Wednesday, November 19

Senators in Last. Hubris Screams: "Gotcha!"

I know there are a lot of you out there who, when hearing the name Bryan McCabe, only conjure up the bad, the bitter. The plummeted stats after a huge payday. The own goal against Buffalo. For those of you, I have some soothing salve to rub over that still sore wound: On Tuesday, McCabe scored two goals in the Panthers 4-3 win over the Lightning. By winning this game, the Panthers rose from the number 15 spot in the Eastern Conference to the 14. In going there, the McCabe led Panthers pulled the chair out from the Ottawa Senators, sending them to their rightful place in a peaceful Universe: 20,000 Leagues Under the Leafs.

These are the standings as we speak. I would love this picture to be one of my photoshops, because if it were, I would be more proud of it than any photo I've ever done. But this is the truth, and as the gays say, I'm positively delighted!

This is an uncommon lesson in schadenfreude for me, and I have to say its been brought out organically in response to years of barnyard squeals by the smuggest, most self-satisfied fan in the entire sports world: The Senators fan. The Sens "fan", a member of the "Sens Army"- a crack unit on par with the Swiss Navy- has been bleating on for the last 10 years or so, with the help of EVERYONE in the hockey press, about how great Ottawa were/are/will always be. It was never a question of if they won the Cup, but when, and how long would be their dynasty? Well, you have to actually win something to be something, and I don't give a good Goddamn how may Presidents Trophies a team wins, if you're a bunch of heartless, rail-blowing assholes, you get exactly as many Cups as you deserve: Fuck all.

The Senators window of opportunity shut, all that remains is for the hot sun of hubris to bleach their bones a pearly skeletal white. Only then can the members of the team be released to do something they're all maybe good at, like perhaps playing in Europe, or sword fighting Sinbad the Sailor.

As their team falls into a pit of its own design, just watch the rats fleeing the ship. Remember, with the exception of their fans under, say, 10 years old, every single one of those people who follow that team was once a rabid fan of another. Incredibly, either Toronto or Montreal, and they all bailed when they built that ugly rink in the middle of a field 20 miles down a two-lane highway out of town. Let's just say that over the course of this and future Ottawa seasons, you'll be seeing a lot of #10 Habs sweaters re-emerging from closets filled with Birkenstocks, Teva's and Jorts.

15 comments:

Down Goes Brown said...

Gold.

general borschevsky said...

It's going to be a pretty ugly year in Ottawa if they can't pull it together. At least, the Leafs are rebuilding. Ottawa just sucks, with no improvement on the horizon.

Next up: We get to hear about how the Canadian dollar is killing the Sens and that if they don't get a bailout from the NHL, the Federal gov't, the provincial gov't, and Ottawa City Hall, then they'll have to move the team to a better hockey market, like say, Winnipeg or Quebec City.

Chemmy said...

"then they'll have to move the team to a better hockey market, like say, Winnipeg or Quebec City."

Tomorrow, god willing.

eyebleaf said...

That was fantastic.

"And as the gays say, I'm positively delighted!"

Bravo.

Loser Domi said...

I didn't even really read the words. I just loved the picture. Fabulous, fellas, just fab!

Connie said...

or sword fighting Sinbad the Sailor.

You're talking about the real life TV series and not the cartoon, right? That dude was pretty in the face. What was his real name? Len? Zen? Lez? Zez?

Jaredoflondon said...

The legacy of 'the dynasty that never was' is almost complete, they just have to finish the season there (hopefully trading away their first rounder in an attempt to claw their way up)

eyebleaf said...

I hope they get Tavares. And he turns out to be the second coming of Alexandre Daigle.

Norte said...

I feel like David Spade trying to follow Chris Farley. And this time...not because of your gross obesity.

Connie said...

Are you calling Greener or the Senators obese? Because, I mean, you'd be correct either way.

Greener said...

I'm not obese. XXXL shirts are just straight hip-hop. Right? Right?

Greener said...

Also: Thanks everybody.

Connie said...

I'm not obese.

I think it's time for an intervention.

Moose said...

Is it too late to leave a comment? This was a funny post, Greener. Hey, should I be putting this HS/HS avatar on my profile too? I kinda feel left out.

Norte said...

Hey Moose: Buy the ticket, take the ride.