Friday, August 1

WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS

It says a lot about the times we live in that a classic bit of cinematic dialogue like, "we'll always have Paris", probably now more conjures slutty innuendo from name piggy-backing Worldherpe Paris Hilton than from Humphrey Bogart (5' 7), and that movie, (Casablanca) (And just in case you are wondering I have trademarked the word Worldherpe...oh, you weren't wondering? Okay). But today as soft deadline day, August 1st, came and went with exactly the same information we knew 3 months ago, it happened. I was thinking about Mats and I shrugged and thought, yeah he's retiring. It was just simple like that, snap, like requesting brown toast instead of white at breakfast. And whether or not that thought germinated after I read all the columns today doesn't even matter, the thought is still there. I believe that's sometimes called reasonable doubt.

- I hate to repeat myself but I don't have my hands covering my face when I say it and that's a step in the right direction but I believe Mats Sundin will retire, and forgive me for having a Send In The Clowns moment but I will miss him terribly. We all will. You all know I love the Toronto Maple Leafs so much I wish I could carry them around in my pocket and feed them treats all day. And Mats Sundin, god friggin bless him- 987 points in the uniform. And excluding the 94-95 season never less than 70 games a season. Never less than 20 goals a season, 6 foot 5 241 pounds, can communicate with bi-peds, and correct me if I'm wrong but he can hold his breath under water for like 11 minutes. Hopefully what these facts lack in statistical correctness they more than make up for with correct spelling and punctuality. No? (Shakes head)

Of course, I'm using humour and run on sentences to hide my pain. This is the end of an era folks and the bloggers and the fans and detractors alike won't really miss Mats Sundin until we begin to play (and watch) games without him. So therefore, thank you Mats, we'll always have Paris. And readers, if you could see me right now you would be like, "Norte, turn that frown upside down." and I would be all like "What the fuck are you doing in my house you fucking asshole?"

Mats Sundin and I, referentially speaking, would have gone to high school at the same time, he would have been in grade 12 when I was in grade 10 but we both would have been slow dancing to Eternal Flame by the Bangles at the school dance, not together of course but figuratively speaking. That's a fancy way of saying we're around the same age. A few summers ago I spent some time fishing up north as it were and let me tell you my friends, I never wanted to step foot out of that goddamn boat. Fuck it, it was like, just leave me here to fish and get fat. I don't blame Mats one bit for wanting to do the same thing.

To use a phrase from the hyper-real world of beer commercial vernacular, I think it's: Mats Sundin, Welcome to Your Carlsberg Years.

9 comments:

Greener said...

I think right now, Mats is getting a call from Patrick about Life insurance.

Moose said...

Are you going to reference Key Largo in your next post?

Norte said...

Hey Moose...you know how to whistle...you just put your lips together and blow.

general borschevsky said...

Norte: Nice post. Funny stuff.
we both would have been slow dancing to Eternal Flame by the Bangles
Apparently, when 'The Final Countdown' came out, both Sundin and I freaked for it. Eventually I got over it, decidied it was Euro-pop-syntho-garbage, but it really had a huge impact on Sundin. Like, he still listens to that song, and basically lets it control his life.
Greener: M-e-d-i-c-a-l-?

Norte said...

Hey, thanks El General - always appreciate your comments.

eyebleaf said...

if anyone deserves a boat load of carlsberg, it's my dearest mats. i wish i could sail off into the sunset with him.

take me with you, mats...take me with you...

Norte said...

Jesus Mats, first you leave the Leafs and now you ignore eyebleaf.
What is wrong with you man?

Chemmy said...

I was going to wait to reveal this, but I'm actually Mats Sundin and I've decided to hang up my skates in favor of a lucrative blogging career.

dani said...

I like your Mats Sundin clock. What time is it?