Friday, December 7

Tonight: Blogging Live From Oil Country!

Authors Note: Oil Country = My Couch

Welcome to a HS, HS first. Tonight, I'll be captivating our readers with real(slow)-time updates from the game between the Oil and Blues. You'll get critical analysis, useless facts, and the odd profanity laced rant that Rod and Morley just can't give you.

The big news tonight, of course, is the healthy scratches: Raffi Torres and Jarret Stoll. MacT singled them out as the culprits in Penguins third period comeback on Wednesday, and has chosen to go with Thoresen and Liam Reddox, who will be making his NHL debut. This is a major story, and big gamble, in a pivotal game for the Oilers.

Here we go...

- Liam Reddox looks like a 13-year-old boy, which seems fitting because the expression on his face suggests that he wants his mommy.

- An early 2-on-1 for Nilsson and Gagner goes awry, as Nilsson entertains the Blues defense with a display of useless stickhandling.

- MOMMY! On his first shift, Reddox takes a feed from behind the net and almost scores on a backhander.

- First Oiler PP huffs and puffs, but no dice. Sheldon Souray is due back next week Oiler fans.

- Shawn Horcoff hits the post; in the 'Newer' NHL that would have scored.

- Ah, the obligatory press box shot of Torres and Stoll who look to be in good spirits after seeing the Oilers first power play.

- Blues 1, Oil 0: Brad Boyes scores his 16th goal of the year! Are you fucking serious?

- Hannu Toivonen looks utterly clueless in goal. He seems bothered by all the pucks that are hitting him. Unfortunately, the Oilers don't seem bothered with firing them into his logo.

- Blues 1, Oil 1: A little bit of Hemmer magic. He draws three Blues and dishes to 'Mr. Hockey' Shawn Horcoff (Gordie doesn't need it anymore, he's like 90), who fires it top shelf.

- Do you think Shawn Horcoff reads the papers? I'm just wondering, because after every goal he turns to the crowd with that "How 'bout now, bitches?" look on his face.

End of 1st: Looks like the Horcoff-Hemsky-Penner line is going to carry a lot of the load tonight. Reddox looks lively; I'm feeling a Pisani goal here.

2nd period:

The Blues trot out their equally sucky PP, and the Oilers kill off a penalty. We'll be 29th in no time.

- Like right now. Liam Reddox draws a penalty with some good work in the corner...

- Well, almost. Hannu Toivonen does his best impersonation of a beached whale in the Blues crease and the Oilers can't put it home through a throng of bodies.

- Incidentally, the only players in the NHL with more goals than Brad Boyes are named Kovalchuk, Ovechkin, Lecavalier, Alfredsson, Zetterberg and Nash. He's been traded by the Leafs, Sharks, and Bruins in just the last 4 years. He'd look GREAT in a Leafs uniform.

- Oilers on their heels as Garon holds the fort; another penalty coming to the Oilers.

- Up pops a graphic on the Blues "Veteran Leaders," featuring Keith Tkachuk, Paul Kariya, and Doug Weight. It doesn't exactly inspire memories of the Yalta Conference, but whatever.

- Cogliano, doing his best Russ "I skate faster than the puck" Courtnall act, can't get a handle on the puck, and a 2-on-1 chance goes by the wayside.

End of the 2nd: Holy it over? If you're bored out of your gord right now, then I'm doing my job.

Hey HS, HS fans! Ever wonder what it's like to get tea-bagged by Norte's two-year-old son? Well, that's just one of the many possible prizes up for grabs in OUR CONTEST. Check it out! The winner will be announced on January 1st, when we roll out our new banner.

3rd period:

- Blues 2, Oil 1: After the 30th ranked Oiler PP did jack shit, the 29th ranked Blues PP delivers, as 'Mr Hockey' Brad Boyes (what has Horcoff done for me lately?) scores his 17th of the year.

- Blues 3, Oil 1: Winston Churchill (a.k.a. Doug Weight) scores his first goal of the year 56 seconds later.

A "must score" PP coming up for the Oilers; 14 minutes to go....they don't score.

- Hannu Toivonen should be an the ECHL. Christ he's awful, and the Oilers are letting him off the hook. Nobody driving to the net to collect the garbage he's left.

- Hey fans, did I mention our CONTEST? You could win lunch with Greener at Tito's Taco's - on you, of course! What are you waiting for?

- Looks like MacT has gambled and lost tonight. The team had been playing well, and after the tough loss to Pittsburgh it seemed like an overreaction to bench Torres and Stoll.

- Blues 3, Oil 2: Gagner jumps on a turnover and fires a perfect shot-pass to Nilsson who finishes with aplomb. 7 minutes to go.

Oilers were staring .500 in the face on Wednesday night, now they need a goal or they'll head out on a tough 3 game road trip at 3 games below .500.

- Blues 4, Oil 2: Cock teasers.

I don't want to blow things out of proportion with 50 games to go, but that third period against the Penguins may have been a turning point in the season. It's tougher for young teams to get those things out of their heads. They need to halt this slide quickly or it could turn into a 5 or 6 gamer.

- Blues 4, Oil 3: Just to make themsleves (and me) feel worse, Marty Reasoner scores with the net empty on a feed from Horcoff.

Wow. Mad final seconds, and a moment that perfectly captures the evening, as Gilbert hits Toivonen's blocker with a shot that the Finn is still looking for. Game over.

Well folks, much like MacT's coaching hunch, I think this has been a rousing failure. Happy Holidays!


more green said...


Moose said...

I think we have a contest winner!

Loser Domi said...

Tito's Tacos? Those sound scrumptious...except I'd be a few thousand miles away. dangit

Greener said...

Don't worry Domi, you'll be fine.