Thursday, November 13

Jason Blake Finds Religion: Converts to Wilsonism

"Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child" is an old proverb which suggests that the only way to get someone small in stature to do what you want, is to give them a firm but loving lesson in discipline. After all, it's for their own good. This oft used maxim sounds great in theory, but always seems to boil down to some over-weight, over-young, over-kidded woman wailing on her 4 year old in public because he was playing with the bread at the Safeway. Usually...

Ron "Cruella De Vil" Wilson tried out that very notion on someone small in stature this week, when he got out the belt and beat Jason Blake back to Moorhead, Minn. for playing with the very same bread. Or actually, for not playing with enough of it.

For some incredible reason, the term "Healthy Scratch" just kind of gets under your skin when you're a former all-star 1.25 seasons out from a 40 goal year for a rotten team, and doesn't Wilson know it. Similar to what he did with M. Stajan, when he basically told him to fuck off and die on the 4th line (or worse), Wilson did just what he always said he would: He'd hold his players accountable for their play, and those who play well would get rewarded. Those who don't, he hands a parasol and a little sign with "YIKES!" written on it, and kicks them over a cliff.

Wilson walks it after he talks it, and aren't we glad for it? Paul Maurice is great at a lot of things as a coach, but kicking fat asses is not one of them. The ridiculous Leaf tenure of future Finnish League star Kyle Wellwood speaks to that. One of the reasons Wilson is getting so much out of this team is because he absolutely insists that you listen to the icy tough-love that comes from his lump-of-coal heart, or, to push the metaphor even further, from a Gibson ES-335

Thursday's game at The wait...the...yes, The ACC against Edmonton was the very first time in a Leafs uniform I saw the Jason Blake whom I hated when he was with the Islanders: a mean little prick who I'd pray my beloved Darcy would kick the living Jesus Christ out of. I wanted that because he was dangerous every game the Leafs played against him, and because his absolute lack of melanin gave me an easy go-to physical trait which I deemed he must be punished for. Thursday, he drove the Oilers nuts while they ran all over the ice trying to get him to snap. Snap he did, snapping two-points into the boxscore, pausing only once to try and cripple Lubo Visnovsky.

All this coming in the middle of another hard working, everyone-producing, Leafs effort. A commonplace sorely lacking in Toronto teams of the recent past. As the Leafs build toward the future, this is exactly the kind of identity you need once you re-enter the rarefied air of the Stanley Cup playoffs.


general borschevsky said...

The picture is hilarious and seriously creepy.

"Yikes!" is right. Cheers, Greener!

Chemmy said...

Yelling at Moose to get you to post worked!


Jennifer Hammer said...

1. Picture is the best evarrrr

2. YAY new HS/HS post! Now, when's the next podcast?

3. I didn't play as close attention to the game as I intended, apparently my profile picture (here and stalkerbook) is an invitation that says "yes, I'll have internet sex with you" or something so I was a bit distracted. I did however see the interview with Tomas Kaberle and I may or may not have licked the tv.

Connie said...

Why would anyone try to hurt Little Lubo? He was just stopping to smell the roses and Blake took out his knee! *sniff sniff*

The picture is... honestly... really creepy... like Greener.

Greener said...

I wouldn't say I'm creepy, really...(licks TV)..."Hell-ooooo Ladies!"

Jennifer Hammer said...

wait, are you saying licking the tv is creepy? shit.

Norte said...

It rubs the lotion on it's skin otherwise it gets the hose again.

Navin Vaswani (@eyebleaf) said...

Great post, Greener. It's always nice of you to drop in and humble us with your wisdom.

That was a great game by Blake. I was actually pleased that he tried to cripple Visnovsky. Stupid penalty, sure, but that's the type of game I need this guy to be playing.

I heart Blake. Got a lot of time for him. I think he's had a rough go of it in Toronto and if we can rally behind him, perhaps he can contribute more on what is, right now, a winning team.

And Wilson. What a coach. You're bang on: he walks the walk, and talks the talk. He's changed the attitude of this team quickly, and it was no short order.

And I always love a post that ends with Stanley Cup PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!1

Moose said...

Uh, okay...I was over it until I read me some bullshit like this.

After graciously, albeit against my better judgement, inviting Greener to watch the game in my living room, I get this shit?

12:30pm, game day...

Greener: "Hey buddy, you wanna watch the game tonight?"

Moose: "No, because we are going to lose tonight, and I don't want to watch or listen to you celebrate in my house."

Greener: "I'm not like that."

Cue Kaberle scoring on the PP and suddenly there's a Carlton Street Cup parade going through my fucking living room. Repeat 5 times. You god damn jackal.

Jason Blake? Really? This is a fucking Masterton Trophy winner for sportsmanship and dedication to the game of hockey? Wah, wah...I have cancer...I play in Toronto...give me a trohpy. Gutless, midget, bitch. Typical Napoleonic cunt, running around playing "tough" (see: dirty) to compensate for gaping hole in your chest cavity. Congratualtions on earning $3.46 of that $16 million dollar contract. Being as how you you've been feeling sorry for yourself for two years, I'd say get used to those press box Nachos, you albino fuck.
Midway through the second period...

Greener: "Hey, will you buy more ketchup for me."

Moose: "What? Shut up."

Greener: "No seriously. So you have some when I come here."

Greener, apparently taking a page out Howard Berger's Encyclopedia of Shitty Journalism, fails to mention that the Oilers actually did ANYTHING BUT chase Jason Blake around all night, because if they had, they would have A) made me happy, B) taken his t-cell count anally, and C) sent him home in a pine box. But the Oilers had no balls last night. Maybe Greener was referring to Blake getting laid out by Ales Hemsky in the first period.

And submarining a guy who's going to the bench on a change? That's a true Leaf to be proud of. Nobody is more deserving of wearing that symbol of hubris and failure than Jason Blake. Straight out of the Chris Neil, Matt Cooke school of "grit" and "leadership". Jason Blake is gonna look great in an Ottawa Senators uniform.

The better team on the night won. Seriously. Aside from the awful ref's, who even your beloved Joe Bowen was bitch slapping all night, the Leafs deserved it more on the whole. Although I particularly liked Strudwick getting a penalty because Ryan Hollweg high sticked himself in the face, and maybe the worst non-offside call of all-time leading to the game winning goal. Of course Greener and Greg Millen were the only two humans alive to not see those.

On the plus side, at least you didn't drink all my juice this time. Wait, what?

See, now I have nothing left for the podcast. See you in 2009.

Moose said...


Stop fucking fellating Greener, or you're going to bed without dinner.

You're happy?!?!? Blake didn't even get a penalty for that shit on Visnovsky!

You fuckers just assured the hockey gods will be taking Mikhail Grabovsky from you via some good old-fashioned Jarkko Ruutu knee-on-knee action. Congratulations.

Greener said...



Connie said...

Jesus Christ, Moose. What cat got up your butthole? You're starting to sound like Greener! And, really, that's a shame.

Greener said...

Yes, Moose, but did you like the picture I made?

Moose said...

Jason Blake crawled up my butthole...god knows that half-man is small enough.

Greener said...

And Connie, don't compliment him like that.

Also: Blake did get a penalty on the Lubo hit.

Connie said...

Jason Blake crawled up my butthole...god knows that half-man is small enough.

.... *shudder* ......

Navin Vaswani (@eyebleaf) said...

LOL. Moose, how you doin honey?

That's the Jason Blake we signed. The one who can drive a man like Moose completely over the edge like that.

I can understand Moose's frustration. Our rebuilding and "Tank for Tavares" Leafs have more points than the Oil. That's got to be rough.

I ain't mad at ya Moose.

Times are a tough, with the depression and all.

Go Leafs Go.

wrap around curl said...

Whoa, so like I was reading the post. Then getting ready to comment, then I read Moose's novella. And totally forgot my witty joke I was going to leave.

Dammit Moose!

Chemmy said...

I'm glad Moose didn't read my post about him yesterday wow.

Moose said...

ok...i'll bite. be right back.

Moose said...

LOL...oh, well played. Thank you, at least, for trumpeting my prescience.

Also the "downtown Edmonton" caption? Hilarious. Especially since your home town would fit inside the West Edmonton Mall.

Chemmy said...

1.18 million people live in the Hartford metro area.

1.08 million people live in the Edmonton metro area.

Just a heads up.

Moose said... long as you're gonna quote Wikipedia statistics:

City of Hartford pop: 124k

City of Edmonton pop: 752k

Just a heads up.