Mike Lankshear, Francis Larivee and Marek Posmyk combined don’t have as many points as Kaberle had last week. That's last week (in italics.)
That year two D went 1st and 2nd in the draft. Chris Phillips and Andrei Zyuzin …I know I don’t even have to finish the thought for you all.

And Dougie…450 goals, 963 assists, 14 hundred and 14 points, good Kingston boy, Hockey Hall of Fame first ballot Dougie…134th.

WHAT? HUH?

Back when I was in high school a lot of movies were suddenly released that all had the same premise. Wherein the soul of Character A somehow gets swapped with the soul of Character B. Wackiness would then ensue, we’d all learn a lesson, and the movie would end. It was a premise first introduced in "Freaky Friday" in the 70’s (and perfected, in my opinion, not by Big but by the 1984 Steve Martin vehicle, "All of Me". Also staring Lily Tomlin (amazingly, believable as a straight woman). Regardless it had Steve Martin in it and Steve Martin, like Bill Murray, is always good. Steve Martin should win the Nobel Prize for awesomeness and if there isn’t such an award there should be, but let me tell you this, if there was such an award, it would be a landslide. Here’s to Steve Martin in honor of his excellent excellence in the pursuit of excellence, through excellence.

There was "18 Again" which had that creepy guy in it…oh yeah George Burns, who at the time honestly resembled a chimpanzee – I mean is that even alright to say? I dunno…but he did. He looked like a smoking 200 year old chimpanzee. That one I believe also had a running sub-plot to it. I think I remember watching that movie high on acid or maybe just wishing I was.

There was, "Like Father, Like Son" with Kirk Cameron, pardon me, TV hunk Kirk Cameron. I believe it was some kind of potion that changes them in this one. Regardless…Kirk Cameron wears a lot of button down shirts tucked into high wasted jeans with pleats and Reeboks in the movie. If I remember correctly, he’s much harried and drives a Jag as well. I think he also had a perm. What I know for sure was that he had a mullet. I promise you it was 1 Flavor of the Month, 2 haircuts.
The movie also starred Dudley Moore. He made it right around the time he couldn’t look Peter Cook in the eyes anymore.

There was also "Vice Versa". Where non-threatening, moppet Fred Savage turns into his father, Judge Reinhold, via, natch, a mysterious Oriental skull (duh). He becomes his dad and his dad becomes him…vice versa…we get it. It’s funny for the whole family, which means it’s not funny. To me this movie is the exact opposite of Goodfellas.
There was also some Alan Smithee shit with those horrible Corey’s that’s so terrible that I can’t even be bothered to make up some jokes about it.

I actually heard two Leafs fans be-moan the way we’re playing right now. Bitching that Toskala is playing all the games, and using words like finally and bullshit and no trade blah blah blah Tucker, godamn Raycroft my ass. It was disgraceful...they called themselves fans and they werer bitching about playing well. What? Huh?.
We Leafs fans are learning very valuable lessons right now. At a time when we’re happy that Wade Belak leaves but un-happy that Mats doesn’t. Where do we stand?

It’s disgraceful how Toronto media calls the dressing room a country club. This is not a country club…if it were…these games would be over in the first period.
I recently watched The Last Time They Played on Leafs TV. It was that game against Florida. One of the real low points of the season for sure. I had the audacity to watch it again…can you fucking believe that guy? Anyway I watched it and that team compared to yesterdays team...well you all know how schizo they can be.
I tell you this...Mats screaming off the bench with a minute left to tie the game? That’s not a Godamn country club....that's a Captain.

I don’t even want to begin to imagine the possibilities. More like I wont allow myself to consider them. Instead I just want to let it progress naturally. Does the thought of losing Steven “We Stand on Guard for Thee” Stamkos in the draft make me want to reach for the pharmaceuticals? Of course it does. But I wonder where the honor is in tanking - I think I would rather watch our boys try to fucking fight their way up the standings with honor then lose on purpose.

IN SUMATION

I know what you are all thinking…and no they aren’t contacts.

So today Grandpa Fletch did what he could,and I believe, that he did a good job. I'm thinking of that Simpsons joke about the worlds smallest handcuffs..cos that was a problem today. I know this may make some of you vom in your mouth a little but Grandpa was completely handcuffed in this situation. And lets face it, it's a much sexier topic to talk about what wasn't moved as opposed to what was. But let's keep this above board. Moose...hands where I can see them!

Here is the breakdown: Kilger (who I hate to see go) we received Florida’s 3rd round pick this year. For Belak (who is such a great room guy) we received (also from the Panthers) a 5th round selection in this year’s draft. I think that’s great wheeling and dealing. I thought for sure Belak would fall into the future considerations morass. Which I have always felt was kind of like being told your blind date had a nice personality. I have always liked Belak and anybody willing to get punched in the face standing up for the Maple Leafs is okay in my books. Tomorrow night he has to face his former teammates. In typical Belak style in his interview about the trade I heard him say, “Ian White better watch his head.”
Our dressing room will miss him and so will the city.

Hall Gill. Again…I sort of hate to see him go (damn this Leafs team is confusing) Remember when you were a kid and you had those really long “family” sleds. One of those that looked like an upper case J on its back. That’s what Hall Gill reminds me of when he’s sprawled on the ice blocking shots. The Penguins rather adroitly parting with their 2nd in 08 and their 5th in the 09 draft for the services of the toboggan. The Pens look better and better…although Moose tell me about Ty Conklin cos, like almost every team in the East (the Leafs strangely enough being one of the exceptions) the Pens have shaky goaltending.

Grandpa also cleared nearly 3 million is cap space and did anyone else see his press conference? Besides looking awesome, his eye brow almost permanently cocked; (anyone else think he looked almost exactly like Roger Moore in A View to a Kill?) Talking about Phase One and trades involving preliminary discussions? (And just who is Fletch talking about there?) Correct me if I am wrong but is there not a window of opportunity to trade Kaberle in the summer? Hmmm….I know this re-build may take a few more years cause of the dreaded NTC, the worst acronym to happen to Toronto since SARS, but I believe, maybe for the first time, that its in the correct hands.

Speaking in summary of the rest of the trades. I like what the Caps did. And I know that Fedorov is 100 years old but I have a feeling we are going to see some Power Play 96 Fedorov paired with Semin and/or Ovechkin. And Huet has a ton to prove. I would be scared shitless to play the Caps in the playoffs. (Just like I would be scared to play the Avs in the West.) The Pens who I have already mentioned made some smart moves. They did give up a lot on paper for the rental of Hossa but this is a very shrewd move I think. First off it keeps him out of the two other teams in the East who were in the hunt…and that lets face it…Hossa is playing for a contract and nothing says 10 million a year like a very strong playoff. The line combination possibility is scary. But again…goaltending…just like Montreal and otwa. The Pens this year may be like the Dynasty era Edmonton Oilers. They may get 5 goals against but they're gonna score 8 on you.

Montreal surprised me and if you look at my live blogging this morning…I do mention Huet and the surprise of how cheap he cost. And as far as that other team is concerned…














The East’s only hope of winning the cup is all the teams in the West absolutely beating the shit out of each other in 7 game series which, we all know, they will do. And if the playoffs were to start today the Ducks and the Sharks would meet in the first round.

And finally Fletch said, in fact guaranteed that the face of the organization would be different next season. If Mats Sundin is the face of the organization and Fletch said...(you get it, I know)does he know something about Mats that we don't? And does anyone else see the idea of buy outs becoming the thing that the next GM will be handcuffed by?

LIVE COVERAGE OF TRADE DEADLINE DAY

So it's finally here: trade deadline day. Welcome to HS/HS first annual deadline day extravaganza. There's balloons and spelling mistakes and face painting for the kids.
I woke up early....actually setting an alarm...no...now I'm just lying. My son woke me up by repeating jumping on my fibula.

We here at HS/HS will be updating during the day....so did I mention that we will BE LIVE ALL DAY LONG.

Comrie re-signed (1 year worth 4 million) Jackman re-signed. Forsberg and his balsa-wood foot surprising everyone and signing with the AVS. (Philly losing 10 in a row mighta helped) Dan Boyle now the third big 3. Richards gonna go?

10 am (EST) - Prospal to the Flyers for Alexandre Picard and a conditional draft pick. 10 straight loses...you gotta do something.

4 hours 33 minutes left.
Montreal with 4.2 in cap space? Higgins, Ryder, Huet?

10:30 am - The Devils just picked up Bryce Salvador for Cam Jansen.

11 am - LEAFS NEWS!!!!!!!! Belak to Panthers for a 5th round pick.

11:30 Brian Campbell traded to the Sharks? Yup - Steve Bernier and a first round pick going back to Sabres. Wasn't Bernier who we lost when we traded for Owen Nolan?

11:40 Lightning and Star shave agreed to deal involving Richards. Just waiting on Richards approval. Which has just been confirmed. Richards and Holmqvist to Dallas for Mike Smith and Jokinen and Halpern.

11:43 Huet to Capitals for 2nd round pick (09)? This seems out of left field...there is no way that they are going with Price. This, to me, seems like something else is going to happen. I'm surprised by such a small return for Huet.

11:50 - Tampa Bay and Jay Feester doing what the Leafs needed (and clearly can't) do.

12:15 - Ruslan Salei to the Avs and the Blackhawks trade Tuomo Ruutu to Carolina for Andrew Ladd.

12:35 - Latest on Adam Foote...probably wont stay in Columbus. He has a no trade clause but he will waive it. But he will only waive to Colorado.

12:37 - Martin Lapointe on his way to otwa for 2008 6th round pick. Does it mean that they are out of the Hossa sweepstakes?

1:00 - Adam Foote back to the Avs. Amazing to see the moves they are making considering they aren't even a lock for the playoffs. This seems to be a move about not letting anyone else (re: Ducks) get him.

Man the West are stocking up. What are the East doing?

1:12 - Fedorov to Capitals. Fedorov, Semin, Ovechkin. How do you say Holy Shit in Russian?

1 Hour and 41 minutes remaining. Is Brian 'Mr Brian Burke' Burke gonna respond to the Stars or the Sharks?

1:30 - Matt Cooke to Washington from Vancouver for Matt Pettinger.

Interesting what the Caps are doing. Personally I don't believe Jokinen is on the move.

1:53: With an hour and 7 minutes remaining...I gotta say that someone in the East has to make a play for Hossa....the West is gonna stampede the East.

2:04 - Rumors: Kilger and Holik are going somewhere.

2:12: Is it me or does Dave Nonis have to do something? They need secondary scoring for sure.

45 minutes left...you know now that all of our players have said no to the NTC means that we can add 4 or 5 more years to that proper rebuild. It's a sad day in Leaf land.

2:40 - With Hossa still in play...I gotta believe that the teams in the East (you know who you are) have to be scrambling to make something happen. Atlanta are in Montreal tonight...is it even possible that at some point Hossa will just move his equiptment across the hall?


San Jose and Dallas looking really good for the run. The West in general is going to win. I believe Calgary and Detroit must respond to what the Sharks and Stars have done.

2:52 LEAFS NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!! Hall Gill traded to Penguins for a 2nd round and a 5th round pick.

2: 53 - Christian Backman to Rangers for 4th round pick.

3:00 - Holy Shitballs. Hossa and Pascal Dupuis to Penguins for Christensen, Armstrong, Esposito and a potential 1st round pick.
Is this just me or is this not a great deal for the Pens? For a rental? Holy balls.
Makes me even more ill when I think what Mats would've garnered.

Montreal and otwa have blown it. Wow. Time for Hossa to really step up this playoffs. He is playing for a contract so I believe Hossa/Crosby or Hossa/Malkin is scary.
after that gorgeous beating that we gave last night....if they think Martin Lapointe is their answer....well thats just fine.

3:08 - Chris Simon to the Wild for 6th round pick.

3:10 - The Kings have traded Brad Stuart to Detroit for a 2nd and a 4th round.

3:15 - LEAFS NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!Chad Kilger to the Panthers for a 3rd round pick.

3:16 - Rangers have traded Gratton, Sjostrom and Leneveu to Phoenix for Montoya and Hossa.

3:25 - The Ducks picks up Marc-Andre Bergeron from the Isles for a 3rd round pick and J.S Aubin to Ducks for 7th rounder.

Looking at Grandpa Cliff right now at his news conference. The Leafs are done friends. No more...nothing is gonna come out now. I guess this is the first step of the process and we all know that we were hoping for more and we didn't get it.

Cliff is talking about one of the 5 with a NTC and saying that before the game yesterday that that player agreed to be traded to a specific team and then after the game...changed their minds. He is also talking about the face of the Leafs being very different come the start of next season. Does that mean buy outs? Free agency?
Cliff is also telling us that the 5th round pick from the Pens is for the 09 draft.

Cliff looking very defiant. Talking about looking very different next year. DOes he know something we don't? Like Mats wont come back or that....dare I say it....he wont re-sign Mats????

DOCTOR IT HURTS WHEN I DO THIS

The Spanish have a proverb that fits how I feel at this moment. Donde hay amor hay dolor: where there is love there is pain. Besides being an almost prototypically Mediterranean thing to say its exactly how I feel. Dramatic sure...but this is the Leafs and I truly love the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Just so you know I am just gonna write and write and write and write cos it hurts. It's exactly the opposite of what Rod Stewart sang about when he sang that it felt so good, he didn't understand.

I just read on some blog a rumor of Mats, J.P and Fletch hatching some scheme to drive Mats’ asking price up. And again my heart rose and fell at the same time. Kind of like how you have to breath to play a wind instrument. If Mats did that and then came back…can you imagine how beloved he would be? I mean even more so.

You see that hope? That’s the pain talking. Cos the reality is that it’s not true and that we’re going to be in the same mess next year. And now the hot rumor is McCabe to New York (the isle or the show?) but that we’d have to package him with a first round pick. And that makes about as much sense as trading Markov for Robert Reichel and Travis Green.

Oh.

You all know that I have carpal-tunnel-syndromed my wrists typing ad infinitum about my love of Mats Sundin. (Yes, Moose…yet another post about Mats Sundin) I wear my heart on my sleeve about him and his team. Duhr.

But whose next…

Mats Stays. God Damn It/Thank God

I was at watching the Academy Awards tonight and during the show, both my phones rang, one after the other. I didn't answer because, as I said, I was at watching the Academy Awards. It was also because I was a little scared. I knew that two phone calls in a row tonight meant one of two things. It was either going to be "Can you believe what Tilda Swinton was wearing?!" or, "Can you believe what the Leafs got for Sundin?!". Neither of those questions I wanted to face.

Addressing the prospect, as we all have, of Mats being traded this month has been long and hard. Yes, Loser Domi, long and hard. It's been a time of self (Leaf) reflection where I daily asked myself, what is the best thing to happen here; Should Mats stay because he loves the Leafs as much as we do, and continue to be the best captain in hockey? Or should he swallow hard, waive his NTC, become a rental, get the Leafs some future players and come back in the summer? My feelings on the matter were, to say the least, inconsistent:
It was weird, so many times I felt I had to make the decision. I felt the pressure to do the right thing for me, you, Mats and the future...and then I'd remember that thank Christ it wasn't up to me as I can barely manage to write a hockey blog, let alone be responsible for the Most Beautiful Sweater In All Of Sports. So Mats is staying as our Captain until he decides he doesn't want to play hockey anymore, and if anyone in the world deserves that privilege, it's Mats Sundin.

There are people out there who will only see the negative in all of this. The Thing That Lives Under The Stairs Howard Berger is already licking his mustachioed chops at the prospect of another doomed Leafs season minus the rewards that a Sundin trade would have (maybe) brought the club. He goes further in saying that now that the club has broken the invisible wall of actually asking Mats to waive his NTC, the magic of being a Leaf is forever dispelled for Sundin. Berger has already forced Mats' retirement papers into his hand, inferring a self-imposed Sundin banishment back to Sweden.
In other situations, I might agree with that assessment, but not in this case. I believe Mats understands the position Cliff Fletcher was put in in asking him to waive. Mats knew that it was about the future of the Leafs, with Mats just taking one for the team, as usual. Sundin wasn't unwanted or unneeded, he was just needed in another way.

Make sure you read Norte's take below. I owe him this week because he's really saved the blog's ass by posting his off. Norte - unlike the other two posters on HS/HS, Moose and What's-His-Name - actually understands what team is the one that stirs the drink around here, if you get my drift. I know that everyone reading just can't wait for Moose's newest post, "Patrick Thoresen Picked Up On Waivers By Flyers! What This Means To Jared Stoll!" I know I certainly ZZ-ZZZ-zzzz

Props also to Norte in the below post for finding that picture of His Worship, The Mayor of Ottawa. The Mayor graciously modeling his idea for the new Senators jersey. People, I PROMISE YOU, that design is being considered.

EXTRY EXTRY...READ ALL ABOUT IT: Mats Sundin staying put. City mourns yet feels slightly relieved.

Be careful what you don't really wish for or not that would or wouldnt be really good to happen or not happen.

It’s funny how this doesn’t feel like what it is…which is basically doomsday. I know what you are thinking….its not doomsday, I would then say it is and you would say its not and I would say it is again and all we would need after that would be the parrot and we’re Monty Python. It’s doomsday because Mats Sundin will not re-sign next year...and we wont get that Edmonton pick.

The vilification of Mats Sundin will begin. Some people, bandwagon jumping Leaf fans and undoubtedly fans from otwa, (see below), will use the phrase the Maple Laughs, which is always good quality material. Their blogs and message boards (hope you read French) will be filled with lots of LOLs, LMFAO’s. That will undoubtedly be followed by bon-mots where they’ll refer to Mats as a retard.
(This next part I would ask you to use an English accent) To those bastards I say your repeated attempts at defamation and slanderous vitriol are about as scurrilous as your malignant vituperation.

And your women have fat legs.

It’s not up to Mats to correct the wrongs done our team, his team, at the hands of JFJ or MLSE…quite frankly I don’t give a care which acronym to be mad at at this point. A bad contract is a bad contract….and Mats didn’t have to trade his heart for any of them. And that’s what it came down too. Hey people…when its in the blood, its in the blood.
I can only hope that when Mats next steps onto the ice at ACC that he get the kind of applause that he deserves. On most nights he’s been our only highlight reel. And has played his heart out, that same heart, for us, game in/game out as long as I care to remember. And he even asks, and he’s asking us people, you and me, ‘hope you guys understand?’ I for one do Mats. Am I fucking sick to the stomach about it? yes. But I have one thing to say to Mats: That’ll do pig, that'll do.

But, you know what, who's next?