Monday, June 15

Senators Hire Leeder. Well, Now They Have One

Taking a cue from the voices in his head, Ottawa Senators farmer Eugene Melnyk continues his comi-tragic rearranging of the Titanic deck chairs, by booting one loser inside his creep-filled organization for another. Out is former president Roy "No, That's Actually How You Spell It" Mlakar. In is current COO, the unbelievably named, Cyril Leeder.

Not even hairy Ottawa native Alanis Morissette could miss the irony in a guy named "Leeder" taking a position with the Ottawa Senators. The Sens, a bunch so gutless their team photos look like a bunch of x-rays, have gone without any sort of team leadership since they re-emerged from the filthy Rideau Canal to once again pollute the NHL with their overweight fans, heartless play, and ugly uniforms. The only time the Senators did anything great were the years between 1934 and 1992. These heady times were the decades the team didn't exist, or as I call them, "The Good Ole' Days".

Leeder, seen here conferring with Daniel Alfredsson, has been with the Senators since its very inception, and, despite the diabolical karmic implications of his actions, appears to be relatively tumor free. He replaces the long serving Mlakar, who was damned by faint praise by Melnyk who said he had,

"...contributed greatly to defining the Ottawa Senators and our relationship with our community and our fans."
...which means creating a team of losers and their followers becoming the laughingstock of the league. In the meantime, Mlakar is now free to pursue his hopes and dreams, and this morning heard the sound of his own laughter for the first time in 13 years.

9 comments:

Chemmy said...

Two HS/HS posts in a week? Hooooooly shit.

Pension Plan Puppets said...

WHOA?!?!?!

A Greener post? Are you finally back from your trip to the Amazon in search of El Dorado?

Connie said...

Jesus, it's a miracle! I need me some more sarcastic-filled posts dripping with venom and hate.

Anthony Woods said...

Ditto

Moose said...

Great jokes.

eyebleaf said...

Every time the Sens do something, Greener posts ...

Greener said...

Jokes?

Norte said...

despite the diabolical karmic implications of his actions, appears to be relatively tumor free...


This is so well written and funny that I'm shocked I didn't write it.

Loser Domi said...

does whatever a spider pig does...