Claude Julien took time out Saturday night from ruining the game of hockey to watch Darcy "What Chronic Knee Injury?" Tucker take the Toronto Maple Leafs on his back and win the hockey game they were playing against his Bruins.
The Leafs looked to be on the bottom end of another 'lose by one goal' game by doing what they usually do: Come out not ready to play, have Toskala get the shit shelled out of him in the first period, and try and to break (their own) world record for the most passes thrown around the perimeter on a powerplay without a shot. When a team's best line is always it's checking line, that highlights some pretty dramatic problems.
I'm not sure if, like me, you weren't thrilled with hope for a win when in the pre-game show they showed Kyle Wellwood getting dressed, goofily grinning. I'm sorry, but that's not exactly the warrior's scowl I would have wanted to see from a guy freshly sprung from the press box and being a dozen Coffee Crisp's away from career immolation. Let's just say that Kyle isn't exactly Gary Roberts. At this rate Kyle is barely Tanya Roberts.
Kyle, seen here at left contemplating rainbows, was reinstated as an actual forward on the Leafs for a night. While he won a few face-offs with that kick-spin move of his, and got 12 minutes of ice time, he was mostly invisible save for an assist on the bee-u-tee Antropov goal, which was 75% Darcy's doing anyway.
As for Darcy, thank you, thank you, thank you, to George Cross of the Toronto Sun and asshole "un-named GM" who awakened the beast in Tucker, sending him to his best game all year. It may be four months too late, but still.
The GM, who I pray to Christ was Boston's Peter Chiarelli, said that Tucker was "done" and that he wouldn't even trade a seventh round pick for Darc. Hey, guess what, motivational speaker Tony Robbins, you don't challenge a real warrior like Tucker like that and not expect him to respond! 3 points of inspired play including the sexually arousing game winner in over time. Again, 4 months a little late, but still. That is why we're lucky to have Darcy, and every team in the league knows it.
For those of us who are wanting the Leafs to lose as part of the Stampede for Stamkos, don't worry too much in the win (it seems insane even to say that), as the Kings won on Saturday, calling it about even. 49% chance, here we come!
Sunday, February 17
I Guess Darcy's Now Worth a Seventh Round Pick?
Friday, February 15
Deadline Decisions: Maple Leafs Edition
There's an old gambling adage that once you're ahead a few bucks, you play a little looser because you're playing with "house money." That's the enviable situation Cliff Fletcher finds himself in as the interim GM of the Leafs. I don't doubt for a second that Fletcher will do the job to the best of his abilities and wants to see the Leafs suceed long term. However, you can't tell me it's not easier to pull the trigger on a deal, knowing you're not going to be second guessed at every turn by everyone in the organization. Not to mention the second guessing that goes on in your own head when you're fearing for your job on a daily basis. Fletcher's legacy or reputation isn't going to be harmed by anything he does in the next two weeks, and he knows that. As an interim GM, he knows he won't have to face the daily scrutiny from the Toronto media, because he's not likely to be around to see the fruits of his labor. He's free to make the moves he thinks are best, and if they don't work out? Oh well, he tried. It's the next GM's problem. I think it's safe to say that there are a lot tougher environments to work in.So, now it's my turn to play with the "house money." Aren't we all armchair GM's anyway? Now to be fair, I'm not a Leafs fan. I've been an Edmonton Oiler fan for 27 years. I should also note that I was raised in an anti-Leafs household as my dad is from Montreal, where he drove limo's for 14 years. But all that aside, it's a fun exercise. Sort of like when you start up a new game of video hockey and let the computer randomly choose your team for you. You gotta make chicken salad out of...well...the Toronto Maple Leafs. As an outsider with a fresh outlook and free of any passion or bias, I more closely resemble Fletcher than your average Leafs fan. I mean do you really want Greener on here telling you why the Leafs can't afford to trade John Pohl?
A quick overview:
For the most part, I'm not going to be dealing in fantasy-based hypotheticals, like: The Leafs should trade Sundin for Kesler, Edler and a #1 pick! Why? Well for starters, I have no clue what other GM's around the league are offering for Leafs players. To sit here and say 'this' is a fair trade would be based on my valuation of each teams players, when in fact every GM values his assets in different ways, based on different organizational circumstances. That's an area best left to other internet hacks with too much free time and fanciful imaginations (e5).
The NTC's
The players that have the most trade value, and the players that most fans want to see traded, have No Trade clauses in their contracts. Sundin, Tucker, Kaberle, McCabe, and Kubina. Players ask for NTC's for a reason. They want security and they don't want to get traded. Personally, I don't think any of the above players wants to, or will, waive their NTC. The only way I see that happening is if Sundin decides he doesn't want to return to the Leafs next year. Therefore, for the purpose of this exercise, those players are staying and will be the core of what the Leafs should build around next year.
The Cap
The Leafs trouble isn't so much the lack of prospects and picks, as much as it is cap space. They have a lot of bad contracts (big money, excess years) - another reason why guys like Blake or Kubina aren't likely to be moved. The cap is expected to rise to around $54 million, with the Leafs already having $42 million committed next year. That's without re-signing Sundin, and RFA's like Steen, Stajan, Wellwood, and Pogge. The Leafs sole purpose between now and July 1st, should be to shed as much salary as possible. That likely means getting creative with some deals and trying to get other teams to take a contract they don't necessarily want in exchange for a player they do want. The Leafs need to trim about $10 million off their payroll to sign their own free agents, compete for some mid-level UFA's in the summer, and leave themselves some cushion for 2008-09.
Pack Your Shit
Raycroft: Obviously. This is one of those guys you can maybe attach to another deal. Just as the Leafs had to take Mark Bell in the Toskala deal, perhaps the price for a Leafs forward comes down, if somebody takes Raycroft. By any means necessary, his salary has to be shed. Waivers/re-entry waivers, a 7th round pick, whatever it takes. $2 million back-up goalies on non-playoff teams are luxuries you can't afford. Then, let Pogge come up and get a taste of playing a couple games down the stretch.
Antropov: I know, I know. I hear Leafs fans say how after waiting and developing this guy for 10 years, they better not trade him now. That's precisely the reason TO trade him. He's finally developed into a player with a lot of value. He has an affordable contract, is signed for another year, and every team is looking for more scoring. When you factor all that, along with his age, he might garner the Leafs the best return in any deal (short of Sundin waiving his NTC).Gill: He's not quite Cory Cross yet, but he makes too much money for the return. $2 million can get you a #4 or #5 defenseman on the UFA market with a little change to spare. His contract isn't terrible and playoff teams are always looking for depth, size, and grit come playoff time. Could you get a #3 pick or a B-level prospect?
Colaiacovo: Enough already with the human chandelier. He's 24 years old, been a "top prospect" forever, and just can't stay healthy enough to take the next step. Trade him before his value dips any further and let Anton Stralman take his place. You can't fall in love with potential.
Kilger: There's nothing wrong with his performance and he comes pretty cheap, plus he's signed for another year. That makes him a nice piece for playoff contenders. If teams call you'd have to listen. These types of guys are replaceable and moving them also opens up ice time for the kids to develop (Earl, Tlusty, etc.)
You need to have some level of continuity so you can't trade 15 guys. Nobody is gonna take Bell, and the cost on the free agent market to replace a relatively affordable 20-goal guy like Ponikarovsky is probably a bit high. He's definitely a trade candidate, but it's a cost/benefit analysis with guys like that.
Belak, Pohl, Moore and Wozniewski are all UFA's and none are vital to the cause unless you want to retain Belak in an enforcer role. Steen and Stajan are guys that have to be re-signed, but probably won't be due big raises. No problems there. Wellwood is a tricky situation. His skill is valuable, but he's a guy who probably needs some tough love. Sign him, and tell him if he doesn't get himself into an off-season conditioning program he's gonna be doing stairs up to the press box each night.
If the Leafs can move some salary and pick up some legitimate prospects and picks in the next two drafts, the rebuild will be underway and Fletcher will have done is job. Mats can likely be had for the hometown discount in the summer ($4.5 million?), and while the UFA crop is not as strong as last year, there'll still be money to compete for some second tier guys like Huselius, Rolston, Morrison, Langkow, Streit, Liles, and Nick Scultz. It's not like guys don't want to play in Toronto. Who knows, the way Wade Redden has been treated in Ottawa, maybe he's in play this summer.
Thoughts? Crazy lunatic rantings? Death threats?
Wednesday, February 13
On This Day Was Born The King of Kings
The King of Kings was born on this day, 37 years ago. We've all been thinking a lot more of Mats in the past few months, with the prospect of losing him (even temporarily) hanging over our heads. No matter what happens with this, or any trade deadline, Mats will always be ours. When his career is over, he will come back to our rink, with a Leafs jersey on his back. He will stand at center ice with a spotlight on him. After the near-endless cheers have died down, he will tell us how much it meant to him to be a Leaf, and he will thank Cliff Fletcher for bringing him to Toronto in the first place.
Nothing says "I love you" like an overly compressed Youtube video, but I love this moment so, so much. Mats' 500th. We all saw it, and how impropable the stats lined up for Mats that night (500th, hat-trick, GWG, short-handed in overtime). Magic follows magic. It's as simple as that.
It's one of my favorite Leafs moments, and not even a clunky call by Bob Cole and Cassie Campbell can dispel how great the scene is. (If anyone wants to dub Joe Bowen's call over it, please do).
Hope you enjoy it, again. Happy Birthday, Mats!
Monday, February 11
BuyTheLeafs.com: ...And a Saviour Approacheth
How about that last post, huh? There is almost nothing I love more than dedicating an entire HS/HS blog day to a picture of an array of Buffalonians recoiling in horror to the second and only northern New York performance of "Jason vs. Freddy On Ice". The show garnered overwhelmingly negative reviews save for save for cub reporter Clint "Shanky" Malarchuck, who called it "...awesome!..." and, "...a tour de force! They got it exactly right..!"
Like I said though, almost nothing. I really, really love the Toronto Maple Leafs, and the feeling I get from meeting you guys and using our collective powers of prose to, say, bitch slap the moustache right off Howard Berger makes this blog all the more rewarding.
Case in point: Jeremy over at BuyTheLeafs.com. Having never seen Jeremy, just from our conversation I can tell you two things about him: One, that he is clearly more handsome than Moose, and two, that he dreams big. And when I say big, I mean BIG. Like last Christmas, he wasn't wishing he'd wake up to find one Xbox 360 under the tree, he was wishing he'd wake up and find ten thousand.
Jeremy works at an investment firm and he has hatched a plan. A plan he's generously agreed to share with each and every one of us: He wants us, Leafs Nation, to buy the Toronto Maple Leafs, lock, stock, and two smoking barrels into the back of Richard Peddie. Think I'm joking? Well take it outside fatso, because I would never joke about something so serious.
I spoke to Jeremy about Buy the Leafs, whose main goal is to ultimately make all of our Leafs coloured dreams come true.
He Score, He Shoot: So Jeremy, on your blog you describe yourself like most us do, as a "Leafaholic". Let's start by telling me what your personal history is with the Leafs.
Buy The Leafs: I've been a Leafaholic since as far back as I can remember. My doctor says the condition is hereditary. My grandfather is going to die having a heart attack watching the Leafs play. I'm going to name my first born, "Dougie".
My relationship with the Leafs is one of suffering. Need I say more than "The 80's"? Then of course ’93, when the Leafs would have won the Cup easily beating the Habs if it wasn't for Fraser. I remember that Borschevsky goal in game 7 against the Wings like it was yesterday. It's depressing; I don't remember what I ate for breakfast, yet I remember little Russians and Kingstonians from 15 years ago. Even more depressing, I actually spelt Borschevsky right without checking.
HS/HS: I actually think that makes you kind of a stud. But seriously, you should make sure you have a V-Fib unit around your grandfather at all times. I'm just saying. So what about us as Leafs fans makes us different from fans of other teams? Why are we so much better?
BTL: Haha. We're the best because no other fans would have put up with what we have and still love the team with all our hearts. We just keep coming back every year with a smile. It's very Canadian.
HS/HS: What is the basic idea for BuyTheLeafs.com?
BTL: To lead the revolution so the inmates can take over and run the asylum. You have to admit, it would be an improvement.
HS/HS: How hard is it to convince people of the seriousness of BuyTheLeafs?
BTL: It's easier to convince Hab fans that the Leafs will win the Cup this year. You know, I understand people being skeptical, I would be as well. It's real easy for anybody to put up a website these days... even Sens fans can do it. That's why all we are asking for is basically a name and email, which will be kept 100% confidential and destroyed if this fails.
We just need people to show some interest, either registering on our site, emailing us, joining our Facebook group or MySpace page. Just something to show us that there is enough interest so we can proceed to the next step of actually forming a company.
HS/HS: Jeremy, when I first looked at your site, the thing that struck me was that it was clear that you had a real business model. You hold up as an example two European soccer teams, Real Madrid and Barcelona. Those are sporting clubs with "members" rather than shareholders. They hold elections, where members vote, select their President and then relinquish control of the club to them. Would your plan with the Leafs be similar, or would shareholders have a say in major club decisions?
BTL: Well, the way I envision it at this point is, shareholders will vote for a board and a president that will hire a CEO who will be responsible for the day to day business operations.
Shareholders would also vote for any major club decisions. The issue is, what is a major decision the fans should vote for, and what is best left up to the board? Should hiring/firing a GM be a fan/shareholder vote? Or is that something the board and president would be responsible for and evaluated on?
There can be similarities with the way non-profit member clubs like Real Madrid and Barcelona are run. However, from a financial stand point, they never had to come up with $1.8-billion initial capital to purchase the clubs. It would be next to impossible to put this together as a non-profit members club at this point.
HS/HS: There is a similar effort being made right now by fans of Liverpool FC in England, to buy the club from their American owners (incidentally, George Gillett of the Montreal Canadiens and Tom Hicks of the Dallas Stars). Have you been following that story?
BTL: I hadn't seen this, but that seems to be a trend right now. There's also a group in Miami trying to buy the NFL Dolphins. I heard something on the news yesterday about a group in Buffalo trying to purchase the Bills. There have been a couple other similar stories from around the world. Teams are a public trust, and I think fans are tired of paying money so others can get rich.
HS/HS: If the money was raised, who would handle the negotiations of the sale?
BTL: Lawyers. Lots of them. Unfortunately. On our behalf, the board of directors would be responsible for putting together a negotiating team including lawyers, accountants, etc.
HS/HS: The Leafs have major money, don't they? Exactly how much do they make every year?
BTL: Is the sky blue? The actual numbers are a closely guarded secret. However, according to leaked documents, the company made a profit of about $83-million in the last fiscal year (06-07 season). According to Forbes, from that $83-million, about $53-million was from the Leafs. I should also note though, as we have seen with many governments and companies (Enron, Nortel, and many more), accounting is an art, not a science.
HS/HS: For a project of this size, is it realistic to expect a Leafs fan to invest without regard for a return on their investment?
BTL: Well, your typical fan that might invest $1 000, at 10% ROI would receive $100 a year. The point is most fans would rather leave that money with the club to win. People investing larger amounts, will expect a return. This can be structured so there is a difference between fans and investors.
HS/HS: Just so you know dude, I have no idea what that meant, because I'm an idiot. But I DO know sales pitches. If you had to go in today and make a sales pitch to someone, would you approach them more as a fan or an investor?
BTL: Depends on how much money they have. For the smaller amounts, I would approach them as fans. For larger amounts, as investors.
Financially, there are a couple different options as to how this can be structured. We could borrow money or have split shares where people can invest and get a higher return but not have voting rights. This really all depends on how many fans show interest, and how much fan money can be raised, as opposed to investor money.
HS/HS: So how can people get involved?
BTL: They can register at BuyTheLeafs.com, email us for more info at info@BuyTheLeafs.com, or, join us at Facebook and Myspace, and hopefully help spread the word to their fellow Leaf Nation inmates-citizens.
HS/HS: Well Jeremy, you're clearly excellent. You're the embodiment of the phrase "Put your money where your mouth is", and you're encouraging every Leafs fan to do the same. In closing, let me ask you this: If, one day your dream came true, and you owned the Leafs, would you give up your shares if it meant they would win the Cup?
BTL: In a heartbeat. I'd give up my left arm. I'd even give up my first born, Dougie.
God, let's hope it comes to that.
Sunday, February 10
Horror
A few months ago, Greener and I were re-living the gore of Clint Malarchuk's severed jugular vein via the magic Youtube. Tonight in Buffalo, also the site of the Malarchuk's incident in 1989, Richard Zednik was struck in the neck by a teammate's (Olli Jokinen) skate.
I've watched the Panthers a lot this season and was watching tonight as well. I feared the worst, and judging from the reaction of his teammates, so did they. It was bad. I could post some scratchy Youtube clip, but the faces of the fans in this picture tell the story even better.
Zednik had emergency surgery and is listed in stable condition. Thankfully, one of the Sabres medical staff was able to locate the severed vein and pinch it off to stop the bleeding on the way to the hospital.
Best wishes all around.
Saturday, February 9
Flames 4, Oil 1: Rant
After losing to a mediocre hockey team like the Calgary Flames, I would like to come on here and rail the Oilers, but I can't. Yes, the Oilers got away from their simple, physical, pucks-to-the-net style that got them two straight wins, including a 5-0 bitch slapping of Cowtown earlier this week. But, the Flames got two fluke goals, and aside from a few sloppy breakouts and too few shots, the Oilers played an okay game. Kiprusoff only faced 15 shots, and was decidedly average (again). Of those 15 shots, 2 went through him and had to be cleared off the goal line, and he's still looking for Robert Nilsson's goal after being deked into Row Q.
I've not been one to live and die with results this year. The Oilers are what they are: a work in progress. But tonight got under my skin because I can't stomach watching the Calgary Flames unless their crisp bodies are being pulled from a burning wreckage. In particular:
Dion Phaneuf: Are you kidding me with this guy? This is Calgary's idea of a $6.5 million franchise defenseman? Clueless in his own zone, chases guys 80 feet to make a hit, and a quite frankly, a half-man. Let me tell what a fucking leader does. In the game on Monday, Ethan Moreau put his elbow under Phanuef's chin and knocked him to the ice. When Frankenberry got up for more, Moreau fed him four right hands. What does Phaneuf do? He gets up and complains to the refs. So Moreau, being the supreme captain that he is, says after the game that he felt bad that Phaneuf didn't get a chance to get his gloves off quicker and square up, and says he'll give him another chance on Saturday. Mind you, this is the same Ethan Moreau that has been told not to fight by his coach, because of his surgically repaired shoulder. So tonight, Moreau calmy offers Phaneuf a return tilt. Apparently, Phaneuf's strategy this time was to head-butt Moreau's fist until 'Chopper' literally deposited him into his own goal. Dion, next time you want to eat that much knuckle you may just want to opt for an intravenous tube or something. But hey, keep frosting those tips, buddy. Lookin' good!
Matthew Lombardi: You got rag-dolled by Ladislav Smid!
Mark Smith: I'm sorry, you are? Elbows to the back of guys heads, and the old "hold me back routine," huh? Really? You're so shit, you wish you were Jarkko Ruutu.
Robyn "free hand" Regehr: I'm so tired of watching this gutless fucking Cro-Magnon try and drive Ales Hemsky's head through the boards and get off with 2 minutes or less. I hope one day Regehr has to be carried off on a stretcher after being on the receiving end of one those cheap shit hits he likes to dole out. His act is so far over the line it's disgusting. When does enough become enough? When Hemsky is carried off on a stretcher?
Have you ever seen Regehr go into the corner first to get a loose puck? Of course not, he wouldn't know what to do with it if he got it. Hemsky, who gives up 4-inches and 40-pounds, is always first into a corner because he's fucking fearless. Funny how Regehr got so tough after Laraque left town, isn't it? On the RARE occasion when he fights, who does he dance with? Middleweight Zack Stortini, and lover Dustin Penner. What a hero. Have you ever seen Regehr engage an opposing forward without putting his hand on him first? I'll answer that...no you haven't. He has to grab because anybody with speed makes him look like a steaming pile of dog shit. Hey pylon, meet Ferrari.
My apology for the external Youtube link. Apparently the poster is VERY protective and didn't want it embedded!
Thursday, February 7
Leafs 4, Canadiens 2. Next Up: 7 Game Win Streak. 8th Here We Come!
You just knew the Leafs were going to come out exceptionally well against the Habs in Montreal tonight. All season long (and a long time before that), the Leafs have been the team you do not want to face after they've gotten murdered on the ice. When you then add on to that that the killing was perpetrated at home in front of their fans...well the Habs opened the doors to the Bell Center tonight knowing that they were the band who had to go on after the Beatles, and too bad for them, 'cause their amps only go up to '10'.
The Leafs still have A LOT of pride in them, and no matter what Darren Drager said last week on TSN -clearly the low point in his career- the Leafs aren't dogging it to have a better shot at S. Stamkos. They are going to go down kicking and screaming until such time as they are told they aren't allowed to do it anymore.
Now given that right now the Leafs have a very good shot at getting Stamkos, we, as Leafs fans must hilariously understand that the Leafs will now go on a 7 game winning streak, throwing them back into the thick of it for the last playoff spot. THAT my darlings is what we get for following a team that has GUTS and CHARACTER to spare. One of the best examples of that tonight was when the King of Kings was ready to kick Mike Komisarek's head in for the extra shoves on Robbie Earl when he was down. If that doesn't make you want to go to war for the jersey, then I don't know what will.
So even if the Leafs don't make the playoffs, thank Christ this is the team we love, and not a bunch of gutless, choking assholes who dive in the playoffs...Aaarrghthpppthhh-Mike Fisher-phhthhh-p-tew! Sorry, I just had to spit there.
~~~~
Sorry everybody, I don't want to ruin your morning read but I do have to mention something terrible that surrounds us everyday. What, you may ask? Cystic acne? No, something much worse: Howard Berger.
I've written like a champion before about Howard. He's been getting on my tits for a long time now. The article above I wrote in the middle of August while the Leafs were gearing up for camp. Everything I said in the piece relates to an article that Berger just wrote yesterday on the terrible Hockeybuzz.com
Hockeybuzz is a website where the head guy just makes up a bunch of shit every morning and puts "e3" next to it, telling you he'll have "more later...". He just keeps reprinting this misinformation, hoping you'll keep refreshing your page, putting money in his pocket. If by some ungodly chance something he reports actually happens, he smugly claims superiority. WHEN it doesn't, and he gets called on it, he simply shrugs and says "I only said they were rumours.", laughing all the way to the bank.
Anyway, so Berger wrote a ridiculous piece about his "limo" driver in Montreal who had the smoked-meat-filled gall to ask him how Leafs fans manage in "that city". Berger, knowing he's got a live one here, which means he doesn't have to write anything now and so he can more quickly get one of those smoked meats for himself, urges him on, "How do we do what?"
"Put up with that hockey team. It doesn't seem like it ever changes in Toronto. The Leafs are always bad. Every year, it's the same thing."
The fatso continues:
"You have an awful team, year after year, but that arena is filled every night. Don't the people care? If we had that kind of team here all the time, there would be riots on the streets like in 1955. Canadiens' fans wouldn't put up with it, I can assure you."
And old Howard just let's him go. Berger feels absolutely no pressure to bother to mention say, that the over the course of the 90's and till this year the Leafs have had a better team than the Habs. Not mentioning that not so long ago we went to the conference final with half our line-up decimated with injuries- most notably to Mats who had a broken wrist and our goalie Curtis Joseph who had a motherfucking broken hand! How about those years -not so long ago- when the Habs couldn't make the playoffs to save their lives? Convenient silence from Howard.
And why? Because he uses this dumb biased bastard's words to actually come out and attack the very last group of people responsible for the Leafs problems: Leafs fan themselves:
"Leaf followers are the champion of two-faced sports fans. They bitch and moan and curse at their team; even cheering for the opposition as in the late stages of the Florida massacre Tuesday night."
This fucker just attacked you, me, and all of us who actually give a shit, no matter what, about this team. He uses the disgraceful antics of a very small group of people in the stands on Tuesday, to whitewash us all with the lazy label "Two-faced". He knows that too, but he doesn't care.
Then he says, "But, they have no capacity to offer meaningful resistance. Like sheep, they mindlessly flock to the arena every hockey night, in every disastrous season." Right, it's our fault the Leafs have had a bad season. And one of the ways we can prove we're not sheep is to what, turn over some cop cars and light them on fire like they did in Montreal one time in the 50's?
Once again Howard, like most things, gets it completely wrong. Firstly, every season disastrous? WRONG. Second, mindlessly flock to the arena? You mean go to the game because we're not fairweather fans who can't fill our building like so many expansion franchises he himself probably rails against? WRONG. Good one, Howard, you're really keeping the good name of Hockeybuzz alive and well.
This unbecoming welt which turns us into two-faced sheep is something called "Passion". Howard Berger seems so bored covering the Leafs, it feels like that's something he lost a long, long time ago. At this rate, he wouldn't know it if came up and shaved him in his moustache.
SEXY UPDATE: Think it's just me? Get the actual numbers proving this from the awesome Cox Bloc.
BEATING A DEAD HORSE: NOW NOT JUST A EUPHEMISM FOR MASTURBATION
My opinion of the Florida game is the same as yours. Quite frankly Greener wrote about it below and my opinion is the same as his. And at this point the least said the better.
It almost ruined, for me, what happened on Saturday night. (I said almost.)Ultimately, (bigger picture ultimately) I don’t care if the Leafs lose every game from here on out. All I ask is that they beat the team from ottowo every time they play. I really love that it was on HNIC too so all them wool socked friggers were watching.
I must admit I especially liked how bad it made Spezza and Ray “Wanna Step Outside?" Emery look. I tell you something, I’d rather have McCabe for 5 than Spezza for 7. Spezza for 7? Now that’s over paying.
And let me ask you this: Which razor would you rather have on your team?
And a big He Score, He Shoot, ‘atta boy to Robbie Earl who not only got his first NHL point, on Hockey Night in Canada no less, but also showed as much hustle as the Van McCoy wikipedia page. With a spinnarama pass so good he made it look cinchy. Colaiacovo, fresh from not being injured, finished the play for the (eventual) game winner. Another ‘atta boy to the out of nowhere Dominic Moore for his first goal as a Leaf.
Stat that made me vom a little in my mouth: 19 Games since Kyle Wellwood's last goal.
I have suddenly started feeling a little queasy about a few of the trades that have been bandied about. Shit, I have to admit; a few times I have been the bandier. But I have started to feel that there is something akin to a pack mentality happening? My last post I called it Trade Deadline Fever or something equally as dramatic and awesome. It’s like watching a fight and then suddenly finding your self stomping a guy who’s lying on the ground’s neck. There is something similar in bicycle racing: it’s called the peleton. In the peleton you don’t even have to peddle. You’re sucked into it, no questions asked.
It’s just like being a fan of the Leafs right now. We have been so terrible this year. Admittedly I have, shall we say, imbibed in my time, so the memory, like the ol’ gray mare, aint what she used to be but this is the worst that I can remember. Because of that it’s easy to get sucked into the vortex that surrounds our team right now. A place so full of greed and avarice that if it weren’t wearing socks you would call it the 1980’s.
It’s a fairly Canadian mentality to eat our own. Canada/Canadians love when the Leafs are terrible. Read the Toronto media after any game day and disagree with me. There are even Leafs fans who talk with relish about the Ballard years or Alan Bester as our number 1 goalie. Don’t even get me started on the guys who talk of conspiracies between the MLSE and the underground gambling dens of Toronto or the bastards who call Mats Sundin a bad Captain and over-rated.
What was I talking about? Oh yes. I read the papers and I think of the trades that can be made. The potential trades. Like I have written about already. It turned me into a monster…and quite frankly speculatin’ hurts my brain.
Recently I was in a social setting where I found myself defending the Leafs. Saying the usual, this team isn’t as terrible as it seems. Nobody would have predicted what we are facing this year. Excuse me, the dude has cancer. Yes, we’ve been blown out of the water, embarrassed in our home rink, booed by (some) fans, but we’ve also lost 17 games by one goal. And then it starts to hit me: the idea that maybe we shouldn’t trade everyone away. Maybe the problem isn’t the team. Elements of…yes, of course. I know I have talked about blowing this shit up (blowed up real good) but I am starting to think that that’s not the answer. This year is a write off. We know that already. But I am starting to think that trading away all of the pieces is as dramatically incorrect as keeping them all.
Do I think Mats should be traded? Yes, absolutely. Would I trade Kubina? Yes. Gill. Yes. McCabe and Blake….perhaps but only to free up cap space for the up-coming UFA free for all.
The point is we know we will finish near the bottom of the standings. It might not be ocean front but it’ll be ocean view, if you know what I mean. And everyone knows that in this years draft...really anywhere in the top 10 is a lock. Trading Mats makes sense strictly for the return. Parlay that first round pick with our own and then tinker and trade and sign in the off season.
In other words - Don’t trade Kaberle. The justification that Anton Stralman is the next Kaberle is not enough. Isn’t that a good thing? To have as many Kaberle’s as possible. I know his return would be amazing…but Kaberle is too big a piece of the future pie.
And finally... another 'atta boy to Mike B from Sudbury, Ontario our He Score, He Shoot Fan of the Week for his new Norte tattoo.Way to go, Mike!
Wednesday, February 6
The Katz in the Hatz
If I ruled the world! I heard that song coming from Daryl Katz's limosine as he rolled past my house trolling for poon. Is trolling for poon too adult for this site? I don't swear in my posts so I'm hoping I've earned a little slack here, and I choose to use that slack, all of it, on saying "trolling for poon". I've gotten off track, I was gonna say that Katz's limo was carved out of a giant Halls mentholyptus lozenge and that it ran on cough syrup and the tears of rich people who aren't quite as rich. Really, the point is that its official, 100% sewn up, with Todd "Remember Spawn? Anyone?" McFarlane the last seller finally having sold... the mission is accomplished and the Oilers have changed hands. The NHL board of guvnuh's are drinking their mint juleps about it now and after some quail hunting will approve the sale in about a month and a half.
Now in reading all the coverage on this momentous occassion I've seen a lot of people talk about hoping for change, hoping for a new direction, hoping for something different. It caused me to ask, what changes do I want to see happen? Let's find out together!
Tuesday, February 5
It Never Has To Hurt Like This Again
I got dumped hard one time by a girl I really, really liked. I proceeded to spend the next 2 months not really feeling like I had the ability to breathe. The world around me seemed like a blur. One evening, as I was sitting on my bed, not feeling like I had the ability to breathe, I heard in my ears, a loud, discernable, "thump". I looked around to see what it was, but it was only me there. I wondered what it could be, and after hours of semi-coherent thought, figured out what it was: That, in my despair, I had hit bottom. I realized that this was the worst moment of an already unbearable situation. Tonight, against a team with a feral cat as it's logo, the Toronto Maple Leafs, each one of them, heard their own discernable "thump". This was the worst moment of an already unbearable situation. The worst defeat of the season. Losing 8-0 at home.
In his post game interview Mats said, "Everyone who wore the sweater should be ashamed of the way we played." After a loss like this, they should also be ready to be traded. With even Joe Bowen and Greg Millen saying that this team is going to look very different the next time the Leafs play the Panthers on the 27th of this month, very few of the Leafs should be comfortable they are safe from being traded outright. Or, for those Leafs lucky enough to have a NTC, receiving a phone call that will sound like this:
Bye-ee indeed. That phone call means that Trader-Cliff is going to try and convince you to let him Trader-You. In Matt Stajan's post game interview, he starts to speak of the Leafs locker room, about how they have a really good group, then he steers the subject away to something else. They know that it's on now, and that that good group is not for long.
Such shoddy defence today. That Hall Gill in the feet miscue, being the worst. After the 10 second-in 2nd period goal, it just seemed like everything went wrong for the Leafs, no bounces, no good rolls. The only "break" they got was when Raycroft got killed on a breakaway wrister and it wrang off the post. Is it just me or does it look that the majority of the goals scored on Toskala are of the "just throw it at the net, look for a tip" variety? He's so strong and it's just those ugly ones that get him. Raycroft on the other hand, Jesus. Every goal on him now is from a sick rebound he gives up to the slot. He's just got nothing. It's gone beyond ridiculous and now it's just sad. Having said that, I think it's disgusting when fans mock a player like some in the ACC did tonight to Raycroft. I mean, he's on our goddamn team! Do you really think he's just slumming, and taking it easy down there? That he's not really trying to change the outcome of his game/career/life? That behaviour is beneath us as fans.
So that "thump" I heard was the worst moment. But you know what? It got better after that, and it was never as bad again. Maybe that's what we and the Leafs are about to see come the trade deadline. That we'll get ourselves together, and it won't hurt as much ever again.
Monday, February 4
NORTE'S POST? LIKE A ROLLER COASTER RIDE WHERE YOU BARF UP YOUR COTTON CANDY, BUT IT'S OK COS IT TASTES KINDA SWEET IN YOUR MOUTH
“Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves."
-Fight Club
Clearly the first rule of quoting Fight Club is there is no quoting Fight Club. OR something. Look, I want to talk hockey, not Fight Club. Stop bringing up Fight Club, what’s with you and that movie? Jesus….you’re always talking about that movie. Fight Club, Fight Club, Fight Club….enough with the Fight Club…Jesus.
And scene.
This morning I woke up in a cold sweat. I was having a terrible dream, the same terrible dream most of the night. There I was, Norte: bons viveurs, goalie, blogger, looking as handsome as ever, swept up in what can only be described as trade fever. I was like an animal in my dream. Some terrible clawed and fanged creature, in an ironic t-shirt, googling things like Stamkos, Taveres, Edler instead of the usual cotillion of boobs, Asian, horny.
There I was, blood shot eyes (which admittedly isn’t that abnormal) with a ‘why Grandma what big teeth you have’ smile reading about the demise of the Edmonton Oilers. Laughing, howling at the moon if you will, at the news of Shawn Horcoff and his shoulder. Forgive me Moose and Wash, but I'm enjoying the potential of your teams L's almost as much as my own team’s.
The words Is he or isn’t he? Will he or won’t he? Flashing past me like whistle stops in bad film noir. No Trade Clause blinking on and off like broken neon. It was a terrible dream…and it was one of those dreams that you keep having every time you fall back asleep. Problem was….I’m that episode of Dallas…cos, guess what, I'm not asleep. I’m Bobby Ewing and I’m in the shower.
Hello, my name is Norte and I am addicted to reading about the upcoming trade deadline.
I don’t particularly like how much interest I am investing in trade speculation….but this is the most fun I have had regarding the Leafs this year. Admittedly it’s a little horrifying to realize that the trade has to be like that Beatles couplet about the love you give equaling the love you get back: you want Stamkos or an Edler then you have to be both really shitty and open to trading a Sundin and a Kaberle. And sadly I am not talking Ronnie or Frantisek.
Do I want to see Kaberle go? Of course not. Absolutely not actually. I don’t want him to go. I had always hoped he would be sort of like the Leafs version of Lidstrom: (one crest, Norris mainstay)…but the big picture, the big picture…with that contract of his to boot. I believe he would garner as much attention as Sundin (on contract and age alone).
My fear is that the trade that (will) happen(s) will already have been posted on a thousand different blogs…so when it does finally happen…it’ll be like…oh that deal.
I like the Ducks potential best because as I said above the Oilers are pretty shitty this year too. My fingers are crossed for that one. Secondly…with Mats? Can you imagine? Mats and Teemu? Cos you know Teemu will finally be hitting mid-season stride around April too. And Kaberle is only 30….Christ I could shed a tear thinking about it.
The anticipation of the where and the when and for what….is kind of thrilling. You get to imagine. Shit…hmmm…how about Kubina to Chicago for Cam Barker. Darcy to Calgary for Dustin Boyd. Yeah, you think, over ride trade rejection. Mats to the Ducks for Bobby Ryan, Edmonton’s first round this year. That sounds good…..but wait…suddenly it hits me…Wait a minute….Taveres isn’t eligible for this years draft cos he was born three days before the eternal equinox in a leap year…so that means he would be available in 2009 right?
This is exactly like eating at a Chinese food buffet. There are two ways to approach it. You can pile it on right away, eyes bigger than your stomach, no regard for the Kung Po as you dump on the Mu Shu, practically drowning your Ling Mung Gai in Wu Lo Yuk.
And there are people who go up…and come back with a soup.
I hear that next year’s draft is gonna be another good one and I ask, hypothetically of course, what would I rather have? Jonathon Toews or Jonathon Toews and Patrick Kane? Crosby or Crosby/Malkin? Clearly rebuilding is a faster process these days but this may be the time, the perfect time to open with the soup.
This Is Your Captain...Prepare To Dive!
Well, maybe the hockey gods aren't quite done grinding their heels into our neck just yet. News today that Shawn Horcoff is done for the year with shoulder surgery. There's three players this team can't afford to be without for any prolonged stretch: Hemsky, Moreau and Horcoff. The offensively challenged Oilers will now head into the homestretch without their leading scorer and best all-around player.
This team still has more quality than last years' injury riddled version that limped home, losing 18 of their final 20 games, but you get the sense that a similar slide is only a Robyn Regher bodycheck away (keep your head up, Ales). Much of this team is still very young, and the veterans haven't found any way to produce on a consistent basis. With team confidence teetering on the rim of the toilet, the last thing they needed was to lose Horcoff and bury their slim playoff hopes. If you've read any of my posts this season, you know my opinion of Shawn Horcoff. There aren't many players in the NHL that do more things to help their team win than #10. It's a tough, tough blow. All that said, I'm actually glad Calgary is coming to town tonight. After getting kicked in the gut, you want to see what this team is made of, especially the kids. Time to stand up and be counted.
Of course the injury also impacts the Oilers at the draft table. With the Oil already sitting 14th in the Western Conference, it's safe to say Brian Burke's ego isn't getting any smaller these days. I can only hope he's stupid enough to trade the pick at the deadline. Hey Mats, Orange County is beautiful this time of year! Folks, the kid to the left is Steve Stamkos, and he's going to look absolutely wretched in an Anaheim Ducks uniform. Make no mistake, there are a lot of scouts who say Stamkos would be the first pick even if John Tavares was in this draft. He's that good. How does Dustin Penner for Steve Stamkos, plus, plus, sound? In the big picture, Horcoff's injury might just cost Kevin Lowe his job.
Sunday, February 3
Come And Get It, Scott Pattison
First off, I don't want any trouble. I'm the calm, rational one at HS/HS, the "glue guy." I just wanna talk hockey, because for me, it's all about the game. You know? Unfortunately, some of us here have a burning desire to see the spotlight fixed on them, and that means controversy. Right, Washingtron? The first thing everyone should know is that Wash is a stand-up guy; a class act. But, I think this requires an explanation. Especially in light of this.
Let's not rush to judgment. I'm sure everything will be explained in the near future. In the meantime, we ask our readers for their support and understanding. Back to hockey:
It's been a while, eh? In fact, I'm not sure I'm actually allowed to post on here anymore. I half-expected to try and login today, only to find that Greener had removed my posting privileges. Anyway, today seemed like a good day to talk Oilers hockey, what with nothing else going on in the sporting world. Plus, you don't really want ANOTHER post analyzing Boyd Devereaux's 8 minutes of ice-time, do you? Oh, you do? Shit. Well, indulge me.
2007-08 Edmonton Oilers = Dry Toast
The Oilers turned "seller" a bit earlier than I thought they would, when they dealt Dick Tarnstrom to Columbus for Curtis Glencross, on Friday. The surprise didn't stem from any belief that they can make the playoffs (they can't), rather the expectation that Tarnstrom's value would have been higher closer to the deadline. That being said, Tarnstrom has had a really rough year, and it saves the Oilers a bit of money.
On the surface, the trade ticks all the required boxes of any Oiler trade:
- Lowe throws his buddy (Scott Howson) a bone.
- Glencross is a local kid (Born in Kindersly, SK - but grew up in Red Deer).
- Oilers get a MacT-type player.
I kinda like this deal though. The few times I watched the Jackets play this year, he actually got my attention. Granted it was partially due to not knowing who the fuck Curtis Glencross was. However, in those particular games, he played on the power play, he played with Rick Nash, and most importantly, he showed some 'jam'. If there's one thing the Oilers have lacked this year it's jam. Lots of peanut butter (Zack Stortini), very little jam. I expect he'll be a decent fit alongside Brodziak, and should be a 10-15 goal guy.From a personnel standpoint, Glencross is an RFA making $522k, and the Oil should have no problem re-signing him in the off-season. On the depth chart, he should be a nice (and cheaper) replacement for Sanderson (pending UFA), and could have enough upward mobility to crack the top 9 forwards.
This deal also signifies the organization's waning faith in what's down on the farm, namely Pouliot and J.F. Jacques. Pouliot is an RFA this summer, and at $942k I suspect he may not even be qualified this summer. Speaking of jam, Jacques is a guy with great size and skating ability and seemed poised to finally bring the spread this year. I'm talking about a nice, seeded, boysenberry preserve. Turns out he's more like a shitty, pectin-infused, Smuckers packet you get on the table at Denny's. That being said, he has size (which the Oilers need) and a smaller salary ($650k), so he'll probably get another contract.
How About Now, Greener?
Remember this moment? Remember that feeling in your gut? Knowing that we were the best team in the NHL, and Stanley was coming back to Edmonton? That was before Marc-Andre Bergeron, Andrew Ladd, and torn knee ligaments. It was before Ty Conklin, before G7 heartbreak, and yet the future still seemed bright. That was before Chris Pronger made like bitch, before Ryan Smyth was just about the fucking money, and before our lottery pick was headed to Anaheim. It's been two years of hell, but maybe the hockey gods are finished with us.Word today is that Daryl Katz has closed the deal to buy the Edmonton Oilers and has near 100% of the desired shares (Note: Greener's sources are still reporting otherwise). The final holdouts on the board have now recommended acceptance of the deal to the shareholders. It might be the best thing to happen to the Oilers since the Spring of '06. This deal isn't just about an owner spending to the cap, building a new training facility, or building a new arena. It's about image. It's about the city of Edmonton. Everyone knows the Oilers have had problems attracting free agents. In the long term, what this deal does is give a facelift to the city of Edmonton. The new training facility at the University of Alberta will, without a doubt, be one of a kind in the NHL. The new downtown arena, coupled with the proposed shopping and hotel complex, will help revitalize a city in need of a boost.
Daryl Katz, much like Mark Cuban did for the Dallas Mavericks, will give a face of legitimacy to the Edmonton Oilers in a way the "mom and pop" EIG couldn't. That's no knock on them, they're heroes to every Edmonton Oiler fan, and Katz has pledged to honor them appropriately. But it's time for the "Little Engine That Could" to...well, "could!" I want to get back to those times when we "coulded" five times in seven years. With the right tweaking, this team is capable of "coulding" again. Suddenly, the future seems bright again.
Saturday, February 2
Leafs 4, Senators 2. Bob Cole's Night Ruined
There is something people should know about a mostly Toronto based Canadian media: Because people in Canada can at times feel like they are broken down into two camps, ie: Those who live in the GTA and everyone else, the media go out out of their way to show that they aren't Toronto biased. Way out of their way. Like driving from Winnipeg to Regina via Sao Paulo, Brazil.
Case in point is HNIC and Bob Cole. Bob is a broadcast legend, has made some great game calls and all that, bla bla bla. But with all due respect, Bob Cole is so beyond his "best by" date, he's like that black and blue fruit you find in the back of your fridge that you can't tell if it was once an apple or an orange.
Before the Center Ice Package was around, I hadn't watched HNIC in years after moving to the States. The first game I watched was on a Saturday Night, and to tell you the truth, I was shocked at what had happened to Bob Cole. I didn't even recognize him. He didn't sound anything like he had just a few years before. Uh, and it hasn't gotten any better. Bob really needs a strong booth partner, and ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you that Gary "I live in Ottawa and work for the team" Galley is not one of them.
Bob works hard to praise the Senators whenever he can, and he can A LOT. Will someone please tell him that the Senators pinned along the boards for a minute in the Leafs zone without a shot is not "Tremendous pressure!" It just isn't. And for Christ's sake, Ray Emery was not, at any time, "Looking great so far!". Right now the only place Ray Emery would "look great so far", is so far from a hockey dressing room. Jason Blake doesn't have cancer as bad as the Ottawa Senators have with this lunatic. He's petulant, aggressive and churlish, and his teammates hate him. And in tonight's game he looked ter-ri-ble! I have no idea why Paul Maurice didn't order his bench to just go hard to the net and absolutely shell this guy with shots...especially on the powerplay. But, you know, the Leafs like to get cute and throw it all over the place, which a very good Senator PK quickly just dump out of the zone.
How great did Robbie Earl look? First NHL game, first point, and the kid stayed on his game from start to finish. He had a great college career, and I've heard a lot of positives about him ever since. He played a terrific checking game with Boyd Devereaux, whom I love, and Dom Moore. Stajan looked good in all situations, and his forecheck steal on Blake's goal was honored by Blake's smooth study in Ray Emery jock-removal.
I really wanted Mats to get 1600 at home on a Saturday, but he was not really served well by Jiri Tlusty. Tlusty just does not look to be strong enough yet to fully contribute in the NHL. By rights he should be working out at Ricoh every day with the Marlies and killing them down there. His main job in the off-season has to be just to get big. His body has to catch up to his hands and his brain.
One last thing. In the pre-game show tonight, with some of those troops at center ice. Whose idea was it for them to be fucking standing on the Leafs logo?! What the hell is that? Am I just crazy? OK, wait, wrong question. Am I just crazy to think that? Well I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. And another thing...what's with kids these days with their crazy music and weird haircuts? And why do all the girls wear pants? Don't they know that's not ladylike? And movies were better in black and white! And radio was better than TV because you had to use your imaginations!
Crazy Like A (Silver) Fox
It was called tabulae defixiones by the Romans, katadesmoi by the Greeks. The Celts had their Curse Stones as well as Egg and New Years Curses. Both of which involve the turning of luck. In the Bible it’s God himself who utters these words (to the serpent), “You are cursed more than all cattle.” There’s The Curse of the Bambino, The Mummy’s Curse, the Kennedy curse and the Superman curse. The Evil Eye, The Monkey’s Paw, Pandora’s Box, Santeria and the Voodoo that you do (so well.) 
Some think that unexplained natural phenomena such as the Bermuda Triangle are cursed locales. The 27 Club is the curse of the rock glitterati: Janis, Jimi, Jim, Brian, Pigpen, Kurt. There’s the Curse of the Pharaohs. Pharaoh Tutankhamen himself had a curse for anyone who dared violate the precincts of his tombs. The first born son in every family that violated his tombs would get gonorrhea. And have flat feet.
Even in my own family…it is said that my father’s two sons have both been cursed with enormous genitalia.
This shit isn’t folklore people, it’s the real skinny. I’m talking about 1967. 19 fucking 67. Without giving away too much of the plot. I wasn’t even born yet. In fact my parents had yet to meet.
1967.
Let’s try and put this in perspective. The Doors and Pink Floyd both released debut albums that year. The Beatles released Sgt Peppers. Che Guevara was executed that year. General Anastasio Somoza Debayle became president of Nicaragua that year and Moise Tshombe, former prime minister of the Democratic Republic of the Congo was kidnapped in Algeria.
Still need perspective? 1967: Kurt Cobain was born that year, and as a member of the cursed 27 Club we know that he died at age 27….and that was 14 years ago. When you carry the 1….that’s 41 years ago.
Do right by us Cliff.
Fletcher met with Sundin Wednesday to discuss the matter, but would not divulge any details about their conversation.
“That’s something private,” said Fletcher.
It should have been joined by a knowing smile, a wink, hell at this point I’d take the ol’ pretend to punch you in the face, aw shucks routine. Something that indicates to me that the old silver fox actually might make good here.
Since this speculation has been going on since…I would say the Carolina game in December that they (coincidently) also lost in overtime 3 – 2. The game where Poni didn’t score into the empty net. Yeah, that game. (A game that I think cursed the already cursed Leafs.)
Our future is in your able, grandfatherly hands.
Thursday, January 31
NHL Rule #94 (New): No Stick Checks
Every single time the topic of officiating comes up in any hockey broadcast I watch, I hear the commentators say the exact same thing: That NHL officiating is the best officiating in the entire sports world. If that is indeed true, then I now know why NASCAR is so popular.
The Keystone Cops of tonight's joke-a-thon between The Leafs and The Hurricanes were Mike "Eggo My" Leggo, and Don "30 Years Experience" Koharski. Now 
before I get started on this, I don't want any non-Leaf fans who may be reading (ie: Moose) to think that this is one of those "the calls always go against The Leafs" posts of years gone by. It isn't. But for fuck sake, in the 21st fucking century, how can a game be called so shittily?
Forgetting the Blake no-goal that Cam Ward had to reach back into the locker room to pull out. Forgetting that Scott Walker was pointing at some chick in the upper bowl with his stick when the puck struck it, sending it on a 45 degree downward trajectory into the net; at least the war room validated those. It was the snow-blind call on Antropov in overtime that gives refereeing a terrible name. It's the kind of thing that robs a little bit of the love of the game from you, when you realize that with 2 and a half minutes to go in overtime, some tubby man-tit from Dartmouth, Nova Scotia- who wasn't go enough to play- just changed your teams fate.
So Stillman is exiting the zone when Antropov tries to stick check him from behind. Koharski, naturally, calls him for HOOKING, sending the Hurricanes on a game winning powerplay. I mean, that's just fucking wrong and awful, and not just because it went against the Leafs; that's just the cruelest cut of all. If we'd won on that, I'd accept the extra point, but I wouldn't take any pride in it.
Apparently Antropov was assessed two game misconducts after the horn for "abusing the officials", which I hope meant he was hitting them with a belt and screaming that they'd never amount to anything. Either way, that's a three game suspension. Maurice, whose had it up to here, came very close to criticizing the officials to the media scrum, so we'll see if he gets fined by the league. I hope he does. You know why? Because he was right:
Wednesday, January 30
CANNON FODDER
The question we Leafs fan have to ask is: Is Mats Sundin possibly the ultimate captain? A man whose love for his team actually supersedes his desire to win a Stanley Cup. A man whose love for his team means that unless he wins said cup in a Leafs uniform than he'd rather not win one at all, thank you very much? Isn't that exactly the kind of unwaivering, unconditional loyalty that we ourselves show this team. Is Mats, yet again, leading the charge?
It just doesn't seem feasible in this day and age to find such selflessness. It's a much racier headline when it reads that Mats wants to play the good guy and say that he doesn't want to be traded but that secretly he wants out of Dodge. That his nice guy act is just that, an act. Eating our own is a fairly Toronto mentality but I really believe that Mats doesn't want to be traded. I don't think he is a rat who wants off this sinking, stinking garbage barge of a campaign. Even though he has a thousand reasons why he should (Jonus fucking Hoglund on his wing for one).
One of the marks of a great Captain is a do or die mentality. Think of a former Captain of ours, the one that Mats was traded for. Certainly it could be argued that he always played his best in the Blue and White. That his heart just didn't beat the same under any other crest. And Dougie? Here is a man whose jersey hung on hooks in St. Louis, Calgary, Toronto, New Jersey, Chicago, Buffalo and Montreal. A man whose mullett was present to lift the Stanley Cup in another city. And yet, when you think of Killer, I bet you he's wearing the Blue And White.
That can't be taught of course. It's in the heart and Mats is showing just that. To me he loves the Toronto Maple Leafs like we love the Toronto Maple Leafs.
And that's why Mats above the stats, the consistency, the selflessness, the hairline will go down as the Greatest Toronto Maple Leaf of All Time.
I am sorry you Keon people, I am sorry you Sittler people, you Vaive people really have to try and get out more, and you all know how I feel about Wendel and Dougie but its Mats who will go down in history as the greatest of all time.
There...now I've said it twice.
And it's that exact same reason why Mats will waive his no trade clause. Because it will benefit his team. This team, your team, my team, our team, we all scream for ice cream, Toronto Maple Leafs.
And is it going to suck? Oh shit...it's going to be bad. Remember the first girl to break your heart? Remember how it felt the first time you saw her with another guy? It's going to be akin to that.
Real lip trembling, heart in the stomach, lump in the throat, I promised Mess I wouldn't do this, territory.
Monday, January 28
Kyle Wellwood: 4th Liner. Also: Fat, Lazy
I'm not sure how much of what I'm feeling right now about Kyle Wellwood is completely justified and based in reality, or if the fact that I'm kind of sick today is making me a complete asshole. Whichever the reason, I'm really pissed at Kyle Wellwood. Kyle has just been demoted to the 4th line on a team that now sits 28th out of 30 teams, so the way I figure it, he is now the 680th best player in the NHL. Or is that worst? I don't know. Kyle will now be sharing an inglorious 4 minutes of ice time per game with Johnny Pohl and Wade Belak. To tell you the truth I'd rather see Bates Battaglia there, or Ben Ondrus, or Kris Newbury, or Norte, or Me. At least you know those guys will fucking bring it.
To say that Kyle is a baby-faced guy is the understatement of the century unless you quickly follow it up with "baby-bodied", "baby-legged" and "baby-conditioned". Everything on him is round. Kyle is so out of shape, he wouldn't make it in my league; and my league features Wash, who regularly samples an entire tasting menu with wine minutes before a game.
Everything about Wellwood's shit season can be attributed tho the fact that last summer, the heaviest lifting he did was hauling the empty 2-4 case out of the back of the pickup and into his local LCBO. How do we know? Because unbelievably, Wellwood's dad said so last year before training camp, throwing Kyle under any number of busses, including this one.
What era does Kyle Wellwood think he's in? Is this 1978? The days when a hockey player thought of training camp as the place to get in shape are long gone. One of the last guys of any note to do it that way was Gretzky, and that was 20 years ago and it was Gretzky. Do you know how much better Kyle's groin would be if he'd worked out last year? Immeasurably. Not only would the muscle itself be stronger, more flexible and resilient, but so would all the surrounding tissues helping to support the already prone area. He would hit the ice ready to play instead of trying to catch up during game situations. Well guess what? If you have to catch up in the NHL, you're already dead...or on the forth line/press box, which for a skill guy like Wellwood is basically the same thing.
Kyle has to get serious about being an NHL player and a Toronto Maple Leaf. This is a guy who was traded straight up for Jason Spezza in Junior. If he continues this laissez-faire career, let's just say he's going to look great in a TPS Turku uniform.
To show just how far we haven't come, please enjoy the last time I wrote about the area around Kyle's genitals. You're welcome.
Katz says Rats
Soooooo, that headline isn't accurate to what I'm aiming to write about here. In fact, Edmonton megagajillionaire Daryl Katz is probably wringing his golden hands together in a swivelly leather chair as we speak, but this headline rhymed and my other options didn't.
Friday, January 25
The TV Guide Says...Hey, It's All-Star Weekend!
The All-Star game is this weekend, and like every year I'm actually looking forward to it. It's so easy to just pawn off any all-star competition as an all-hype event where millionaires show up to compete at 1/3 the pace, skill and ability, all of which, I may add, are true. But there's something different about the NHL's weekend that makes it actually bearable watchable. Besides the fact that not one single player in the game will be fat, the chief difference is that in the NHL All-Star game, the players actually seems to have fun being there and participating. In other sports' "all-star" games, you see the faraway looks in the players eyes as they realize that by being there they had to turn down an opportunity to have sex with Mariah Carey. With hockey players, the dialogue is more like this:
"Oh geez. Hey, man, what's happening?"
"Ah, nothin."
"How're ya gonna beat Brodeur in the skills competition?"
"Oh, I dunno. Just gotta put the puck to the net, and see what happens."
"Yeah, I hear ya. Just gotta go hard for 60 minutes."
"Yeah"
"Hey, how's your Mum?"
Etc, etc. You know, you can't blame them for that. Life is hard playing hockey in the NHL, what with all of the modesty and children's hospital visiting. The fact is, we're the luckiest fans in the world. The fact that Mats isn't in the game notwithstanding.
