Burke on TSN, Alberta Cows Give Sour Milk

Brian Burke was on TSN yesterday giving an in depth interview with James Duthie. Question: What's that big, grey, thick-skinned animal who they say legend has it "never forgets"? Yes, that's right, it's Brian Burke. To suggest that Burke has forgiven and forgotten about losing Dustin Penner to an offer sheet given by Kevin Lowe is like saying that Penner is a little peeved about getting a 1000% raise from a little over 400 thousand bucks, to a little over 4 million.

Burke (left, from the interview), seen here frightening me, was asked about how he felt about Kevin Lowe. Said Burke, "If I had run my team into the sewer like that I wouldn't throw a grenade at the other 29 teams and my own indirectly," all this making James Duthie laugh nervously.
Taking offense at this, Burke then reached through the screen and grabbed Duthie by his tie. He yelled "Gutless puke!" in Duthie's face, at which point, Duthie puked.

Burke stormed from the studio, taking half a mo to push a young boys' ice cream cone into the lads face. Plunging into the Pacific Ocean, he emerged in Tokyo and cut a devastating swath of destruction not seen in Japan since, well, surprisingly, ever. As bursts of laser-flames erupted from his feral mouth, he could be heard screaming about how he now understood what "...that other genius" Mozart went through all those times getting F'd over by that loser Salieri.



With a mighty leap he flew over Europe and landed in England where, for good measure, he took time to kill the owners of a London pub who served him a bad kidney pie last week when his Ducks were there to play the Kings. Once again using his Burke Powers, he jumped across the Atlantic, landing in Alberta where he took the most gigantic wiz into Alberta tourist mecca Lake Louise, thereby ruining it for generations to come.

Jumping one last time, he came to rest in Anaheim, taking shelter from the harangues of NHL GM'dom on the U.S. Navy weapons test site he calls home.