Tuesday, October 21


While watching the excellent Stevie Yzerman take the proverbial mantle of El General del Hockey Internacional Canadiense away from Wayne 'How are my clothes selling at Sears' Gretzky, I wondered, like we all did, not just how did Stevie Y get so handsome, but who? Who is he going to chose?

Rocking a hairdo that said both I am a man comfortable in my sexuality and I will win Gold for Canada at the 2010 Olympics; this phantom team, Yzerman promised, would comprise players who played a fast, skilled, multi-dimensional game.

It's pretty safe to assume there are certain locks to the team, regardless if we're talking about Yzerman's, yours or mine. Names like Crosby, Iginla, Pronger, Brodeur are on that list. What immediately went through my mind wasn't their names, but the names of the players who won't be on the team. As Canada's hockey talent overflows like peeing into a thimble, a team made up of guys not on the Olympic squad, would be way too good to be considered Team B. And even though they'd be hard pressed against the Russians who are, once again, scary good and the aging Swedes, who even without Mats as Captain, are a team you cannot count out, I still think they'd play Team Canada in the gold medal game.

(And with all due respect to Tavares or Hedman and even Stamkos with the Olympics being 16 months away, anything can happen but as of this , you are not considered).

Having said that, Ladies and Germs, may I present players that won't be proud to represent this country at the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics.

FORWARDS (and in no particular order) Ryan Smyth. It hurts me to even write, because Captain Canada stands for everything I love about a hockey player. And although I believe there will be some veterans presence on the team that plays in Vancouver; I believe Sakic and Brind'Amour have the edge over Smyth.

Ryan Getzlaf: Even though the the line of Getzlaf, Heatley and Nash are wanted by Interpol for being international killers, (gay) and it would be insane to split them up, I think, in the end, they're going to go with Richards or Morrow instead. Both of whom play a better 2 way game.

Also available for weddings, birthdays and bar-mitzvahs will be Martin St. Louis (who will now be played by Marc Savard) Simone Gagne and Paul Kariya.
By the way, Shane Doan
meet Jonathon Toews, who thinks an honour just to be nominated. Thunder Bay's own Eric Staal will be the eldest of the Staal brothers not chosen and Jason Spezza; Jason Spezza is a 1984 Pontiac Fiero.

Taxi Squad's Taxi Squad:
Paul Stastny, Mike Cammallari, Derek Roy, Corey Perry, Jordan Staal

DEFENSE: The same way it felt almost guilty saying that I don't think Ryan Smyth will be on the team, is the same way I feel saying Scott Niedermayer won't be either. First off you have to know that I heart Scott Niedermayer and thinking how the Leafs lost him for Tom Kurvers still causes me abdominal pain, but part of the problem with the 2006 Olympic squad was that exact feeling. And its an ooey-gooey place with secret handshakes and Josten's rings glad-handing itself into thinking that Todd Bertuzzi is a better idea than Sidney Crosby.
And it's in the heart where loyalty resides, and my heart tells me that in 16 months time, Ol' Neidsy will be the Captain but my brain says, that in another 16 months, I'd rather have Mike Greene on the team.

Also available those 2 weeks as golfing buddy, Dad taxi and home renovator, will be Robyn Regehr, Brian Campbell and Brett Burns. Brayden Coburn will be catching up on his soaps so don't bother him.

Taxi Squad's Taxi Squad: Marc Staal, Francois
Beauchemin, Eric Brewer, Luke Schenn, Sheldon Souray.

GOALIES: Marty Turco, Carey Price, Marc-Andre Fleury.
Even though I believe Turco was the best goalie in the NHL playoffs last year, with it being in Vancouver, and the advantages of home ice, I think Luongo is the man. As for Price and Fleury - they're #5 and 6 as of now.


"Dave Schultz" said...

once again I have to offer a verbal bitch slap for not spelling STAAL correctly (more than once, even!) or even Carey (with an E) Price.

My name is already in the lotto drawing for quarter-final games in 'Couv so I'm more than interested to see who is actually selected for the team.

Connie said...

I believe Turco was the best goalie in the NHL last year

I watched him play my team 8 times last year. He wasn't the best goalie. Perhaps Marc-Andre Fleury.

R-Gib said...

I'd like to follow up that bitch slap with a wheelhouse punch to the nads for not spelling Captain Canada Ryan SMYTH correctly either.

Also, I thought of a couple more for your B team:
-Patrick Sharp
-Nathan Horton
-Alex Tanguay
-Jason Arnott
-Patrice Bergeron
-Daniel Briere
-Shea Weber
-Craig Rivet

Anonymous said...

You gotta look at the posts like Final Jeopardy...as long as the answers are in the form of a question, spelling seems moot.

Loser Domi said...

If "making fuck me eyes"was an event, Matt Stajan would win Silver and gold (one for each eye)