Thursday, June 12

My Sweet Angel: Falls Down, Goes Boom

Thanks to a tip from excellent He Score, He Shoot reader/bar owner/stud, Ian P., I bring you news that our sweetest little kiss in the bunch, Kyle Wellwood, has broken his foot. When reached for comment on the matter, a heartbroken Wellwood expressed sadness that "...this'll throw all my hard, off-season training way off! I mean, right around August or so, I was really gonna go hard at it!" And by that, Kyle means the buffet.

Welly told the press that he broke his foot "warming up" for a game of indoor soccer. Phew, sounds exhausting! It's no real surprise that Kyle broke a bone, because everyone knows that Kyle has the softest skin body work ethic bones around. That's because exercise helps strenghten the human body, like your bones, or your groin.
Never one to actually "work out" or "train hard" or "not take his career playing pro hockey for granted", it looks like it'll be just another summer in cottage cheese country for snookums.

Kyle, seen here as an abomination to everything Gary Roberts stands for, obviously hasn't read, say, this blog, or your blog, or even any sky writing anywhere in Southern Ontario. For you see, there's a new Sherriff in town. His name is Ron "Wellwood Will Look Great in Panthers Uniform" Wilson. This here bench boss will soon tire of watching Tubby McWhiteskin there get plumb tuckered out during a game. I mean gee-willikers Pa, doesn't the play die with you every time you touch the puck? Me neither.

I've written about Kyle many times before, and according to Windsorian of the Year Ian P., the opposite of unwell. Have a look at what I wrote on January 28th. Read that, and then look again at the picture above. Those are 5 months apart. I mean Jesus Christ, I'm not asking that Kyle to turn into Dolph Lundgren between then and now, but seriously, when you're an NHL'er, the only thing getting bigger on you between seasons shouldn't be your jowls. Sometimes I hate to be right.

Not all is lost for Kyle though. The Leafs just released the new TML 07/08 season commemorative figurines! Yes! Awesome! Who's going to be the first on their block to bring home a Kyle Wellwood?:

Not like what you see? Would you rather be unimpressed when listening? Then perhaps your next move should be to listen to our latest podcast. Rad, this is just like chess!