Saturday, December 22

MacT to Oilers: All I want for xmas is a motherf**king goal!!!!

Merry Xmas! It's me! Washingtron! I'm still alive! First off, I'm sure the two of you readers that aren't Greener (read Greener's dad and girlfriend) have been wondering where I've been. Its been a long stretch without some of my good ole puff pieces about myself. Well, truth be told I was first too depressed by the Oilers terrible start to bring myself to talk about the millions of things that everyone else was talking about. I couldn't think of anything else to type but "Dustin Penner isn't worth the money!" or "Daryl Katz wants to buy the team and I like that about him!". Well with all the injuries finally clearing up and the team starting to be an exciting one to watch every other game or so I'm re-inspired. "But wait!" you say. The Oil have been on the comeback trail for quite some time, why haven't you been writing in the interim? Easy. To spite Greener.

So, as its been one hundred years since my last post I'm going to bullet point a few things out there based on notes I had made over the last few months. I should add, I'm making those notes up. This is mostly gonna be old news. Olde Thyme Newsery. So imagine the gentle whirr of a film projector and read this in your best nasally fast talking debonaire brylcream announcer voice...

  • First and foremost: Newsflash Liam Reddox. You don't get to wear #85. I feel the Oilers have done what can only be described as the opposite of retiring a jersey number. They filthified it by draping it on the most undeserving player in the Oilers system. My favorite player ever to don those hallowed Oil silks, Petr Klima, now stands no chance of having that 85 hanging in the rafters where it belongs. Why? Because its been defiled by that red headed stepchild perennial training camp cut Liam Reddox. Liam, why did you even choose 85!? Petr defected from Czechoslovakia that year, he earned it! He had to rip his nice new winter jacket on some razor wire fence someplace and sleep in the back of a potato truck and wear fake moustaches and leave his friend the forger, who went blind from doing all that close up work, in a barn while he tried to fly to safety in a stolen prop plane! You weren't even born yet!

  • Second and foremost. Chris Simon. Way I see it, no blood was drawn, that's a 2 minute minor. Easy. Calling for more than 30 games? That's just gonna get you on the "To Be Stomped" list he has tatooed on his left ankle.

  • Third. Joni Pitkanen is terrible looking. I am back in Edmonton for Xmas and who should I see at the Elephant & Castle last night after the game but Joni Pitkanen. This was odd because first of all, he looks 16, second, I always think a big tall defenceman is gonna be solid looking, this guy is reedier than I get at a library. Now that's the kinda joke this site's been missing the last couple months. Third, he is currently the face of the "Come watch the Oilers here" ad campaign of teeny table top tent poster type things. So he's in the bar that's using him as poster boy trollin for poon. And ugh. It ain't pretty. His skating stride is the most attractive part about him. I have included a picture of him below. Truth be told though, man he's exciting to watch. Current favorite player on the team. Just don't look too close.

  • I've been wanting to blog about this next thing for some time, though evidently not enough to actually do that. I'm surprised no one else has been talking about it, to me its the biggest thing to happen this season. The trade. Maybe even bigger than when the Oil sent the Great One packing. Sidney Crosby for Alexander Ovechkin straight across. Never in my wildest dreams did I see this one coming! It seems to make perfect sense I guess. Both are rated 99, neither team was doing particularly well, but for Computer George McPhee to talk Computer Ray Shero into this thing is a feat. Needless to say, my NHL 08 dynasty league has been rocked to the core...

That's it. I promise to write more often, and maybe next time I might even write about something real. But probably not. To both of those things I just said.



Norte said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Norte said...

Nice to see you Washington, I thought we had lost you to the hunt...and as far as spiting Greener....I'm on board.

Norte said...

Of course...I could start by calling you Washingtron too