Wednesday, April 9

No, I Take The Last Post Back: I Love The Pittsburgh Penguins!

Ecstasy in the Greener tee-pee tonight as Most Macho Man Ever Gary Roberts continues his career long Hulk Smash routine against the Senators in Pittsburgh. With a dream-like score of 4-0, this is the 5th time in 11 playoff years the Senators have been shut out in game 1. Coincidentally, this marks the 11th time in 11 playoff years that Ottawa has iced a team of gutless, lazy assholes, so, there's that.

Roberts, seen here as he appears on my bedsheets, has 32 career playoff goals. 14 of those are against the Senators in what can only be described as something that makes Daniel Alfredsson turn into a despised little bitch. No, wait, that's what hockey does, my mistake.
Watching the man who dominates him and his team like a master to his dog, Alfredsson viewed the game from the press box and tried to make Senators owner Eugene Melnyk laugh by tripping the girl bringing them their drinks. Melnyk shook his head in disgust and tried to think of who deserves the Senators 'C' after he strips it from Alfredsson. While no one on the actual team deserves it either, Melnyk's leading candidate remains that retarded guy who grabs the sticks for the Oilers.

In other game news, Wade "I Should Have Let Them Trade Me" Redden enjoyed the succulent bouquet of having his head kicked in by Ryan Whitney in what can only be summed up by saying, "Awesome!" I actually believe that Whitney denied the Senators more embarrassment by stopping Crosby from beating Redden, thereby allowing Crosby to win something other than Canadian Sportsman of the Year. And the disappointments continue to rack up for poor Sid.

Game 2 on Friday. Crosby: 2 goals, Alfredsson: sends Mark Bell a thank-you note.

7 comments:

Loser Domi said...

you got in the NHL closer on Deadspin! Congrats fellas!

Navin Vaswani said...

"Coincidentally, this marks the 11th time in 11 playoff years that Ottawa has iced a team of gutless, lazy assholes, so, there's that."

Lovely. Just lovely.

Jaredoflondon said...

Gary Roberts is a Saint. God I want the new GM to get him back for us.

He probably enjoys winning too much though.

Moose said...

I think his captain should be Alexei Kovalev

Junior said...

Did you notice when Volchenkov was down on the ice and bleeding like a stuck pig, CBC cut to a shot of the Ottawa box, presumably looking for troubled faces watching intently with concern for a fallen team-mate. What did they get? A close up of Alfredsson disinterestedly shovelling cheesy fries in his mouth. Keep it classy, Alfie!

Greener said...

Thanks D, thanks Nav. Appreciate!
Junior: It's great to be right, isn't it?

Junior said...

Damn straight.