Sunday, October 26

HS/HS: Your One-Stop Shoppe For Senators Hate

That cool breeze you feel blowing across the land comes from millions of clapping hands celebrating the 2-5-1 record of the Ottawa Senators. It's certainly not coming from their window of Stanley Cup winning opportunity, as that thing has been shut, painted over, and has tin foil up to stop any daylight from peeking in.

The asshole Senators, a group so historically gutless they have to eat over the toilet, were shown up Saturday night by a Leafs team devoid of "stars" and "firepower" -two things the Senators supposedly have in abundance- with things like "courage" and "heart", two words unpronounceable to any NHL team in the eastern townships.

"OK, who's going to step up?! Anybody?...Anybody?!?"
Writing a post ripping a team so bereft of quality hockey players/people comes easy, as one gets to indulge in an orgy of choice. From the bottom of their roster, to the, well, bottom of their roster, just point your finger and you're sure to come up with the name of someone worthy of a beating doled out by an 18 year old kid. Well, hey, lets start there, with a piece of shit I hate to call "Chris Neil".

On Saturday night, Neil, who scientists refer to as "slightly smarter than Sasquatch", did what he's done since he began polluting the NHL: not score any points. Oh, wait, he did do one other thing: he tried to cripple Matt Stajan by hitting him knee on knee. Of course, how could I forget? Luke "Kelowna Who?" Schenn couldn't, and did what anyone would do when they see someone so blatantly victimized by criminals; step up and punch its face in.

The idiot Neil, seen here taking post-game questions, was asked how it felt to get punched in his face by a kid with not even 1 NHL fight, but then run crying to the bench later in the game when challenged by Jamal Mayers. Neil squirmed, fussed and appeared confused at first by all the lights and shiny objects on display, at one point exclaiming, "Pee pee!" Senators trainers got to work soothing him, by exposing him to the warm, familiar smell of hot dogs, back sweat and sleep apnea, courtesy of Ottawa Sun reporter Bruce Garrioch.

Running around, playing tough until it counts. We shouldn't expect anything less from Chris Neil, a man whos patron saint is Ike Turner. The character of the club he works for is now well and truly known. Their soul non-existent, and their talent fishy, the Senators will have to kill themselves to get a playoff spot. Then, two months later, they'll get to choke down the taste of a mid-round pick. And doing that will continue the only thing the Senators do with any gusto at all.

10 comments:

Chemmy said...

Ottawa, not so good actually.

eyebleaf said...

Fuck Chris Neil.

Loser Domi said...

Sleep apnea has a smell?

"Dave Schultz" said...

Luke Schenn rules.

Down Goes Brown said...

True story: Chris Neil is known around Ottawa for refusing to pay for his meals when he goes out to eat.

He assumes that his presence in the restaurant is enough payment, and if the waitress actually brings him a bill he'll demand to speak to the manager.

Connie said...

but then run crying to the bench later in the game when challenged by Jamal Mayers

That was ridiculous. Mayers soooo wanted to throw down. That’s totally an insult to not drop the gloves too.

Norte said...

Another extremely telling thing I noticed was that when Schenn put that fuckface Neil down - Schenn let him back up before punching him.

Greener said...

DGB: I absolutely believe what you're saying is true. He just looks like the type of person who does that.

Norte, later, when Schenn stumbled, notice that Neil didn't return the favor.

Norte said...

Greener: I did see that. What a douchebag. Its funny but you hear how much the fighters respect each other....I've heard that's not true of Neil.

momma diesel said...

Luke Scheen, Luke Scheen, sounds like some European last name, Good on Ottawa for being gutless pieces of crap it makes me happy.