Saturday, October 25

I HATE THE GODDAMN OTTAWA SENATORS

This goes beyond renewing old rivalries and I know hate is a strong word. You have to believe me when I tell you that I am not a misanthrope by nature, so the word isn't one I use very often. But I fucking do. I fucking hate them. The H word, although not as anti-social as the N, as feisty as the F or cataclysmic as the Big C, encompasses how I feel, whether noun or verb regarding that asshole team.

And when I use it as a verb, I'm using it in the third-person singular simple present hates, as in "She hates the Ottawa Senators", the present participle hating, as in "Look at all those people hating the Ottawa Senators" and the simple past and past participle hated, as in "All of us in the orgy hated the Ottawa Senators."
I wouldn't even have to crack a Roget's to know the synonyms of how I feel about that team would be; detest, loathe, can't stand, despise, abhor, revile.

And if I were on Jeopardy and given the answer, it is the antonym of love, I would write down, in the form of a question natch, who are the Ottawa Senators?

And when I say Ottawa Senators, let me be perfectly frank; I'm painting all of you with that brush. My hate is so marrow deep that it goes beyond the product on the ice and transgresses into the city and fans as well. My dislike, as black and uninviting as the devil's anus goes for Rick Dudley and the canal too; the Corel Centre, 240 Sparks, The Rideau Center, Max Keeping, The 87, CFRA, beaver tails, Bagel Bagel, Deluxe, the fucking Glebe, the Chateau Laurier, Hull and the OC goddamn Transpo...no, you know what... basically everything from the Ottawa valley in.

G'day, eh.

You assholes.

Yesterday I saw a man not only wearing a Sens jersey and cap, but a loud and, quite frankly, ugly Sens jacket. A leather monstrosity that literally stopped me in my tracks. I looked at this guy and I thought, you standing right there, with your atrocious apparel are picking Alexandre Daigle over Chris Pronger and Paul Kariya in the draft.
You and your team deserve that pick and that jacket. Then I allowed myself ten seconds where I thought how awesome it would be to punch him in the stomach.

You team is in a shambles Mr. Coat and that makes my day. So much so that I am breaking with HS/HS tradition and posting during the day.

Pre-game.

Right now, I am not wearing a shirt and I am painted Leaf Blue and I am wearing comical pants and playing the trumpet. I am starting the wave and getting the crowd into it.

Tonight as we watch our young team play, a team that will absolutely not give up, it won't even matter if we beat the Sens score wise, because we already have beaten them in every other way.

Na na na na hey hey hey you fucking assholes (fucking assholes)
Na na na na
(everybody)
hey hey hey you fucking assholes (fucking assholes).

repeat and fade

ps. Did I mention I don't like the Sens?

11 comments:

"Dave Schultz" said...

woah.

Wasn't Trebeck at the Leafs game last weekend? He might accept your "Who are the Ottawa Senators?" response.

By hating beaver tails, are you referring to the actual tails on beavers or the tasty fried dough treats? because it's not right to hate fried dough.

Connie said...

Na na na na hey hey hey you fucking assholes (fucking assholes)
Na na na na
(everybody)
hey hey hey you fucking assholes (fucking assholes).

repeat and fade


This is so great that I don't even know what to say.

I thought Alex Trebeck was looking a lot older than I remember him to be. And I always seem to forget that he's Canadian.

eyebleaf said...

Seriously, that song at the end there was golden. I been singing it all day.

Greener said...

See Connie, it's like when you tell me how much you hate the Ducks. I laugh and think, "oh, how quaint."

bob said...

fucking assholes

Chemmy said...

I prefer

"The wheels on your house go round and round
Round and round
Round and round
The wheels on your house go round and round
Cause you're white trash"

Connie said...

I laugh and think, "oh, how quaint."

Hey, my hatred for the Ducks is real!! I just don't put the gusto into it as your Canadian self does for the Senators.

dani said...

This is my favorite post of the week.

dani said...

P.S. We play them tomorrow.

bkblades said...

Reason #29 why the next Leafs GM has to come from here: Air your visceral hate for the Sens at every media opportunity.

Reporter: So why is the team in amidst a losing streak right now?
"New" Leafs GM: Well, you see, the team is losing because our hate for Ottawa has been waning the last week. This team has to internalize how much I hate those Daigle-drafting-Trojan-worshiping cock masters.

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