Friday, March 7

Leafs 8, Zombies 2

What goes around comes around is a phrase I probably, in my life, have used, maybe twice, three times. Here is the fourth: After having to lose to the narcoleptic Tim Thomas/Boston Bruins so many times the past two seasons, I guess what goes around, comes around, as the Leafs went into the Boston building and kicked the Jesus out of the Bruins, sending affable Michiganer Thomas home early for a night of intense self reflection.

It was just one of those nights for Toronto where things just kept getting righter. After a shaky start to the first, the wheel of fortune just began spinning for the Leafs as the the bell began to toll for the Bruins, and all the metaphors I'm using.

The Bruins didn't actually play as badly as the score suggests as the Leafs scored some lucky, weird goals on their way to this hilariously huge win. Let's just say that the final score was 5-2. Lucky goals or no, the Leafs earned this one and deserved to score bunch of them. The set-up from McCabe to Mats with the fake slapper to pass for the putt was deliciouso. And scoring 4 powerplay goals was fist-in-air-time. I think they would have had one more except for that Maurice put out a non-powerplay kid-line at the end, and they weren't really trying to score out of respect. It was just a fun game to watch with the Leafs on the right side of an 8 goal windfall. Look, it's the least we all deserve.

You can really see how a coach's temperature is reflected in his club. For instance, when Pat Quinn ran our bench, the only time he took a time-out from kicking someones ass was to smoke a cigar or have a heart attack. He was an intense son of a bitch and so were the Leafs. Ahhhh, a season full of intensity...sigh. Sorry, I just went to heaven there for a minute.

To that point, I don't know what Claude Julien does with his free time, but I bet it's right on the same level as making string art or washing the dishes. Studies now show that two Julien's, taken with or without food, will cause coma-like symptoms in guys called Greener. Maybe it's why I'm only awesome without an NHL job, but it seems to me that as the leader of the club, when your team is getting it's collective ass handed to it in your own home, it's up to, say, THE COACH, to get the ship righted again. Like, Claude, I don't about saying something on the bench to your army of zombies who are forced to walk the Earth in an crushing, defensive limbo, eating the brains out of the game of hockey?! Don't want to yell? Well, I can understand, you don't want to wake the 4,000 fans nodding off in the stands. Every time the camera found him he was just standing there with a sheepish look on his face.

This man is the thing in turkey meat that makes you fall asleep at 5:30 on Thanksgiving Day.

You know, I get it, if it wins, it plays...but it's not even working anymore. The Bruins are dropping out of the playoff hunt because division teams like the Leafs who see them every second game have finally figured out how to handle a team that starts trapping in the first period. When the Bruins ownership finally gets wind of that, I'll prepare another picture: "Hey, Claude, you're fired!"


Loser Domi said...

Wow, Bruins get bitch-slapped and bukakke'd twice in one week? It is Domi's hockey heaven!

Moose said...


Jaredoflondon said...

I thought it was the 12 pack of beer I drank that put me to sleep by 5:30.

Norte said...

I like my Julien cold, the next day with mayo and gravy and stuffing.