Saturday, February 2

Crazy Like A (Silver) Fox

It was called tabulae defixiones by the Romans, katadesmoi by the Greeks. The Celts had their Curse Stones as well as Egg and New Years Curses. Both of which involve the turning of luck. In the Bible it’s God himself who utters these words (to the serpent), “You are cursed more than all cattle.” There’s The Curse of the Bambino, The Mummy’s Curse, the Kennedy curse and the Superman curse. The Evil Eye, The Monkey’s Paw, Pandora’s Box, Santeria and the Voodoo that you do (so well.) Some think that unexplained natural phenomena such as the Bermuda Triangle are cursed locales. The 27 Club is the curse of the rock glitterati: Janis, Jimi, Jim, Brian, Pigpen, Kurt. There’s the Curse of the Pharaohs. Pharaoh Tutankhamen himself had a curse for anyone who dared violate the precincts of his tombs. The first born son in every family that violated his tombs would get gonorrhea. And have flat feet.

Even in my own family…it is said that my father’s two sons have both been cursed with enormous genitalia.

This shit isn’t folklore people, it’s the real skinny. I’m talking about 1967. 19 fucking 67. Without giving away too much of the plot. I wasn’t even born yet. In fact my parents had yet to meet.

1967.

Let’s try and put this in perspective. The Doors and Pink Floyd both released debut albums that year. The Beatles released Sgt Peppers. Che Guevara was executed that year. General Anastasio Somoza Debayle became president of Nicaragua that year and Moise Tshombe, former prime minister of the Democratic Republic of the Congo was kidnapped in Algeria.
Still need perspective? 1967: Kurt Cobain was born that year, and as a member of the cursed 27 Club we know that he died at age 27….and that was 14 years ago. When you carry the 1….that’s 41 years ago.

Do right by us Cliff.
Fletcher met with Sundin Wednesday to discuss the matter, but would not divulge any details about their conversation.
“That’s something private,” said Fletcher.

It should have been joined by a knowing smile, a wink, hell at this point I’d take the ol’ pretend to punch you in the face, aw shucks routine. Something that indicates to me that the old silver fox actually might make good here.
Since this speculation has been going on since…I would say the Carolina game in December that they (coincidently) also lost in overtime 3 – 2. The game where Poni didn’t score into the empty net. Yeah, that game. (A game that I think cursed the already cursed Leafs.)
Our future is in your able, grandfatherly hands.

27 comments:

Greener said...

I need 41 tubes of Abreva, stat!

Jaredoflondon said...

And no Woznewski reference?

more green said...

jesus, I couldn't even read that the pictures were too gross. It's not even about Wozherpes?

Loser Domi said...

Thanks a lot, man. And I second the "What, no Make-a-Wish?" sentiments

Greener said...

I'm not sure if Norte knows the Wozniewski/Herpes reference. He doesn't really follow hockey.

Norte said...

I can't stand ice hockey....I like field hockey (girls)

Loser Domi said...

I can't stand ice hockey....I like field hockey (girls)

Girls play ice hockey too, ya know. Though they lack those little plaid skirts...poor Norte

Norte said...

hmmm...plaid skirts and thick thighs. Reminds me of last Sunday with Moose and Greener

Greener said...

Oh if that were ONLY last Sunday.

Norte said...

Well I mention last sunday cos it was the only time where Moose was conscious.

Loser Domi said...

holy crap if I am ever in LA I may look you guys up...on second thought maybe not. I don't foresee needing to go to LA anytime soon, anyway

Norte said...

Loser Domi...come to LA if you are looking for forced sodomy ala Greener and Moose.
sadly - nobody warned me :o

Greener said...

Holy shit

Norte said...

That's what I said

Greener said...

Forced sodomy aside. Domi, if you come down here you BETTER look us up.

Norte said...

That's what I said

Loser Domi said...

Yeah, I'm kinda not into the whole "forced sodomy" thing. Sorry dudes.

Norte said...

Truth be told Domi...the only one "into" it is Moose.
Greener and I aren't gay: Thank God Moose is

Greener said...

Norte, you have an awesome way of making our one female reader feel so, so comfortable.

Loser Domi said...

yeah, between the herpes pictures and the forced sodomy, you boyos reeeeely know how to pour on the charm.

This one is even better than that time jared and I just did yo momma jokes back and forth at each other

Norte said...

I had no idea Domi was a woman. None. Domi my apologies. I wasn't talking about forced sodomy. I was talking about the making sweet love with a man's anus.

Loser Domi said...

I had no idea Domi was a woman. None. Domi my apologies. I wasn't talking about forced sodomy. I was talking about the making sweet love with a man's anus.

No worries. I have the internet keeping us separate, so I'll be fine. Besides, maybe all that "making sweet love with a man's anus" explains why you guys have such an obsession with herpes (and Herpes)

Norte said...

Have you met Moose?

Loser Domi said...

No, I haven't met any of you guys. As far as I know, you could all just be little imaginary elves in my head.

Norte said...

If thats the case....then I'm hungry

Loser Domi said...

If thats the case....then I'm hungry

HA!

Loser Domi said...

Even in my own family…it is said that my father’s two sons have both been cursed with enormous genitalia.

So is that the reason for all of this forced sodomy, then? That's not really an excuse, you know