Stupid Is As Stupid Does

The First Quarter Report Card


This has been a unique year for me personally. Entering the season, I had no expectations for the Oilers. I knew we were going to be a mediocre hockey team and therefore, I've been able to watch each game with a relatively low level of anxiety and keep my insane screaming at the television to a minimum. I've just wanted to see the team make strides and improve. It's the first time in my 27+ years as an Oiler fan that I've been able to say/do that.

That being said, I lost my shit on Saturday night. As I was telling Wash the other day, there are generally 6 or 7 games each year that make me never want to watch the Oilers again. Needless to say, Saturday was one of those games. In addition to doing a really good imitation of the Toronto Maple Leafs for the first 40 minutes, the Oilers have become a stupid hockey team. There were several times when guys were beaten to loose pucks, not because they were slower or in bad position, but because they simply didn't know if they were supposed to go and get it. Before you start with the "fire MacT" bullshit, it's NOT coaching, it's confidence. These were simple reads that guys have made thousands of times. They wouldn't be in the NHL if they hadn't. When you're playing like shit, you forget how to play. Simple as.

But I digress - back to the bigger picture. At the 20 game mark the Oilers stand at 7-12-1, and you can't tell me that Ethan Moreau wouldn't have made the difference in a couple of those lifeless efforts. They could very easily be 10-10 or 9-11, and in the thick of the playoff race. I don't use injuries as an excuse when it comes to wins and losses, but when it comes to rationally analyzing a hockey club as a whole, it makes no sense to pass judgement using a bunch of incomplete data. This is how the Oil grade out in my eyes:

Goalers

Roloson: (C) Hasn't found any consistency and has been fighting the puck lately. People who are calling for a trade based on Garon's play of late should look at Bryzgalov's situation. If the Ducks couldn't get a conditional pick for a guy making $1.3m ahead of UFA status, how are the Oilers gonna find a taker for a guy with another year at $3.6m? Rollie's game is about control and making the first save, it's hard to do that when Denis Grebeshkov is tossing hand grenades in your crease a few times per period. Having a 38-year-old goalie on a rebuilding team isn't ideal, but he'll likely be an Oiler until the 2009 trade deadline.

Garon: (B+) Great signing by Lowe, he's delivered what everyone hoped he would. Been spectacular of late; just needs to maintain some consistency.

Deslauriers: (A+) Has any Oiler done his job more ably and completely? Was awesome working the bench door in Vancouver.


Defencemen

Pitkanen: (B-) Question - when you're a millionaire, shouldn't your stick rep be able to get you the proper size hockey stick? When the Oilers played the Flyers in the second game of the year, I heard the Flyers TV announcers talk about how Pitkanen plays with a stick that's waaaay too short for him because he can't find a longer one with the proper flex. I mean look at it, it's really short. Apparently it really hinders his play, and last year Flyers management was not pleased. As an Oiler he started slow, but I thought he got better just before he got hurt. Still another week or two away from returning.

Staios: (B-) His usual solid self, nothing flashy. Does seem to have lost a half-step, meaning he and his 4yr/$10.8m contract is right on schedule to become a financial liability in another year or two.

Souray: (C+) For the short time he was healthy, he seemed to master his role as the highest paid decoy in the NHL. Unfortunately his teammates kept fucking it up by constantly passing him the puck while opposing players were dry humping his leg.

Greene: (B) Seemed to turn the corner before his injury (ahem, ctrl+v). Valuable physical presence on the back-end.

Gilbert: (A) Best defender and even their best player on a few nights. Tommy Salo and a 6th rounder...Kevin Lowe sure is stupid.

Tarnstrom: (B) During the streak of games when Grebeshkov was playing 28 minutes a night, I never quite saw what MacT saw, blaming every goal against on Tarnstrom. He's been great the last week or two, stepping up physically when that's clearly not his game. Calming influence; has moved the puck well.

Smid: (B-) Still makes the odd youthful mistake (see: pass up the middle), but has been great at skating the puck out of pressure in his zone; has a bit of mean streak too.

Roy: (F)














Grebeshkov: (F) Doesn't play well with others.

Rourke and Young (C+) I like that they're not named Denis Grebeshkov.


Forwards

Torres: (B-) I predicted he would score 25-30 this year. He's got 3. He's streaky enough that he could still do it, but on a team starved for goals, it would be nice if he got started...like tomorrow against Vancouver. He has been more consistent with his effort this year, but could still get on the body a bit more.

Penner: (C+) At 6'4", and 245 pounds, I see the size. I can see the soft hands, and, as he gets better conditioned, I can see the skating. The package is there. But every time I see him bearing down on a defender in the corner, I'm like, "Awww yeah, run 'em Dusty!!!" And then...

Of course being the 'new guy' on the team, I'm sure he was just trying to fit in with the rest of these no-hitters. Suffice to say he needs to do more.

Sanderson: (C-) Been too quiet for one of the few healthy veterans in the lineup. Decent on the penalty kill, but has provided little 5-on-5. Makes $1.5m and is a UFA next year; will have some value at the trade deadline as a depth player for a playoff team.

Moreau: (Who the fuck knows) Expected to announce his retirement next week.

Stoll: (C+) I don't think he's been bad, he just hasn't DONE much. Got a couple goals against the Wild, and seems to be rounding into form a bit. Will get the shutdown job against the Sedin's tomorrow night. Perhaps focusing on defence will simplify things and help get his offence going.

Stortini: (C) If his skating didn't look like a man wading through a pool of peanut butter, he would be just what the doctor ordered to address the lack of physical play and team toughness. Still MacT seems to like him, but I imagine that's due to lack of options.

Cogliano: (B-) Going to be a very good player once he learns how to use his speed more effectively. The skill and awareness is there. Has started to look more like a rookie of late, taking a few bad penalties and turning the puck over, but that's part of the process.

Gagner: (B) Fantastic vision and poise with the puck, he usually makes something happen when he has it. Skating is decent enough, but needs to get bigger and stronger - as most 18-year-old boys in the NHL do. He's replaced Raffi as my girlfriends favorite Oiler (she's nicknamed him "Yummy"). I must say, his signature shoot-out move is quite tasty. As bad as he makes a Conn Smythe winning goalie look in the first clip, watch the goalie and listen to the crowd in the second one. Sick.

Reasoner: (C) Hard guy to rate, he does a little bit of everything and he's a great locker room guy. UFA next year and another one who's likely to be dealt at the deadline.

Hemsky: (B+) For all the talk in the off-season about getting a guy that could throw the puck around with Ales, I'm surprised they haven't tried him with Nilsson yet (that may happen against Vancouver tomorrow night). Most of the offense still flows through him and that's not a good thing. The lack of finishers on this club has actually caused him to start shooting the puck. THAT'S how desperate we are.

Nilsson: (C+) Exceptional talent, but every time I sing his praises he lays an egg. As with most young skill guys, he has to learn to take what the defence gives him. For example: dumping the puck in on occasion. You suck Ro-bear! (That should be good for 2 goals tomorrow).

Brodziak: (B-) He's going to have a NHL career doing exactly what he's doing. Killing penalties, responsible third line play, and chipping in the odd goal. Not much to knock.


Horcoff: (A-) Don't know what more he can do. He wins faceoffs, he's good defensively, and he puts up points, yet people knock him because he's not pretty doing it. Would you say this guy isn't pretty?! At least 75% of NHL play-by-play announcers still call him HORCROFT.

Jacques: (D-) Apparently he's the greatest AHL player of all-time.

Schremp, Pouliot, and Pisani: One of these guys will play in the NHL again this year. Hint: It's the guy with Ulcerative Colitis.


Management

MacTavish: (C+) I think the guy is a really good coach, but this team - the way it's constructed - is not his cup of tea. He's been very patient and stayed positive with a young team that's been killed by injuries, and that's a credit to him. The guy is a good teacher, and thinks the game very well. The power play is ridiculous - it doesn't work because good power plays have SKILL. Why he hasn't thrown Gagner, Nilsson and Hemsky out there together is a mystery to me. Is it going to get worse? Overall, he and Lowe are hard to judge without a healthy team to assess.

Lowe: (B-) I think the team on paper has the elements to be competitive, but we haven't been able to see it on the ice yet. I actually heard him use the 'R' word today in an interview, which was nice. I think most fans knew we were rebuilding, they just wanted to hear him say it. There's a good core to build around, the difficult part is getting the high-end pieces to put the team back into the Cup hunt. It's hard to acquire those types of players when you don't have a lot of NHL-calibre players to give up in a trade, and your prospects haven't developed as expected. The Oilers do have some nice veterans that other teams will want, so when the team falls out of the race, it will be interesting to see who stays and who goes at the deadline.

Great. Leave it to Me to Call for Sanity. Again.

Yesterday Moose sent Norte and I an email, and using threatening language, demanded that one of us write a Bryan McCabe or Jiri Tlusty joke. So here goes:

Q: What do you get when Bryan McCabe chucks it across the middle in 3 x 3 overtime instead of passing it downlow to Sundin where a goal could possibly be scored?

A: Jiri Tlusty took some nudies.

Look, McCabe had his head down and didn't make the best decision of his life, no question. But I can count a dozen times where he's won it for the Leafs in overtime, like last spring when he sent a bomb in against the Flyers to keep the Leafs in the playoff hunt. So seriously, give him a break. He's not Steve Smith for Christs sake.

I'm not sure why Antropov was even out there in the first place. I'm a fan of his - a big one, but why him? Why not Wellwood? He only scored twice that night, and was obviously feeling it. Why not Blake who is suffering from the biggest case of Due-itis I've ever seen. Who knows, maybe Blake would have caught up to Komisarek? Who knows. As Komisarek was going in on the longest breakaway in history, I thought, "This is Raycroft's season right here". Can you imagine if he'd saved it? Love, sweet love. The complexion of his Leaf tenure could have swung right there and then. Komisarek had his head down the whole way, and because of that, Raycroft knew he was going 5 hole. Unfortunately Andrew didn't have his blade down flush on the ice, and the puck caught his stick's angle and jumped through. Raycroft was shocked it went in.

Not that I'm blaming him or anyone for the loss. Raycroft had a great game, and made some real saves on a surprising (for now) Montreal team. He's earned another start, so I think we'll see him against Boston. As for Carey Price. OK, I'm sold. The new goalie for the Los Angeles Kings will be Jan Halak. Jan, I'm sure you're a terrific guy, but please put a sign up in front of your place in Val d'Ors or wherever you live, because you are moving to beautiful Marina Del Ray. Price is really good (for now). All that needs to happen is the kid wins the Vezina, Bob Gainey gives him all the money in Canada, and he doesn't make another save for them. But until then, he is fucking good.

Jiri Tlusty. I can hear everyone in Toronto screaming from here. Why don't you all just shut up. Wow! A 19 year old kid a million miles from home did something stupid that he didn't want the world to see! Incredible! 10 minutes ago, I was running around my house playing air guitar with a tennis racket, but I was just (a tiny, tiny) bit too mature to film it and put in on Youtube. That's the only difference. And oooh, he touched tongues with another guy! Big deal! I'm sure somewhere there's a picture of Washingtron with his dick in a jar of peanut butter which his Edmonton friends should send to me, but still, Jesus Christ! Taking pictures and sending them to EVERYONE is what teenagers do. Doing dumb, ill-advised shit is what being a teenager is all about. REMEMBER?? Really, the biggest mistake he made was doing this as a hockey player in Canada, let alone Toronto. Unfortunately he's not in Tennessee where guys are shooting under performing dogs in the woods to steal the headlines from him.

The kid is a really good hockey player, and from what I hear, a good person. And HE'S OURS! He is a Toronto Maple Leaf! Let's not force him to regret the moment his name was called he pulled on the most beautiful sweater in the world, alright?

GDCSer

Let me start by saying that I don’t condone violence and that I am far more lover than fighter. Let me also say that, in hockey terms, I respect the shit disturber. I grew up watching Essa Tikkanen bother the shit out of people while Gretz danced around them. I understand its role and that there are just some players whose value can’t be judged solely by their stats. Arguably Darcy Tucker is or has been the same type of player. That hunk of dung Sean Avery falls into that category too. But Darcy Tucker and Sean Avery are as different as apples and onions.

I don’t know if you saw the pre-game skate. But that fuckface Avery clearly did say something to Blake. Tell him he’s ugly, that his wife has big thighs, that he takes a thousand shots but can’t find the net. Say something about what he is going through and you officially enter flushable territory. I don’t know what he said, and quite frankly, I don’t really want to know. The look on Tucker’s face and the immediacy of his actions tell me everything I need to know. (As much about what was said as Tucker himself) You say some shit to my teammate about what he is going through, when that thing he is going through is fucking leukemia, and I would have my stick at jugular slicing level too. Quite frankly every player, Leaf or otherwise, should have beaten the shit out of him.

I am a team player and would come to the defense of my teammate every time, no matter what, even if it was that stump Avery. But I would know he deserved his teeth knocked in. I dislike him so much that it softens my loathing of the team from ottawa.
As Darcy said between periods, it’ll never be over between them. Instigator rule or not, somebody, everybody kick the shit out that bitch.

Stay tuned cos in my next post, I'll tell you how I really feel.

PART TWO

Forgive me for not uploading part two after Friday’s game but sometimes shit happens that gets in the way. And yes I know it’s now Tuesday. But hey…piss off.

Urgency. That’s what I have always said I missed in Raycroft’s game. Urgency. If I had an organ I would play dun dun dun. Cue dramatic music. I wouldn’t say that he stole the game on Friday but he played ‘urgent’ (Foreigner) and won the game. When you get slotted in every third of fourth game…it behooves you to play well. A shut-out is more than we can hope for. I don’t think this is the start of a goalie controversy but another good turn in the, ‘hey, lets be a great tandem team of goalies and each win games’. Goalies are a funny lot but all they want to do is win. Raycroft showed me that he is a team guy and that when he is called on, he’ll deliver. And what a save on Paetsch with a minute to go. Blocker saves look and sound as awesome as they are.

Now of course that delivery depends on the rest of the team playing their roles too. What I saw was terrific defensive zone coverage, great line changes. And anytime I see a team blocking shots….I know something is working in the dressing room. Gritty wins are good team wins. And McCabe with his second game winning goal while playing the Sabres...sure goes far in redeeming himself in my books.

Halcyon Days

Greener, Greener, Norte, Norte, Wash, MOOSE?!

Ooooo, but he's back! He's the man behind the mask! And he's out of control, He's back!
The man behind the mask! And he crawled out of his hole!

Now just there, was I:

• a) Talking about Moose writing on this blog again

OR

• b) Stealing Alice Cooper lyrics from his theme song to Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

If you circled either of those two, please pick up your purple Participant ribbon from Mrs. Skell because you're correct!

Yes, he is back, although in my Moose version of the song, it says the man who should wear a mask...like while out shopping or in a school zone. He's back with us again! Yay! A man who takes orders from a guy called Tony has decided to pleasure us once again by giving us the hairy palmed reach-around he calls his writing.

Just a note on whatever his new post will be: Whatever is funny in it, he took from me. I spent time with Moose this afternoon and made him laugh from about 3:10 till about 8:45. We talked about the blog and I used a little thing I call wit to tell him what should be in his next post. He admitted as such when we (finally) parted.

N.B.: If you don't see at least 10-12 little stars (*) after his jokes, leading you to an elaborate footnotes section at the bottom listing me as the one and true author of the joke, please know that I will run Moose into the boards from behind at our next game, in spite of the fact that he's the #1 defenseman on the team I share with him and actually makes 10-12 huge plays for us per game giving us a chance to win every night. But still. That plagiarizing asshole's going down!

~~~~

That aside let's talk about something I actually care about. The Toronto Maple Leafs. I pay attention to the details of the game, and while some observers would pay special mind to the fact the the Leafs lose at ACC, straight up, on Saturday I had a different obsession: Steve Valiquette. Seen here as an Islander thanking someone for something I'm sure is boring that apparently changed his life, I knew there was Leaf trouble afoot when it was made ABUNDANTLY clear by the good people at HNIC that Steve Valiquette is in fact from Toronto. That was bad news because as any observant Leafs fan will tell you, judging by the fact that 96% of t players in the NHL are from the GTO if not Southern Ontario, those players LOVE to come in to our building and play their goddamn little hearts out in front of Mum, Dad, and Uncle Thomas, all of whom took the subway to get to the game.

As just one example, Toronto boy Kevin Weekes. A goalie who's had a 10 year NHL career playing for 7 NHL teams, played a game at the ACC in 2004 when he was with the Hurricanes, and stood on his head shutting us out 2-0. Kevin Weekes just isn't up for that, anywhere, at any time. Let alone there and then.

Valiquette, a guy who played literally 1 game for the Oilers in 03-04, playing 13 minutes for a 9.23 GAA and a .714 save percentage, played well enough in front of said relatives to get the Rangers to the shootout, where apparently hitting the net with a shot is important in order to score the goal in order to win the game. Who knew?

Also, was there not ONE Leaf parent or relative or pet in the stands for HNIC to interview/show on camera/do a special package on? Not one? I endured numerous in-game visits with Valiquette's parents, Brendan Shanahan's mother (who I had to sit and watch celebrate as her Toronto born kid scored), and the piece de resistance, clearly the worst parents in Canada, Sean Avery's. At Least on LeafsTV we usually get the very comforting shot of Worlds Greatest Grampa Johnny Bower smiling his sweet, benevolent smile, or at worst a shot of Doug Gilmour wearing his leather jacket.
Can I get a shot of Matt Stajan's Aunt? Can I get a shot of the guys from Colaiacovo's Trattoria? Can I get a what-what?

Finally just some in-game notes. Jiri Tlusty started on the second line last night. Fantastic for him. Considering he was playing in the Soo last year, sticking with the team this long and being tested on the second line suggests that the Leafs have made a great pick, and we have ourselves a hockey player. He's not looked out of place or been embarrased that I've seen, so, brilliant.
Pavel Kubina hurt his MCL, so that means the dinner bell is ringing for Anton Stralman. Maybe Kubina's injury isn't too bad. It's a shame because he's played by far his best hockey as a Leaf, scoring 11 points in 18 games. Lost in all the Stralman speak has been Steffan Kronwall who I don't hear about or see mention of as much since young Anton came around. Jay Harrison may get a sniff too, although I don't know why as the Leafs are playing Andy Wozniewski, and Woz is basically the same as Harrison minus the toughness.

In closing I'd like to comment on one of the coolest fucking things I've ever fucking seen: Darcy Tucker's comments between periods about POS Sean Avery. Tucker is a dividing line with me, and that line breaks down like this: Darcy Tucker is a fucking Warrior and a real teammate and if you agree with that then you are fucking brilliant and you can be a friend of mine, and if you don't, then you can go fuck yourself and move to Ottawa.
Below is the Coaches Corner piece they did on the Tucker/Avery incident with Tucker's comments at the end. Even Don Cherry, who in his video intro has his goddamn dog trying to bite the nuts off the cameraman shooting him, doesn't respect Avery. He says that Avery is what gives hockey a bad name, and he's right. Watch Tucker not put up with what's wrong in the game, and see why we are lucky to be hockey players.

Oil 4, Flames 2

Moose rallies troops with Messier-like guarantee.


What can I say, I'm a leader. I'm also a bit tired from backing-up ANOTHER win guarantee. This time in our beer league this afternoon, so this post is likely to be more boring than being Greener's accountant.

The Oil answered the bell again last night, with arguably their best effort of the year. Some execution might have been lacking, but they were full of try. Quick thoughts:

Garon: Ate the puck up all night and tossed in 3 or 4 felonies to boot. I would go back with him in Vancouver.

Horcoff: People who criticize this guy are mental. He's been a fantastic player on some good Oiler teams, but on a very mediocre team he's indispensable. Players should be measured by how many things they do to help their team win games. Horcoff does arguably more things than any player on this team. If you're expecting #1 center numbers you're missing the bigger picture.

Tarnstrom: Great stick position all night, was physical when he needed to be, and got the puck to the net for both of Horcoff's goals. Should be benched in Vancouver.

Nilsson: At the beginning of the year I said that the Ro-Bear would be one of the keys to the Oilers success this season. If you've watched the last couple games you understand why. The guy was electric last night, and when he's going the Oilers have two dangerous lines. He was a threat every time he touched the puck, scored a PP goal, set-up countless chances, and was even in good spots defensively. I honestly think he's a better passer than Hemsky. Hopefully the growing pains are over.

Grebeshkov: Holy shit. Brought his usual bag of tricks - fanned passes, defensive zone giveaways, bad pinches and sketchy decisions. But this time MacT was actually watching! I guess the trade showcase is over then? Rats, there goes Marian Hossa...

Gagner: If the only thing the kid does this year is score every Battle of Alberta, that'll do me.

Rourke: Thought he looked pretty good. Made quick decisions with the puck, sound defensively, and won a scrap with Nystrom. Looks like a serviceable 3rd pairing guy until some injuries clear up.

Lastly, I just want to go back to what I said about Pierre McGuire yesterday. A fine journalist by the name of Howard Berger, in his column today, had this to say about McGuire:

"Though Maguire knows the game inside and out -- and is the most famous hockey media personality not named Don Cherry -- he occasionally stops short of calling out NHL executives, many of whom he's befriended (or worked with) over the years."

Hmmm, interesting. I would probably substitute the word occasionally for never, but that would be splitting hairs. According to TSN's website bio:

Not one to sugarcoat anything, Pierre McGuire "tells it like it is" as the colour commentator for TSN's national NHL broadcasts.

I'm challenging McGuire to come on this blog and "tell it like it is". I guarantee he won't.

Lazarus

I'm back and I have a lot to say.

The last time I posted I think Jason Blake still had cancer! Crazy. Nevertheless, I'm back to restore a little credibility to He Score, He Shoot. You know, the kind of journalism you just can't get from a Youtube video of someone vomiting into a toilet. Just pretend you've been in a Thorazine-induced coma for a month and this will be a great read!

I'll start with the non-Oiler items:

Mats-urbation

A while back, Greener asked me to post a little something about Mats Sundin. I assume it's because every time HE starts to write about Mats his hands gravitate away from the keyboard towards the lotion and tissue. So here is my belated tribute/congrats to Sundin on passing Darryl Sittler as the Leafs all-time leading scorer.

Sundin is a hard guy not to like, and, if he ever got traded, I would root for him. When he first arrived in Toronto he had to endure a lot of shit from the fans and the media. He was accused of being soft because he wore a visor and wasn't from Kelvington, Saskatchewan. Plus, when God created the Maple Leafs he did so under the condition that the Leafs never have a European as Captain of 'Canada's Team' (Cherry 3:16). It was especially tough following in the footsteps of Wendel Clark and Doug Gilmour, great leaders who both led the Leafs to the Stanleyjackshit.

Sundin has gone about his business, conducted himself with class, played hurt, put up numbers, and has come out the other side with deserved respect. He's a future Hall of Famer, the first Euro to be drafted 1st overall, a PPG player for his career, and do you know what player not named Gretzky or Lemieux has the NHL's longest consecutive point scoring streak? That's right, Jaroslav Pouzar...okay, it's actually Sundin (30 games) but do you know what player once scored 42 goals in 43 games for Motor Ceske Budejovice? Damn right you do.

Many years ago, I was watching a Leafs game with a friend, and Sundin scored a goal. I remember his huge smile, and making a remark about how happy-go-lucky he is when he or his team scores. He just has this look on his face that says, "Hey boys! We're playing hockey for a living!" He still has that look today and I love that about him. That will always be my lasting memory of Mats Sundin. Geez, I almost went for the lotion there myself...

Chicken Salad

Pierre Maguire is a chicken shit. Apart from just being insane, he's another in a long line of media members who won't criticize anyone for fear of "losing access". After the firing of Bob Hartley, I was watching a Thrashers game and Maguire went out of his way to acquit GM Don Waddell of any guilt in murdering Atlanta's depth chart. According to The Monster, blame lies with ownership. Yes, because I'm sure the faceless media conglomerate that owns the Thrashers told Waddell to gut his already mediocre prospect pool to get playoff warriors like Keith Tkachuk and Alexei Zhitnik.

To the Oilers...

Fight Club

Shouldn't the first rule be "Learn how to fucking fight?". I'm officially against fighting in the NHL. Not for any moral reasons or concern for the games' image, but because the Oilers suck at it. First Moreau, and then Souray pops his shoulder out in a skirmish. That's roughly 100 games lost to two pretty important players. MacT can go on about being 'team tough,' but when you have an enforcer your other players don't have to do that shit. Remember the furor over Derek Boogaard's Fight Camp for kids? Maybe Kevin Lowe can get an intra-division discount and send the Oilers there next Summer. At least this way when Boogaard destroys Ales Hemsky again, we can write it off as an educational experience.

Random...

- Matt Greene was playing the best hockey of his career before he went all 'Slim Jim' on his ankle. He was one of the few sources of physical play in the lineup, which makes his loss that much tougher.

- I was anxious to see how the Oilers were going to play in Colorado on Wednesday coming off the impassioned meeting MacT held with his players in practice. I was sensing the possibility that this team might be ready to quit on him, but they answered the bell and played a strong, high energy game. That being said, they blew a third period lead and only got one point. It's easy to muster up the effort immediately after a coach challenges you, but can they sustain it? Tonight against Calgary, a team that has also lost four straight, should be a good test.

- Denis Grebeshkov had another howler against Colorado on Wednesday night. Apparently it's still Dick Tarnstrom's fault. I expect Grebs to play his usual 34 minutes tonight.

- The lack of true finishers on this team was very apparent in Colorado. The Oilers had tons of good chances to make it 4-2, but couldn't finish and ultimately got caught at 3-3.

- Ryan Smyth is a world-class cheater. The guy commits a stick infraction every single shift and rarely gets caught.

- Who's gonna shoot wide on a breakaway tonight? By my count we're at 4 for the year (Hemmer 3, Torres 1).

I guarantee a win against Calgary. If not, I promise never to post again.

PART ONE

PREFACE: Its Thursday night here. I’m thinking about the game on Friday and I wanted to write before the game (which would be right now) and then watch the game (on Friday) and then finish writing the piece after having watched the game (also on Friday)…does that make sense? Is this mike on?

Do you remember what you were doing November 25th 2006? Me either, truth be told I barely remember what I did yesterday, I think I ate lasagna, maybe not (shrugs) November 25th 2006 was the last time the Leafs had a full team without injuries. And before you start saying, “but every team gets injuries…” (I am looking at you Moose) I agree but I would challenge you to come up with a team that could lose players as pivotal to their team as Darcy Tucker: a leader as much off the ice as on. Kyle Wellwood? What I love about Wellwood is because he’s so creative he brings the possibility to the play. And yes even though he can sometimes pull off the Aki Berg look-a-like award I would take the booming shot and newly healed nutsack of Bryan McCabe…any day of the week. I have a feeling McCabe is going to have an amazing second act. I really think he’s really close to being an amazing defense-man.
Not to mention that the PK and PP are atrocious and we’re about to have 3/5ths of the number one unit back on the ice. Not to mention Mark Bell.
This is gut check time clearly. This game, tomorrow’s game (today when I upload this) these games. Someone recently said to me it’s time to fish or cut bait. The old shit or get off the pot time…whatever analogy you want to use, it’s right now. Cos if hey can’t win games with the team that they ice against the Sabres then something seriously stinks. Time to rethink some stuff.

Some stuff.

Tonight's Post Game Wrap-Up

LOOK

Redemption is big in my books. My thinking is that if you completely fuck up on a play…you have time to pull your shit together. Be professional and redeem yourself. Stop a breakaway without a penalty; score on the power play….shit….give it your all every shift. Never be a passenger. Be willing to throw your body in front of a Chris Pronger slapshot. Ask Doug Gilmour’s teeth, ask Mats Sundin’s youth, ask Borje Salming “Hej Borje , hur stå det till höft och rygg kännanden?” cos he’s Swedish.

Toronto sometimes plays like a team looking for redemption. Like a dog that shat on the carpet twenty minutes ago but now wants up on the couch. Toronto play like the look on that dog’s face. A drubbing like we suffered at the hands of the lowly Caps…granted Ovechkin is a sight to watch play. A bag skate for sure…then after…make them walk home.

When I hear Joe Bowen say that the Leafs are starting to scramble in their own zone. I know that the opposing team is about to score. I will admit that I feel a whole lot more confident with Toskala in the net. Toskala has that ability to steal a game which is something I never really saw in Raycroft. A goalie needs to steal a game. Like Brodeur did the other night in New Jersey. The Leafs deserved that win. They played really well. Its must have been disheartening to lose after checking them right into the ice and clogging up the middle like a thousand Dutch children.
Can anyone telling me when Martin Broduer changed his name officially to Future Hall of Famer Martin Brodeur?

And talking about redemption. Note to Mark Bell: welcome home buddy. You have a terrific opportunity for instant Leaf Nation love if you come out tomorrow against the team from ottawa and demolish them both mentally and physically. Cos I look at this guy and I see a young Gary Roberts. (Let me ask any Oilers fans who may be reading this. You would have seen Mark Bell play…I don’t think I ever did. What is he like? Top six?) All I know is that if I was 6 foot 4, 220 pounds born August 5, 1980 in St Pauls, Ontario then I would be beating the shit out of guys Gary Roberts-style on the regular.

I for one really like the way “Wellwood centering Mark Bell and Darcy Tucker” sounds that’s a legitimate third line. And one thing that is very important in the new NHL is a third line and that’s a good one. Creative, tough, gritty, mean, soft hands. That’s a happy ending every time
Two last things; is it just me or does Paul Maurice have on a different pair of glasses every time I see him? Secondly the less said about the knee the knee and the groin the better. (AKA Tucker (knee), Colaiacovo (knee) and McCabe (groin). It’s still a week or so before we will see McCabe’s groin back on the ice.


MARTIN BRODEUR

The Best Defence...

Alrighty, far be it from me to upstage my own article that I only just added in the wee hours of last night, but on dreary occasion inspiration hits me. Hits me harder than a Ukrainian/Inuit Tootoo train on the noonday express from Rankin Inlet. So while trying to compose a thought or two on the Oilers defensive injury woes I decided instead to offer this one up to the dear readers who are dearly reading this. Or who have apparently stopped reading this because Greener stopped sending us his "stats" on the "strangers" who were visiting our "site".

I am told that a team needs 6... wait... (pages shuffling)... yes, six defenceman to ice a team and yet the Oilers currently only have two. Staios and Smyd. I understand that there are another few pretenders to that throne one of whom wears 77 and shows some promise to be sure, the other a gold chain and tinted visor wearing rapist of the lowest order. So who else do the Oilers dress? It was in the contemplation of this that I determined the angle for this article. Which comedic defensive pairing would make for the best stopgap in our bruised and beaten defensive corps? I'll offer some options, and you can feel free to cast a vote or add your own in the comments section below (I'm looking at you JKiwi and Sexy Randall).

1st. Mary Lou Retton and Dr. Teeth

Rettons got the physical pedigree and what she lacks in size Dr. Teeth makes up in the all important feathers in caps attribute. The drawbacks? Retton is American and Dr. Teeth has an encylopaedic criminal record including everything from illegal street racing to the oft-forgotten providing an illegal shave to a minor.

2nd. The Friendly Giant and The Green Giant

Obviously they've got the size needed to clear the front of the net and they can move the puck up ice in a single stride if that. Other advantages include the Friendly Giant's ability to increase attendance for the Oil by adding a few more comfy chairs for one by the fire and of course Green's ability to prevent scurvy on those long road trips. The only trick here is that Friendly's evil minions, Giraffe and Rooster, insist on playing wing, which would cause some roster trouble.

3rd. Spiro Agnew and Christiane Amanpour

There is no reason to assume that a dead vice president and CNN's chief Persian international correspondent would know the least thing about hockey. Don't be ridiculous.

Well, waddya say readers? Read the next one down too cuz I wrote it and while I can't recall what it was I wrote, I bet it wasn't about the Leafs.

Also, I love you.

Wash

Ugh!

Dearest readers, I'd like to apologize for your having to read so much Toronto news. I mean booorrrrrrriiiiingg! I thought we were all under the agreement here at HSHS to not write unless our team was doing well. The way Greener and Norte are writing you'd think the Leafs weren't losing constantly. Well they are! How do I know? Because being an Oiler fan I am more than capable of sniffing out another basement dweller. I'm an expert at it! Without watching a single Leafs game I'm still preternaturally disposed to sensing their doomed season looming off into the distance forever and ever and ever. Its just a stank that your nose gets used to sniffing when you've been smelling your own team's rank ripeness for the past two years. So apologies to the hopes and dreams of Leafs fans but I see the smoke coming round the mountain on this one.


As there's no end to the horrors of the Oilers season to write about I'm gonna take it little steps at a time starting with the number one worst thing on the team ever, and no its not injuries...

Dennis Grebeshkov. I've not seen someone play this bad with a tinted visor and gold chain since.. well ever really. He's just horrifying and Moose and I are positive that there's a conspiracy here. Alright, I know we're missing Souray, Pitkanen, Greene and Roy, but that STILL doesn't excuse the fact that he's playing top defensive pair, 1st PP unit and 1st PK unit. I had the opportunity to watch him "play" when the Oil were in town playing the Kings (when Greene and Roy were still healthy) and holy mackarel, we thought Bergeron was a hand grenade with the pin pulled out, ole Grebby hasn't made the right read yet this season! He's been the responsible player on every heart breaking goal in the last 4 games and that's only since I've been keeping track. He holds the puck too long when he has to get it out of the zone or make the pass, and he passes it only when there's a 4 on 0 going the other way that he's able to set up. His positioning is terrible, he's not strong enough in the corners or in front of the net and that's on the few occasions he actually goes to those places. Watching Smid play 21 minutes a game, carrying the puck through the neutral zone and making the smart safe decisions with the puck, how does he get sent down and Grebs stay up? HOW!? How is he still getting the minutes and failing at every opportunity? Schremp, Pouliot, you guys have one bad shift, pack your bags! Enjoy Springfield! Grebby, why don't you give up the puck at the blue line on the PP and then cover the guy without the puck on the ensuing 2-1? Great job! Here's the C.

Next point, the Power Play. I have nothing more to say on this subject. Its baffling when I watch another team on a power play. It almost seems like they have some sort of numerical man advantage against the defending team. As opposed to the Oil. You know what, they actually gained the zone and held it a lot more in this last game against the Preds. The only chances did come from broken plays in the zone though, so maybe its one of those things where they all have to stop trying and they'll accidentally score? Jesus its embarassing.

Did anyone notice that the team completely folded after Hemmer didn't score in the third on yet another fifteen bell deke-o-rama? Maybe he's more of a leader on the team than I'd been giving him credit for. I knew it was going sour as soon as Ellis got a toe on that shot and somehow the whole team did too. So the real question is which one of us started it? I'm willing to take the blame on this one. Maybe because I stopped believing then the rest of the team followed suit. I am afterall Imaginary Honorary Captain of Oiler Jinxes. Assistant Captain goes to my buddy DJ Luigi who is able to counter a counter jinx thereby treble-jinxing the team, and from two whole time zones away. So he may have stopped starting not to un-believe when Hemmer missed the chance, causing the team to collapse like two people simultaneously dropping into comas. Co-lapse. Ugh!

Finally, I scored my first goal last sunday in our sad excuse for a beer league, and am looking forward to scoring two tomorrow. Moose had two goals and the assist on mine, plus an assist on one of Greener's two goals. The reason this is relevant to anyone reading this blog is that a team of people, the majority of whom hadn't played a year ago and are over 45 (read Greener and Moose) matched the entire goal output of the Oilers for this entire season in one game playing with what amounts to an indian red rubber ball that camouflages into the playing surface exactly while huffing and puffing LA's finest Malibu mansion smoke. Ugh. What's more exciting than my first goal? I delivered my first face wash (artists rendering at right) in a goalmouth imbroglio! Hooray! I'll probably write an entire article on that in the weeks to come. I've never been more proud. Of myself...

Ugh!

Wash.

a (home game) + b (lose by 6) = c (bag skate)

Paul Maurice bag skated The Leafs on Wednesday and if you don't know what it means to get bag skated, then clearly your boss has never tried to kill you. Reading a post about bag skating is as close as fatso's like you and me will ever get to having our lungs pulled out through our thighs in a freezer by a guy named Paul.

Coming off their latest ACC points-punt, The Leafs were punished the worst way known. No, not by having Washingtron show you and your girlfriend how well developed his quads are, but by repetitve, body-killing skating drills. There's a scene of it in the semi-true/everyone in it but the lead is Canadian movie, "Miracle". When Kurt Russell skates the players over and over saying "Again". That's what The Leafs did today, but with turns. And less plaid jackets.

Does bag skating work? Don't know. It could be seen as a team builder, like "Look what we went through! Wow, we made it! We're warriors!". It might be used as a preventative, like, "Hey let's actually try to win this game that we are playing instead of fucking around in front of our fans who've suffered enough, because if we don't, we might get bag skated!"

Here is some footage shot of the what The Leafs went through today at Ricoh Coliseum:



Tragically, right after this was filmed, Ivan Drago appeared and killed Rick Ley.

Lowlights of Lowlights

Well, Fuck. There's a game on my Tivo right now. Apparently the score of the game is: one team 7, the other team 1. One time when I was 10, I was wrestling with my Dad and he accidentally hit me in the balls. I cried for about 20 minutes. I wish I was as strong as that boy right now.

I Tivo'd the game while I was at work and looked forward to watching it all day, and why not? 2 game win streak...and a good two game win streak, not the bad kind. Wait, is there a bad kind of win streak? Whatever. Two great games played by a team finding itself after a rough start and some shitty injuries.

I didn't watch it right away, I got home and ate dinner first, not wanting to be distracted with petty things like basic human sustenance. Upon finishing, I began to get ready to have some fun. Leafs game. Yes! But seconds from starting, my phone rang and I had to take it so I went into my office. While on the phone I mindlessly clicked around on the internet. One of the clicks was a hockey news site I look at. The second it opened, this headline hit me in the eyeballs:

Caps cautiously optimistic after thrashing

My mind raced. Panic in my brain: What?! Who?! Thrashing?!

I realized that I had just read something about the Leaf game I was about to watch. Not wanting to ruin the game for myself, I of course read the first line of the article:

There's nothing like a 7-1 victory to turn a season around - at least, that's what the Washington Capitals are hoping.

At first I was pissed that I now knew even more about the game. My mind tried to take that piss and turn it into lemonade by reasoning that:

• a) The Capitals had gotten thrashed by the Leafs, yet were strangely optimistic about it.
• b) That the Capitals were going to take this unbelievable road beating as a positive, and were going to use that as the turning point for the season.

Christ, those Tony Robbins cassettes have really paid off for Glen Hanlon. He's such a ray of sunshine! He's the type of person you see on daytime talk shows saying that getting a terminal disease was the best thing that ever happened to them because now they see what life's all about! Wow, inspirational!

I went into the other room and told my girlfriend that I was pissed off because I knew the outcome of the Leaf game: that they'd murdered the Capitals 7-1. She thought I'd be happy. I wasn't. How many times do you get to see that many goals? Not many. There were lots of games I'd seen the opposite happen to the Leafs, and I had to be surprised live by every single one of them. But now? Thanks a lot asshole Universe!

An hour later I was over it and put the game on. A bad omen was presented to me when the wizards who run NHL Center Ice decided that the Leafs TV broadcast of the game would be too entertaining, insightful and professional to carry, so instead they play the local Washington Comcast Sportsnet broadcast. Oh yay, that means I get to watch a pre-game package about Steve Eminger! Did you know that his game day meal is chicken and pasta, and that his favorite color is brown?!

The puck drops and I wait for the Leafs to begin padding their stats the action to start. The Capitals score first on a Leafs give away up the middle to the slot that would shame someone in MY league, and the Caps instantly put it behind Vesa Toskala. Alright, no problem. The article said 7-1, that's their 1. Now, on to the 7!
31 seconds later Jason Blake and the King of Kings Mats Sundin get together and allow Ponikarovsky to score. Nice. Fists pumped, I am digging it! Jesus, 6 more of this feeling? Who am I, Johnny Depp? I laugh at Olaf Kolzig and command him to take his 43 year old ass back to New Zealand or wherever the fuck he's from. This is the ACC, Kolzilla, it's going to be a long ni oh no the Caps just scored again.

I instantly realize what has happened. I press pause, and go into my office. I click on the link again and read the rest of the first paragraph:

"...we've played like that for the past four or five games," said Capitals coach Glen Hanlon after his team dominated the Maple Leafs 7-1 in Toronto on Monday night. "But the pucks just weren't going in."

Oh. Oh I see. It was the Leafs who...who uh, got thrashed. By the Washington Capitals. Right, right. I understand now. The Universe has taught me an important lesson. I feel like Alanis Morissette.

And here I have sat since that time. I'm going to bed soon. I have to work in the morning. I've just ordered some Tony Robbins cassettes for the car, so that'll be good. And tomorrow I'm going to call the New Zealand consulate, and see what it's like down there this time of year.

Highlights of Highlights.

Imagine, if you will, my blog entry today like a scratch and sniff sticker that is all sniffed out. What I mean by that is that due to circumstance beyond my control I had to yet again watch Game In An Hour on Leafs TV. Now I am not complaining. I love watching the Leafs play and not to sound corny…but I would take them anywhere at anytime, quite frankly, I would take the Toronto Maple Leafs home to meet the folks.

The problem is that I missed Game In An Hour....and had to catch the highlights of the game. So I may be purple but I am no longer grape, you know?

Anybody who knows me knows how much I love watching the games best live. (Jersey on, representin the 416 (and the 905, 647) If you can’t be there live then the next best thing is Hockey Night In Canada. A show so good it’s tied with Arrested Development as best show ever. And anyone who feels that way knows how egregious it is to miss Coach’s Corner. And no disrespect to Harry Bowen, holy mackinaw, I love that man like air, but HNIC…that’s the show.
So forgive me for writing a blog on some highlights but I love writing this.

I think you can tell a lot about a team when they are down. And last night I was happy to see that the Leafs looked relaxed down the one goal. They weren’t running around and that looked good. I love when I watch the game and nobody looks like a passenger. It’s simple. Play like this, win the game.
It’s great to see that our young guys are coming through big for us. Nice to see John Pohl score, and like Tlusty, another game winner. It was a wicked shot too. The short pocket, the OHL corner, as it were. It was an ugly shot…like funk played well on the bass. John Pohl must see Tlusty and Gamache in his dreams. He impressed me with that goal scorer’s goal.
And is it just me or does the A look good on Antropov…it may be too early to order the solid gold cuff links…but he sure looks like an assistant captain. I agree with Greener, Antropov looks important every time he is on the ice. And ladies and gentlemen...(and by that I mean gentlemen) mark November 6th on your calendars…it’s the day that Mark Bell returns. It’s a game against the team from ottawa so you know it’s going to be good.
As a real Leafs fan I can’t tell you how good it feels to wonder where you’re going to put Mark Bell. How you are going to fit Kyle Wellwood in. Where Darcy will go when his knee heals. I wonder at what game Carlo Colaiacovo will return...look great for a period and a half and then get inured. I heard that he lives in his mum's basement and all he does all day is eat chips and watch the Price Is Right.

And Jeers to the Rangers...proof that you cannot purchase chemistry.

Leafs: "Ohhh, You Need the Defense to Play Too? Why Didn't You Just Say So?"

What do they say? The best offense is a good defense? Or is it the best 'D' a good 'O'? Whatever it is, the NHL's best offense went up against the best Defense in New York tonight. And while it's part of Newton's Law's that states that equal opposing forces produce no motion, you throw in Pavel Kubina's best game as a Leaf and the active sticks of Gill, Woz, and White, and I'll show you some motion! It's in this bottle here and it's labeled Leafs 4, Rangers 1! Actually, it doesn't say that, and that's lotion, but still, Leafs 4, Rangers 1!

What an unbelievable difference when everyone comes back and helps out. Considering the Leafs are without their #'s 2 and 3 defensemen, things were steady for most of the game save the first period, and even then there was no panic as the Rangers shot 11 times at Toskala to the Leafs 5 on Lundqvist. Gill didn't look great at first, I've seen decks with less lumber, but he stood strong from the second out and blocked a bunch of shots in the third. Ian White looks smart-I mean on the ice- and he's become super trustworthy out there in all situations.

Vesa Toskala is now finally the Leafs #1 goalie. Paul Maurice said that no one would take the 1 spot until they stole a game for the Leafs. While Toskala didn't have to steal this one outright, he did do the hockey equivalent of dining and dashing by keeping the Leafs well in it until they started to play the way they can, and going on to win the game. Even when things are crazy in his crease, he always seems to know where the puck is and where he is in relation to the net.

Also: I'd like it if the Leafs could start now on a 70 game road trip. No, I'm just saying.

In a sideways related note: Who the hell is directing the Coaches Corner segment? They've got an entire set to play with, yet the camera's pushing in so tight that it looks like Ron MacLean is in Don Cherry's lap. A few weeks ago, they must have had the camera locked off because the tops of their heads were cut off for 6 minutes. On the upside, we had the entire lower third of the screen to peruse one of the tables they have for sale this season at The Brick. It was only after one of Don Cherry's video's did someone realize how shit the shot was and re-set the camera. For such an open ended segment it's ridiculously claustrophobic. God forbid that Cherry has to hold up a pair of pads or a picture because that means Ron MacLean has to leave the room.

~~~~

We're lucky enough to be getting a lot of new readers to He Score, He Shoot!. We really want to encourage everyone of you to let us know who you are, where you're from, and what you like (Me, Norte, Wash), and what you hate (Moose). I know hate is a strong word, but it really, really applies here. So please get back to us. We really appreciate your coming.

Dear Leafs, Please Stay Like That For 71 Games. Love, Greener and Norte

I'm not sure if I can outdo Norte's game summary found below (what can I do, the little prick can write) but I'll try. A fucking Goddamn great game played by the Leafs tonight. All segments of the team did their job, on a team that often figures someone else'll take care of that. Scorers scored, Defense got sticks in the way and cleared pucks. Toskala looked smooth and confident. And everybody came back to help out every one else.
What can you say about Jiri Tlusty, seen here living all of my all of his dreams. 19 year old kid gets called up and scores two goals in his first NHL game. That wrist shot to the far corner for his second goal was an unbelievable. It exploded off his stick and had to be hit perfectly or Fleury makes that save. He looked great out there with Steen/Stajan/Gamache (who I'm starting to do drawings of during class on my binder).
Along those same lines, I've been happy watching Anton Stralman. He wasn't out much tonight, but played 15 minutes on Saturday, including overtime and never looked out of place. The knock on Stralman is that he has absolutely no physical dimension to his game. Well, the only thing Thomas Kaberle hits on game night is the hay after the game, and I don't hear a lot of complaining about him. Besides, the kid has to get the feel for what it means to play over here. Give him some time to get bigger and fully confident and we'll see what happens.

Nik Antropov looks important every time he's on the ice. I know, it still surprises me too, but game after game it's there and I'm getting used to it. Look, if motherfucking Dan Cleary, who was taken one year ahead and three spots after Antropov can wipe this jiz from his jeans and be hailed a great player and a difference maker, why can't Antropov? Pat Quinn resisted all kinds of offers for him for years, most memorably from the Flyers who wanted to trade Eric Lindros to the Leafs, but Quinn never budged. Is this why? Wait, don't answer because I don't care. It's just great to see.
Antropov has taken truckloads of shit from the Toronto press and selected asshole fans over the years and I've never heard him complain or badmouth anyone. He deserves this success. The Leafs deserve this success. His patience with the puck going to the net on the first Steen goal was so beautiful. That's how important players look in games.

As always, Mats is just such a stud and I want to put him inside me. He does more with his back to the ice than most players do at full stride on a breakaway. He makes me so proud he's this team's Captain. He just IS a Captain. Every team gets one, but very few teams have one. It's like the difference between a house and a home. And Mats is home.

THAT’LL DO TLUSTY, THAT’LL DO.

A big ‘atta boy’ to Jiri Tlusty for scoring two goals in his NHL debut. The first Leaf to do so since Nikolai Borschevsky. And a game winner to boot. Looked like he had some speed which is always nice to see in a Leafs uniform. That sweet cross ice pass from Kubina (nobody is more shocked than me) that Tlusty caught and took off. Bamn...sweet, smart deque. Solid shot. To quote Tlusty himself (after tonight’s game) “Kubee make pass, I take puck get goal, happy team win.” Gezundheit.

To me this was the most important game of the year. After the game against Atlanta. This is the confidence builder. The game to build the season off of. Great way to start a road trip. All signs seem to be pointing to yes. Because I truly believe that this is the real Toronto Maple Leafs. This team. Keeping a team like the Pens to 25 shots.
Anybody else getting the feeling that Steen tying the game was not only great for getting the Leafs back into the game but also a huge goal for Steen himself?
I also gotta say that I love the youthful enthusiasm that Tlusty and Gamache display and bring to the line up. They are and it is the perfect anecdote to the Leafs right now. Remind them to have fun. And side note to the organ player at the ACC. Blister in the Sun is the absolute worst song I have ever heard to rally a team and crowd. Particularly playing it as poorly as you did tonight. Twice in the third period. The only name you need to know in Sports Arena inspirational music: 2 Unlimited.
Regardless, it was definitely Hall Gill’s best game of the year. Perhaps playing more minutes is the key to Gill’s success. I thought defensive zone coverage was particularly good tonight. The back end was terrific (sexy) and all three zones were really clicking tonight. The third man was perfect (not sexy). I also think that this was their best period of the year (kinda sexy.) And Toskala at a .920 save percentage looks like the real deal number one goalie that he is. (Just please don’t play the puck anymore.) And as usual Captain Toronto, soup schiller, denture wearer, a man so white that cocaine tells him to get a tan, Mats Sundin. 75% on face-offs. That’s just gorgeous numbers. God bless you Mats Sundin…you and all who sail in you. When he and Kaberle are all bang bang…pinpoint, half boards to the point…it’s my favourite cycle since Lance Armstrong last won the Tour. I wish Mats Sundin was the President of Canada.
I even liked Paul Maurice’s tie. What else can I say? Welcome back Devereuax.

MacT to fans: "Everything's fine!"

As the great scholar and poet Fry from Futurama once said, "Nothing's wrong with anything." And I'm sure that's where Kevin Lowe and MacT thought up the poison being poured into the ears of Oiler fans. I know its early in the season but last nights game, amidst all the foufarou of Smitty's homecoming, stood as an important benchmark for me, a game I'd circled at the start of the season and not just because of the return of the human hair waterfall. The team has been plagued by the same thing which plagued them since the loss of their C'less captain, a lack of heart. I know, obvious yes? But if you look at the games so far this year, unless the team is down and desperate we're not seeing any emotion. There are still no hits save for when Zack "I was the WWF's Brooklyn Brawler in the early 90's" Stortini is on the ice and sure, there have been some slick moves and moments of excitement otherwise, but boy oh boy, this team doesn't have a heart. It doesn't help that our hopeful heart replacement has been sidelined by a nagging ankle, or that our hometown hero (of being overpaid for having a disease) is out forever, or that our veteran stud free agent signing is now on the IR list, OR that the majority of our team is comprised of elementary school kids. But I've seen it, the talent is there. So surely on this night, when the old soul of our team showed up, surely THIS game would be the one we've been waiting for all year. Right? RIGHT!? Nope. First period, no one shows up, Oilers fail once more.

Back in that glory year a little ways back all our semi-vets, Stoll, Horc, etc, played wonderfully! Career years! What did that team have that this one doesn't? Okay, yes, the best defenceman in the league, sure, but I value that SOB for more than his play, it was his leadership that made the difference. We had Smitty leading by example, Pronger leading by example and with his voice, and Peca/J Smith/Roli leading in a variety of ways. Now, what, Ales Hemsky with an A?

So, we were lacking that leader last year, we're sure as heck lacking it this year without Los Mulletos, so we need to look to our coaches, right? Surely MacT can chuck us on his back and carry us to the promised land, right? Two points. First, power play. Yes, its been dismal. Barren. Worst ever. An embarrasment. It loses us games and momentum. And our answer to that? Keep on plugging away! Lose Pitkanen and Souray on the point? Put in Grebeshkov and Stoll and keep shooting from the point! Hey! Put Hemmer up on the half boards and then everyone else stand in non-shooting positions! Like two guys behind the net! Then, when Hemmer skates to the faceoff dot and back he can.... pass it down low so we lose it! Or, up to the point, so we can shoot it from there some more. Have there been any adjustments? Have we tried working from down low like Calgary did when they destroyed us with the same play four times? Nope! Half boards, point shot, half boards, point shot. You gotta know Simmer's tickled that it ain't his fault anymore.

And the second point relates directly to that mention of the Calgary game. We got scored on the exact same way, and there were countless other opportunities from the same play, over and over and over again Where's that adjustment? Did Calgary crack the code? Turns out there's one play where if you carry the puck behind the net and pass it in front there's no defending it. They finally found the foolproof way to score! Like the one timer in ever iteration of video hockey ever! Darnit! Leave it to Keenan. Come to think of it, I've seen goals against from that same play in at least three games. Is that the defencemen or the coach? Where does that blame lie?

It feels like the team is stagnating. We've had a huge swing in rosters over the last 8 years under MacT's tutelage and we've failed pretty much every year with the exception of the year we had the best defenceman in the league on our team and career years from the entire roster. So what's the through line here? I hate to say it because I enjoy the guy's interviews and the fact that his skin matches his hair perfectly, but maybe MacT's gotta go. And don't tell me that its early, and that the team is plagued by injuries, and that its a young team, and blah blah blah. Our players are not playing to their potential, none of them, is the entire team just having another off year? Gee, tough luck for us! Or does there have to be a shake up? What do we have to lose other than the rest of our games?

I dunno, what are your thoughts?

Wash

Leafs: Take Penalties, Get Injured

Yes, the Giant from Twin Peaks had called it. It is happening again. The Leafs slow and steady fast and furious rush to the trainers table is well under way and proceeding nicely. Our number two center our number 3/4 defenceman and now our number 2 winger and heart and soul player Darcy Tucker is out with knee damage. Question: Do other teams get injuries? I've never heard of any. I don't hear about other teams that get hurt the way the Leafs do. A few years ago Michael Renberg almost had to have his hand cut off because of an infected blister he had got aggravated while tying his skates. The Leafs led the league in man games to injury and yet Howard Berger is allowed to walk around with his hair parted in the center. Where is God now?

The Leafs cannot stop taking penalties and therefore won't stop losing. If you give teams 10 power plays, you're going to lose the game. That's how this all works. On Saturday against Chicago things were rolling along great for a period and a half, looked good. Goalie making saves, scoring, hey, short handed! Blake awesome, Antropov wicked, Steenoh god it's 5 on 3 powerplay. Kaberle breaks his stick on the kill, goal. Thirty seconds later, goal. Two goals in 30 seconds. We're running around, we lose 6-4.

Anton Stralman is called up for Tuesday against the horrible Thrashers. Toskala probably starts. The Leafs will win. 4-2.

WHAT THE? ME AGAIN.

(For what its worth I have to begin by apologizing that its me again. Its disgraceful actually. So because of it I will begin with a few cheap shots at my co-conspirators.)

Any real Leafs fan is gonna tell you that they bleed blue. I would at least. And perhaps there is some truth in that as I can validate that real Edmonton Oilers fans, Moose and Washingtron, are indeed, oily. Cheap shot, yes. Truth, yes. And I know Greener well enough to know that if he could only stop googling his own name long enough he would agree too.
So losing Darcy Tucker is balls. No matter how you cut it. One game, one week, two minutes. Those are seriously man lost games when he is not on the ice. The question is…how could Darcy Tucker not be your favorite player, regardless of team affiliation?

Darcy and his bum knee: the knee the other joints are suddenly calling Bobby Orr, is out with the mysterious indefinitely injury. A word that always makes me think of that scene in Three Amigos, “infamous, infamous’. Tucker who described the injury as "slight damage to some ligaments.” Also promised us, an eye-brow cocked like Roger Moore’s, “It's nothing that's broken or anything so hopefully it'll heal quick." I believe he also said that with an English accent.
What scares me about the word indefinitely, especially when it comes to the Leafs is that like the ubiquitous upper body injury, indefinitely, could mean one game or the reason our once promising first rounder was let go on waivers 5 years later. (Ring, ring. Hello Carlo Colaiacovo, its Norte…do you wanna go to Square One Mall and buy some shoes at Aldo?) Seriously though Tucker, Colaiacovo, Wellwood, Bell. If that’s not the roll call for a rallying point…then there is something wrong in that dressing room.

I don’t really want to talk about the other night’s game. Suffice it to say that it made me sigh a lot. One thing that bothers me about games like that is how they’ll suddenly start shaking up the lines because of it. I like Gamache a lot. And he and Stajan looked good most nights (although I must admit Darcy looked like a half inflated balloon on some nights). All bets are on about who will fill Tuckers role on the line. Most likely Boyd Devereaux (who is coming off his own injury woes.) On the first power play unit. Well that’s anybody’s guess.
I will hold any further comments…until after tomorrow’s game. I will say that I think the goaltender tag team should stop. I think its time to put Toskala in and keep him in. We have to come up big…and by a big I don’t mean scoring 8 goals. I mean score three and maybe give them one. No penalties. Its Atlanta…there is no reason we couldn’t all be thinking the S word.


Dr. Hans Brimmel. Inventor of the shut-out. (Dr Hans Brimmel inventor of the shout out not pictured)