Sunday, April 20

Ducks Eliminated. Toronto Media Licks Chops

An offer hasn't even been made to Brian "Mr. Brian Burke" Burke yet, and already I'm exhausted at the hype that has engulfed the prospect of his being Leafs GM. The pressure to write something, anything that falls upon followers of the Toronto Maple Leafs is pressure-filled and intense. And because of that, the number of those who do it well is so incredibly rare that if you were to cut it open, it would be pink inside.

With the news of Burke's teams first round ass-kicking, (from here on to perpetuity known as "Pulling a Senators"), the T.O. press have been handed early their headlines for the spring.
The Toronto media, seen here already bloated on the bleached bones of the story, get to be even more lazy on this one, as its been handed to them on a silver platter. Cox and Co. now get to sit around for the next two months and write the same article over and over about Burke, the menage a trois he's got going with Henry and Susan Samueli and how his wife wants to get back into Canadian broadcasting (which is centered in Toronto). After all that, they compose the same list of also-rans if Burke dares turn down the position: Jim Rutherford, Colin Campbell, Jim Nill et al. Have we not all been reading this article since the Fletcher semi-hiring? Well guess what my friends? We're going to be reading it a lot more. The wretched Howard Berger wrote it twice this week alone, on, you know, that website. Berger has also taken to referring to what he writes on there as "this corner", a cutesy, self important phrase he made up one day while snoozing through his column.

The only point worth noting is that MLSE will completely fuck up these proceedings, and we all know it. Creeps Peddie and Tennenbaum will passive-aggressive the negotiations with Burke, ruining the deal. Burke will seek complete and unfettered control over the Leafs, and Peddie and Tennenbaum will no sooner give him that than they will donate money to the poor, and you know that isn't happening.

Maybe I'm being too cynical, and things will go more smoothly than expected. I doubt it though. We know the true character of these two men. The thought of not having a whipping boy at the ACC will turn Richard and Larry's stomach's. After their meeting, Burke will rightly refuse to shake hands with them, and Peddie will call Burke "fatso" causing him to leave. This will allow them to hire their first choice: a sock puppet with a fish in its mouth on the hand of a girl whom the board insists "will grow into the job."

2 comments:

Navin Vaswani said...

i hope you're wrong about Burkey, but am afraid that you're going to be right.

afraid. very afraid.

hold me.

tbot said...

Who would you rather have? That sock puppet, or Tai Domi?