Sunday, November 4

The Best Defence...

Alrighty, far be it from me to upstage my own article that I only just added in the wee hours of last night, but on dreary occasion inspiration hits me. Hits me harder than a Ukrainian/Inuit Tootoo train on the noonday express from Rankin Inlet. So while trying to compose a thought or two on the Oilers defensive injury woes I decided instead to offer this one up to the dear readers who are dearly reading this. Or who have apparently stopped reading this because Greener stopped sending us his "stats" on the "strangers" who were visiting our "site".

I am told that a team needs 6... wait... (pages shuffling)... yes, six defenceman to ice a team and yet the Oilers currently only have two. Staios and Smyd. I understand that there are another few pretenders to that throne one of whom wears 77 and shows some promise to be sure, the other a gold chain and tinted visor wearing rapist of the lowest order. So who else do the Oilers dress? It was in the contemplation of this that I determined the angle for this article. Which comedic defensive pairing would make for the best stopgap in our bruised and beaten defensive corps? I'll offer some options, and you can feel free to cast a vote or add your own in the comments section below (I'm looking at you JKiwi and Sexy Randall).
1st. Mary Lou Retton and Dr. Teeth

Rettons got the physical pedigree and what she lacks in size Dr. Teeth makes up in the all important feathers in caps attribute. The drawbacks? Retton is American and Dr. Teeth has an encylopaedic criminal record including everything from illegal street racing to the oft-forgotten providing an illegal shave to a minor.

2nd. The Friendly Giant and The Green Giant
Obviously they've got the size needed to clear the front of the net and they can move the puck up ice in a single stride if that. Other advantages include the Friendly Giant's ability to increase attendance for the Oil by adding a few more comfy chairs for one by the fire and of course Green's ability to prevent scurvy on those long road trips. The only trick here is that Friendly's evil minions, Giraffe and Rooster, insist on playing wing, which would cause some roster trouble.

3rd. Spiro Agnew and Christiane Amanpour

There is no reason to assume that a dead vice president and CNN's chief Persian international correspondent would know the least thing about hockey. Don't be ridiculous.

Well, waddya say readers? Read the next one down too cuz I wrote it and while I can't recall what it was I wrote, I bet it wasn't about the Leafs.
Also, I love you.

1 comment:

Loser Domi said...

Spiro Agnew's a little...too dead to play, isn't he? I'm just sayin'...unless you have access to some freaky CIA stuff, you may have problems.

And Dr. Teeth can't play the corners