The Katz in the Hatz

If I ruled the world! I heard that song coming from Daryl Katz's limosine as he rolled past my house trolling for poon. Is trolling for poon too adult for this site? I don't swear in my posts so I'm hoping I've earned a little slack here, and I choose to use that slack, all of it, on saying "trolling for poon". I've gotten off track, I was gonna say that Katz's limo was carved out of a giant Halls mentholyptus lozenge and that it ran on cough syrup and the tears of rich people who aren't quite as rich. Really, the point is that its official, 100% sewn up, with Todd "Remember Spawn? Anyone?" McFarlane the last seller finally having sold... the mission is accomplished and the Oilers have changed hands. The NHL board of guvnuh's are drinking their mint juleps about it now and after some quail hunting will approve the sale in about a month and a half.

Now in reading all the coverage on this momentous occassion I've seen a lot of people talk about hoping for change, hoping for a new direction, hoping for something different. It caused me to ask, what changes do I want to see happen? Let's find out together!

1. Coaching staff change. Well, they say he's a scapegoat, they say you can't fire all your players so fire your coach. There are two players left from when MacT took over in 2000. Horc and Moreau. So they have fired all the players. At least once. The fact of the matter is they haven't finished higher than 3rd in the NW division since MacT took over and he's had a wide variety of personnel. Of course, he didn't have much success until Kevin Lowe gave him some actual stud players but even then, the team finished 8th. So is MacT's skill so high that regardless of the personnel he can always finish a team at 8th or lower? Is that his super power? I feel like you can't find a more inconsistent team game to game, or a less motivated team for the big games, and eventually you do have to point the finger at the coach. Its like a goalie, I need a coach who can coach me some wins when maybe the team isn't all showing up.

2. Kevin Lowe. Alright alright alright. He's a genius to some and a villain to others. He's made a few real good moves, and a fairly large chunk of terrible moves. His hand has been forced on more than one occasion so you can't judge him too harshly, or can you? I'm as flip floppy on KLowe as the Edmonton public seem to be. The fact of the matter is the Oil have the fourth highest payroll in the league and not a lot to show for it. Injuries! I hear you cry. Absolutely, the Oil have lost a ton of games because they didn't have their A team together. But where is all that money going? Pisani, Roloson, Staios. These are 2.5, 3.7, and 2.7 million dollar contracts. Almost 9 million for three guys that aren't that essential to the success of the team in my mind. Then you've got just under 10 million for this offseasons acquisitions, Souray and Penner. I think the Penner debate will remain open for a while yet, though I have a hard time believing he'll consistently be worth anywhere near that money. Either way, 20 million on five guys that you can't trade because of the cap and that aren't gonna win a scoring race or flip a game on its ear. That seems like poor money management to me.

3. Ken Low - Well, who else can you blame for two consecutive years of well over 250 man games lost? The trainer, that's who!