Another gexcellent marketing move by the NHL this week, as the Kings and Ducks kicked off their seasons in hockey-mad London. The small Ontario town packed the arena...wait, what? London, England? Brilliant, and on a Saturday no less, when every Englishman is packed into football grounds around the country. I hear Arsenal and Spurs are going to play their North London derby in Green Bay next year...on Super Bowl Sunday.
Northwest Division
1. Colorado Avalanche: I have to admit, I have no clue about this division. Every team has an obvious weakness, but I guess the Avalanche are as good as anyone. They're especially deep at forward, and have a nice mix of veterans and youth. With Sakic, Hejduk, Smyth, Wolski and Stastny, there's two quality scoring lines, and that doesn't take into account a possible return to form from Marek Svatos, or the unheralded Andrew Brunette. Additionally, you can't underestimate the benefit of having Ian Laperriere's nose horrify the living shit out of opposing defenceman.
On the blueline, they added Scott Hannan to a nice group that includes Brett Clark, John-Michael Liles and iron-man, Karlis Skrastins. The weakness of course is in goal where, like sands through the hourglass, so is Jose Theodore's contract. Fortunately for the Avs, the $6 million back-up is in the final year of his deal, which may inspire him to a save percentage of at least .880. If not, Peter Budaj will have to do.
2. Vancouver Canucks: Until last week I was vehemently opposed to the NHL's discussion about enlarging the nets. Then I heard Roberto Luongo say he would retire if they did. Seriously, what's two or three inches on each side gonna hurt? The Canucks have replaced the Dallas Stars as my 2nd most hated team, mostly because I look at the sheer assness of their roster and can't quite figure out how the Oilers lose to them. It's Luongo. Other than the Sedin twins, nobody else scores, although it's possible that Naslund and Morrison will bounce back in what is likely to be their last season in Vancouver. Mitchell, Ohlund, Salo and Bieksa make up a decent top four, but it remains to be seen if the Canucks will regret their decision not to re-sign 'All-Star', Rory Fitzpatrick.
3. Calgary Flames: One thing you know about Mike Keenan is that he likes to ride his horses. That means, Iginla, Phaneuf and Kiprusoff can expect to play a lot. With a true star at each position, the Flames have a nice core to build around, but they haven't been able to do that effectively. Langkow, Tanguay, Huselius and Conroy are decent players but none are the kind of guys you're dying to go to war with. The defence, which was once their strength now looks disturbingly like a big, slow, chip-it-off-the-glass group. Sarich? Warrener? Aucoin? Ah, the Keenan stamp is already making it's mark. Did I mention those three guys will be making a combined $10 million this season? Who is going to get the forwards the puck? What was wrong with Roman Hamrlik? And why did they let a decent, offensive-minded guy like Mark Giordano go to Russia? Just as a sidenote, I think all Calgary-Edmonton games this year should be decided by a one-on-one skating race between Matthew Lombardi and Andrew Cogliano.
4. Minnesota Wild: There's nothing exciting about the Wild. They're just so mediocre, and nothing in sports is worse than being mediocre. You either want to be very good or very bad. At least if you're very bad you have the hope of high draft picks and getting better. But when you finish between 14th and 20th every year, you get table scraps. GM Doug Risebrough was so happy with losing in the first round of the playoffs that he added just one new face of note - Eric Belanger. A good two-way player that can skate, now that doesn't sound like a Minnesota Wild player AT ALL! This years' drive for 8th will hinge on Gaborik's health and whether or not Niklas Backstrom can prove to be a #1 goalie over a full season.
5. Edmonton Oilers: The best part about writing this has been realizing that the teams in the Oilers' division don't look as good as I thought they were. The Oil could finish anywhere from 2nd to 5th in the Northwest, but with the questions on defence and the number of young players being counted on to deliver, I just can't see them finishing much higher than 4th. I hope I'm wrong. At least Oiler fans get to see some of this every night:
1. San Jose Sharks: I think they'll finish ahead of the Ducks, partly because of the Ducks losses (Niedermayer/Selanne) and partly because they're a very good regular season team. Gutless, playoff chokers, but a good regular season team. Have you heard my rant about Joe Thornton? Well here it is again...the San Jose Sharks will never win a Stanley Cup as long as Joe Thornton is counted on to be their 'leader'. He's not a leader. He's a quiet, passive guy who plays the same way; always trying to slow the game down. I don't blame Boston one bit for trading the guy. Was the return awful? Absolutely. But they were right in trying to go another direction. "But Moose, he's not even their Captain", you say. You're right, it's that other church mouse, Patrick Marleau. So in order to address the gaping leadership hole, GM Doug Wilson went out and signed...Jeremy Roenick. Well done (pun very much intended).
2. Anaheim Ducks: After playing until June and losing two Hall of Famers to temporary retirement, the Ducks will be hard pressed to win the division again. That's not to say they aren't still the team to beat come playoff time. As I said before, I think at least one of Selanne or Niedermayer will be back mid-season to give this team a lift. Rookie Bobby Ryan looks set to take Dustin Penner's place in the lineup and scored in his first game in England. They still have the best player in the NHL in Chris Pronger, and the best GM who ever lived in Brian Burke. Just ask him.
3. Los Angeles Kings: I kinda like the Kings this year. I would like them even more if they could ever get any goaltending. In my opinion, Anze Kopitar was the best rookie to play in the NHL last year (suck it, Malkin!). He put up 20-41-61, while playing on a terrible team. In the off-season the Kings went out and loaded up on skill (albeit soft, Euro skill) to compliment Kopitar and their other core players, Mike Cammalleri and Alexander Frolov. The arrival of Michael Handzus and Ladislav Nagy adds some scoring punch, but probably puts the Kings over the cap in Slavic hockey hair. They'll probably have to trade Jaroslav Modry. The blueline has improved markedly with the additions of Tom Preissing and Brad Stuart. Those two will join PP kingpin Lubomir Visnovsky and Rob Blake to make up a nice top four. I predict they'll get a goalie and contend for a playoff spot.
4. Dallas Stars: I'd like to go in-depth and say a lot of interesting things about the Dallas Stars, but I really just want to use them as an excuse to see this again:
6. Vancouver
7. Calgary
8. Los Angeles
* Division Champs
Norte: Dispatch, this desk. I promised someone I would curb my sailor talk, apparently I swear a lot, so forgive me if you are reading this, but let me tell you bitches something. It's only one more sleep until the season starts. 
On another note, my wife told me a story that in like 1996 Eric Lindros once spent a drunken night in a bar in cottage country trying to pick her up. The whole night he kept asking her if she knew who he was. He failed. Quite frankly a Hall of Famer would have sealed the deal. I know for a fact that if it was Peter Stastny trying to pick her up that night they would have had sex. Gretzky woulda had her bareback. That’s a Hall of Famer.
