Well, The Leafs Won the Second Period, Right?

As a responsible hockey blogger and all around dullard entertaining guy, I'm a big believer in giving the people what they want. And right now what the people want is...to know what happened when I went to see the Leafs play the Kings at the Staples Center on Thursday! I know, I know, me too! It's all so interesting even I want to know what happened, and I was there!

As I mentioned bitterly a few posts ago, HS/HS second liner Moose's asshole of a boss promised he and I a box suite in exchange for joining his team. We did that, in the end handing him a t-shirt with the word "CHAMPIONS" on it. Being the honorable dudes we are, we clearly expected him to stiff us and snicker when we decided to actually ask him for his promised riches, which he did. We really shouldn't have been too surprised really. You know that ancient Confucian proverb: "If wise men lay with dogs...something - something - something - Moose's boss is a jerk."

So I had to scramble like crazy and got probably some of the best seats in the arena. Section 119, Row 14, Seat 15, directly above the Leafs bench. I got there an hour before the game, as did 10,000 other Leafs jerseys. It was so amazing being with people I actually care about. I mean, I usually hang out with Moose, so that tells you something right there. When grown men are giving smiling acknowledgment to each other in the bathroom, you know it's either because you each have a Leafs jersey on, or you're both cruising for anonymous gay sex. This time, it was the former.
I was right beside the Leafs tunnel and took these action shots:

What's amazing are two things. One, that clearly I should be a photographer for the Associated Press, and two, it's amazing how thrilled I was to see them. I haven't seen the Leafs since 2003, so getting the chance again was really incredible.
Here's a note about me: I'm not a star fucker in any way; I could give a shit about celebrity. I've been friends with very famous people, and let me tell you, the majority of them are the meanest, shit-hearted jerks you'll ever meet. But when it comes to this group, that changes. During the warm-up, I had my face pressed up against the glass with the other lunatics and I made eye contact with Mats as he skated up to, and past the glass, and right then and there, I literally got sprung. I'm sorry if this shocks you, but it's true. I got sprung. It's a good thing I was wearing my bathrobe.

By the way, reading this back to myself, I realize that all this may be like being forced to look at someones slides of their trip to Banff National Park, except, you know, awesome, and about the Leafs. And quasi-gay. Ok, totally gay. But, you know, just bear with me.

As for the game itself. Uh, wow. We've all had a few days to digest everything we saw, and everything we didn't see. I REALLY don't want to pile on Andrew Raycroft, but that was one of the softest goaltending performances I've ever seen. It looked like when one of the trainers puts on equipment for the players to shoot at him during an optional skate. The size and frequency of the rebounds Andrew was giving out were really shocking. Frolov floats a week backhander off his chest and it sails four feet away back to the slot, to be slammed in for (another) goal. That's not weak goaltending, that's no goaltending. I don't think Raycroft will ever see another game in a Leafs sweater. His bad performances are now pathological. J.S. Aubin never saw another Leafs game, and he played better than Raycroft has this year. Scott Clemmensen is the Leafs backup goalie.

From what I saw, this is a group of players who are having absolutely no fun playing hockey right now. They all looked so unbelievably miserable on the bench. When Darcy scored, he skated straight to the bench, slammed the door and sat down. A team so far down like this is ripe for speculation. Have they given up on Paul Maurice, and have accepted that his system has failed, as everyone seems to think? Or is it an indication that the other shoe is about to drop, and that something has to change, and that starts on the ice. I guess we'll have an indication of what the answer is starting in San Jose.

LEAFS 2007 – 2008: These are not the Droids you are looking for

Let me start by saying that putting Toskala into the net on Thursday was one of the worst hockey decisions I have ever seen. One can suppose that Paul Maurice was just trying to protect an already destroyed Andrew Raycroft. (As a goalie I appreciate the move, as a Leaf fan I am horrified.) Or that just like line combinations, taking him out was tantamount to shaking up the team. (Of course, Raycroft was marshmallow soft and clearly couldn't’t see the puck.) I don’t care how porous the defense in front of you is, an .871 save percentage is your own doing. Still I believe he should have played the whole game. Suffered the complete loss and was given the chance to be part of the much better 2nd and 3rd periods. Quite frankly I think pulling him wasn’t the red flag in front of the team it was supposed to be. It was a white flag.
(Did you see Raycroft on the bench after he was pulled. I have never seen someone chew gum so forlornly.)

It left me uneasy that Toskala was put in. What am I supposed to make of a blatant disregard of his groin? Re-injured…of course...cos groins are apparently made of gold leaf. (No pun)

And for tonight’s game, all I can hope is that Pogge was called up to back up Raycroft…not start. I believe in baptism by fire but ask Dan Blackburn what can happen when you bring a goalie in too early. Simply put, this isn’t Pogge’s time. I think calling Clemenson back would have been a better choice. Regardless of who is called up. You gotta go with Raycroft. For so many reasons its just a shame that I dont have some sort of avenue to write and tell you why.

Paul Maurice and his coaching style of hard work, intense fore-checking, strong puck support and attention to defensive play clearly was the wrong choice for this team. Just in case you were playing along, that’s sarcasm. One can only hope that he is not caught in the crossfire….
He should be held accountable for a disastrous PP and PK and as his claim, at the beginning of the year, that this team was playoff ready. Our slide, this slide, really…with very few exceptions, has been happening from the beginning. The few games where we did play well were clearly the anomaly.
As far as I am concerned you keep Kaberle, Antropov, Toskala, Wellwood, White and Stajan…other than that…all the rest if up for grabs.

This is where Toskala is injured.

Game Over: 2:11 seconds in? Terrible

Ow. Ow, Owwwwwwwwww. Okay that’s the sound of pain, of realization. Like a toothache. A persistent, aching, stinking, horrible toothache. My team, your team, our team: this team just isn’t good enough. It hurts me to the core to write that statement. But like that toothache, I have to realize that I can’t keep on ignoring it. With the Leafs this year I have brushed, flossed, lathered, rinsed and repeated. I have chewed on the other side of my mouth, wrapped my head in gauze. Drank neither hot nor cold drinks and just pretended that everything was fine. But there it always was, from my first intake of breath to my last sip of lukewarm juice. An infection that reminds, like a slap in the face, that something just isn’t right.

I believe that this was the game (last nights against the Ducks). The game I will remember or, more specifically, try to forget. The one that was the barometer. I don’t believe that this was the game in terms of an X on a calendar, a hey lets see how we’re doin’ kind of thing on a randomly picked date. No no…this game, this team. Not just because they’re the Stanley Cup champs either…but because the Ducks, you can smell already, are a playoff team.
Woefully underachieving at the start of the season very much like our very own team. The difference: Stanley Cup hangovers don’t last 40 years. To paraphrase the song New York, New York: …if we can make it there (Honda Center), we can make it anywhere.
But this game for me….more than any others this year shows me what my team lacks. I would say that earlier losses to Boston, Phoenix and Carolina were more humiliating but none have been as unequivocal in showing what the Leafs are lacking.

The Ducks should start growing their beards now.

And if Brian Burke is worth his weight in salt, which he might just be, I would go after Mats with every fiber of my being. Does the thought literally make me ill? Of course it does…Mats Sundin is my captain….not yours, fuckface…but because of that…I want Mats to hoist that most beautiful of trophies. The Ducks own Edmonton’s first round pick this year…and as the Oil are about as terrible as the Leafs (sorry Moose and Wash), the prospect of two high first round draft picks (not to mention whatever else Mats would garner) is exciting. I know that Selanne is coming back too. Can you imagine? I can. Can you say repeat?

I can hear HS/HS’s own Greener now: With 40 games remaining, it’s a bit premature to sell the farm. Maybe but I really don’t believe it’s too early to start thinking about the future of our team…and right now Mats is golden. Will his stock ever be as high again?

1 Day and Counting

GAME TIME:

Aliens to MacT: Ummmm, nah, you keep Grebeshkov

Who in piss hell was that playing in the Oilers silks last eve? That question has been burning in the minds of Edmonton fans, and likely any scouts that were present and more than likely in the coaching and front office staff's fevered brains in the wake of an entertaining, free flowing, humdinger of a game.

I wish I could comment on how the Oil have turned a corner. I wish I could disprove the "Canadians eat their own" rule. I wish. But no. The Oilers did this to me in early december. Remember? When we'd all gotten over them. When it became clear that the Oilers were just a bunch of jerk asses left over from the previous year, and that just under 10 million dollars had been spent on two guys in exchange for the sole service of "being tall". Then, suddenly, more than two games were won in a row. The earth shuddered, shook, tried to shimmy but embarassedly stopped halfway having never been clear on what a shimmy really was, then split open and swallowed the team again and with it, my hopes and dreams.

Since I refuse to do any research for this blog thereby unseating Moose as the club secretary I'm going to give a vague stat. 16 games in a row where the opposition got at least one point. 16! That's an awful lot of division rivals strolling away with parting gifts or even with the big door prize. So forgive me for not hopping on the wagon again. Besides, I simultaneously fell off the Oilers bandwagon and my AA bandwagon and so if I tried to get back on I'd miss or at best throw up all down the side.

That being said, boy, it was fun to watch those alien bodysnatchers wearing the skins of our players last night. Remember when Xlykok, dressed as Hemsky, began to deke and instead shot between the legs of the hapless Islander defenceman? Human Hemmer woulda tried a deke and been pushed off the puck and then whiffed on a pass. Or howzabout The Mighty Gorffrijion, wearing the recently removed face of Marty Reasoner over his glistening scales, using some sort of alien time bending technology that warped his style of play back to when he was in junior? Or the insidious, devilish, hideous Grebeshkov, who was not taken over by our new alien overlords and instead was just as terrible.

Dennis Grebeshkov (pictured right) was his usual horrifying self. How he managed to not be inspired by his teams clean breakouts, by Hemmer's lifting the team on his shoulders, by Stoll's resurgence or by Mathieu Garon's first game as official starter and instead chose to blow it huge every time he touched the puck, I will never understand. So lemme get this straight, he can't play in a tight checking game because he's not strong enough or positionally sound, so he must be able to shine in a game like last nights, where there were three different occasions in which the game went over five minutes without a stop. We've got Gilbert, Pitkanen, and even most underrated player Ladislav Smid successfully pushing the puck up the ice AND playing solid D, WHY IS GREBESHKOV PLAYING!!!??? Its well documented the Oil need more grit, just as its well documented that Grebeshkov is a shitheel, so why is he playing and Rourke, the surprise unknown defensive defenceman in white shining armor candidate languishing in the minors. Are Grebeshkov's zero goals really worth all the mistakes? Are his boneheaded plays made worthwhile by his aimless passes through the neutral zone? I submit to you that they are not. Who wants to head up a posse, find this guy, and string him up by the gold chain he wears on the OUTSIDE of his jersey? I will say however, his going from a tinted 70's pimp visor to the clear "didn't improve his vision" visor does deserve a kudo. I'm now going to conclude with the ending a real Canadian hockey journalist would. "Beam him up, MacT!" Get it? Eat your heart out (along with the entirety of the buffet table) Terry Jones!

Steve Downie: Just Makes You Sick

Today I spent about 30 minutes making face-to-face eye contact with silverback mountain gorillas at the San Diego Zoo during one of the worst weather days I've ever seen, anywhere. You know in "Aliens", when the space marines land on the planet where the dead colony is and they get out in the middle of a complete meteorological shit storm? Balmy compared to today. If you've ever been beside a gorilla whose shivering with cold, then you've walked a mile in my addidas.

Then after a three hour drive home in conditions so bad it felt like I was navigating the Straits of Magellan, I got home and prepared to watch the Leafs game from Saturday against a team whose plane you wish would go down in the Andes forcing the survivors to eat the dead; the Flyers. Can you imagine eating a dead Steve Downie? His flesh would probably give you dysentery. His flesh would make you sick and then you'd die from starvation and dysentery. Your final thought before being claimed by sweet, sweet death would be what everyone else in the world's is about Steve Downie: "Fuck you, Steve Downie."

I've written hilariously well about Steve Downie before, and I have to say he has exactly as much character as Moose's boss, who, in exchange for Moose and I joining his POS team - which we did, hand delivering them a championship - agreed to get us a box to see the Leafs at the Staples Center on Thursday...which, when it came time to deliver, he laughingly blew off. Then he refused to at least get us seats saying "That wasn't part of the deal." That's right Tony, doing more for us was part of the deal, fulfilling your part of the agreement was part of the deal, you short, lousy, Steve Downie-esqe, little creep.
The worst part is that what tickets he said he did have access to were promised long ago to an even worse sub-human. Some guy originally from Toronto, who apparently "loves the Leafs", but who, during last years final showed up to Moose's work in an Ottawa Senators jersey. You know when you hear about how in the middle ages, thousands of cheering people would gather in a town square to witness a beheading? I understand that now. As I write this I'm trying to think of something funny to say which would be worse than wearing an Ottawa Senators jersey, and I can't think of one goddamed thing. That's how bad it is.

I got tickets anyhow, and if you want to see what I look like, watch the game on Thursday and just find the coolest guy in section 119, row 14 who looks the happiest he's ever been.

Stay Classy

Get rid of this guy.

ON PAPER: Not Worth The Paper It’s Written On

I used to have a job at a store where I worked directly with the owner. Besides the fact that she was the most flatulent woman I had ever met, she also exhibited somewhat schizophrenic tendencies. So much so that from day to day, shift to shift, I never knew which version of her I was going to get. That day. That minute. That 48 seconds.

You see what I did there?

I will admit that it was fun watching the game Thursday night along with Gill, Kaberle and Wozniewski wasn’t it? And although I usually delight in the looks of childish innocence on the faces of people watching hockey, I wasn’t so delighted to see that look on the faces of those three as they too watched Malkin and Crosby dance, delight, bob, weave, humiliate, deque, split and embarrass them. Saying that the three threw their goalie to the wolves is an insult to wolves…nay to the whole lupus family.
It’s like…if you aren’t going to wear underwear…you better make sure your fly is done up, you know? I’m not even sure what that means.
( I’m just glad Gary Roberts wasn’t on the ice to witness it.)

And to say that the Leafs had such a great first period only makes it worse. I mean….if we cant beat Ty Conklin…how in the name of sweet Jesus are we gonna beat Brodeur? Glass is half full guy Greener will tell you that the Leafs hit four posts in the game. I would counter that maybe he should mind his own business and say that nobody should have to watch their team from between splayed fingers, terrified of what was going to happen next. And that with no resolve on the injury front we’re talking less happy endings then Toskala’s nutsack at this point.
That nobody should have to watch their junior team’s glorified back-up back up the back- up until the back-up’s confidence is back up.

And Saturday? Saturday has all the makings of a tragedy….the possibility of which also makes it comedic, cos really, Saturday, who do you go with? When 50% of the criteria is a hot hand?

Message To Bill Butler: Go Fuck Yourself...

...you smarmy, hypocritical, greedy prick. I'm too angry to write anything that would grant some meaningful perspective to the situation, but thankfully John MacKinnon has summed it up nicely.

Penner v. Smyth

Mid-Season Comparison


I'm trying to divert my disgust with the Edmonton Investors Group, so I thought this would be an interesting exercise.

While Ryan Smyth wasn't traded for Dustin Penner, it's clear that Penner got Smyth's money and was, for all intents and purposes, his direct replacement. Who would you rather have? To the scorecards:


There's a lot of Oiler fans out there who still haven't gotten over the Ryan Smyth trade. I'm not one of them. So for me, the last number is the most interesting. Do people still think Ryan Smyth is worth that money in today's market? There are 31 players in the NHL making $6 million or more, 18 of them are forwards. Ryan Smyth is the 21st highest paid player in the league, and 13th highest paid forward. He ranks 81st in league scoring. I've watched Ryan Smyth his entire career, I know there is much more to his game than just scoring. But for $6.25 million a year, I would want more.

More to the point, is Ryan Smyth worth $2 million more than a guy who is six years younger, who hasn't had multiple knee surgeries, and is putting up almost identical numbers? If you toss in the fact that Robert Nilsson seems to be developing into an actual NHL player, I think Kevin Lowe got it right. He knew Ryan Smyth was not a $5 million player, but he offered it (and then some) anyway. Smyth may have done the Oilers a favor by turning it down. Draw your own conclusions.

SOY UN PERDEDOR (repeat and fade)

I remember during the summer Olympics in Seoul, South Korea…I was watching boxing and the Canadian boxer (I believe it was Lennox Lewis) absolutely beat the shit out of his opponent. I remember as Lewis rained down blow after blow feeling incredibly sorry for the kid (he was beating). There was no pride in being beaten by the man who would go on to win Gold (for Canada…and later be the Heavyweight champ of the world) just humiliation at the men beating him with his fists.
Cut to 1998 or 1999: I am watching my team (your team) the Toronto Maple Leafs against the St. Louis Blues. We have Felix Potvin in the net. I don’t remember the game or even who won; what I do remember is the goal by Al Mac. It was the end of the 2nd…with 8 seconds or so to go…Mac takes a stride over the red line and casually, harmlessly takes a shot a Potvin. It wasn’t a booming Mac shot, nothing was going 102 miles an hour, it was a dump in. Admittedly it dropped on Potvin…and bounced, perhaps it even went up on its side. Granted the puck took on Phil Niekro like dynamics…the point is…it went in.
I remember thinking “uh oh’ as the puck bounced. And…’oh shit’ as it went in.
Last I heard Potvin was playing goal for the Horcona C.H. Jaca in the Superliga Espanola de Hockey Hielo in Spain (a league about as popular as a Culture Club comeback tour). And before you ask…there are no chants of ‘Gatto, gatto, gatto’ from the Eagles faithful as even there Potvin is playing back up for Juan Carlos Gonzalez del le Serras.
I have no doubt had Potvin stopped that shot that he would still be in the NHL.
My point is confidence, and on this fine Sunday; the last of 2007, there is no doubt in my mind that Andrew Raycroft is that Korean boxer. I don’t know if Raycroft is Potvin yet but all I can suggest to him is, aprenda cómo decir, perro pardon me los teamates... pero estoy terrible apesadumbrado que yo dejado en otra meta suave... apenas en caso de que usted realiza que... soy un goalie shitty.

It behooves me at this point to say that I don’t solely blame Raycroft for last night’s debacle or for the last few games. In fact for the first time in months and months (certainly this season) I feel for him. I wouldn’t go so far to say that I feel for him in a Chaka Khan way (Baby, baby, when I look at you I get a warm feeling inside, there’s something about the things you do, that keeps me satisfied) but I feel for him the same way I feel for the Korean boxer. My heart breaks for a defeated man.
Raycroft looked genuinely shocked when that first goal went in. This is the time to get wins, steal games. Stand on your fucking head, stack the pads and show the bobble heads at MLSE that they backed the wrong horse. A wraparound goal from the other teams checking line? Either you are not doing enough squat thrusts or it’s going to be one of those games. I don’t know about any of you…but I knew it was the latter.

I am a believer in making the best of any situation, and a massive believer in doling out the middle finger with aplomb. I would seize Toskala’s groin as the golden egg that it is. The perfect time to raise the flag and say ‘fuck you’ without really having to say the words. Of course, the other option is terrible rebound control, going down to early, an inherent inability to anticipate plays, weakness high on the glove side. And a moustache.

I remember Potvin eventually quit on the team, the same way Shane Corson did. I can and could always forgive an L but there is something despicable and low about quitting on your teammates. It’s like humping your best friend’s girl: just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. As much as I want to see Raycroft run out of town, I don’t think he would quit on this team. Quite frankly I was surprised to hear Raycroft say this yesterday, "It wasn't what we drew up beforehand, it got a little out of control there in the second, lots of penalties. You can't give them that many." For Raycroft that’s tantamount to, “3 minutes of 5 on 3? What the fuck do you expect?” And he was right of course.

What bothers me is that I really like the team we have on the ice. We’re still perhaps three, definitely two moves away from another 100+ point campaign…but there is clearly chemistry going on. This looks like a team who like each other. And when the team is clicking, its playoff ready for sure. What these millionaire dummies have to realize is that unless they get their shit together on the regular…that there are going to be changes. And that means one of two things…either say Hejdå to Mats, Zijte blaze to Kaberle and Qosh sau bolyngdar to Antropov. Or get ready to see the return of Travis Green.
I don’t know about you but I am not ready for either option.

State of the Oilers Address: Suckin'

Wild 5, Oil 4 (OT)



I hope Wash is refreshed and ready to assume the mantle as HS, HS's lead Oiler correspondent, because I may never post again. Leave me the fuck alone, Greener (just getting it out of the way now)!

The Oilers were officially eliminated from the playoffs last night. Yes they were, go check again. But, putting a new twist on an old trick, the blame for last night's collapse has to go to MacT. This is not a lame "fire MacT" post, like you're likely to read on any number of Oiler blogs on any given day. I'm a big MacT fan. I think the guy has an attention to detail that 90% of the coaches in this league don't, and he can teach the game. But he's got to take some of the blame for last night.

I don't want to talk about the ref's, or the phantom penalty in overtime (apparently you can't touch Gaborik). I don't want to talk about the Penner disallowed goal (it was the right call), or the Backstrom save on Brodziak. Neither were plays that cost you a game that you're leading by three goals. Momentum is an imaginary, self-induced phenomenon. I hate when players talk about a big play giving the other team momentum. It's a fucking head game. If you want to stop momentum or take momentum back, then DO IT - with your actions on the ice. What the fuck? Some supernatural force blows into the arena, and then everybody on the bench turns to each other and says "Oh geez boys, let's just hold the fort here until this momentum dies down." Stop fucking thinking about it and PLAY HOCKEY!

But back to MacT. The game was played at a very high tempo last night, and the Wild have four lines that can skate. At 4-1, the Oilers were still rolling four lines. As soon as Rolston scored to make it 4-2 (late in the 2nd), MacT, knowing his team had blown leads in three straight games, played it cautious and shortened his bench. With Pitkanen leaving the game, the Oilers were short a defensemen and now going with 9 forwards. The pace was frenetic in the third period, with very few whistles, and the Oilers just couldn't match the Wild. Frankly, they looked tired and a step slow. After a Christmas break they shouldn't have been, and none of the ice-time totals were too out of whack, with the exception of Souray playing 28 minutes and change. The fourth line of Nilsson (4:00 of ice time), Thoresen (4:25), and Stortini (2:52) did not play badly. In fact, Nilsson made a couple of nice plays on the backcheck. So why the benching? And why the hell is Stortini dressed when Sanderson is healthy? The guy is an average AHL player and brings NOTHING to the table. He played 2:52 last night! Why is he dressed if he's not going to play? Are you telling me that adding Sanderson to that line wouldn't have given them a different dimension, and a reliable veteran that could have enabled them to contribute more.

I know you want your best players playing more minutes, and that the horrible defensive zone coverage (like the 4th goal, where all five Wild players went to the net!) was also to blame for the loss, but this is a team with a flawed and unbalanced roster. In a game like that, against a great skating team, Zack Stortini (who CAN'T SKATE) should be in a suit. Did MacT not read the lineup card? Boogaard wasn't dressed, and Todd Fedoruk is still sorting out whether he needs to wear a visor to protect the metal plates in his face. The only thing that guy is fighting is Hemochromatosis.

Where is this team going? Are we trying to win now and make the playoffs, or are we trying to develop our young players? If it's the former, then last night's lineup is curious. If it's the latter, then MacT's decisions were just as curious. It seems the team is stuck between mindsets.

Oh, yeah. Welcome back "Chopper".

The State of the Blog Address

Funny thing happened on the way to me not posting for a week: Other people did. Wow, it seems that dreams can come true. I guess Christmas really is
a phony, sanctimonious, solely commercial cash-grab the most wonderful time of the year, because my still excellent beard and I received what we wanted most, which is also the rarely heard 13th verse to "The 12 Days of Christmas": He Score, He Shoot posters posting. Note: when I refer to my beard, I am in fact referring to my facial hair, not any kind of non-closeted heterosexual relationship. Or am I?

Norte, writing as well as me, about The Only Team That Matters, whilst using visual aids almost as well as me. Moose, writing a howler about how the Oilers are portrayed by a scurvaceous Edmonton media, thereby copying any number of my posts about the Toronto same. And Washingtron writing absolutely his best post, which would be a much bigger compliment, if, since we started this blog, he'd written more than 4 of them. But look, I'm not complaining. Not about that, anyway.

Truth be told, I wasn't as hands-off the blog as it seems. Peer behind the curtain and you'd have seen me hard at work to make my three fellow posters look as good as they think they do. I've had to do A LOT of HTML surgery on their posts this week. Moose, Norte and Wash know so little about internet code, they look like me 4 months ago. ZING! Take that you "can't make my pictures line up" peons.

Hey, let's thank some people out there! It's the end of the year and so it may be appropriate to wave warmly at some of the people who make writing He Score, He Shoot the only thing that keeps my friendship with Moose alive. You know who you are. OK, you don't. SO HERE YOU ARE!:

Loser Domi. You clearly rule any number of things, not un-including a take so dry that James Bond orders you as a drink in bars. You always read, and you always comment, and you are friends with us.

PPP at Pension Plan Puppets. Lots of support, reads us, links to us, and writes a blog so well that I don't even want to call it a blog. His page is so sexy that it's like a wet t-shirt contest, except all the girls in it wear glasses. PPP loves the Leafs so much, his alarm clock is Andy Frost.

Ken at Hockey Narrative. I go to Ken's page every day, and every day it's interesting. He'll write things about teams I could give a shit about, like Calgary, or anyone else in the NHL besides the Leafs, and I'm invested. Ken has that excellent "could write a book" way of writing that Moose sometimes has, when Moose isn't trying to be funny. Ken doesn't fuck around in his posts, and I'm not even sure he has a sense of humor, and he's still funnier than Moose. Go there if you can read.

The guy in Hong Kong. Dude, I have no idea who you are. You never comment, you haven't entered our contest, you're funnier than Moose, but in spite of all that, I see that you come to the site everyday or so, which clearly makes you a stud on the blueline. (Alternate nickname: Powerplay quarterback). Your pick.

Jared from Die Hard Blue and White. Jared is a clean living minimalist who tries to get his laundry whiter than white, and sounds like the type of super-nice guy who'd take any of us out for a beer if he heard we were coming to London, Ontario. The kind of guy you want on your Rec League team, not just because of what he can do on the ice, but because he's fun and cool on the bench before, during and after the game.

The homestyles over at Irreverant Oiler Fans. This is another great blog. They get in their jokes and burns, but if you are currently waiting for your acceptance letter from M.I.T., prepare to read naked. They have a great blend of left and right brain hockey analysis, and they gave us a shout of exposure a while ago, which helped a lot. If they tried to go surfing, they'd make it up on their feet their first try.

Along those same lines but clearly with better taste in teams is my main man Ninja at Raking Leafs. It's the kind of blog that you look at when you're thinking of starting a blog and you go "I want it like that!" And then you start your blog and fail miserably to make it that good and you have to talk to Moose every day because of it. Wait, all that was about me. Ninja and Raking Leafs = Major.

Four Habs Fans. A bunch of guys who write the shit out of their blog, and judging from the sheer volume of stripper pictures on the site, they do that writing from table 7 at Maison Du Sexe on St. Catherines Street. I wish I were that smart. These guys really love the Canadiens and it shows, which is fun to read. They were also cool enough to cross the floor and mention HS/HS in a super complimentary way. Did they take the easy road and burn us because we love the Leafs? No. And you know why? Because those guys are completely secure with the size of their dicks, and drive nice cars with half a mind to nabbing some pussy, and half a mind on environmental fuel consumption. What do you call guys like that? I call them heroes.

All of you. There are tons of you who come and read us all the time, and for us it's always exciting. You could comment a little more, but, you know, a mother just has to accept her children. You're all slender and good looking and know 6 totally different margarita recipes off the top of your heads. You could wear the same pants you did in high school, and you've always thought about volunteering to read to blind people at the CNIB. You can roof it back hander, and the only reason you wear the 'A' instead of the 'C' is because you gave it up to someone you thought deserved it more. Extra orange slices from Me, Norte, Wash and Moose to all of you guys.

MID SEASON: We definitely need more holidays where raw egg drinks are served.

Yesterday I woke up from a terrible dream. I had dreamt that we had played two games back to back with Andrew Raycroft in the net. In my dream we lose both games. First I dreamt that we lost in overtime to the Isles. With that male-on-top-of-a-wedding-cake Mike Comrie scoring the overtime winner. Off a Blake turnover, and did I mention with Andrew Raycroft in the net…with a moustache no less. I'm sure I had cold sweat pouring down my face most of the night. And then my dream continued and we lost to the Flyers, in a game that could only be described as lifeless. The game against the Flyers was like I can’t believe it’s not butter. Or a Mr. Mister album. Worse yet, the Leafs were celery salt.
I don't mind waking up to find that both games weren't some horrible dreams but in fact reality. I can even forgive the mustache...what I cant forgive is how Andrew Raycroft can make ordinary players look like they have soft hands.

Mike Comrie.






I know I’m all spazzed out on tryptofan and tray after tray of Pot of Gold and Turtles, extra cranberry sauce. Giblets. (My family do the traditional bird: swan. Done up with stuff that goes with the big bird...can I have more neck? I won’t lie, I’m a fixins man, walking that fine line where gravy becomes beverage.) My point is this....even with that weighing heavy on my belt and conscience…I know an .882 save percentage isn’t exactly sizzling.
The Todd Ford, Justin Pogge, Scott Clemenson domino that leads to Andrew Raycroft is troubling. With yet another reason to hate men's groins: number 1 goaler Tosakala and his tenderoni zoni are day to day. Andrew Raycroft as our number one is about as good an idea as the Black Snake Moan video game (for PS2).
‘Kay I’m out of jokes.
Two weeks ago my team, your team: the Toronto Maple Leafs were a team on the road to recovery. On the impressive wingspan of Mats Sundin it began to look like a team with an identity. Secondary scoring, first rate defense, A+ goaltending…the holy trinity right there.
You always hear about captain of captains, the Moose, Messier, calling guys out in the dressing room. Like the roll call at the beginning of Hill Street Blues: Blake, Tucker, Bell, Wellwood, Kilger, Ponikarovsky? Uh...hello...what are you guys doing? Finish a play…injured, not injured…I am not giving a shit.


As the year comes to an end...I would just like to thank my three fellow posters: Greener, Moose and Washingtron (see below) for posting with me and making me look good post after post after post.

The Kids Are Alright

Great minds do indeed think alike (and cheer for the Oilers). Washingtron's piece about recycled headlines forced me to dust off a post that I quashed back in pre-season. I know authors at newspapers don't write their own headlines, but what does that really say? If you're a headline writer, all you do is write headlines! C'mon, man. Three words: mail, it, in. How many times do you reckon the crack staff at the Edmonton Sun has dusted off this old gem: "ALES IN WONDERLAND?"

Remember those old disks of 'clip art' you used to buy for desktop publishing purposes? Well, I've come to the conclusion that the writers at the Edmonton Sun and Edmonton Journal have a stock file of headlines that they pluck from depending on the game story.

"Hey who got the game winner for the Oil tonight? Stortini?" Easy...ZACK ATTACK!

What's that? Pitkanen had three points? JONI ON THE SPOT!

What a job that must be. Just pick a player of focus and there's some not-so-clever play on words that these guys can come up with in a matter of seconds.

Dick Tarnstrom pots the winner...TRICKY DICK! Although a headline writing connoisseur would save that for a Tarnstrom hat-trick. Waste not.

Dustin Penner scores in overtime? PENNER FROM HEAVEN!

Sam Gagner scores in the shootout...PLAY IT AGAIN SAM...I mean any moron can come up with that one.

Kyle Brodziak continues his three game scoring streak: HOT BRODZ!

Andrew Cogliano is named first star of the game? VITAL COG

Denis Grebeshkov has his usual stellar game...GREBESH-COUGHS IT UP!

Personally, I'm a little disappointed there hasn't been an opportunity to unveil what is sure to be a headline mainstay: HIP HIP SOURAY!

So there you have it readers, that's all I got. Now it's your turn, we want your best (and by best I mean worst) Oiler or Leafs headlines. Greener has already given me the exceptionally trad, FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS (Mark Bell). Tell you what, I'm offering an autographed Washingtron head-shot for the best Alexei Ponikarovsky or Carlo Colaiacovo headline. Saucy.

For what it's worth, tomorrow night will be Ethan "Chopper" Moreau's return to the lineup after missing 113 consecutive games. Take this one to the bank for the morning edition: CHOPPING AT THE BIT!

EDIT (6:36PM): About 45 minutes after I finished this post, I decided to log on to the Oilers website to see if I could get some audio clips about tomorrow's game against Minneso...OH MY GOD!

I Don't Think the Who Even Liked Hockey

Dearest Readers. Imagine my surprise when I logged into HS/HS this mid afternoon to write a scathing dressing down of the current state of hockey media only to find Moose, hero to all, had already done something along those same lines. Great minds think alike and also cheer for the Oilers. Not to fear though! While this type of miniature setback would normally have caused me to not only not write an article but also to never log into the site again, instead I shall forge ahead and instead turn this post-boxing-day day into an anti hockey news pile on. Besides, if Moose and I continue writing two articles a day each for the next three weeks on how we don't like the way our team is covered by the media we will still be about thirty articles shy of Greener's current record. And so...

I would like to officially strike "The Kids Are Just Alright" from the hockey writers lexicon of lame standby cliche's. Today in the Edmonton Sun there were two references to that song in two SEPARATE articles. And this was the second time that this had happened, the other in the Edmonton Journal when Cogliano and Gagner were making their bids. Second time. Let me clarify, the second time that song had been referenced TWICE on ONE day in two SEPARATE articles. That's not including the multitude of times its appeared the rest of the year. Check this out!

Feb 07, Linda Cohn, ESPN "WHO are you? These Pens are Alright!"

Sep 07, Larry Wigge, NHL.com "In Chicago, these kids are alright!"

Nov 07, Mcleans Magazine "Hockey's new face, the kids are alright"

Feb 07, Letsgosabres.com "Hit on Drury tough to call; Kids are alright"

Mar 07, CanesCountry "The Kids Are Alright"

Nov 07, Hockeybuzz.com "These kids are ALRIGHT!"

Jan 07, SI.com "Future of hockey: The Kids Are Alright"

Dec 07, ESPN.com "Young unassuming defenders tearing it up for preds, the kids are alright"

That took me three minutes to find. That's one page on google. There are over 9000 results that come up with "NHL" and "Kids are alright" as the search words. That's not including the numerous "plays" on the title. I know I know, newsflash, sports reporters are lazy? They use cliche ridden ridiculous hyperbole? Say it ain't so! But in the ongoing quest by league commissioner Gary Bettman to "grow the NHL brand" by finally expanding to Tijuana or the Sudan where hockey really belongs, there has been a big push on improving the media coverage. Take, for example, the riveting "on the bench" mid period interviews conducted by all FSN broadcasts. I for one was tired of waiting till intermission to hear a heavily accented "its a team effort" from a sweaty breathless Finn. Or, and I'm sure Moose will correct me here, but I believe its the St. Louis broadcasts, they jam a reporter in the teeny space between the benches, where he can't really interview people because of the glass, and he can't really hear what's being said on the benches because of the glass and the fans. All Access indeed! Just a squinty bald guy with his finger in his ear speculating wildly based on the face he saw the backup goalie make while reaching for a gatorade.

What I feel the league should be doing is working with the players to improve their intervieweeism. Cliche answers to cliche questions in the NHL have become an epidemic. This is well trodden ground here I know but my god, I don't even listen to my own players being interviewed anymore! Hockey interviews are like watching a split screen of two people on the phone having two completely different conversations. Gene Principe (that paragon of hard nosed journalism) will fire off a question about a cheap hit in the first, Steve Staios will respond by talking about ice fishing in the off season, Gene will make a hesitant attempt at sticking to his guns and looking for an answer, Staios will barrel forward and reveal that his defensive partner is quote "good" unquote, after which Principe will conclude by randomly singing happy birthday to the play by play guy and we'll cut to commercial to the tune of Roger Daltry informing us that,apparently, the kids are alright.

After watching Sam Gagner interviewed a few days before christmas I turned to my dad and said "Not many personalities in the game of hockey, huh?" The last good answer to a question I heard had to be when Doug Weight was an Oiler. I don't know if there's been anyone even remotely interesting since. That's not counting Georges Laraque. I think he got a free pass because he was mildly retarded and sounded like Andre the Giant choking on a loaf of bread.

So maybe its not the media's fault. Maybe the players are just boring. Maybe it does get tricky to write articles every day for 300 days (if you're a Canadian writer) or 34 days (if you're in the Carolina's) and you're not getting any help from the people you're supposed to be covering. Well that's why I say just quit it. Let the people come here for their "news"! We at HS/HS will endeavor to not use cliche's. Maybe we'll even create some new ones. I'm sure there's something to be drawn about the state of the game from "Love Shack" by the B52's, I'll read the liner notes now... hmmmm. Nope. This might be harder than I thought...

You Might Be A Homer

I watch a lot of hockey. The "Center Ice" package has made my life immeasurably more enjoyable. At the same time, it's caused me to spend a little more time than I ever imagined pretending I'm a sound engineer. Some of you know the routine, don't you?

1) Pause DVR
2) Log on to Oilers.nhl.com
3) Click "Listen Live!"
4) Un-pause DVR
5) Hit mute button.
6) Spend a few minutes trying to perfectly synchronize ten second-delayed audio with action on television.

The commentary that comes with almost any hockey broadcast originating in the United States is unbearable. The broadcast team usually consists of the city's baseball play-by-play man (slumming during his off-season), accompanied by a nondescript former hockey player. Usually a back-up goalie or a colorful 4th liner who can spit out hockey-isms like "That puck has to go deep!" and "That's a good active stick!" I suppose that's all par for the course, but it's the root, root, root, for the home team shit that makes me boil. I don't know about you, but when I listen to a game, I'm not looking for a couple buddies to high-five with after a goal. I want someone to give me information and compliment the action, not jam the Kool-Aid down my throat.

Look, I get it. You're paid by the team, you travel with the team, you've seen most of the team naked in the showers, Jonathan Cheechoo scrubs your back with the loofa - I don't care. As Frank Deford once said, "Never forget that no matter how much fans love their team, they're also the first to criticize...except Greener and Norte". The point is, fans WANT tough love, not a bunch of homers and apologists who are afraid to be critical of players for fear that they'll be excluded from the Texas Hold 'Em game on the plane ride home.

The other day I was watching a game where a player on Team A had a partial breakaway. The defenceman on Team B tried to get back and break-up the play, causing the other player to fall down and lose the puck. No penalty was called. The announcers for Team A were predictably screaming for a penalty shot, and couldn't believe there was no call. I quickly switched over to the other feed for the game, where the announcers for Team B were talking about a "great defensive play." Hilariously ridiculous.

Let's examine some more of the classic signs.

"You might be a homer if..."

You can't be bothered: Nothing shows you're so fundamentally crap at your job as mispronouncing players' names. So let me get this straight - when I'm watching a Detroit Red Wings game, Valterri Filppula just rolls off the tongue, but the best player on my team is named Alex Hemsky? He should be easy to remember, he's the guy who scored the goal that knocked you out of the playoffs two years ago. No? Nothing? Jarret Stoll is not one of the Staal brothers. It's pronounced 'stole'. Andrew COG-LEE-ON-OH. I know it's fun to cop that lame Italian accent and talk like you're from the 'old world' but it's not Cogliani, or Conigliari. For fucks sake, what's gonna happen when he plays on a line with Pisani? The other day the studio host for the Colorado Avalanche told me Steve Avery was called for roughing. Really? At least pick a baseball player who's still playing if you're gonna fuck that up. Note to all broadcasters: The names on the roster aren't an interpretive exercise, full of typos, or open to poetic license. If you can learn the names of all your boys you can learn the names of mine.

You spell team with 'we': "Big faceoff here. We need a goal." No we fucking don't. Stop pretending you're a member of the team. You're a lazy, balding, middle-aged man who's vicariously living his man-love sports fantasy through a bunch of guys who tolerate you so they don't get fined.

You complain about the referee: I know, I know, your team doesn't take penalties. My team are a bunch of cheaters. One night, I actually heard Randy Hahn and Marty McSorley (of the San Jose Sharks) insinuate the referee was fixing the game, and say he "should be embarrassed to go home to his wife and children." The Sharks were losing 3-0. Go figure. The best part about this behavior is it's usually followed by a back-handed apology with about 6 minutes left in the third period. Something like, "Hey, but let's not take anything away from the (insert name of team that's winning). They've played a good game tonight."

I don't get your inside jokes: I don't know what Nicolas Havelid's favorite movie is, how much Filip Kuba's suit cost, or the name of Phil Kessel's dog. Therefore, to me, "I'll bet Steve doesn't think THAT tastes like cinnamon," is an idiotic, and slightly homo-erotic, non sequitur. Hey asshole, don't talk like millions of us aren't in the room.

You call players by their nickname during live play: Remember when Peter, Anton, and Marian Stastny used to play on the same line with the Nordiques? Well, apparently now when a team has two players with the same FIRST name, it's confusing. Which surely must explain why, "Little Joe streaks down the right side and drops it for Big Joe." Or maybe it's because 'Pavelski' and 'Thornton' just aren't cute enough! Do you ever here Joe Bowen call Tomas Kaberle 'Kabs,' or Chris Cuthbert say, "Heater throws it behind the net to Spez?" No, because it sounds fucking stupid.

And, you might be a homer if...

You work for the Minnesota Wild: I hope everyone gets the experience of watching/listening to Dan Terhaar and Mike Greenlay (an ex-Oiler). Every Brian Rolston shot is a volcanic eruption, every Marian Gaborik pass is a laser beam of perfection, and every Keith Carney dump-in is pure genius. Holy shit, call me when you win something. Anything.

I'M COMING UP BEHIND YOU ALAN BESTER

Poetic justice isn’t just some crap movie staring the least terrible Jackson: its a rule of life. Much like, if not exactly like, shit happens. It’s a concept; an idea that gets written in italics. If Britney Spears were talking about it she would be chewing gum and doing quotations in the air with her fingers. If Britney Spears were talking about it she wouldn’t be wearing any panties.
Poetic justice in action occurred 34 seconds into overtime tonight. The planets aligned as Pavel Kubina with a slapper as pure and strong as a glacial stream got it past Vokoun, nothing but net as they say; on the PP to boot. If the Gods of TV at HNIC weren’t so gung-ho to switch the feed over to the Chicago/otowa game I perhaps may have been able to see the replay of the goal. I don’t think it was a tip or a screen. Regardless the W went to the rightful goalie.

Snapping streaks like snapping towels leaves a little welt on your ass cheek. It's called grit. Considering all Bryan McCabe was doing tonight was asking people to sign his cast…I thought we were sound yet again defensively. Admittedly I did catch myself cringing, Aki Berg style, whenever a certain member of the defense corps handled the puck. I wont say who but I’ll give you a hint, his name rhymes with Ozniewski.
Overall I liked their play although 30 shots is more than enough. Once again Toskala makes it look easy and makes JFJ look like a genius. Between you me and the lamppost…Tosakla just moved past Jiri Chra and into a tie with Bunny Larocque for my 7th favorite Leaf goaler of all time.



And Wellwood? With that sweet, innocent face, like a half melted pat of
butter, I could never stay angry at you.I just want to tuck him in and read him
Goodnight Moon. I love you little buddy…ssshhh…
(Gets up quietly, turns off the light, turns on the night light, and backs out of the room)

MacT to Oilers: All I want for xmas is a motherf**king goal!!!!

Merry Xmas! It's me! Washingtron! I'm still alive! First off, I'm sure the two of you readers that aren't Greener (read Greener's dad and girlfriend) have been wondering where I've been. Its been a long stretch without some of my good ole puff pieces about myself. Well, truth be told I was first too depressed by the Oilers terrible start to bring myself to talk about the millions of things that everyone else was talking about. I couldn't think of anything else to type but "Dustin Penner isn't worth the money!" or "Daryl Katz wants to buy the team and I like that about him!". Well with all the injuries finally clearing up and the team starting to be an exciting one to watch every other game or so I'm re-inspired. "But wait!" you say. The Oil have been on the comeback trail for quite some time, why haven't you been writing in the interim? Easy. To spite Greener.

So, as its been one hundred years since my last post I'm going to bullet point a few things out there based on notes I had made over the last few months. I should add, I'm making those notes up. This is mostly gonna be old news. Olde Thyme Newsery. So imagine the gentle whirr of a film projector and read this in your best nasally fast talking debonaire brylcream announcer voice...

• First and foremost: Newsflash Liam Reddox. You don't get to wear #85. I feel the Oilers have done what can only be described as the opposite of retiring a jersey number. They filthified it by draping it on the most undeserving player in the Oilers system. My favorite player ever to don those hallowed Oil silks, Petr Klima, now stands no chance of having that 85 hanging in the rafters where it belongs. Why? Because its been defiled by that red headed stepchild perennial training camp cut Liam Reddox. Liam, why did you even choose 85!? Petr defected from Czechoslovakia that year, he earned it! He had to rip his nice new winter jacket on some razor wire fence someplace and sleep in the back of a potato truck and wear fake moustaches and leave his friend the forger, who went blind from doing all that close up work, in a barn while he tried to fly to safety in a stolen prop plane! You weren't even born yet!
  



• Second and foremost. Chris Simon. Way I see it, no blood was drawn, that's a 2 minute minor. Easy. Calling for more than 30 games? That's just gonna get you on the "To Be Stomped" list he has tatooed on his left ankle.
  


• Third. Joni Pitkanen is terrible looking. I am back in Edmonton for Xmas and who should I see at the Elephant & Castle last night after the game but Joni Pitkanen. This was odd because first of all, he looks 16, second, I always think a big tall defenceman is gonna be solid looking, this guy is reedier than I get at a library. Now that's the kinda joke this site's been missing the last couple months. Third, he is currently the face of the "Come watch the Oilers here" ad campaign of teeny table top tent poster type things. So he's in the bar that's using him as poster boy trollin for poon. And ugh. It ain't pretty. His skating stride is the most attractive part about him. I have included a picture of him below. Truth be told though, man he's exciting to watch. Current favorite player on the team. Just don't look too close.

• I've been wanting to blog about this next thing for some time, though evidently not enough to actually do that. I'm surprised no one else has been talking about it, to me its the biggest thing to happen this season. The trade. Maybe even bigger than when the Oil sent the Great One packing. Sidney Crosby for Alexander Ovechkin straight across. Never in my wildest dreams did I see this one coming! It seems to make perfect sense I guess. Both are rated 99, neither team was doing particularly well, but for Computer George McPhee to talk Computer Ray Shero into this thing is a feat. Needless to say, my NHL 08 dynasty league has been rocked to the core...

That's it. I promise to write more often, and maybe next time I might even write about something real. But probably not. To both of those things I just said.

Wash

Moose Droppings

How's The Sewer?

Now, I'm not going to say, "I told you so." I'm going to say, "What are you, fucking stupid? Of course Scott Niedermayer came back." For someone who thinks Kevin Lowe is a shitty GM, Brian Burke sure likes a lot of Lowe's ex-players. Chris Pronger, Todd Marchant, and now Doug Weight. So that was the best deal that the world's greatest GM could make?

Scott Niedermayer is a great player, and I know any deal Burke made would have been viewed as: Asset A for Asset B + Scott Niedermayer, so it will be viewed as a win for the Ducks. But is it really? Why doesn't anyone take this idiot to task? You know, the guy who said Kevin Lowe was running his team into the sewer? I presume by "his team" he meant the Ducks. He scoffed at the contract that Lowe gave Penner, then turned around and gave the same money to a decrepit Todd Bertuzzi, a guy whose career ended as soon as Steve Moore's head hit the ice. In case any of you can't count to five, don't worry, Bertuzzi has 4 goals.

So let's see, in an effort to clear cap space for Niedermayer's return, he first gave away a legitimate starting goalie (Bryzgalov), a move which he tried to paint as an altruistic move on his part to help further Bryzgalov's career. I assume when he waives Sean O'Donnell after the Christmas roster freeze, he'll be adopting a young Sudanese boy to play on the Ducks third pairing. The cap hit is only 33 cents a day.

Now he's traded away Andy McDonald to rent Doug Weight for a few months. That move, plus the small one he'll make after Christmas, will enable him to make the mistake of throwing $5 million at Corey Perry over a long-term deal, plus, it frees up some money if Selanne wants to come back this season. So looking ahead to next year, Niedermayer will have retired for good, he'll have Getzlaf, Perry and Kunitz as the only three guys that can score, no cap room, and he'll be forced to give away more assets for nothing in order to free-up cap space. Awesome. I hope George Parros and his Yanni-esque mustache are ready for 2nd line duty. Shit, that offends me...and I'm Greek!

Alpha Mails

Sometimes, listening to hockey pundits makes me a bit aggressive. I generally think I know more than them anyway, but on those days when I have too much time on my hands I feel the need to prove it. So a few months ago, I e-mailed Terry Jones at the Edmonton Sun after a piece he wrote about Daryl Katz that wasn't particularly kind to the man who will soon own the Edmonton Oilers. It seems particularly relevant again:

Terry,

You're doing an excellent job of being a mouthpiece forthe EIG. Keep up the good work. It's not at all objective journalism, but who cares, right? I noticed when Cal Nichols was advocating Chris Pronger should divorce his wife, rather than leave the Oilers, you were pretty silent. Are you upset because Katz is willing to do everything they aren't? Spend to the cap, build an arena with his own money and make this team a winner? Or do you advocate the people of Edmonton paying for the new arena? Which, if you listen to a word the mayor says, is inevitable. If you do, then write that in your next piece so we know where you stand.

I admire the EIG for what they did. I always will. But it's time to stand up and lead, or get out the way. You act like Katz is selfish businessman. What are EIG? The ones who don't want to sell, don't because of the brand association with the Oilers and what it does for THEIR wallets. Nothing else. If it was about winning and the fans and the city, THEY would have said the same things Katz said yesterday. Have they ever committed to that, Terry? Or are they just entitled to keep lining their pockets indefinitely because they saved this team once. Anyway...I know you gotta go....Cal Nichols on line two, eh?

Wow, I'm a dick. But you gotta admit, I was right. Nichols even said so in his statement, that it was "time to pass the torch." And what was ultimately the main factor that swayed the EIG partners to sell this time? A restructured deal that resulted in more money for the shareholders. Really? Rich men persuaded by more money? At any rate, below is Terry Jones' reply:

John,

I don't usually save e-mails but I'm going to save this one. When this all shakes down I'll reply.

Cheers,
Terry

I'm still waiting for my follow up Jonesy.

MORE UPS AND DOWNS THAN A SPANIARDS HONEYMOON BED

Okay...shit happens. And when shit happens, that shit (that happens) is usually the worst case scenario shit. Ponikarovsky and his laissez faire handling of the puck was (we're talking worst case scenarios here) the shit. His stick getting lifted was the happens. Or perhaps the goal was the happens. (I don't know about you but the second Stillman lifted his stick I said "Oh no" out loud.)
Regardless of shit versus happens....what we witnessed Tuesday night was 85 seconds of shit happening. Yes, Alexei Ponikarovsky, Merry Christmas...hope the Goat Horns are the correct fit. But lets not forget, it was the Hurricanes who scored two goals and then won in overtime, not Alexei Ponikarovsky.
Don't even get me started on the officiating (which was so awful I cant believe Kerry Fraser wasn't out on the ice watching Wayne fucking Gretzky circumsize Dougie Gilmour with the end of his stick.)
I told you not to get me started.

Sometimes the Gods just love making shit happen. What bothers me the most is that Toskala doesn't get his rightful W.

(And for what its worth. what bugs me about Chris Simon is that his suspension, although the longest in league history, means he will be back on the ice before McCabe.)

*

Kari fucking Ramo. Perhaps this is just a paranoid statement but are the Leafs the only team that cant capitalize on inferior goaltending? (I mean Kari Fucking Ramo is 2-4 in six, in the AHL)The fact that Ramo surfed his first NHL game into a W while Toskala once again stands on his head only to receive another L (and thats on top of 5 double pad stackers) is disgraceful.
Note to Leafs....perhaps its a good idea to put some guys in front of the net.

On the positive side. I'm loving Gill and Kubina. And the line of Steen, Stajan and Devereaux have been great too. Most importantly, the PK keeps looking better and better too.
Negatively. Where the hell is Darcy? I was surprised to hear his name called late in the second as I didn't know he was even playing. And is it just me or does Wellwood look like he is holding onto the puck too long? I wont rag on Blake...cos he has cancer.
But the PP? Suffice it to say...it burns when they PP.

Chris Simon Leaves Team, Will Be Dropped on Iraq

Thoughtful bon vivant Chris Simon was given a paid leave of absence yesterday by the gentlemen's club he belongs to, to, you know, do his thing, travel a little, and just find himself. I've had jobs in the past where I wanted to do all those things. I should have known that all you had to do to get that was to try to chop someones foot off.

Maybe this is a little TMI, but I've never even thought about it. Never have I been at work and thought, "You know what needs to happen right here? A foot needs to get chopped off!" Not once have I ever dreamed of it. I'm sorry everyone. Your disappointment in me is punishment enough.

There is some debate so far as to how many games Simon will have to lose to pay for his latest act of criminal-genius insanity. Ken, over at the always excellent Hockey Narrative has a great post about the whole incident, and how that debate is shaping up. He suspects that Simon will get nailed, not just because of the nature of the action, but how the whole hockey world is rallying around common sense to condemn Simon's anti-footwork.

Personally I think this is the end of Simon's career. Read up on what he's been suspended for, you'll be shocked. He has a long history of on-ice viciousness. In fact, I think he actually killed and ate Sjohn Podein. If they made a movie about him, it'd get a hard 'R' for excessive violence and it'd be called, "Blood Hunter". Or, "Blood Hunter 2: Kill Shot". Or, "Oh God, He Just Chopped My Foot Off!". No one under the age of 100 allowed without parent.
No matter how many off-ice praises Charles Wang, Ted Nolan and Garth Snow heap on him, the fact is, Chris Simon is a fucking menace in a hockey rink, and for every ten goals he scores he has to try and end someones career/life. I am all for tolerance and second chances, but this is ridiculous. At this rate, I doubt this guy could even be a Philadelphia Flyer.

The horribleness of the crime was really brought home to me by the usually level headed Moose who said to me when we first heard of it, "I'm all for something terrible happening to Jarkko Ruutu, but this is too much." He then went on to say, "Greener, I so, so respect you as a man, a writer and as a hockey player. In fact, I love you. I really, really love you!" True story.

So lets see what happens. The pressure is major on Colin Campbell to get this right. I say Simon gets the season. Then next year, he'll look great in a Nottingham Panthers uniform.