Monday, January 7

Steve Downie: Just Makes You Sick

Today I spent about 30 minutes making face-to-face eye contact with silverback mountain gorillas at the San Diego Zoo during one of the worst weather days I've ever seen, anywhere. You know in "Aliens", when the space marines land on the planet where the dead colony is and they get out in the middle of a complete meteorological shit storm? Balmy compared to today. If you've ever been beside a gorilla whose shivering with cold, then you've walked a mile in my addidas.

Then after a three hour drive home in conditions so bad it felt like I was navigating the Straits of Magellan, I got home and prepared to watch the Leafs game from Saturday against a team whose plane you wish would go down in the Andes forcing the survivors to eat the dead; the Flyers. Can you imagine eating a dead Steve Downie? His flesh would probably give you dysentery. His flesh would make you sick and then you'd die from starvation and dysentery. Your final thought before being claimed by sweet, sweet death would be what everyone else in the world's is about Steve Downie: "Fuck you, Steve Downie."

I've written hilariously well about Steve Downie before, and I have to say he has exactly as much character as Moose's boss, who, in exchange for Moose and I joining his POS team - which we did, hand delivering them a championship - agreed to get us a box to see the Leafs at the Staples Center on Thursday...which, when it came time to deliver, he laughingly blew off. Then he refused to at least get us seats saying "That wasn't part of the deal." That's right Tony, doing more for us was part of the deal, fulfilling your part of the agreement was part of the deal, you short, lousy, Steve Downie-esqe, little creep.
The worst part is that what tickets he said he did have access to were promised long ago to an even worse sub-human. Some guy originally from Toronto, who apparently "loves the Leafs", but who, during last years final showed up to Moose's work in an Ottawa Senators jersey. You know when you hear about how in the middle ages, thousands of cheering people would gather in a town square to witness a beheading? I understand that now. As I write this I'm trying to think of something funny to say which would be worse than wearing an Ottawa Senators jersey, and I can't think of one goddamed thing. That's how bad it is.

I got tickets anyhow, and if you want to see what I look like, watch the game on Thursday and just find the coolest guy in section 119, row 14 who looks the happiest he's ever been.


Loser Domi said...

I hope you guys have a good time at the game. Maybe we can win one since it is the Kings.

Jaredoflondon said...

how much do Leaf tickets go for in LA?

Norte said...

the only thing worse than a fan of that team is a suckerpuncher

Greener said...

Jared, the almost non-joke answer is "priceless". There are A LOT of Leafs fans here.

Jaredoflondon said...

yeah, well the answer up here is "my boss knows a guy who knows a guy...."

other than that, your usually SOL.

Loser Domi said...

I know that saying this will get me pummeled, and I know that what Downie did was not funny at all. Howevah, just for giggles...maybe he's a Bigger than cheese fan? :

I'm just trying to be funny by linking to funnier people than me.

PPP said...

Some guy originally from Toronto, who apparently "loves the Leafs", but who, during last years final showed up to Moose's work in an Ottawa Senators jersey.

I'll just assume that you guys did your Leaf fan duty and broke his legs.

Downie27 said...

I said it before, and I'll say it again. Man up, ya' punk ass saplings. "Site contains less than 2% Tucker by weight?" ... I guess that means he's here 24/7? Nice season he's having.