Flames 4, Oil 1: Rant

After losing to a mediocre hockey team like the Calgary Flames, I would like to come on here and rail the Oilers, but I can't. Yes, the Oilers got away from their simple, physical, pucks-to-the-net style that got them two straight wins, including a 5-0 bitch slapping of Cowtown earlier this week. But, the Flames got two fluke goals, and aside from a few sloppy breakouts and too few shots, the Oilers played an okay game. Kiprusoff only faced 15 shots, and was decidedly average (again). Of those 15 shots, 2 went through him and had to be cleared off the goal line, and he's still looking for Robert Nilsson's goal after being deked into Row Q.

I've not been one to live and die with results this year. The Oilers are what they are: a work in progress. But tonight got under my skin because I can't stomach watching the Calgary Flames unless their crisp bodies are being pulled from a burning wreckage. In particular:

Dion Phaneuf: Are you kidding me with this guy? This is Calgary's idea of a $6.5 million franchise defenseman? Clueless in his own zone, chases guys 80 feet to make a hit, and a quite frankly, a half-man. Let me tell what a fucking leader does. In the game on Monday, Ethan Moreau put his elbow under Phanuef's chin and knocked him to the ice. When Frankenberry got up for more, Moreau fed him four right hands. What does Phaneuf do? He gets up and complains to the refs. So Moreau, being the supreme captain that he is, says after the game that he felt bad that Phaneuf didn't get a chance to get his gloves off quicker and square up, and says he'll give him another chance on Saturday. Mind you, this is the same Ethan Moreau that has been told not to fight by his coach, because of his surgically repaired shoulder. So tonight, Moreau calmy offers Phaneuf a return tilt. Apparently, Phaneuf's strategy this time was to head-butt Moreau's fist until 'Chopper' literally deposited him into his own goal. Dion, next time you want to eat that much knuckle you may just want to opt for an intravenous tube or something. But hey, keep frosting those tips, buddy. Lookin' good!

Matthew Lombardi: You got rag-dolled by Ladislav Smid!

Mark Smith: I'm sorry, you are? Elbows to the back of guys heads, and the old "hold me back routine," huh? Really? You're so shit, you wish you were Jarkko Ruutu.

Robyn "free hand" Regehr: I'm so tired of watching this gutless fucking Cro-Magnon try and drive Ales Hemsky's head through the boards and get off with 2 minutes or less. I hope one day Regehr has to be carried off on a stretcher after being on the receiving end of one those cheap shit hits he likes to dole out. His act is so far over the line it's disgusting. When does enough become enough? When Hemsky is carried off on a stretcher?

Have you ever seen Regehr go into the corner first to get a loose puck? Of course not, he wouldn't know what to do with it if he got it. Hemsky, who gives up 4-inches and 40-pounds, is always first into a corner because he's fucking fearless. Funny how Regehr got so tough after Laraque left town, isn't it? On the RARE occasion when he fights, who does he dance with? Middleweight Zack Stortini, and lover Dustin Penner. What a hero. Have you ever seen Regehr engage an opposing forward without putting his hand on him first? I'll answer that...no you haven't. He has to grab because anybody with speed makes him look like a steaming pile of dog shit. Hey pylon, meet Ferrari.

My apology for the external Youtube link. Apparently the poster is VERY protective and didn't want it embedded!

Leafs 4, Canadiens 2. Next Up: 7 Game Win Streak. 8th Here We Come!

You just knew the Leafs were going to come out exceptionally well against the Habs in Montreal tonight. All season long (and a long time before that), the Leafs have been the team you do not want to face after they've gotten murdered on the ice. When you then add on to that that the killing was perpetrated at home in front of their fans...well the Habs opened the doors to the Bell Center tonight knowing that they were the band who had to go on after the Beatles, and too bad for them, 'cause their amps only go up to '10'.

The Leafs still have A LOT of pride in them, and no matter what Darren Drager said last week on TSN -clearly the low point in his career- the Leafs aren't dogging it to have a better shot at S. Stamkos. They are going to go down kicking and screaming until such time as they are told they aren't allowed to do it anymore.

Now given that right now the Leafs have a very good shot at getting Stamkos, we, as Leafs fans must hilariously understand that the Leafs will now go on a 7 game winning streak, throwing them back into the thick of it for the last playoff spot. THAT my darlings is what we get for following a team that has GUTS and CHARACTER to spare. One of the best examples of that tonight was when the King of Kings was ready to kick Mike Komisarek's head in for the extra shoves on Robbie Earl when he was down. If that doesn't make you want to go to war for the jersey, then I don't know what will.
So even if the Leafs don't make the playoffs, thank Christ this is the team we love, and not a bunch of gutless, choking assholes who dive in the playoffs...Aaarrghthpppthhh-Mike Fisher-phhthhh-p-tew! Sorry, I just had to spit there.

~~~~

Sorry everybody, I don't want to ruin your morning read but I do have to mention something terrible that surrounds us everyday. What, you may ask? Cystic acne? No, something much worse: Howard Berger.

I've written like a champion before about Howard. He's been getting on my tits for a long time now. The article above I wrote in the middle of August while the Leafs were gearing up for camp. Everything I said in the piece relates to an article that Berger just wrote yesterday on the terrible Hockeybuzz.com

Hockeybuzz is a website where the head guy just makes up a bunch of shit every morning and puts "e3" next to it, telling you he'll have "more later...". He just keeps reprinting this misinformation, hoping you'll keep refreshing your page, putting money in his pocket. If by some ungodly chance something he reports actually happens, he smugly claims superiority. WHEN it doesn't, and he gets called on it, he simply shrugs and says "I only said they were rumours.", laughing all the way to the bank.

Anyway, so Berger wrote a ridiculous piece about his "limo" driver in Montreal who had the smoked-meat-filled gall to ask him how Leafs fans manage in "that city". Berger, knowing he's got a live one here, which means he doesn't have to write anything now and so he can more quickly get one of those smoked meats for himself, urges him on, "How do we do what?"

"Put up with that hockey team. It doesn't seem like it ever changes in Toronto. The Leafs are always bad. Every year, it's the same thing."

The fatso continues:

"You have an awful team, year after year, but that arena is filled every night. Don't the people care? If we had that kind of team here all the time, there would be riots on the streets like in 1955. Canadiens' fans wouldn't put up with it, I can assure you."

And old Howard just let's him go. Berger feels absolutely no pressure to bother to mention say, that the over the course of the 90's and till this year the Leafs have had a better team than the Habs. Not mentioning that not so long ago we went to the conference final with half our line-up decimated with injuries- most notably to Mats who had a broken wrist and our goalie Curtis Joseph who had a motherfucking broken hand! How about those years -not so long ago- when the Habs couldn't make the playoffs to save their lives? Convenient silence from Howard.

And why? Because he uses this dumb biased bastard's words to actually come out and attack the very last group of people responsible for the Leafs problems: Leafs fan themselves:

"Leaf followers are the champion of two-faced sports fans. They bitch and moan and curse at their team; even cheering for the opposition as in the late stages of the Florida massacre Tuesday night."

This fucker just attacked you, me, and all of us who actually give a shit, no matter what, about this team. He uses the disgraceful antics of a very small group of people in the stands on Tuesday, to whitewash us all with the lazy label "Two-faced". He knows that too, but he doesn't care.

Then he says, "But, they have no capacity to offer meaningful resistance. Like sheep, they mindlessly flock to the arena every hockey night, in every disastrous season." Right, it's our fault the Leafs have had a bad season. And one of the ways we can prove we're not sheep is to what, turn over some cop cars and light them on fire like they did in Montreal one time in the 50's?

Once again Howard, like most things, gets it completely wrong. Firstly, every season disastrous? WRONG. Second, mindlessly flock to the arena? You mean go to the game because we're not fairweather fans who can't fill our building like so many expansion franchises he himself probably rails against? WRONG. Good one, Howard, you're really keeping the good name of Hockeybuzz alive and well.

This unbecoming welt which turns us into two-faced sheep is something called "Passion". Howard Berger seems so bored covering the Leafs, it feels like that's something he lost a long, long time ago. At this rate, he wouldn't know it if came up and shaved him in his moustache.

SEXY UPDATE: Think it's just me? Get the actual numbers proving this from the awesome Cox Bloc.

BEATING A DEAD HORSE: NOW NOT JUST A EUPHEMISM FOR MASTURBATION

My opinion of the Florida game is the same as yours. Quite frankly Greener wrote about it below and my opinion is the same as his. And at this point the least said the better.
It almost ruined, for me, what happened on Saturday night. (I said almost.)Ultimately, (bigger picture ultimately) I don’t care if the Leafs lose every game from here on out. All I ask is that they beat the team from ottowo every time they play. I really love that it was on HNIC too so all them wool socked friggers were watching.
I must admit I especially liked how bad it made Spezza and Ray “Wanna Step Outside?" Emery look. I tell you something, I’d rather have McCabe for 5 than Spezza for 7. Spezza for 7? Now that’s over paying.

And let me ask you this: Which razor would you rather have on your team?

And a big He Score, He Shoot, ‘atta boy to Robbie Earl who not only got his first NHL point, on Hockey Night in Canada no less, but also showed as much hustle as the Van McCoy wikipedia page. With a spinnarama pass so good he made it look cinchy. Colaiacovo, fresh from not being injured, finished the play for the (eventual) game winner. Another ‘atta boy to the out of nowhere Dominic Moore for his first goal as a Leaf.

Stat that made me vom a little in my mouth: 19 Games since Kyle Wellwood's last goal.

I have suddenly started feeling a little queasy about a few of the trades that have been bandied about. Shit, I have to admit; a few times I have been the bandier. But I have started to feel that there is something akin to a pack mentality happening? My last post I called it Trade Deadline Fever or something equally as dramatic and awesome. It’s like watching a fight and then suddenly finding your self stomping a guy who’s lying on the ground’s neck. There is something similar in bicycle racing: it’s called the peleton. In the peleton you don’t even have to peddle. You’re sucked into it, no questions asked.
It’s just like being a fan of the Leafs right now. We have been so terrible this year. Admittedly I have, shall we say, imbibed in my time, so the memory, like the ol’ gray mare, aint what she used to be but this is the worst that I can remember. Because of that it’s easy to get sucked into the vortex that surrounds our team right now. A place so full of greed and avarice that if it weren’t wearing socks you would call it the 1980’s.

It’s a fairly Canadian mentality to eat our own. Canada/Canadians love when the Leafs are terrible. Read the Toronto media after any game day and disagree with me. There are even Leafs fans who talk with relish about the Ballard years or Alan Bester as our number 1 goalie. Don’t even get me started on the guys who talk of conspiracies between the MLSE and the underground gambling dens of Toronto or the bastards who call Mats Sundin a bad Captain and over-rated.

What was I talking about? Oh yes. I read the papers and I think of the trades that can be made. The potential trades. Like I have written about already. It turned me into a monster…and quite frankly speculatin’ hurts my brain.

Recently I was in a social setting where I found myself defending the Leafs. Saying the usual, this team isn’t as terrible as it seems. Nobody would have predicted what we are facing this year. Excuse me, the dude has cancer. Yes, we’ve been blown out of the water, embarrassed in our home rink, booed by (some) fans, but we’ve also lost 17 games by one goal. And then it starts to hit me: the idea that maybe we shouldn’t trade everyone away. Maybe the problem isn’t the team. Elements of…yes, of course. I know I have talked about blowing this shit up (blowed up real good) but I am starting to think that that’s not the answer. This year is a write off. We know that already. But I am starting to think that trading away all of the pieces is as dramatically incorrect as keeping them all.
Do I think Mats should be traded? Yes, absolutely. Would I trade Kubina? Yes. Gill. Yes. McCabe and Blake….perhaps but only to free up cap space for the up-coming UFA free for all.

The point is we know we will finish near the bottom of the standings. It might not be ocean front but it’ll be ocean view, if you know what I mean. And everyone knows that in this years draft...really anywhere in the top 10 is a lock. Trading Mats makes sense strictly for the return. Parlay that first round pick with our own and then tinker and trade and sign in the off season.
In other words - Don’t trade Kaberle. The justification that Anton Stralman is the next Kaberle is not enough. Isn’t that a good thing? To have as many Kaberle’s as possible. I know his return would be amazing…but Kaberle is too big a piece of the future pie.

And finally... another 'atta boy to Mike B from Sudbury, Ontario our He Score, He Shoot Fan of the Week for his new Norte tattoo.Way to go, Mike!

The Katz in the Hatz

If I ruled the world! I heard that song coming from Daryl Katz's limosine as he rolled past my house trolling for poon. Is trolling for poon too adult for this site? I don't swear in my posts so I'm hoping I've earned a little slack here, and I choose to use that slack, all of it, on saying "trolling for poon". I've gotten off track, I was gonna say that Katz's limo was carved out of a giant Halls mentholyptus lozenge and that it ran on cough syrup and the tears of rich people who aren't quite as rich. Really, the point is that its official, 100% sewn up, with Todd "Remember Spawn? Anyone?" McFarlane the last seller finally having sold... the mission is accomplished and the Oilers have changed hands. The NHL board of guvnuh's are drinking their mint juleps about it now and after some quail hunting will approve the sale in about a month and a half.

Now in reading all the coverage on this momentous occassion I've seen a lot of people talk about hoping for change, hoping for a new direction, hoping for something different. It caused me to ask, what changes do I want to see happen? Let's find out together!

1. Coaching staff change. Well, they say he's a scapegoat, they say you can't fire all your players so fire your coach. There are two players left from when MacT took over in 2000. Horc and Moreau. So they have fired all the players. At least once. The fact of the matter is they haven't finished higher than 3rd in the NW division since MacT took over and he's had a wide variety of personnel. Of course, he didn't have much success until Kevin Lowe gave him some actual stud players but even then, the team finished 8th. So is MacT's skill so high that regardless of the personnel he can always finish a team at 8th or lower? Is that his super power? I feel like you can't find a more inconsistent team game to game, or a less motivated team for the big games, and eventually you do have to point the finger at the coach. Its like a goalie, I need a coach who can coach me some wins when maybe the team isn't all showing up.

2. Kevin Lowe. Alright alright alright. He's a genius to some and a villain to others. He's made a few real good moves, and a fairly large chunk of terrible moves. His hand has been forced on more than one occasion so you can't judge him too harshly, or can you? I'm as flip floppy on KLowe as the Edmonton public seem to be. The fact of the matter is the Oil have the fourth highest payroll in the league and not a lot to show for it. Injuries! I hear you cry. Absolutely, the Oil have lost a ton of games because they didn't have their A team together. But where is all that money going? Pisani, Roloson, Staios. These are 2.5, 3.7, and 2.7 million dollar contracts. Almost 9 million for three guys that aren't that essential to the success of the team in my mind. Then you've got just under 10 million for this offseasons acquisitions, Souray and Penner. I think the Penner debate will remain open for a while yet, though I have a hard time believing he'll consistently be worth anywhere near that money. Either way, 20 million on five guys that you can't trade because of the cap and that aren't gonna win a scoring race or flip a game on its ear. That seems like poor money management to me.

3. Ken Low - Well, who else can you blame for two consecutive years of well over 250 man games lost? The trainer, that's who!

It Never Has To Hurt Like This Again

I got dumped hard one time by a girl I really, really liked. I proceeded to spend the next 2 months not really feeling like I had the ability to breathe. The world around me seemed like a blur. One evening, as I was sitting on my bed, not feeling like I had the ability to breathe, I heard in my ears, a loud, discernable, "thump". I looked around to see what it was, but it was only me there. I wondered what it could be, and after hours of semi-coherent thought, figured out what it was: That, in my despair, I had hit bottom. I realized that this was the worst moment of an already unbearable situation. Tonight, against a team with a feral cat as it's logo, the Toronto Maple Leafs, each one of them, heard their own discernable "thump". This was the worst moment of an already unbearable situation. The worst defeat of the season. Losing 8-0 at home.

In his post game interview Mats said, "Everyone who wore the sweater should be ashamed of the way we played." After a loss like this, they should also be ready to be traded. With even Joe Bowen and Greg Millen saying that this team is going to look very different the next time the Leafs play the Panthers on the 27th of this month, very few of the Leafs should be comfortable they are safe from being traded outright. Or, for those Leafs lucky enough to have a NTC, receiving a phone call that will sound like this:

Bye-ee indeed. That phone call means that Trader-Cliff is going to try and convince you to let him Trader-You. In Matt Stajan's post game interview, he starts to speak of the Leafs locker room, about how they have a really good group, then he steers the subject away to something else. They know that it's on now, and that that good group is not for long.

Such shoddy defence today. That Hall Gill in the feet miscue, being the worst. After the 10 second-in 2nd period goal, it just seemed like everything went wrong for the Leafs, no bounces, no good rolls. The only "break" they got was when Raycroft got killed on a breakaway wrister and it wrang off the post. Is it just me or does it look that the majority of the goals scored on Toskala are of the "just throw it at the net, look for a tip" variety? He's so strong and it's just those ugly ones that get him. Raycroft on the other hand, Jesus. Every goal on him now is from a sick rebound he gives up to the slot. He's just got nothing. It's gone beyond ridiculous and now it's just sad. Having said that, I think it's disgusting when fans mock a player like some in the ACC did tonight to Raycroft. I mean, he's on our goddamn team! Do you really think he's just slumming, and taking it easy down there? That he's not really trying to change the outcome of his game/career/life? That behaviour is beneath us as fans.

So that "thump" I heard was the worst moment. But you know what? It got better after that, and it was never as bad again. Maybe that's what we and the Leafs are about to see come the trade deadline. That we'll get ourselves together, and it won't hurt as much ever again.

NORTE'S POST? LIKE A ROLLER COASTER RIDE WHERE YOU BARF UP YOUR COTTON CANDY, BUT IT'S OK COS IT TASTES KINDA SWEET IN YOUR MOUTH

“Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves."
-Fight Club

Clearly the first rule of quoting Fight Club is there is no quoting Fight Club. OR something. Look, I want to talk hockey, not Fight Club. Stop bringing up Fight Club, what’s with you and that movie? Jesus….you’re always talking about that movie. Fight Club, Fight Club, Fight Club….enough with the Fight Club…Jesus.

And scene.

This morning I woke up in a cold sweat. I was having a terrible dream, the same terrible dream most of the night. There I was, Norte: bons viveurs, goalie, blogger, looking as handsome as ever, swept up in what can only be described as trade fever. I was like an animal in my dream. Some terrible clawed and fanged creature, in an ironic t-shirt, googling things like Stamkos, Taveres, Edler instead of the usual cotillion of boobs, Asian, horny.
There I was, blood shot eyes (which admittedly isn’t that abnormal) with a ‘why Grandma what big teeth you have’ smile reading about the demise of the Edmonton Oilers. Laughing, howling at the moon if you will, at the news of Shawn Horcoff and his shoulder. Forgive me Moose and Wash, but I'm enjoying the potential of your teams L's almost as much as my own team’s.
The words Is he or isn’t he? Will he or won’t he? Flashing past me like whistle stops in bad film noir. No Trade Clause blinking on and off like broken neon. It was a terrible dream…and it was one of those dreams that you keep having every time you fall back asleep. Problem was….I’m that episode of Dallas…cos, guess what, I'm not asleep. I’m Bobby Ewing and I’m in the shower.

Hello, my name is Norte and I am addicted to reading about the upcoming trade deadline.
I don’t particularly like how much interest I am investing in trade speculation….but this is the most fun I have had regarding the Leafs this year. Admittedly it’s a little horrifying to realize that the trade has to be like that Beatles couplet about the love you give equaling the love you get back: you want Stamkos or an Edler then you have to be both really shitty and open to trading a Sundin and a Kaberle. And sadly I am not talking Ronnie or Frantisek.
Do I want to see Kaberle go? Of course not. Absolutely not actually. I don’t want him to go. I had always hoped he would be sort of like the Leafs version of Lidstrom: (one crest, Norris mainstay)…but the big picture, the big picture…with that contract of his to boot. I believe he would garner as much attention as Sundin (on contract and age alone).
My fear is that the trade that (will) happen(s) will already have been posted on a thousand different blogs…so when it does finally happen…it’ll be like…oh that deal.
I like the Ducks potential best because as I said above the Oilers are pretty shitty this year too. My fingers are crossed for that one. Secondly…with Mats? Can you imagine? Mats and Teemu? Cos you know Teemu will finally be hitting mid-season stride around April too. And Kaberle is only 30….Christ I could shed a tear thinking about it.
The anticipation of the where and the when and for what….is kind of thrilling. You get to imagine. Shit…hmmm…how about Kubina to Chicago for Cam Barker. Darcy to Calgary for Dustin Boyd. Yeah, you think, over ride trade rejection. Mats to the Ducks for Bobby Ryan, Edmonton’s first round this year. That sounds good…..but wait…suddenly it hits me…Wait a minute….Taveres isn’t eligible for this years draft cos he was born three days before the eternal equinox in a leap year…so that means he would be available in 2009 right?
This is exactly like eating at a Chinese food buffet. There are two ways to approach it. You can pile it on right away, eyes bigger than your stomach, no regard for the Kung Po as you dump on the Mu Shu, practically drowning your Ling Mung Gai in Wu Lo Yuk.
And there are people who go up…and come back with a soup.
I hear that next year’s draft is gonna be another good one and I ask, hypothetically of course, what would I rather have? Jonathon Toews or Jonathon Toews and Patrick Kane? Crosby or Crosby/Malkin? Clearly rebuilding is a faster process these days but this may be the time, the perfect time to open with the soup.

This Is Your Captain...Prepare To Dive!

Well, maybe the hockey gods aren't quite done grinding their heels into our neck just yet. News today that Shawn Horcoff is done for the year with shoulder surgery. There's three players this team can't afford to be without for any prolonged stretch: Hemsky, Moreau and Horcoff. The offensively challenged Oilers will now head into the homestretch without their leading scorer and best all-around player.

This team still has more quality than last years' injury riddled version that limped home, losing 18 of their final 20 games, but you get the sense that a similar slide is only a Robyn Regher bodycheck away (keep your head up, Ales). Much of this team is still very young, and the veterans haven't found any way to produce on a consistent basis. With team confidence teetering on the rim of the toilet, the last thing they needed was to lose Horcoff and bury their slim playoff hopes. If you've read any of my posts this season, you know my opinion of Shawn Horcoff. There aren't many players in the NHL that do more things to help their team win than #10. It's a tough, tough blow. All that said, I'm actually glad Calgary is coming to town tonight. After getting kicked in the gut, you want to see what this team is made of, especially the kids. Time to stand up and be counted.

Of course the injury also impacts the Oilers at the draft table. With the Oil already sitting 14th in the Western Conference, it's safe to say Brian Burke's ego isn't getting any smaller these days. I can only hope he's stupid enough to trade the pick at the deadline. Hey Mats, Orange County is beautiful this time of year! Folks, the kid to the left is Steve Stamkos, and he's going to look absolutely wretched in an Anaheim Ducks uniform. Make no mistake, there are a lot of scouts who say Stamkos would be the first pick even if John Tavares was in this draft. He's that good. How does Dustin Penner for Steve Stamkos, plus, plus, sound? In the big picture, Horcoff's injury might just cost Kevin Lowe his job.

Come And Get It, Scott Pattison

First off, I don't want any trouble. I'm the calm, rational one at HS/HS, the "glue guy." I just wanna talk hockey, because for me, it's all about the game. You know? Unfortunately, some of us here have a burning desire to see the spotlight fixed on them, and that means controversy. Right, Washingtron? The first thing everyone should know is that Wash is a stand-up guy; a class act. But, I think this requires an explanation. Especially in light of this.

Let's not rush to judgment. I'm sure everything will be explained in the near future. In the meantime, we ask our readers for their support and understanding. Back to hockey:

It's been a while, eh? In fact, I'm not sure I'm actually allowed to post on here anymore. I half-expected to try and login today, only to find that Greener had removed my posting privileges. Anyway, today seemed like a good day to talk Oilers hockey, what with nothing else going on in the sporting world. Plus, you don't really want ANOTHER post analyzing Boyd Devereaux's 8 minutes of ice-time, do you? Oh, you do? Shit. Well, indulge me.

2007-08 Edmonton Oilers = Dry Toast

The Oilers turned "seller" a bit earlier than I thought they would, when they dealt Dick Tarnstrom to Columbus for Curtis Glencross, on Friday. The surprise didn't stem from any belief that they can make the playoffs (they can't), rather the expectation that Tarnstrom's value would have been higher closer to the deadline. That being said, Tarnstrom has had a really rough year, and it saves the Oilers a bit of money.

On the surface, the trade ticks all the required boxes of any Oiler trade:

- Lowe throws his buddy (Scott Howson) a bone.
- Glencross is a local kid (Born in Kindersly, SK - but grew up in Red Deer).
- Oilers get a MacT-type player.

I kinda like this deal though. The few times I watched the Jackets play this year, he actually got my attention. Granted it was partially due to not knowing who the fuck Curtis Glencross was. However, in those particular games, he played on the power play, he played with Rick Nash, and most importantly, he showed some 'jam'. If there's one thing the Oilers have lacked this year it's jam. Lots of peanut butter (Zack Stortini), very little jam. I expect he'll be a decent fit alongside Brodziak, and should be a 10-15 goal guy.

From a personnel standpoint, Glencross is an RFA making $522k, and the Oil should have no problem re-signing him in the off-season. On the depth chart, he should be a nice (and cheaper) replacement for Sanderson (pending UFA), and could have enough upward mobility to crack the top 9 forwards.

This deal also signifies the organization's waning faith in what's down on the farm, namely Pouliot and J.F. Jacques. Pouliot is an RFA this summer, and at $942k I suspect he may not even be qualified this summer. Speaking of jam, Jacques is a guy with great size and skating ability and seemed poised to finally bring the spread this year. I'm talking about a nice, seeded, boysenberry preserve. Turns out he's more like a shitty, pectin-infused, Smuckers packet you get on the table at Denny's. That being said, he has size (which the Oilers need) and a smaller salary ($650k), so he'll probably get another contract.


How About Now, Greener?

Remember this moment? Remember that feeling in your gut? Knowing that we were the best team in the NHL, and Stanley was coming back to Edmonton? That was before Marc-Andre Bergeron, Andrew Ladd, and torn knee ligaments. It was before Ty Conklin, before G7 heartbreak, and yet the future still seemed bright. That was before Chris Pronger made like bitch, before Ryan Smyth was just about the fucking money, and before our lottery pick was headed to Anaheim. It's been two years of hell, but maybe the hockey gods are finished with us.

Word today is that Daryl Katz has closed the deal to buy the Edmonton Oilers and has near 100% of the desired shares (Note: Greener's sources are still reporting otherwise). The final holdouts on the board have now recommended acceptance of the deal to the shareholders. It might be the best thing to happen to the Oilers since the Spring of '06. This deal isn't just about an owner spending to the cap, building a new training facility, or building a new arena. It's about image. It's about the city of Edmonton. Everyone knows the Oilers have had problems attracting free agents. In the long term, what this deal does is give a facelift to the city of Edmonton. The new training facility at the University of Alberta will, without a doubt, be one of a kind in the NHL. The new downtown arena, coupled with the proposed shopping and hotel complex, will help revitalize a city in need of a boost.

Daryl Katz, much like Mark Cuban did for the Dallas Mavericks, will give a face of legitimacy to the Edmonton Oilers in a way the "mom and pop" EIG couldn't. That's no knock on them, they're heroes to every Edmonton Oiler fan, and Katz has pledged to honor them appropriately. But it's time for the "Little Engine That Could" to...well, "could!" I want to get back to those times when we "coulded" five times in seven years. With the right tweaking, this team is capable of "coulding" again. Suddenly, the future seems bright again.

Who we playing tomorrow?!?! Oh, great, back into the fire.

Leafs 4, Senators 2. Bob Cole's Night Ruined

There is something people should know about a mostly Toronto based Canadian media: Because people in Canada can at times feel like they are broken down into two camps, ie: Those who live in the GTA and everyone else, the media go out out of their way to show that they aren't Toronto biased. Way out of their way. Like driving from Winnipeg to Regina via Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Case in point is HNIC and Bob Cole. Bob is a broadcast legend, has made some great game calls and all that, bla bla bla. But with all due respect, Bob Cole is so beyond his "best by" date, he's like that black and blue fruit you find in the back of your fridge that you can't tell if it was once an apple or an orange.
Before the Center Ice Package was around, I hadn't watched HNIC in years after moving to the States. The first game I watched was on a Saturday Night, and to tell you the truth, I was shocked at what had happened to Bob Cole. I didn't even recognize him. He didn't sound anything like he had just a few years before. Uh, and it hasn't gotten any better. Bob really needs a strong booth partner, and ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you that Gary "I live in Ottawa and work for the team" Galley is not one of them.

Bob works hard to praise the Senators whenever he can, and he can A LOT. Will someone please tell him that the Senators pinned along the boards for a minute in the Leafs zone without a shot is not "Tremendous pressure!" It just isn't. And for Christ's sake, Ray Emery was not, at any time, "Looking great so far!". Right now the only place Ray Emery would "look great so far", is so far from a hockey dressing room. Jason Blake doesn't have cancer as bad as the Ottawa Senators have with this lunatic. He's petulant, aggressive and churlish, and his teammates hate him. And in tonight's game he looked ter-ri-ble! I have no idea why Paul Maurice didn't order his bench to just go hard to the net and absolutely shell this guy with shots...especially on the powerplay. But, you know, the Leafs like to get cute and throw it all over the place, which a very good Senator PK quickly just dump out of the zone.

How great did Robbie Earl look? First NHL game, first point, and the kid stayed on his game from start to finish. He had a great college career, and I've heard a lot of positives about him ever since. He played a terrific checking game with Boyd Devereaux, whom I love, and Dom Moore. Stajan looked good in all situations, and his forecheck steal on Blake's goal was honored by Blake's smooth study in Ray Emery jock-removal.

I really wanted Mats to get 1600 at home on a Saturday, but he was not really served well by Jiri Tlusty. Tlusty just does not look to be strong enough yet to fully contribute in the NHL. By rights he should be working out at Ricoh every day with the Marlies and killing them down there. His main job in the off-season has to be just to get big. His body has to catch up to his hands and his brain.

One last thing. In the pre-game show tonight, with some of those troops at center ice. Whose idea was it for them to be fucking standing on the Leafs logo?! What the hell is that? Am I just crazy? OK, wait, wrong question. Am I just crazy to think that? Well I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. And another thing...what's with kids these days with their crazy music and weird haircuts? And why do all the girls wear pants? Don't they know that's not ladylike? And movies were better in black and white! And radio was better than TV because you had to use your imaginations!

Crazy Like A (Silver) Fox

It was called tabulae defixiones by the Romans, katadesmoi by the Greeks. The Celts had their Curse Stones as well as Egg and New Years Curses. Both of which involve the turning of luck. In the Bible it’s God himself who utters these words (to the serpent), “You are cursed more than all cattle.” There’s The Curse of the Bambino, The Mummy’s Curse, the Kennedy curse and the Superman curse. The Evil Eye, The Monkey’s Paw, Pandora’s Box, Santeria and the Voodoo that you do (so well.) Some think that unexplained natural phenomena such as the Bermuda Triangle are cursed locales. The 27 Club is the curse of the rock glitterati: Janis, Jimi, Jim, Brian, Pigpen, Kurt. There’s the Curse of the Pharaohs. Pharaoh Tutankhamen himself had a curse for anyone who dared violate the precincts of his tombs. The first born son in every family that violated his tombs would get gonorrhea. And have flat feet.

Even in my own family…it is said that my father’s two sons have both been cursed with enormous genitalia.

This shit isn’t folklore people, it’s the real skinny. I’m talking about 1967. 19 fucking 67. Without giving away too much of the plot. I wasn’t even born yet. In fact my parents had yet to meet.

1967.

Let’s try and put this in perspective. The Doors and Pink Floyd both released debut albums that year. The Beatles released Sgt Peppers. Che Guevara was executed that year. General Anastasio Somoza Debayle became president of Nicaragua that year and Moise Tshombe, former prime minister of the Democratic Republic of the Congo was kidnapped in Algeria.
Still need perspective? 1967: Kurt Cobain was born that year, and as a member of the cursed 27 Club we know that he died at age 27….and that was 14 years ago. When you carry the 1….that’s 41 years ago.

Do right by us Cliff.
Fletcher met with Sundin Wednesday to discuss the matter, but would not divulge any details about their conversation.
“That’s something private,” said Fletcher.

It should have been joined by a knowing smile, a wink, hell at this point I’d take the ol’ pretend to punch you in the face, aw shucks routine. Something that indicates to me that the old silver fox actually might make good here.
Since this speculation has been going on since…I would say the Carolina game in December that they (coincidently) also lost in overtime 3 – 2. The game where Poni didn’t score into the empty net. Yeah, that game. (A game that I think cursed the already cursed Leafs.)
Our future is in your able, grandfatherly hands.

NHL Rule #94 (New): No Stick Checks

Every single time the topic of officiating comes up in any hockey broadcast I watch, I hear the commentators say the exact same thing: That NHL officiating is the best officiating in the entire sports world. If that is indeed true, then I now know why NASCAR is so popular.

The Keystone Cops of tonight's joke-a-thon between The Leafs and The Hurricanes were Mike "Eggo My" Leggo, and Don "30 Years Experience" Koharski. Now before I get started on this, I don't want any non-Leaf fans who may be reading (ie: Moose) to think that this is one of those "the calls always go against The Leafs" posts of years gone by. It isn't. But for fuck sake, in the 21st fucking century, how can a game be called so shittily?

Forgetting the Blake no-goal that Cam Ward had to reach back into the locker room to pull out. Forgetting that Scott Walker was pointing at some chick in the upper bowl with his stick when the puck struck it, sending it on a 45 degree downward trajectory into the net; at least the war room validated those. It was the snow-blind call on Antropov in overtime that gives refereeing a terrible name. It's the kind of thing that robs a little bit of the love of the game from you, when you realize that with 2 and a half minutes to go in overtime, some tubby man-tit from Dartmouth, Nova Scotia- who wasn't go enough to play- just changed your teams fate.

So Stillman is exiting the zone when Antropov tries to stick check him from behind. Koharski, naturally, calls him for HOOKING, sending the Hurricanes on a game winning powerplay. I mean, that's just fucking wrong and awful, and not just because it went against the Leafs; that's just the cruelest cut of all. If we'd won on that, I'd accept the extra point, but I wouldn't take any pride in it.

Apparently Antropov was assessed two game misconducts after the horn for "abusing the officials", which I hope meant he was hitting them with a belt and screaming that they'd never amount to anything. Either way, that's a three game suspension. Maurice, whose had it up to here, came very close to criticizing the officials to the media scrum, so we'll see if he gets fined by the league. I hope he does. You know why? Because he was right:

CANNON FODDER

The question we Leafs fan have to ask is: Is Mats Sundin possibly the ultimate captain? A man whose love for his team actually supersedes his desire to win a Stanley Cup. A man whose love for his team means that unless he wins said cup in a Leafs uniform than he'd rather not win one at all, thank you very much? Isn't that exactly the kind of unwaivering, unconditional loyalty that we ourselves show this team. Is Mats, yet again, leading the charge?

It just doesn't seem feasible in this day and age to find such selflessness. It's a much racier headline when it reads that Mats wants to play the good guy and say that he doesn't want to be traded but that secretly he wants out of Dodge. That his nice guy act is just that, an act. Eating our own is a fairly Toronto mentality but I really believe that Mats doesn't want to be traded. I don't think he is a rat who wants off this sinking, stinking garbage barge of a campaign. Even though he has a thousand reasons why he should (Jonus fucking Hoglund on his wing for one).
One of the marks of a great Captain is a do or die mentality. Think of a former Captain of ours, the one that Mats was traded for. Certainly it could be argued that he always played his best in the Blue and White. That his heart just didn't beat the same under any other crest. And Dougie? Here is a man whose jersey hung on hooks in St. Louis, Calgary, Toronto, New Jersey, Chicago, Buffalo and Montreal. A man whose mullett was present to lift the Stanley Cup in another city. And yet, when you think of Killer, I bet you he's wearing the Blue And White.
That can't be taught of course. It's in the heart and Mats is showing just that. To me he loves the Toronto Maple Leafs like we love the Toronto Maple Leafs.
And that's why Mats above the stats, the consistency, the selflessness, the hairline will go down as the Greatest Toronto Maple Leaf of All Time.

I am sorry you Keon people, I am sorry you Sittler people, you Vaive people really have to try and get out more, and you all know how I feel about Wendel and Dougie but its Mats who will go down in history as the greatest of all time.

There...now I've said it twice.

And it's that exact same reason why Mats will waive his no trade clause. Because it will benefit his team. This team, your team, my team, our team, we all scream for ice cream, Toronto Maple Leafs.

And is it going to suck? Oh shit...it's going to be bad. Remember the first girl to break your heart? Remember how it felt the first time you saw her with another guy? It's going to be akin to that.
Real lip trembling, heart in the stomach, lump in the throat, I promised Mess I wouldn't do this, territory.

Kyle Wellwood: 4th Liner. Also: Fat, Lazy

I'm not sure how much of what I'm feeling right now about Kyle Wellwood is completely justified and based in reality, or if the fact that I'm kind of sick today is making me a complete asshole. Whichever the reason, I'm really pissed at Kyle Wellwood. Kyle has just been demoted to the 4th line on a team that now sits 28th out of 30 teams, so the way I figure it, he is now the 680th best player in the NHL. Or is that worst? I don't know. Kyle will now be sharing an inglorious 4 minutes of ice time per game with Johnny Pohl and Wade Belak. To tell you the truth I'd rather see Bates Battaglia there, or Ben Ondrus, or Kris Newbury, or Norte, or Me. At least you know those guys will fucking bring it.

To say that Kyle is a baby-faced guy is the understatement of the century unless you quickly follow it up with "baby-bodied", "baby-legged" and "baby-conditioned". Everything on him is round. Kyle is so out of shape, he wouldn't make it in my league; and my league features Wash, who regularly samples an entire tasting menu with wine minutes before a game.

Everything about Wellwood's shit season can be attributed tho the fact that last summer, the heaviest lifting he did was hauling the empty 2-4 case out of the back of the pickup and into his local LCBO. How do we know? Because unbelievably, Wellwood's dad said so last year before training camp, throwing Kyle under any number of busses, including this one.

What era does Kyle Wellwood think he's in? Is this 1978? The days when a hockey player thought of training camp as the place to get in shape are long gone. One of the last guys of any note to do it that way was Gretzky, and that was 20 years ago and it was Gretzky. Do you know how much better Kyle's groin would be if he'd worked out last year? Immeasurably. Not only would the muscle itself be stronger, more flexible and resilient, but so would all the surrounding tissues helping to support the already prone area. He would hit the ice ready to play instead of trying to catch up during game situations. Well guess what? If you have to catch up in the NHL, you're already dead...or on the forth line/press box, which for a skill guy like Wellwood is basically the same thing.

Kyle has to get serious about being an NHL player and a Toronto Maple Leaf. This is a guy who was traded straight up for Jason Spezza in Junior. If he continues this laissez-faire career, let's just say he's going to look great in a TPS Turku uniform.

To show just how far we haven't come, please enjoy the last time I wrote about the area around Kyle's genitals. You're welcome.

Katz says Rats

Soooooo, that headline isn't accurate to what I'm aiming to write about here. In fact, Edmonton megagajillionaire Daryl Katz is probably wringing his golden hands together in a swivelly leather chair as we speak, but this headline rhymed and my other options didn't.

It looks like the deal is done here. The Edmonton Journal reported that after some of the mini-bosses on the EIG agreed to sell their shares at a suddenly inflated price Katz has over 60% ownership, which is what he said he'd close at, though he wants more. I just hope he doesn't get it, then freak out while trying to resign both Tom Gilbert and Joni "Revenge Offer Sheet" Pitkanen and pull a Hudsucker out his 90th floor window. But that's all fine and good. He's got what he wants (basically) and so we don't have to worry about the sad remaining semi-millionaires left to stand in his way. What I'm confused about is the fact that every EIG member that hasn't agreed to sign has given the same reasons, they are concerned about his desire to keep the team in Edmonton. And not one person in the media has even mentioned how ridiculous a notion that is. Here's why that concern no longer makes sense in today's world.

1st. The $. At this point the Canadian dollar is on par if not slightly stronger than the American one, there is no longer money to be made shifting the team to a US market, nor is there money to be saved by not having to pay the difference. Add to that the fact that Alberta is the richest province in Canada and that leads to...

2nd. The fans. You show me one other place in all professional sports where a team can have the year it had last year PLUS the year it is having this year and still sell out every game, making a profit in the process. And that's with one of the smallest arena's in the league. You add on another two thousand people and the average $5000 that a season of their ticket buying gets you and you tell me that Winnipeg or North Carolina is a better market.

3rd. The competition. Well I know the Oil Kings are doing well in ticket sales... and um, do the Trappers still play? No, they were sold and the Cracker Cats moved in. Right? How are they doing? Doesn't matter. There are no other entertainment options in Edmonton other than live theater that is pulling in up to 200 people a night, and watching people get stabbed with actual kitana swords on Whyte Avenue after 10pm on a wednesday. They may have added another time to that show, yeah, just looked it up, stabbings at 10 and midnight. Even then though!

4th. Katz is from Edmonton, lives in Edmonton, and has a mansion made of old Canadian $2 bills and pure laughter built in Edmonton. Why would he even want to move?

5th. The selling price. So if there's no benefit to moving the team, maybe selling the team is his angle. This is probably the biggest since Katz is supposed to a money grubbing jerk, right? The Penguins, with the best young team in hockey since the original Oilers, were willing to sell for $175 million last year. Katz is now offering $200 million for a crappy team doing crappily. What's he gonna make selling to some other billionaire?

Soooo, its not like back when Peter Puck was trying to sell the team and could use moving the team out of Edmonton as leverage. There is no other place that is a better fit for the Oil, no other city that gives a damn about hockey, and no other locale that is a guaranteed money maker. Maybe that's why the EIG wants to hang on, huh?

The TV Guide Says...Hey, It's All-Star Weekend!

The All-Star game is this weekend, and like every year I'm actually looking forward to it. It's so easy to just pawn off any all-star competition as an all-hype event where millionaires show up to compete at 1/3 the pace, skill and ability, all of which, I may add, are true. But there's something different about the NHL's weekend that makes it actually bearable watchable. Besides the fact that not one single player in the game will be fat, the chief difference is that in the NHL All-Star game, the players actually seems to have fun being there and participating. In other sports' "all-star" games, you see the faraway looks in the players eyes as they realize that by being there they had to turn down an opportunity to have sex with Mariah Carey. With hockey players, the dialogue is more like this:

"Oh geez. Hey, man, what's happening?"
"Ah, nothin."
"How're ya gonna beat Brodeur in the skills competition?"
"Oh, I dunno. Just gotta put the puck to the net, and see what happens."
"Yeah, I hear ya. Just gotta go hard for 60 minutes."
"Yeah"
"Hey, how's your Mum?"

Etc, etc. You know, you can't blame them for that. Life is hard playing hockey in the NHL, what with all of the modesty and children's hospital visiting. The fact is, we're the luckiest fans in the world. The fact that Mats isn't in the game notwithstanding.

Hell No, Mats Won't Go! Wait, Yes. Yes He Will

The only thing worse than that headline, is the fact that it's true. Mats will be traded to someone within the next month. My fingers ache as I write that, and it's not because of my achy fingers. What a horrible thing to have to write. Mats on another team.
I know this because the man "in charge" of the Leafs has been mandated with making the Leafs a better team. Judging by the idiot savants on the board of MLSE, I'm assuming that mandate is his own. Never the less, he has it. Cliff Fletcher knows what a winning Leafs team means round these parts (ie: the Planet Earth) and will do what is necessary to make that happen. Lest you forget, he's done that very thing before.

JFJ was not going to trade anyone off of this team between now and the deadline. It would have been his death knell, both as GM, and as human being. He forever known as the guy who traded Mats, the King of Kings. Cliff Fletcher is the GM of the Leafs because he's got the stones to meet with Mats and explain to him the horrible, horrible truth. That is, that after a pre-determined date sometime in the next month and till July 1st, the Toronto Maple Leafs, YOUR Toronto Maple Leafs, HIS Toronto Maple Leafs, will be, for the first time in 14 years, a better team without him. He will say that there is no point to Mats going home to Sweden again in April. That by playing somewhere else, basically for 2 and a half months, he will be able to ensure that the Leafs won't have to go through this terrible fallow period for another 5 or 10 years. That aside from being able to win his own Cup (my god, can you imagine!), he can help the Leafs immeasurably, and then come back and enjoy the fruits of his sacrifice if he so chooses...winking and nudging the whole time. Mats will understand this and waive his NTC. Regardless of that, once a team comes to you with that request, you kind of want to leave, right?

It was Fletcher's old, graying balls that got us Mats in the first place. By trading a beloved Captain. For Christs sake, it's his nickname! His name isn't "Stand-Pat Fletch" or "Easy Does It Cliff" or "Can't We Please Just Think This Through Cliffy". It's "Trader Cliff". And you get that unironic moniker one way only.

Get Out of Town, Fletch

I watched a 30 minute gore-fest of a press conference today announcing the firing of John Ferguson as VP/GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and Cliff Fletcher put in as interim GM. That in and of itself is not the worst news I've ever heard. The objectionable part of it was the meeting was chaired by a grey-skinned Nosferatu named Richard Peddie. Peddie stays true to his vampiric brethren in every way except when he climbs in your window at night, it's not because he wants to drink your blood, it's because he wants to go through your pants pockets for twonies.

Sitting with Cliff Fletcher- a man who's actually accomplished something in his life besides a grotesque accumulation of money - Peddie waxed rhapsodic about Fletch as if the turnaround of the Leafs was to start then and now. When pressed by a reporter, Peddie stated that Fletcher would have all the room he needs to maneuver to get the Leafs ship righted until a full-time GM is hired (with Fletcher's help). He then unintentionally contradicted himself when he said that he and some fat lawyer named Gord Kirke were going to oversee that process. Read: Sit on Fletcher's shoulder second and third guessing his every move. Also, that's just what this organization needs, isn't it? Another meddling non-hockey knob sticking his snout where it
doesn't belong.

The fact remains that as long as Peddie has anything to do with the hockey side of the Leafs, he will cause trouble. Not only with his direct meddling, but by reputation; People around the NHL know what kind of shit they'd have to go through if they worked for MLSE. Who in their right mind would ever put themselves through that? OK, obviously I would, faster than I could say "Go fuck yourselves, other He Score, He Shoot posters!" And trust me, I can say that fuckin fast. What I'm getting at is, Peddie's ongoing involvement may scare away some potentially high quality candidates. On the other hand, we're the motherfucking Toronto Maple Leafs and every sports mind in the world would dry hump Sam Pollock's corpse to have a ride inside us.

The next GM has to be the strongest candidate in hockey, and that to me is one Brian "Mr. Brian Burke" Burke. The Leafs need the strongest hand to guide them. When we have it, like with Pat Quinn and Pat Burns, we have success. When we don't, like with Mike Murphy, and Ken Dryden, we don't. The job is Burke's to lose, and he/we all know it. The Toronto media will start feeding on that so look for them to hound him all month long about it. He'll say he's got another year on his contract in Anaheim, and that he's not going anywhere. But give me a break. Isn't that the same thing that Scotty Bowman was saying last summer, after which we learn he'd accepted the position and it was the board (well, Peddie) that rejected it at the 11th hour?
Burke's fortitude and ego will help his decision making for him. His ego will tell him that there's nothing that he couldn't overcome. Running the biggest ship in hockey will be oh-so tantalizing as well. I live an hour from his house. Trust me, he is dying of boredom.

OUT WITH THE NEW, IN WITH THE OLD

JFJ has left the building. No surprise there. JFJ getting fired was accepted and really it was down to the when. Really he was fired the minute that douchebag real estate agent in the $3000 suit started flapping his porcelain veneers. Whether JFJ did or didn't do the job and even regardless of the fact that he had to go: (he did) The way in which this was handled made me hang my Leafs head in shame. Perhaps the worst Leafs front office handling since Larry Murphy was let go for future considerations.

What's fair is that JFJ isn't the only guy in a suit at the ACC whose head should roll.

And no offense to Trader Cliff but I think the days of getting Doug Gilmour, Jamie Macoun, Ric Nattress, Rick Wamsley and Kent Manderville for Gary Leeman, Michel Petit, Jeff Reese, Craig Berube, and Alexander Godynyuk are over. There's not a GM in the league that would take that sucker's bet today. How good 'ol Fletch fooled Doug Risebrough that cold January day in 1992 is anyone's guess.

On the rumor front. I just heard Sundin to the Flyers for Jeff Carter and a first round pick in this years draft. But the rumor that keeps persisting is Sundin to the Flames for a package that would include Alex Tanguay.

"As all of our general managers have had, he will have the autonomy and responsibility for all hockey decisions ..."

THERE IS NO LIGHT AND YOU CAN'T EVEN FIND THE TUNNEL

I keep repeating to myself…not so much mantra like as obsessive compulsively, destruction begets beautiful acts of creation, destruction begets beautiful acts of creation and it’s like reading philosophy cos I don’t really understand what it means but I like saying it anyway, over and over again, to myself. The problem is I have begun to think that about the Leafs as well. Its not that I want them to lose necessarily but I don’t want them to win - basically. There is no malocchio on anyone’s head but there isn’t not a malocchio on anyone’s head either. I don’t think it’s as terrible as it would be to go on a terrible losing streak. Not Say It Aint So, Joe territory, closer to Wozniewski Belak first line PP and PK…giver’ a shot. (Shrugs)

The only thing we can hope for is no winning streaks.

God that sounds terrible, I know. Look…personally I hope Mats scores two goals a night…because I keep thinking, rubbing my hands together like a creepy scheming madman…1st and 3rd round picks for a broken down Peter Forsberg. 1st and 2nd round pick in 2007, 2nd round in 08, and Glen Metropolit for Keith Tkachuk. Keith Tkachuk? Who truly was only ever dominating in Power Play 96 for the Playstation, and that was really only ever against Greener.
I digress.

In 1984 at the trade deadline the Jets traded their 3rd round pick in that years draft to Montreal for a palooka named Robert Picard. Montreal went ahead and used that pick to draft Patrick Roy. Our own beloved Maple Leafs gave up Alyn McCauley and Brad Boyes and their 1st pick in the 03 draft for Owen Nolan and his prematuring grey beard. I won’t even tell you what they parted with for Brian Leetch and Ron Francis (mainly because I don’t want to look it up.)
And then I think…well...if we’re rebuilding anyway, knowing that Raycroft, Tucker and Blake are virtually un-tradable, that this team, this group isn’t good enough, and that this years draft is stacked, perhaps its time to think about Kaberle too. With his amazing first pass, agreeable contract and milky white skin he would fetch an agreeable return. And that’s what our team needs. Agreeable returns. An agreeable return is Gilmour, Macoun, Nattress, Manderville, Wamsley for Leeman, Godynuk, Reese, Petit and Berube. That one worked out in our favor if I remember correctly.

I can hear Greener now, talking on and on (and on) about Kaberle only getting better. That at 30 years old...he is just coming into his prime. I would agree with him but Anton Stralman looking a lot like Kaberle did 5 years ago but a better skater seems to be in our midsts. And I I believe Kaberle would fetch a 1st rounder this year. It would be a shame to break those two up…like twins. Imagine the return from trading them both together?
I know this seems treasonous but my colors are blue.

Keep losing and in 4 years were the Penguins. I think we should accept our fate…if this GM is going to be fired, do it now…get someone in there with enough time to do a deal properly. I’m not going to name drop but we all know the names of the hockey minds bandied who have been bandied and paraded about for JFJ’s job. Interim, short term, long term…even if its old junk, its still rock 'n' roll to me. Just do it or don’t. It’s not the product on the ice that’s bad, it’s not coaching, it’s not JFJ, who looks better and better as the days go on, its not Andrew Raycroft. It's Richard Goddamn Peddie. I put the malocchio on Peddie.

PS. It was Maxim Kondratiev, Jarkko Immonen, a first-round pick in the 2004 draft, which became Lauri Korpikoski, a second-round pick in 2005, which became Michael Sauer and 4th round selection (later traded to Columbus - Columbus selected Jared Boll) in 2005, respectively.

Leafs Win. Say, "Wow, It's Way Better Than Losing!"

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Well, The Leafs Won the Second Period, Right?

As a responsible hockey blogger and all around dullard entertaining guy, I'm a big believer in giving the people what they want. And right now what the people want is...to know what happened when I went to see the Leafs play the Kings at the Staples Center on Thursday! I know, I know, me too! It's all so interesting even I want to know what happened, and I was there!

As I mentioned bitterly a few posts ago, HS/HS second liner Moose's asshole of a boss promised he and I a box suite in exchange for joining his team. We did that, in the end handing him a t-shirt with the word "CHAMPIONS" on it. Being the honorable dudes we are, we clearly expected him to stiff us and snicker when we decided to actually ask him for his promised riches, which he did. We really shouldn't have been too surprised really. You know that ancient Confucian proverb: "If wise men lay with dogs...something - something - something - Moose's boss is a jerk."

So I had to scramble like crazy and got probably some of the best seats in the arena. Section 119, Row 14, Seat 15, directly above the Leafs bench. I got there an hour before the game, as did 10,000 other Leafs jerseys. It was so amazing being with people I actually care about. I mean, I usually hang out with Moose, so that tells you something right there. When grown men are giving smiling acknowledgment to each other in the bathroom, you know it's either because you each have a Leafs jersey on, or you're both cruising for anonymous gay sex. This time, it was the former.
I was right beside the Leafs tunnel and took these action shots:

What's amazing are two things. One, that clearly I should be a photographer for the Associated Press, and two, it's amazing how thrilled I was to see them. I haven't seen the Leafs since 2003, so getting the chance again was really incredible.
Here's a note about me: I'm not a star fucker in any way; I could give a shit about celebrity. I've been friends with very famous people, and let me tell you, the majority of them are the meanest, shit-hearted jerks you'll ever meet. But when it comes to this group, that changes. During the warm-up, I had my face pressed up against the glass with the other lunatics and I made eye contact with Mats as he skated up to, and past the glass, and right then and there, I literally got sprung. I'm sorry if this shocks you, but it's true. I got sprung. It's a good thing I was wearing my bathrobe.

By the way, reading this back to myself, I realize that all this may be like being forced to look at someones slides of their trip to Banff National Park, except, you know, awesome, and about the Leafs. And quasi-gay. Ok, totally gay. But, you know, just bear with me.

As for the game itself. Uh, wow. We've all had a few days to digest everything we saw, and everything we didn't see. I REALLY don't want to pile on Andrew Raycroft, but that was one of the softest goaltending performances I've ever seen. It looked like when one of the trainers puts on equipment for the players to shoot at him during an optional skate. The size and frequency of the rebounds Andrew was giving out were really shocking. Frolov floats a week backhander off his chest and it sails four feet away back to the slot, to be slammed in for (another) goal. That's not weak goaltending, that's no goaltending. I don't think Raycroft will ever see another game in a Leafs sweater. His bad performances are now pathological. J.S. Aubin never saw another Leafs game, and he played better than Raycroft has this year. Scott Clemmensen is the Leafs backup goalie.

From what I saw, this is a group of players who are having absolutely no fun playing hockey right now. They all looked so unbelievably miserable on the bench. When Darcy scored, he skated straight to the bench, slammed the door and sat down. A team so far down like this is ripe for speculation. Have they given up on Paul Maurice, and have accepted that his system has failed, as everyone seems to think? Or is it an indication that the other shoe is about to drop, and that something has to change, and that starts on the ice. I guess we'll have an indication of what the answer is starting in San Jose.