Monday, November 3

Howard Berger: The Bad Writing That Unites Us All

As any and all of you know/repeat to friends/tattoo as your Tramp Stamp, the Leafs are Canada's team. This is one of those inarguable, universal truths which galvanizes each and every one of us to our team. And as any and all of you know, one of the ingredients in the mortar which binds those very bricks, is how much we all detest Howard Berger.

Terrible writer Berger, a flinty-voiced contrarian who spends too much time getting his hair to part perfectly in the center, this week stooped to new, lazy, literary lows, by calling Leafs fans "losers". Why so? Well, just because we happen to love our team every single year, no matter what configuration it takes. Because we will never, ever be accused of being fair-weather, bandwagon jumpers. The kind you will see this season not following the Ottawa Senators. Yes, we really have it coming to us. Thank God the friendless Berger is around with his made up stats, to tell us that it's our fault that the Leafs don't make the playoffs, as he drones on and on about games he and his father saw in 1966 when they wentZZZ-zzzzzz-zzzz...

Well for every (in)action, there is an opposite reaction, and in this case, its name is FireHowardBerger.com. A simple site that is taking the internet by storm, and one which is being lauded by truth seekers all over the world:

"...a site whose time has come..." - B. Geldolf

"...makes Amnesty International look like crap..."-M. Gandhi
And it hasn't stopped there. Even American television pundits not known for opinionating about the business of big time hockey have weighed in on the matter:

Not one to back down from a fight -even though his pants are already down around his kanckles- Berger has responded to the calls for his dismissal, posting on that site an annoyingly smug little piece where he sniffs through his moustache at the very notion of people wanting him fired because he's incredibly bad at his job. It must take a thick skin to be Berger, as 99.9% of all his mail contains some variation on the phrase, "You are the worst thing in Canada".

Please visit FireHowardBerger.com and add your name to the growing throng of losers smart enough to stand against everything Howard "19 Years Without a Promotion" Berger has ever written.

9 comments:

Pension Plan Puppets said...

If Colbert says he has to go then he has to go!

eyebleaf said...

I was thinking along the lines of PPP. If Colbert is down, who am I not to sign?

Tom said...

Bruins fans had to deal with this sort of crap for years. It passes, and guys like Berger are usually the first to jump back on the bandwagon.

Connie said...

Let’s be a little more scientifically analytic here: 99.99999% of his mail.

Greener said...

Nav, PPP, Leafs Nation isn't the only Nation we're a part of.

visco9 said...

is that a real Colbert screen shot? If so when was that ep?!?

dani said...

"/tattoo as your Tramp Stamp"

How did you know...

Greener said...

Hi Tom, welcome!

Visco9, welcome as well, and no actually, I made it.

Dani, you know how sometimes, you just know something?

visco said...

frickin hilarious lol and love the blog. cheers