Kerry Fraser: The Divider

This is a re-post of my article written for the great Pension Plan Puppets, from Thursday. It's here to give everyone who hasn't already read it on PPP a chance to see it. All none of you.

As I sit here writing a post about Kerry Fraser, I sit here having a heated argument with someone I've never argued with... about Kerry Fraser. This person, whom I'll call "my 4:00 patient", listened intently to everything Fraser said as he fought for his life yesterday on Leafs Lunch. After telling me her impressions of the interview, which were "he said the non-call had nothing to do with it being Gretzky", and "...he seems like a genuine guy", I gave her my impressions, which were, "You're absolutely nuts", and "That'll be $2700 please".

AM 640 held the interview in its floating studios out on Lake Ontario, pirate radio style. This was because the Leafs Lunch technicians realized that the making of a street-level gallows is very noisy, and those mics pick up everything, so the station had to take it off-shore. After all that fuss, Fraser took calls made by Leafs fans, which is ironic, as he can't stand making calls himself.

I'm not sure what prompted Kerry to want to talk about himself, but I suspect he's going on a "protect the legacy" tour, kind of like George Bush. I know it's strange to think, but actually those two have a lot in common: Both men rose to their positions' highest office. Both men have all their hair. Both men totally ruined the world. Stripes never, ever, looked more fitting.

Leafs of Fury

This is a re-post of my article written for the great Pension Plan Puppets, from Thursday. It's here to give everyone who hasn't already read it on PPP a chance to see it. All none of you.

When Brian Burke and his collection of thesauruses became Leafs GM last November, a (Leafs) nation so used to absorbing the polite banalities of say, Stephen Harper, or the completely made up writing of say, Howard Berger, turned on its collective heel, not quite knowing what to make of such a Sassy Sally.

Much, much, much has been made of Burke's supposed use of the word "truculent", a 16th century word, meaning, in part, "fierce; cruel; and savagely brutal. I say supposed because I actually never heard him Burke say it, and I figure it could be turning one of those "Play it again, Sam" things; something which everyone believes was said, but never actually was.

Now before all you awesome joke killers little darlings fill the comments section with a thousand Toronto Sun links showing Burke's quote, let's just look at the point Burke was making when using the term: That win or lose, your Toronto Maple Leafs are going to be something we're all going to be proud of, really, really and enjoy watching.

Remember, this is a team that, just two years ago, was hoping that that plate of Hamburger Helper on skates - Kyle Wellwood - was going to be its first line centre. Wellwood, a player only a mother could love, and by mother, I mean Navin from Sports and the City, is like that girl/boyfriend from your past you just can't believe you went out with, but, you know, you're stronger now, and you'd never be that stupid again. Wellwood is an embarrasment to the fucking Vancouver Canucks, let alone the Leafs. At least the Leafs saved face by dumping him.

So what can we expect from the 09/10 Leafs? How fierce; cruel; and savagely brutal will they be? Let's ask the trembling chicken hearts beating in the "chests" of the Ottawa Senators, or the little people in Montreal who get to face the Leaf monsters all season. On Saturday night. In front of their parents. Here's a future echo of the truculence the Leafs will have this season: Want more proof? Please note that Bruce Lee is the Alternate captain.

Q AMPERSAND A

I get a lot of fan mail here at He Score, He Shoot!. Hockey guys mostly, shut ins, some sluts; long time listeners, first time writers. They fawn a lot, which is nice. There is something though that every single one of the literally tens of letters I have gotten have in common: they all ask me if I hate Ottawa as much as I write I do.

You just can't, they write. It's unhealthy to be filled with that kind of blah blah blah, they reason. Massive coronary, they warn. Using a lot of words and sentences that end in exclamation points. I write these fans back, sometimes in my own blood, sometimes in others' and tell them that they should mind their own goddamned fuckin' asshole business.

But seeing as everyone has asked and seeing as we're a few weeks removed from the chummed waters of free agent signings. With all the interesting stories already written and the fear that Kaberle could turn into this summer's Sundin. His where, when and for what replacing last summer's will he, won't he, why wouldn't he? as most annoying by- line.
And there being a really obscene amount of times between posts here at HS/HS. Let me answer the question honestly and objectively.

Ottawa: Oh , How I Hate Ye

It was this Canada Day where I really enjoyed the Dany Heatley saga. Because I was imagining those filthy bastards. The whole crusty-healed throng sitting on the 'hill', wondering aloud, "les odeurs d'air comme farts, uh?". Shaking their fists in between polite applause for the entertainment. Between those kids who dance from Otter Lake and that girl fiddler, just after their hit of angel dust or Molson Canadian (or whatever gets them through their day) they'd bemoan.
"That godamn 'Eatley.'
"I hate dat godamn guy, me." Someone would answer.
"Dat friggin guy." Another would say.
"....godamn Murray." They'd all say in unison, raising their fists like they're the gold and bronze medalists (respectively) of the 200 metres at the 1968 summer games in Mexico City.
"That guy's an arsehole." Someone would yell.

Max Keeping would be onstage saying gidday and wearing something embarrassing. You can bet that at some point in the afternoon you were going to hear him lisp, "Ladies and Gentlemen... The Nylons!"

J.J Clarke, (my 2nd most hated Clarke after Bobby) would be standing on Sparks Street telling the people watching at home that it's sweater weather and to be wary of the wind chill, and that, oh yeah, that OC Transpo has a special ride all day for $25 Canada Day promotion so there is no reason to drive and drive.
The look of panic on J.J's face as obvious as a neon coldsore, and the flop sweat pooling around his neck suggest that J.J. has already had too many 7 and 7's.
(I've heard that he lost all his money investing in a Planet Hollywood in Manotick.) Whatever it is, J.J. looks like a man who took a very hard kick to a very fat stomach.

Somewhere near the CJOH van Chris Neil would be selling cigarettes to school kids and bullying others. The sleeves of his too-tight jean jacket would be pushed up as he'd yell "2 for flinching!" at the passerby.

And it would be there, close enough to hear the skateboarders not landing any tricks at the War Memorial that you could close your eyes and take it all in; Ottawa: A loud roar of nitrate, trans-fatty acid and Pepsi burps.

Kovalev Leaves Habs. Cuts Off Nose, Spites Face

When news that Alex Kovalev had been booted from the Lollipop Guild Montreal Canadiens reached me at the charity I do wonderful un-publicized work for, the first thing that struck me was, "Hey, keep it down, I'm operating!" The second, was, "Awesome! Now I get to write a post ripping a team other than the Ottawa Senators!" Ah, silly. Why are the beautiful ones always so dumb?

Ignoring the obvious fact that Kovalev signed with Ottawa merely to get a chance to stick it to Bob Gainey and the rotten-hearted Kostitsyn brothers 10 times a year, lets just say that the Senators' hubris has reared its ugly, scarlett head, and once again, Ottawa gets the type of player it so richly deserves: Lazy, self-entitled, and, whenever they feel like it, prone to taking a couple months off. Months like January and March.

In spite of this, some Habs fans actually wanted to see Kovalev stay in Montreal, if only because he was the only member of their team who could reach the overhead compartment on the team bus. And amazingly, a hundred of them gathered at the Bell Center to show their support for the cause. I say amazing because this is the first time in history 100 Habs fans have gotten together without flipping over and burning a cop car.

But the real victims in a situation like this- the ones who will suffer the most from Kovalev leaving Montreal- are of course, the cities' stripper population. As the Bell Center rally was taking place, all over St. Catherines st. candlelight vigils were being held, at places like the Maison du Sexe. The strippers there, colloquially known as "Montreal's Other Smoked Meat", are devastated, as they know that Kovalev's absence means their earnings are projected to go down 12,000 percent.

Maison dancer Sylvie St. Germain* was quoted as saying:

"Dat Kovi, huh? He come in da one time wit Enrique Eglasias. Oooh we pardy-hardy dat nights! And da best part was, dey only hit me once! He will be miss."

* Not her real name

Senators Hire Leeder. Well, Now They Have One

Taking a cue from the voices in his head, Ottawa Senators farmer Eugene Melnyk continues his comi-tragic rearranging of the Titanic deck chairs, by booting one loser inside his creep-filled organization for another. Out is former president Roy "No, That's Actually How You Spell It" Mlakar. In is current COO, the unbelievably named, Cyril Leeder.

Not even hairy Ottawa native Alanis Morissette could miss the irony in a guy named "Leeder" taking a position with the Ottawa Senators. The Sens, a bunch so gutless their team photos look like a bunch of x-rays, have gone without any sort of team leadership since they re-emerged from the filthy Rideau Canal to once again pollute the NHL with their overweight fans, heartless play, and ugly uniforms. The only time the Senators did anything great were the years between 1934 and 1992. These heady times were the decades the team didn't exist, or as I call them, "The Good Ole' Days".

Leeder, seen here conferring with Daniel Alfredsson, has been with the Senators since its very inception, and, despite the diabolical karmic implications of his actions, appears to be relatively tumor free. He replaces the long serving Mlakar, who was damned by faint praise by Melnyk who said he had,

"...contributed greatly to defining the Ottawa Senators and our relationship with our community and our fans."

...which means creating a team of losers and their followers becoming the laughingstock of the league. In the meantime, Mlakar is now free to pursue his hopes and dreams, and this morning heard the sound of his own laughter for the first time in 13 years.

RUMORS, TRUCULENCE AND WHEELING AND DEALING ON THE DRAFT ROOM FLOOR

During the MLSE press conference introducing Brian Burke as new Leafs GM, amid talk of plumber jobs, patience and of building from the net out, right after Burke's track record was trumpeted but just before admitting to a little dumb luck, he spoke of pugnacity, testosterone, truculence and belligerence.

With a couple of weeks (15 days actually -ed.) left before draft day and a full season behind us, surely Brian wasn't speaking of this time right now. Because as we sit 7th in a 5 horse race, pugnacity, testosterone, truculence and belligerence are exactly what's needed to either move up or to wheel and deal.

Everyone knows that this draft is the deepest in years, but general consensus says that there is the top 5 then a drop, the next 5 and then another drop. I feel like we may be able to move up 2 more spots - but if not, 7th suits me fine. And at 7th I've read the speculation that we'd take everyone from Jared Cowen to Magnus Svensson-Paajarvi. I think it's a safe call to say that Brayden Schenn will not be available at 7. I think I even heard Burke say so himself in an interview.

(As I write this there is talk and it's making me barf in my mouth a little. Apparently, the Heater, Dany Heatley, has requested a trade. What's making my mouth well with bile is that I keep hearing he will be traded for this year's 5th. And we all know that those godamned cock-sucking assholes will pick Schenn just to spite us. They're just the type of disgraceful douchebags to do so).


This years top 3 seems to be set. And even though all signs seem to point to Matt Duchene absolutely killing it at the combine, he is still #3 on everyone's list. Top 2 seems to be a tossup. More often than not it's JT going first, but I've seen more than a few postings where the Isles take Hedman. Leave it to Canadian media to eat its own and call Tavares' defensive ability into question and get the next one picked 2nd.

Of course the rumours are flying, some of my favourites are; Grabovski and our 7th to Atlanta for their 4th. (Apparently they're very interested in Evander Kane who will still be available at 7).

Or that horrid one about Kaberle, Strahlman and our 1st to the Rangers for Dubinsky, Stall, Redden and their 1st (19th). This one scares me because its Stall and, let's face it, Dubinsky is a Burke type player. And at 19th, in this years draft, I believe we could still get a Landon Ferraro or a Scott Glennie or maybe even a Carter Ashton, who's dad Brent, spent nearly 15 years in the league. And not that long ago Ryan Getzlaf went 19th (not to mention Mike Richards 24th and Corey Perry 28th).

But Wade fucking Redden? Besides having that sens stink of awfulness still on him, his contract is so bad, so Mike Millbury-esque that its a shock that Slats still has a job.
I would take any Stall any day of the week...but Wade Redden? I think I would rather have Andrew Raycroft as my number 1.

Did anyone else read that ridiculous rumour written by a supposed former consulting aide to Brian Burke? Who after being 'let go' delivered (via a Damian Cox message board) some set in stone drivel that came with a spoiler alert warning and had us trading away; Justin Pogge, Tomas Kaberle, Mikhail Grabovski, Pavel Kubina, 40% of Kubina's contract, two 2nd round picks in 2009, Matt Stajan, and the 7th pick in 2009 for the 3rd and 4th picks overall. Where we select Hedman and Schenn.(The Heatley talk is still going on and on but as I write this I've been thinking, what with Heatley making it public he wants a trade, does such public knowledge not open the doors for them to be low-balled? Not to mention a brutal 5 year, $7.5M contract that also contains a NTC/NMC. (So say goodbye to all of those top picks from re-building teams). Of course the fans of that team; those ghastly, caked-on ass-eaters are all overvaluing him and thinking they are dealing from a position of strength, imagining picks and prospects returning.
Hope you Tiva-wearing cunts like Olli Jokinen or Patrik Marleau. God I hate you all so much).

A few others....Kaberle and our first in 2010 to the Bolts for their 2nd and Ryan Malone. (An obvious salary dump). And/or Kubina, Poni, 7th and a 2nd to the Avs for their 3rd. Where we would then draft either Hedman or Tavares (again depending on #1) and Duchene with that 3rd. Talk like that gets my mouth watering because we would instantly become young and very talented.

It would be the next step in the long term solution for us poor Leafs fans. We'd be free of that Pat Quinn schematic; Play your veterans and pay them bloated salaries that don't match performance or production. Insist that signing 30+ year olds makes more sense than the draft-schmaft. Brad Boyes for Owen Nolan.

It's about developing your talent and using free agency to compliment that core, not the other way around.

The point is this: trade rumours and number of draft picks aside, I really believe our supporting cast is falling into place. Perhaps we need a Boogaard here, and a Beauchemin there. Personally I would stay away from Komiserak but chase JBo - thus allowing us the leverage of trading Kaberle and Kubina come Canada Day.

And finally all this talk about the Sedins coming to the Leafs. What bothers me is this. I keep reading how they want to stay in Vancouver; but if Gillis doesn't and hasn't signed them then what does that ultimately say about the faith he has in them? PPG guys yes, amazing ability to find each other on the ice yes, red pubes - yes.
And it's not a cap issue, as Vancouver, like Toronto, have lots of cap space. So something stinks in B.C, and this time it's not all the drunken Indians.

GO SENS GO? I'D RATHER BE TAGGED IN THE NUTS BY A VERY STRONG MIDGET

Word came from no less than 4 separate Sens fans yesterday morning. We're talkin' people who woke up and thought that one of the first things they had to do was go on-line, email me and cyber-gloat. It's astounding really but as I have said before, if there's one thing you can count on with sens fans, it's douchebaggery.

You people (who wrote me, you know who you are) who figure leapfrogging the Leafs for 11th in the East is something to gloat about intrigue me. I suppose though, coming from Ottawa aka the World's Shittiest City, you gotta take what you can get. We all know that fat legs aren't something to brag about so it's beaver tails, Voice of Fire and now being only slightly less shitty statistically that the Leafs.

Remember when you were in the Stanley Cup final not that long ago?

You know me well enough to know how I feel about Ottawa but just in case my long absence has made you forget let me remind; I hate the Ottawa Senators like poison. Like poison, you hear me? Skull and crossbones on the label poison. The whole grabbing at your own neck, saying 'gak!, how could you?' with your last breathe poison. (And when I say Ottawa Senators, I include Ottawa, the valley and a handful of South West Quebec too; the people and their team. I’m talking the old, the young, the sick, the retarded, the good, the bad, the ugly. Babies, twins, immigrants, pets, lesbians, my friends, my relatives…it doesn’t matter…you and it are all the same diarrhea bouillabaisse to me.

It and you are all dreadful, so terribly terribly dreadful that if this was 16th century Turkey, I would hunt you all down like Albanians. You and it are so horrible, so scabby, pimply-assed ugly and terrible that you feel the need to gloat about being 13 points out of the last playoff spot. If it didn't border on a police matter I might even say that the best way to describe my feelings would be to quote Bruce Cockburn and say that if I had a rocket-launcher some sonofabitch would die.

Consider then, how rare the words ‘Go Sens Go’ are for me to say. I can tell you this for sure, I have said it less times than say, 'hey, hand me that Ronnie Milsap cassette', and certainly less times than, “Wow, that’s a beautiful cock” as I have barely said that before. (Remember I do know Greener) Even writing the words, ‘Go Sens Go,’ burn my fingertips a little. But bare with me. I hate Cory Clouston like he was some sort of fissure on my anus ...you know that - but his arrival and the sudden sense of hope these kleenex breakfast's suddenly have for each other makes my heart sing. You know why? Cos hope can really fuck with you.
And my hope is that their hope makes them believe. Cos belief is Bonnie to Hope's Clyde, and the two them can make you stupid. They can make you think that you can take a run at 8th and that you are a Cinderella team for more than Daniel Alfredson and his admiration of petticoats and glass pumps.
Hope and belief will make them drop down the draft, or, I am salivating as I write this, even trade it away for even more of their future for say Niklas Bakstrom.
Hope and belief are what will make them hold onto quasi-gunt Jason Spezza instead trading him. Cos at a time when Mathieu Schneider goes for a 2nd and a 3rd (I don't care how conditional) - everybody's stakes go up. (Anybody hear a 1st for Kubina?)) Jason Spezza, no matter how shitty his D is or how much he will go against the cap next year would be a huge trade. And the sens could potentially take a giant step toward a re-build with it. But hope can make you think otherwise.

And the fans? When they have hope and they have belief, they add in prayer and prayer riding shotgun is whats going to make those ass-munching half-humans get exactly what they deserve. And I want every last one of them to feel it. The players, the coach, the city, the area code. I want it to sting. I want it to sting real bad.

ps. Anyone else notice that the GM for the Sens has a wicked bad speech impediment?

pss. Note to Mike 'Crazy Eye' Fisher...when your girlfriend hides in terror of being spotted associated with you, perhaps its time to move on.

Hartsburg Leaves Ottawa, Can Again Hold Head Up

Only a few things were going to get me to come out of semi-retirement and write a HS/HS post - these orphans aren't going to feed themselves. One of them was that I just couldn't take having a goddamn Oilers logo staring out from the top of the page any more, and another was anything to do with the ongoing humiliation of worst team EVER: the Ottawa Senators.

The firing of Craig Hartsburg, which I predicted in picture form, here, has added another member to an ever growing group tainted by that gutless bunch of creeps. Others include:

• Hockey fans
• The hockey world
  
• Seniors
• The arts
• Bipeds

The Senators have now had 4 coaches since the 2007 Final. Ottawa is where coaches go to die, along with pride, guts, and good looking uniforms. In spite of this, owner Eugene Melnyk refuses to do the only sane thing the owner of the Senators should do - well, besides committing Seppuku for bringing shame and dishonor to his family - which is break up that smug collection of win-nothings.

Melnyk, seen here protecting his superstar #1 line, still believes the hysterical press his litter received from every hockey journalist in Canada from 1997 to 2007, who said they'd win any number of Cups. He still can't see that the only thing those guys will ever win is a Blue Ribbon at the State Fair.

Hartsburg, who before this mess had a coaching resume that had the word "awesome" on it, paid the price for Melnyk's blindness. He is now free to leave Ottawa, and pick up the pieces of his career in a much, much better city. Like Chernobyl.

YOUR KISS IS ON MY LIST...

"Ales is probably the smoothest player in the league today when he's got the puck...when he's stickhandling, nobody's close. You had Gretzky here, now you've got this guy."

- Joe Sakic on Ales Hemsky

Normally I don't put much stock in comments from a guy who maimed himself in a one man snowblower accident, but I'll cut Joey some slack. Plus, he's right. You see, this is Ales Hemsky, he plays for my team. You wish he played for your team. 

He's just different. It's the way he moves - the composure, self-assuredness, and that rare dynamic quality that brings an expectation that something is going to happen every time he touches the puck. But it's more than that.

You hear a lot of broadcasters or fans say a player is "a joy to watch." Usually that's applied to a guy who scores a lot of goals or does things at a high level, without regard to the WAY they do it. Ales Hemsky is a joy to watch aesthetically. If Hemsky never scored a goal - and believe me, there used to be many nights when you thought he was intentionally trying not to - he would still be worth watching. There's a rhythm to his game, a fluidity of motion, that's unlike anyone else in hockey. Nearly every Hemsky goal, even a wrist shot from the slot, is "highlight reel" quality, because of the buildup to it and the grace with which he does it. I'll admit it, I've thought about what his lips would feel like, pressed against mine. Don't judge me.

For all you non-Oiler fans, if I could compare Hemsky to another player it would be Johan Cruijff. You know, the great Dutch footballer of the 1970's? (At this point, Greener is fuming, because not only am I not waxing poetic about him, I'm now talking about football...and not calling it soccer). 

Cruijff was the most elegant of athletes, a near perfect blend of speed, quickness, balance and agility, complimented by a limitless footballing I.Q. The great Rudolf Nureyev was fascinated by his movements and loved to watch videos of Cruijff playing. Nureyev's assistant once hypothesized that it was because Nureyev thought Cruijff would be a better dancer than the legend himself. Cruijff and Hemsky share that same balletic quality. They almost look out of place playing a sport.

With Hemsky it's those three crossovers in the neutral zone gearing up to top speed, the shoulder drop to freeze the d-man, the half push-off (in lieu of a full stride) that kicks him clear when turning the corner, and his puck control in traffic while under pressure. Put it all in one package with innate hockey sense, vision, and fearlessness, and you have a very special player.

Hemsky used to be a "potential" guy, the prettiest 15 goal, 70 point scorer in the league. This year he's taken his game to a new level and become the unquestioned leader of this team. It's not just aesthetics anymore. In the next four years (the time Hemsky has remaining on his current contract), Ales Hemsky's play will determine the success of the Oilers. If Shawn Horcoff and Dustin Penner live up to their fat contracts it will be because of Ales Hemsky. If the Oilers are going to win a Stanley Cup, it will likely come during that period as Hemsky begins his prime and graduates to elite status.

Others may be better, but no one is better to watch.

STAR POWER

As I was heading out to lunch yesterday, I received a barrage of e-mails on my phone from the Edmonton Oilers Hockey Club. The headlines to the various messages went something like this:

KEVIN LOWE CURES CANCER!

REXALL PLACE TO OFFER FREE BEER!

Ales Hemsky placed on IR

DARYL KATZ BUYS, FOLDS CALGARY FLAMES!

Whoa, whoa, whoa...what was that? I haven't seen a lead buried like that since the day after 9/11 when Sean Hannity asked George Bush, "What happens to the goat?"

In case you haven't noticed, Ales Hemsky is kind of important to this hockey team. Truth be told, he's too important. So what began as a "mild concussion" (whatever that is) and a day-to-day status, has landed the Oilers best player on the injured reserve list. It's just like brain trauma to not give a shit about my needs.

The Oilers are 2-4 since Hemsky's injury. In this stretch of the schedule heavily-laden with home games, they were supposed to be solidifying a playoff spot. Instead, they've been spinning their wheels and still find themselves amongst a throng of tightly bunched teams outside the top eight.

His injury casts a bright light on the lack of reliable scoring throughout the lineup. Without his playmaking, his usual linemates (Horcoff and Penner) simply aren't as effective, and the likes of Cole, Cogliano, Gagner and Nilsson see tougher defensive match-ups. Few, if any, teams are as reliant on one player for its offense as the Oilers are.

Since the day he traded Chris Pronger, Kevin Lowe has been on the prowl for another superstar, namely an elite offensive player, and it's starting to become clear why. While Hemsky is on the cusp of attaining elite status himself, he needs help. There are many armchair GM's who wiped their brow in relief and questioned Lowe's judgement in trying to overpay for Marian Hossa last summer. How 'bout now? "We would've had to dismantle the entire roster to pay Hossa!!!" Really? Like Dustin Penner and Robert Nilsson? Oooooh, ouch! I'll give you two hands to count the players the Oilers wouldn't trade for Marian Hossa, and I'll bet you don't get past three fingers. But hey, let's keep yearning to acquire Mike Sillinger, lament the loss of Curtis Glencross, and devise lame trade scenarios that can *fingers crossed* land us Antoine Vermette!

The Oilers lack that 1-2 punch that most true Cup contenders have. That 1-2 punch that, unless you have an elite goaltender, most Cup contenders HAVE to have. Simply put, not only does having another offensive star insulate you from injury to one of them, you're going to win more hockey games. How so? It's just a case of logic and mathematics. First liners play more than second liners who play more than third liners and so on...because they're BETTER players. Is there a worse hockey philosophy than the one that says "we're gonna roll four lines"? There's only 60 minutes in a hockey game. If the best players are playing 20+ minutes (roughly a third of the game) doesn't it stand to reason that the team with the better players on the ice for the most amount of time is going to win on most nights?

The Oilers need some additional star power, and if some of the names currently circulating in the rumor mill (Lecavalier, Kovalchuk, etc.) hit the trade market you can bet the Oilers will be making that call. If not, you can be sure that Katz, Lowe, and Tambellini will be pulling out all the stops again this summer to make another run at the likes of Hossa and Gaborik. Will they land one? Who knows, but watching these Hemsky-less Oilers over the last six games has made me realize they're right for trying.

Oiler fans are among the most knowledgeable and passionate in the game. Because of that they sometimes have a difficult time accepting that Kevin Lowe might know a little more about hockey than they do. Maybe this one time we should trust his plan and vision for this team. I mean the guy just cured cancer!

Hypocrisy 1, Leafs 0

It takes a big man to say a bunch of meaningful things in front of a ton of reporters running devices like cameras and microphones, and then, six months later, do EXACTLY the opposite. How big? Oh, about 6'5, 231 lbs.

Mats Sundin leapt straight into the race for the Stanley Cup by playing his first game last night with the Vancouver Canucks. A team that features... uh... that guy... and, um... those dudes with the goatee's... oh, and Kyle Wellwood! Hmm, with the exception of the (injured) Roberto Luongo, sounds a lot like last years' Leafs; the team he left.

Sundin was always a good politician - saying only what was necessary to say, in polite, flat tones - and like every successful politician, he knows what to say to get all the suckers out there to support him, in spite of the fact that he was made by an elderly woodcarver and hangs out with an sentient cricket.

Don't get me wrong. Posts like this one aren't howling because Sundin went and dared sign with a club other than the Leafs. Look, I get it. Sundin had a NTC and had every right to use it. And naturally, any player has the right to sign with whomever he wants upon contract expiration; that's why contracts aren't for life. The problem with Sundin are the sweetums he uttered which millions of us stood behind, even though we knew it was costing the Leafs dearly. The most notable of these bon mots being:

"I have never believed in the concept of a rental player. It is my belief that winning the Stanley Cup is the greatest thing you can achieve in hockey but for me, in order to appreciate it you have to have been part of the entire journey and that means October through June. I hope everyone will understand and respect my decision."

Well, we sure did then. We respected this man's desire to stay a Leaf. Most of us (ok, I) applauded him for wanting to stay and fight it out in a Toronto sweater, when a lot of lesser players would have headed to San Jose, or, (gasp!) Montreal.

But he didn't. He stayed, denied the Leafs an astonishing bounty of picks and players a trade would have brung, then he fucked around over-fishing Lake Blörk Blörk until he got bored and decided to rejoin the NHL but not from October through June. More like January till whenever the Canucks get knocked out of the first round. Yup, that's meaningful.

PLAN B

Oilers 3, Islanders 2

One of Craig MacTavish's favorite lines used to be "never critique a win." I'm assuming that's because critiquing the losses got so monotonous. Well, last night the Oilers got away with one against the league doormats, the New York Islanders, who were without Doug Weight and John Tavares. It was a win that needs critiquing: "Two thumbs down. If you fast-forward through one Oiler win this year, make it this one." It was ugly...but maybe that's a good thing.

In the last month, the Oilers have watched the Florida Panthers AHL affiliate shut them out on home ice, and lost to a gutless Ottawa team that was winless in 12 consecutive road games. Against the leagues worst team, also riding a 12 game road winless streak, the Oilers were down 2-0 at the end of the first, thanks to more sloppy play and their continued refusal to get dirty. But they got bailed out by their fourth line (Brodziak, Stortini and Strudwick), who gave the rest of the team a template for how to play when things aren't going your way. They won battles, simplified the game, threw pucks to the net and got two garbage goals because of it. Cogliano got the game winner in similar fashion, hopefully suggesting that the message was received by the rest of the team.

The problem with the Oilers, on most nights, is they don't have a Plan B (Note: Plan A is to skate around making drop passes and one arm dekes in the neutral zone, while avoiding as much physical contact as humanly possible). You have to be able to win a game in more than one way. When they don't score on the rush they seldom revert to a simple game that requires them to compete in the tough areas of the ice.

PLAN A:

This was a team that boasted about its glutton of top six forwards, yet they sit 9th in the Western Conference in Goals For and 19th overall. Why? Because they have no consistent fallback game. With the games only getting tougher as the playoffs draw closer, this team's character will be severely tested if the roster remains as is. I don't wanna say the Oilers are soft, but they just called-up this guy from Springfield.

If you're going to have guys like Gagner, Cogliano, Nilsson, Brule, Schremp and Reddox on the roster, you need to create space with some physical presence. It's no accident that Gagner's game has picked up since being paired with the net crashing Erik Cole.

This team has plenty of parts on it's shopping list, but another scorer who will get to the ugly areas should be a high priority. Mike Knuble? Nathan Horton? Yes, please.

KEEP READING IF YOU LIKE CREAM IN YOUR JEANS

The truth is, I'd rather take a hot one in the grapes than write an article about Mats Sundin. Quite frankly that's one of the reason's I haven't been appearing as much here on HS/HS. I'm sorry if you think I'm avoiding you.
I could also make excuses about how busy I am or tell you that at this very moment I am infected with something, that when expectorated, looks like it was designed by H.R Geiger. And that when you spend some of your day coughing so hard you wonder if you'll die, wanting to compare Ian White's moustache to that of a pederast suddenly takes a backseat.

I'm on various pills and unguents.

HI, I'M REALLY REALLY SICK...HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

I don't know much, but I know that urine is not supposed to be the colour of Mexican crockery.

Also; tis the season, and this one, especially as a parent, has a way of robbing, not only your money, but your time. A few days after Christmas I found myself weeping at the realization that it was almost 2009 and that I had just spent 45 minutes trying to find parking.
YOU GOTTA KNOW WHEN TO HOLD 'EM, KNOW WHEN TO FOLD 'EM, KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY, KNOW WHEN TO RUN
The truth is I haven't seen a Leafs game in weeks. Missing even the Kings game where our very own rink bunnies 'Greener and Moose' made their appearance. Proving, once again, that like Transformers, there was more than meets the eye.
I was kind of hoping Greener would have tackled the Sundin "issue" in that way he has; concise, funny and relevant. With a visual joke only slightly less funny that I would do. Something like this.He would have something that made us shake our heads and think, hey - I never thought of it like that.
Of course since I have the relevant timing of a pre-mature ejaculator, I'm sure by the time you are reading this, Mats will already have made his triumphant return and ratched out his groin. Or maybe I am so bogged down in the mists of a Nyquil high that it's already happened and I just spooged on your thigh.
Either way, everyone knows its now or never for the Canucks and I'm thinking Antropov for Hodgson sounds about right.

And the less said about Avery the better: although I will say this. Sean Avery is so classless that he asks Joey Buttafuoco to tie his tie. Who in himself is so terrible that he was once portrayed by Jack Scalia.

I feel lightheaded.

IT'S BROKEN. FIX IT.

Part 1 of our 435 part series: "Better Know What's Wrong With The Edmonton Oilers"

The Edmonton Oilers like to play hard to get. But I get it. Sure they'll tease you with the odd two or three game winning streak, only to be inevitably followed by a two or three game losing streak. I'm not fooled anymore. They are a decidedly average hockey team. The larger problem is that they've tricked management into believing that a break-through is imminent, which only delays what truly needs to be done to fix this team.

The Oilers have been cut a lot of slack this year, by fans, media, and to a greater extent, by their two-headed GM. Sophomore slumps, lack of confidence, tough schedule...all excuses. About the only person who hasn't accepted their mediocrity is Craig MacTavish, and yet everyone is calling for HIS head? Weird.

What ails this team has little to do with coaching and a lot to do with the composition of the roster. It's flawed and littered with holes, among them: terrible penalty killing, inability to win faceoffs, and a lack of grit and physical play. We're 36 games into the season, it's time to accept that this team is what it is, and right now that's a non-playoff team. At a certain point "slumps," "poor confidence," and "bad breaks" are states of reality, not transient periods of time. Did I just get all deep on you? Every time they look like they're about to turn a corner, they fall back into...well, being the team they really are. That's because asking a bunch of small skill players to play outside their natural comfort zone (i.e. gritty, more physical) is not a sustainable practice. At some point they will revert back to what they know - their natural style. After all, that's what got them to this point. They're being asked to change their stripes to compensate for the deficiencies of the roster, and that falls on the GM. It's time to change the makeup of this group. If they're serious about making the playoffs, waiting another 15-20 games will be too late.

The other day I was looking at the Oilers depth chart, and I thought to myself, "Boy this team could really use a healthy J.F. Jacques." Let me tell you something, that scares the shit out of J.F. Jacques, not to mention me. I've reached THAT level of exasperation and desperation with this team.

I received an e-mail this morning from a journalist in Edmonton with a couple of Oiler -related trade rumors. I should probably clarify that by "journalist," I mean Washingtron. Some of you may remember him as a writer for this blog, and by "some of you," I mean Washingtron. It went as follows:

Hey man, here are the rumblings from around here... one of which, the second, is from a reputable lawyer who hangs with agents...

1 - Visnovsky for Spezza
2 - Gilbert and Horcoff for Kovalchuk

Thoughts?

First off, it should be said that Washingtron does run in a pretty connected circle. I mean, if you know another Oiler blogger who used to play G.I Joe with Zach Pocklington, speak up. I'm not making any of this up, because 1) the Internet isn't big enough for TWO fake rumor sites, and 2) does this blog really need LESS legitimacy?

My thoughts? Neither of those trades fix what's wrong with the Oilers, especially the Kovalchuk deal. But, Kevin Lowe is so fixated on bringing a superstar to Edmonton, I could actually see that one happening. Yes, the Oilers could certainly use another legitimate front-line scorer (so could 29 other teams), but the truth is the Oilers would be a playoff team if they could simply win more faceoffs and not give up a power play goal every night.

Faceoffs: There are only 50 or so guys in the NHL that are over 50% in the faceoff circle, so finding them isn't as easy as it sounds. Back in September I got into a little discussion about acquiring a third line faceoff guy, and threw out Radek Bonk's name. Well, look who's sitting atop the league with a Yanic Perrault-vian 63% win rate. Sure he has flaws, but anybody you're acquiring to fill that role has flaws, otherwise they'd be first line centers. Some other guys that can probably be had? Antoine Vermette (62%) would be a good fit. Kamil Kreps (53%) in Florida is a good young defensive forward. For a twist, how about Jussi Jokinen in Tampa? He's 53% with over 450 draws taken, and given that he's played the wing for large stretches of his career, you could stick him on the wing with the faceoff-inept Cogliano and have him take draws, without creating a log-jam down the middle. He just cleared waivers so he'd likely be available for near nothing.

Penalty Killing: How has one of the leagues best penalty killing teams each of the two previous years become almost automatic to relinquish a big PP goal every night? It's laughable. Tangent: How the fuck are the Maple Leafs and Thrashers worse than the Oilers? Sure winning a defensive zone faceoff would help, but that's just part of it. I went to the Kings-Blue Jackets game on Monday, and I was amazed at how many shots the Blue Jackets blocked on the PK, and I don't mean guys throwing themselves recklessly all around the zone. I mean being aggressive, getting sticks and legs into lanes, defenseman fronting shots before they got to the goaltender. This was from the 15th ranked unit in the league! On most nights, that aggressiveness and willingness is missing from the Oilers. Given that the Oilers have been so good in years past, you'd think that's coachable. If not, the only explanation for the sudden decline is the loss of personnel (Jarrett Stoll, Marty Reasoner, Matt Greene) and if that's the case, they need replacing.

It's time to make a deal. Steve Tambellini has yet to put his stamp on this team, and there's no better (see: more necessary) time than now. The next time I log on to oilers.nhl.com I don't want to see anymore of Crystal Leriger (with clothes on), or Ladislav Smid playing roving reporter, or Erik Cole sharing story time with the kids. I want a fucking deal. 

I get it...now just fix it.

SOMETIMES AN ASSHOLE IS JUST AN ASSHOLE

Save for some brief comments during our most recent podcast, I've ignored the Sean Avery issue, mostly by design. I've had to tread lightly on the topic because, as you may recall, after I wrote this Greener suspended ME for three weeks.

I don't have an opinion about what he did, or what his punishment should have been. Who cares? If anything, he should be suspended for that shitty delivery of an obviously pre-rehearsed joke. I mean, why wasn't Jere Lehtinen rehearsing lines with him before hand? Jerk.

But now that all the hearings are over and the punishments have been handed down, the most interesting aspect of all this is what becomes of Sean Avery's career? Will he ever play hockey again? Almost certainly. But there's reason to believe he may never be worth another big contract, or even the price of admission for the curious sideshow seekers. Why? Because a pre-condition of Sean Avery's return is that he no longer be Sean Avery. In agreeing to go to counseling for anger management, Avery made a concession to save his job, but it might just cost him his career.

In a recent article Avery spoke of the on-ice abuse he has taken for his interest in fashion. Big fucking deal. In a game where mental warfare can be a real tool, Sean Avery, and his therapy, have now given the other guy the upper hand. What do you think is gonna happen the first time he saunters up to Dion Phaneuf at a face-off?

Avery: "Hey Dion, how does my cum taste?"

Phaneuf: "Good, Sean...but how does that make you feel?"

Game over. How can a guy like that get under your skin, when you've got that ammo in your gun. I don't care how dumb hockey players are, those comebacks write themselves. Let me tell you something, if it were me, the first time I lined-up next to Avery I'd have a fucking Rorschach drawing stuffed under my jersey.

Rachel Hunter?

You see, Avery has made his living with pre-meditated trash talk that strikes at other players most vulnerable and personal points. Now the tables have turned. In the fallout created from Avery taking his act off-ice, he effectively bargained away his competitive advantage. The one thing that made Sean Avery a difference maker.

Now you can argue, that Avery doesn't have to change on the ice, so long as he keeps his mouth shut off it. The NHL has never criminalized trash talking, and Avery's past transgressions in that area have gone largely unpunished. Furthermore, you can argue that Avery will probably never embrace, or take seriously, the anger management part of his "punishment". He probably sees it as a means to an end, a necessary evil to put up with until he gets back to the NHL. Surely there's a desperate team (see: Tampa Bay Lightning) with a contract and a wink-wink, nod-nod agreement for him, right? But that's missing the point. Without his "edge" Sean Avery is just a slightly above average NHL hockey player. Certainly not a $4 million-per-year hockey player.

Sean Avery has no desire to win anything. A game, a Stanley Cup, even his teammates respect. He draws his satisfaction from being, as he puts it, the villain. His antics are the product of needing to fulfill a personal desire for attention. In the past, his teams got a residual benefit from his shtick when he got opposing players off their game. But now it's certainly debatable as to whether he can even do that anymore.

But hey, don't cry for Sean Avery. Even if his hockey career never returns him to the level of prosperity he once enjoyed, he's pretty savvy. He'll find a way to turn this into a second career.

I know we here at HS/HS were excited when his agent contacted us. You see, we've been longing to tap into the lucrative adult entertainment market, and with Sean out of work for a while, we figured this was the perfect opportunity. We're pleased to announce the release of HS/HS's first...cumming of age film.

It's here just in time for Christmas, and it makes a great "stocking stuffer." What, too much?

I'M NOT FAT, IT'S GLANDULAR

NHL Trade Deadline Countdown; 75 days, 20 hours, 30 minutes, 18 seconds.

All Jeremy Williams Does Is Score: Leafs Sure to Get Rid of Him

In regards to Toronto's recent success at the NHL draft, history will have to work extra hard to smile upon the Leafs. I'm not saying that the "cupboard is bare" analogy is completely appropriate, but I will mention that under "Career Highlights", the Leafs draft day C.V. lists such illuminati as Kris Vernarsky, Karel Pilar and everybody's favorite (C? LW? RW? D?) Nicolas Corbeil.

Well, perhaps the ol' TML resume just got some much needed padding from Glenavon, Saskatchewan called Jeremy Williams.

Glenavon, with a population of 104- roughly the number of people in Ottawa who'll show up next year to watch the Senators- released young Williams in 2003 to the waiting hands of an organization which knows how to nurture and develop its homegrown talent. Wait, no. What I meant to say was an organization that knows how to trade its homegrown talent for Yanic Perreault.

So all Jeremy Williams does is score and look great in a Leafs uniform, two things of which only the former is really hard. He's taken 7 shots with the Leafs this season, and scored on 3 of them. For those of us out there who're obsessive compulsive, and really, who isn't, it breaks down like this:

To contrast and compare those numbers: If say, I were on the Leafs, my call up stat would look something like this:

Now, in all seriousness, which of us would YOU send down?!

~~~

Just a reminder for you to check out our newest podcast: HS/HS Radio 7, found conveniently one post below us. Moose worked really hard on this one, and by that, I mean he showed up at my house. Hey! Thanks for listening!

HS/HS Radio 7! Number, No Longer Lucky

I once sent away for a VHS dub to be made of a Japanese version of "Planet of the Apes". I threw caution to the wind (and money down the internet), at some dubbing house in the Far East, with dreams of actors in pathetic gorilla suits driving Cadillac's, supported by poorly executed voice acting. Four months later a package came to my door looking like it'd been wrapped and addressed by those same simians. I excitedly opened it up, and popped it in. Yes, everything I'd lousily hoped for in this lousy movie was there...along with the internal tracking error in the dubbing process that caused the film to roll over on my screen once every ten seconds.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, presenting HS/HS Radio 7. Or, as you will come to know it, "The podcast those apes made that featured poor voice acting and rolled over every 10 seconds after I waited for 4 months!"

Click this space to hear the amazing advancements being made in primate communications. Barring that, then to listen to a hockey podcast.

Truth be known, I've been sitting here the whole time, waiting patiently every week for Moose to show up so we could record. I only just recently found out that he isn't just a lazy asshole, carelessly squandering the appreciation and goodwill of all of our readers. No. Moose has actually been on the television talk show circuit, giving hope and support to others with his affliction:

Brave, yes. But where would he be without the love and support of viewers like you?

HE SCORE HE SHOOTS PODCAST'S PRESENTS: PODCAST 7; ASK MOOSE AND GREENER 2: GREENER v MOOSE; TWO MEN: ONE MICROPHONE; ALL HOCKEY

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: OILERS, LEAFS, BLOGOSPHERE ALL WIN!

That 5.5 magnitude tremor California residents felt on Friday night? That was me logging on to the HS/HS dashboard. I’m not gonna get into the details of my prolonged sabbatical, so let’s just say that I’m superstitious. When the Oilers went 4-0 to start the season, I hadn't written for three weeks, so I thought “fuck it,” a Stanley Cup is more important than the personal glory I get from this blog (in this movie “Glory” is played by Greener bitching me out for not writing). Unfortunately, on the way to an 82-0 season I figured out that superstition is a nebulous creature on the same level as religion: full of contradictions, top-heavy on blind faith, with a dash of God complex thrown in. So the Oilers actually play better when I’m sitting on the MIDDLE cushion of the couch? Interesting. Is it chicken soft tacos that snap a losing streak? At any rate, thanks to the Oilers modest three game winning streak, I’ve decided to do away with superstitions and start writing again. Wait, does that mean not being superstitious is my new superstition? Fuck.

GREENER TO MOOSE: "YOU'RE THE GREATEST FRIEND EVER."
Monday, December 1st - Leafs 3, Kings 1

Way back when Tomas Kaberle wasn’t being “McCabed” by the Toronto media, fans, and management alike, the Leafs paid a visit to the local arena to take on the Kings. Like any credible hockey journalist, I was there to cover it for HS/HS. Greener came along to destroy that credibility and generally make a complete ass out of himself. Here’s some of the highlights:

Warm-Ups

- I arrive at the rink to find Greener shouting things like “I love you, Fingy!” and waxing poetic about a time when Jason Blake was actually a man. Then suddenly, as Kaberle skates by, Greener becomes THAT guy. Yup, bang-on-glass-guy. I wish I could explain it, but there’s some involuntary bodily reflex, triggered by a hockey player skating by, that prompts normal, intelligent, composed human beings to want to punch a pain of Plexiglass. Come to think of it, Greener is none of those things, so never mind.

First Period

- We settle into our seats in Row 6, behind the Leafs net, 'cos that's how we roll at HS/HS. Toskala looks sharp and ready to go.

Greener: “Here we go boys!”

Moose: “They need to get off to a good...” 1-0 Kings.

Greener: “We’re outta here.”

Second Period

- There wasn’t much to get excited about, so Greener and Jeff Finger decide to rally the troops with a fight. Finger’s scrap with Derek Armstrong unleashes the inner-Domi in Greener who serenades sections 114 and 115 with some “you went down” hand gestures, then calls for the championship belt. That bit of lunacy apparently catches the attention of Leafs TV reporter Paul Hendrick, who is standing a few feet to our right.

- After a big Leafs penalty kill to end the period, Hendrick pulls Greener aside to tell us to watch how hard the Leafs will come out to begin the 3rd period.

- The Leafs pop two quick ones to begin the 3rd, which prompts Hendrick to turn to us and mouth, “I told you!” Simultaneously, he is met with nods and “you-the-man” finger points from us. We agree to meet for hookers and blow after the game.

- Greener’s cell phone rings with a call from an unknown Toronto number. HS/HS has been unmasked! It’s his cousin telling him we are on Leafs TV. I’m not going to tell you at what point during the period this occurs, but needless to say, I’m the good looking one.

- The Leafs add an empty net goal for a satisfying 3-1 win.

Post-Game

- While waiting for some friends out on the concourse, Greener spots a girl with a hand-knitted Leafs scarf, which he compliments her on. Upon closer inspection, he realizes it’s an homage-to-Kyle Wellwood scarf. He then uses it to wipe the gushing bile from his mouth.

- Greener thanks me profusely for the tickets, which I plan to hold over his head at every possible chance. “Remember when I bought you those Leafs tickets?” has a shelf-life of at least 2-3 years.

MOOSE TO CHILD: "YOU'RE DEAD!"

Friday, December 5th - Oilers 5, Kings 4 (SO).

The Edmonton Oilers strolled into town on Friday, looking like a team beginning to pull itself out of a long funk. Guys not named 'Hemsky' have finally started to find their game (Gilbert, Cogliano, Horcoff, Penner, Pouliot) and they even packed a little Rob Schremp to bring with them on the trip. This just in folks, Rob Schremp finally looks like an NHL hockey player. It’s been a Bataan-like road for Schremp’s game to evolve, but it lo oks like he’s close to sticking in the show.

Warm-Ups

- Greener is in fine form, yammering on about how the “ridiculously handsome” Sheldon Souray is totally eyeing him every time he skates by (he was looking at me).

- After warm-ups Greener offers to “repay” me for the hockey tickets by buying me a fucking Happy Meal. Never has a meal been more inappropriately named, as Greener does his best Ralph Furley imitation when they tell him it’ll be $22 for the two of us. Breathe, Greener, breathe.

- Back at our seats, a little small talk with broadcasting legend, Gene Principe, is interrupted by some 12 year-old kid with a pituitary problem who begins to taunt me with strange facial and hand gestures. I smile and pat him on the back of his 'Gretzky' Kings jersey. After all, the kid is just having fun.

First Period

- The Oil get off to a great start against something called Erik Ersberg. I think the Kings breed a clone army of bad goaltenders in a lab underneath Staples Center, and trot a new one out under a different name every so often.

- I look over at the young kid to see he's still taunting me despite his team taking an infernal ass beating. You gotta admire that.

- Apparently news has leaked that HS/HS is in the house again, as Greener and I make our second national television appearance in 5 days. This time on a Fox Sports affiliate, showing us celebrating following an Oiler goal. Regrettably, we did not make it on Kiss-Cam.

3-0 Oilers after one.

Second Period

- Ersberg is replaced by #432887, also known as “Jason LaBarbera”.

- Apparently some faulty wiring has caused this one to go rogue, because "LaBarbera" plays like Patrick Roy, and the Kings storm the Oilers net for much of the period to take a 4-3 lead.

- You ever notice when home fans notice the enemy among them, they cheer a bit louder and more directionally? Yeah, let’s just say the witty barbs were coming fast and furious. I mean seriously, “Alice” Hemsky = hilarious. Everyone knows his name is Ales.

- Out on the concourse, the glandular freak, buoyed by his teams 4-3 lead, has taken to taunting me again. This time, I make a throat slitting motion and say “You’re dead.” He looks genuinely scared. He doesn’t know I’m kidding. Which of course I am. I carry around a garrote, not a blade. So it would be more of a strangling motion, than slitting.

Third Period

- Hemsky takes charge and proceeds to embarrass a couple of Kings defencemen, leading to a Dustin Penner tap-in goal. 4-4 tie.

- Shootout

With the shootout tied at 1-1, Hemsky is the final shooter. A beautiful deke and high backhand makes LaBarbera look silly, and my mouth run. I firmly suggest that this would be a good time for everyone in the building to return to their place of residence, as “Alice” has just scored the game winner. Several verbal daggers are thrown my way, but all ends well and the child lives.

It's been fun. As long as this lucky "posting" thing works out, I'll be back.