Saturday, September 22

I Hate Kyle Wellwood's Groin

Not even one fucking game into the 2007/08 season, and the Toronto Maple Leafs are already losing man-games to injury. Not content with the 06/07 league leading stat of 335 man-games lost, the assholes that run the universe have decided that Kyle Wellwood's groin should be so sore that he'd have surgery on it on Saturday in Philadelphia, which he did.

Here is a pictureThis is an artists interpretation of Kyle Wellwood's groin. Please notice the shittyness. The inflamed, red part on the left is the part which will keep Jason Blake from scoring 43 goals this season. On the up-side, Kyle clearly has a nice set of child-bearing hips there, so the birthing process won't be that difficult for him.

The arrow coming from the muscle labeled as the "Adductor Magnus" will heretofore be known as the "Simon Gamache" because that is who is going to benefit the most from that red, aching bastard. Gamache has impressed everyone in camp and pre-season, and the only thing standing in his way was the contract status of Leafs regulars, but this has changed. The door opens for a bunch of guys now with our #'s 2 and 3 centers out for a while. In fact, that's how we came to have Wellwood as a Leaf regular in the first place. Two seasons ago he was sent down in camp only to be brought right back up when, in game 1 of the season, Mats had his eye gouged out in the city where Leafs go to get their eyes gouged out.

Alex Steen could move up to the 2 spot now, as could Chad Kilger, who seems to keep getting better with the more responsibility the Leafs give him. Steen looks bigger and stronger to me, and I hear that Matty Stajan has gotten bigger as well. I've thought for a while now that Steen was going to have a breakout year, and this just may start the whole thing rolling.

So in the next few days we should hear the real prognosis for Wellwood. Once again, we are left to juggle our line-up for the worst reasons. But, you've got to stay positive, and, as the Chinese say, Crisis = Opportunity. Wait, or is that Alcoholics Anonymous? I don't know, I always get those two mixed up. Whatever, no matter how you shake it up, it remains true. So, you hear that Kilger, Steen, Gamache, Devereaux, Pohl, Tlusty, Norte, Wash, Moose, Me?


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